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• XxOnlyxChancexX
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Birthday
• 1990-03-07
Gender
• Female
Location
• Washington
Member Since
• 2005-06-06
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• Uh ... just call me Lyss; hey, only two letters taken off

Personal

Achievements
• Was in Winter Guard and ... um, passed all the W.A.S.L. tests with flying colours? o.O I passed my first year of high school too ... does that count?
Anime Fan Since
• Oh God ... since 5th grade at least
Favorite Anime
• Full Metal Alchemist
Goals
• To make the Symphonic choir at school and to pass all my classes ^^;;; But for my life goal/dream, I want to become a singer or writer ... though I adore singing more
Hobbies
• Singing, writing, colour guard, watching anime, reading manga, practically living on the internet or sleeping
Talents
• Singing, writing, colour guard




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Thursday, September 15, 2005

   ...
I feel like complete shit right now.

I was doing homework from 4:00pm to like 8:00pm. All of it AP World History; I haven't done the homework in the last two days ... but it took me so freaking long to do, I didn't even bother to do tonight's homework. I'll to it tomorrow with that night's.

I don't understand why ... but I cut today. I was almost done with my homework ((or where I stopped anyway)), listening to the radio and ... just wanted to cut. I wasn't particularly depressed; I always have a certain amount of sadness on my mind 24/7 but I wasn't breaking down or anything. Maybe it was because I know Pepp is still cutting too ... I don't know.

I did it four times ... though all are very shallow. Mom came into my room right as I was trying to stop the blood so quickly hid my arm; of course she noticed. For some reason, two of them just wouldn't stop bleeding ... I was so scared that Mom would see the tissue I was using. Now she's extremely upset with me and either glaring at me or giving me the silent treatment.

I don't blame her. I still don't understand why I did it ... I really don't. It's like I was thinking 'I'm bored ... I think I'll cut to pass the time!' It's not like I truly thought that ... but that's what it seems like; because I can't think of any other reason why.

Well ... it's 9:00pm and I'm dead tired. Mom's going to be yelling at me to get to bed anyway.

God damn it ... I hate it when I make her mad at me. Now it's going to be so much harder to have her trust me again. If she actually looked at my arm, she'd see they aren't bad at all ... but the fact that I did it will set her off.

... I'm sorry Mom ...

... I'm sorry sis ...

... I'm so sorry ...

I think I had a stupid moment ... but that doesn't excuse what I did. As ridiculous as it sounds, I still like the idea of SI; and it still calms me. Maybe I am insane ...
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