Monday, June 27, 2005

   Pointless rant

The sad teen. Everything in life is fuckin'
miserable. You constantly look over your
shoulder and wonder who is judging you ... even
when you are alone. So naturally, you have
become a little paranoid and pessamistic. Your
personality can be one demensional but
confusing. You are constantly bored with life
and wish that something could spice it up. You
have a unique view on life and have identified
the problems with school society (Ex ... what
makes popular people, how the student mind
works ...) You would rather be alone because you
hate being hurt. You tend to think that no one
understands you, not even your parents /
guardians / friends. But that is just the
opposite! The people who love you want to
help, but they don't know how because they have
a feeling that they will say something wrong
and turn you away. You have to let them know
that you are willing to hear what they have to
say ... and it might do some good to listen to
them.

Some fields you might consider going
in when you are older ... Judge, author,
songwriter, producer, therapist, psychologist,
philosopher, or forensic scientist. You need a
job where you can express yourself and your
views on life. Or you need a field where you
can judge others and predict what is going on
in others life. Either way... you have the
personality to get you a good job that will
support you throughout life.


What type of teenager are you?
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You know ... that is exactly right. Except ... people DON'T understand me. How can anyone understand me when I can't even understand myself? People think that they're just that perfect smart-ass who assumes they know everything there is to know about me ... they judge me before they even know my name. I hate those kind of people.

I remember, when I was in my "gothic" stage in 8th grade, I told everyone I was gothic. I acted and looked the part; the Hot Topic outfits, black nails, black eye-liner, black dyed hair (I'm a natural blonde), cutting, pushing everyone away, breaking down at school, staying to myself ... the list goes on and on. Even though that's when people hated me the most and people talked about me the most ... sometimes I wish I could go back to that. Because, I didn't make myself get hurt. People hated me, but I didn't do anything to cause it. I was by myself, alone to my thoughts where no one could reach me ... I liked that. Even if it meant I had to go back to being a cutter, if I could prevent myself from being hurt over and over, I'd do it. I already want to cut again ... I haven't for 23 days ... seems wayyy longer than that for me. It even seems longer than when I went 149 days ... Weird ...

Heh ... even with that part wrong, everything else is right. Even the future jobs are correct. Well, not the therapists. *shivers* I wish all therapists and psychologists would die. But, being an author, songwriter, or philosopher would be something I'd want to do. Of course, singing is first; but if that doesn't happen, those are my backups. Heh, how can someone as twisted at myself want to be a singer? But I do ... more than anything else in the world. To be able to sing songs that come from my soul ... that would be perfect. To sing songs like Amy Lee's. Tourniquet, Imaginary, Everybody's Fool, and Hello describe me so much. I think I'm going to listen to that CD now.

Get all depressed then work on my FMA fic. Wow, what a concept I have.
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