Friday, February 25, 2005

   thinking....
Well, here i am. Depressed again. i seem to always be sad.I guess its al i am good for. i can escape soon though. i'm 16 in a month. then i can go away and be free. no more living in constant fear and pain. freedom. maybe even happiness? but then, that would be too much to ask for i suppose. but at least i can be free, to do as i please, not afraid, can speak my mind and trust other people, not forever keeping secrets from my friends. it will be good. better than the life i live now.
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

here again...
so here i am again, back in my depression.how sad.am i always sad now. things just seem to always get worse, no matter what i do. nothing ever seems to go right. i can never please. i can never be seen. always invisible. so strange i guess. but then i don't seek to be seen. i spend so much time thinking and dreaming, always in my dream world. its better than reality, so i may as well.i try to think back and remember things sometimes, anything. i can't remember much. its all locked away. i try to remember times when i was happy too. i only get snatches. running through the pouring rain for the bus with a friend, both of us laughing for no reason. that time it snowed and me and some friends met while i was on the way home, and we walked up to my friends house laughing and talking. a few snatches of happiness. its strange how much i sometimes want to be like all those normal school students. happy. nothing to care for but exams and a social life.
my friends have never seen me cry. thats good, otherwise they might worry. i think one or two may have seen cracks in the mask, when i've been close to tears, but they've never seen me cry. i'm losing control though. the other day i was in the art room painting like usual, and i noticed some water on my paper. i went to wipe it of, anda nother drop appeared. i realised i'd been crying, but hadn't noticed. it seems strange. i am strange. i should do another sculpture for my art. i smashed the last one. i didn't like it. i suppose i shouldn't have, i worked hard on it. but i did. and my friends couldn't stop me. its not like a picture where someone can grab me and pull it of me. i can just smash a sculpture. well, i had better go now. almost run out of time.
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Saturday, January 22, 2005

   quiz result~

In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)


What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla


You came from the darkness. Non-trusting, you most
likely will spend most of your life alone.


Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sad... You use the darkness to hide yourself from
the world. Something has really hurted you,
which made you turn dark. Darkness makes you
feel save and that is why you stay there.

Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
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J:

Your Beauty lies
in Dreams. Day-dreamer, creative and forever lost
in thoughts. You're a
dreamer, wanting more in your life than you have
now. Though you a lot of your
dreams never seem to leave your own mind. You've
created your own little world
inside that head of yours and you're most beautiful
when your mind is in
the clouds with sparkles in your eyes. You'd rather
be asleep than awake and
people find it hard to have long conversations with
you as you mind often
wanders and you aren't a big fan of reality. You
are long and almost child-like
probably with a great love for Fantasy or Science
Fiction. You're very creative
and most likely love to write wonderful stories or
draw and even sing, anything
creative that you can use that vast imagination of
yours. You're a bit of a
puzzle to people love to wonder as to what is going
in your mind.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Water, Wind Animal: Eagle Color:
Purples, Blues,
Pinks, Misty Colors Song: Imaginary by
Evanescence Expression: Blank Stare

Gemstone:
Rose Quartz Mythological Creature: Unicorn,
Fairy Planet: Saturn Hair Color:
Strawberry
Blonde Eye Color: Violet

Quote:
"I lie inside myself for hours and watch my
purple skies fly over me."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and
unique. You are quite distant from emotion and
people, but you have been made this way by one
thing or another. Your are truly unique yet
fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in
art, music, writing, etc.. You used to let
people in now you don't even bother to try
having been hurt so many times in the past.
Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but
yourself, people are just trouble waiting to
happen. But you really do want to trust someone
no matter if you see it or not, deep down your
waiting for someone to come and set you free.
This kind of depression can turn dangerous,
don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the
world will hurt you, humans are humans and are
not perfect. So most likely sooner or later
you'll meet someone who feels like you do and
perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

I:

Your Beauty lies
in Sadness. Lonely, depressed and feeling broken.
For whatever reason, you see
this world only for the bad that it holds carrying
the burdens of yourself and
others. Some people like to be with you and your
unique vantage point when they
are down, you are someone who can sympathize with
them. But you find yourself
alone again when they seem to find a solution and
are happy again, yet you still
are stuck in this rut. Do not worry, you will make
it out at some time. Everyone
does, if you try. When you are seen all others want
to do is make your pain go
away, but that is something only you can do. You
probably keep to yourself a lot
and don't like to let people in, afraid to be hurt
again. You feel empty and
helpless and your looks reflect that, often seen
with tears in your eyes.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Dark, Earth Animal: Robin Color:
Grays, Blacks, Dark
Colors Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence
Expression:
Tearful Frown

Gemstone:
Aquamarine Mythological Creature: Spirit,
Gargoyle Planet: Mercury Hair
Color: Blue-Black Eye Color:
Gray

Quote:
"Am I too lost to be saved?"

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
img src="http://images.quizilla.com/M/mechangel/1066005060_ssorrowful.jpg" border="0" alt="Sorrowful">
As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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What Personality Do You Have?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.


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