Monday, June 27, 2005

   From 8th grade ...
~ Murdered Heart ~
With everything that my eyes have seen,
this is the worst to be.
I thought I could trust you.
I thought you were innocent,
but the trial was wrong.

You hurt me in a way that can never be healed.
You hurt me in a way that can never be treated.
You deserted me for your own gain.
Beside of everything,
we used to be.

I thought you cared.
I thought you were special.
I thought you cared for me,
and thought I was special.
I came to see all was a lie.

You played with my emotions.
You played me as if a game.
You used me,
then dropped me into the trash.
Like an unwanted toy.

I name you nameless.
Since you could never be truthful to me.
Everything you ever did was nonsense.
A game.
But, isn't that what you were after?

Don't you get it now?!
You won!
You got your prize!
You only wished to murder my heart ...
You succeeded.

Happy now?
Are you happy?
Happy that all your wants and needs came true?!
But now you're through.
You're done with me ...

Go find someone new.
So they can do to you,
what you once
did,
to me.

I wrote that on Febuary 10, 2004. I remember that poem had a double meaning. It was mostly directed toward my father ... but also Sengo. God ... Sengo ... just typing his name makes me want to cry. I was so fucking naive during the time, but I couldn't help it.

Heh, I'm looking over all the poems from my poem book and I found the one entry that actually rhymned. It was so stupid. I was bored in math class and wanted to write one that rhymned.

~ With Everything ... ~
With everything comes the rain,
that soon hits the land.
Along flows the river,
with a trace of sand.

XDDD I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. I couldn't think of anything else to add to it. Then there were some that talked about how pitiful humans are. I write it in the perspective of a vampire; last year I was obsessed with them. I'll just post my favourite ones.

~ Game Over ~
Whoever said that life was fair,
you are so wrong.

Life is a game.
You are the player.

You only need one time,
and ... Game over.

Now that's fine,
if you do not wish to play.

It's your loss,
but I will not force you.

But don't blame me,
I am not the Game Master.

Go back to level one.
Oops, there you go again.

Game over.

--02/12/04

~ Irritation ~
I grow with enragement,
with every other emotion.

I try to shrug it free,
but I am constantly reminded.

Of Him,
from my dreams.

He is the perfect man,
but does not exist.

His tall, strong frame.
Broad shoulders, with his head held high.

Breathtaking eyes,
between the ocean waters and midnight sky.

His locks matching the darkness,
of my consumed heart.

When I finally reach his arms,
I feel none of his loving warmth.

Everytime I wake,
in my lonesome bed.

--03/12/04

I remember I wrote that thinking about Darien from Sailor Moon. I also remember I was still with David when I wrote it and I could of sworn I saw anger flash through his eyes when he read it.

~ Hallucinations ~
I hear their screams,
in the back of my mind.

I try to ignore them,
to drive them out.

But alas,
a fail.

For a time,
they let me live.

I was a fool,
to think it was over.

They come back,
more painful than ever.

Still,
I try to shun them out.

Pretend as if,
they were never there.

It's funny,
they never were.

--10/27/04

~ Darkness ~
Sitting in the dark,
waiting for whatever comes.
I don't know what it is,
but I know it's coming fast.

I don't bother hiding,
sitting on top of the covers.
I used to but now I don't,
fear death anymore.

Fighting in the darkness,
to overcome my fear.
The battle wages forever,
never seeming to end.

Finally, the war ceases.
Bloodshed everywhere.
My throat sore from screaming,
I am all alone now.

So now I sit in the darkness,
to overcome my fear.
I used to but now I don't,
fear death anymore.

--05/03/04

That was my favourite poem for a long time. I thought it really expressed how I thought about the world. And yes, it IS supposed to be repeating the words ... I did that on purpose.
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