Thursday, November 30, 2006

.... i didn't complete my exam for digital audio... and i really don't care at all.


how i feel today about my english homework...





for susan and becca...

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

   i know everyone in this school thinks i look the way i do for attention... why don't they judge sarah or vonn that way?

where i sit in the office, i'm right across from the teacher's cubicals. during lunch i can here them gossip. i'm tired of the secretary thinking i have some problem and am trying to reach out to my parents by getting my face pierced or dye my hair black.

people are too quick to judge. i have been broken out lately and i'm surprised that people haven't given me a new pet name like "pizza face." i wear make up to cover up all of the redness but i don't do the excessive 5 inch thick whore make up. i dye my hair funky colors because i like it and because i want to. i have my piercings because i wanted to get them, not to do something in spite of my parents.

judgment that is quick unforgivable. especially when it's from people who teach me or work at the schools. i'm glad at least no student judges my looks. it is the total opposite from what i really would have expected.
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that's it for my good-liness today. yup.
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   i don't think anyone will really understand this because i don't want to discuss the complete issues. this is more of a relieving stress post.

last night while i was packing up my stuff to leave... another episode of "you're getting kicked out over dumb things"... trouble sat in my suitcase and just stared at me. i didn't have it in me to move here out of the way so i just watched her fall to sleep.



yesterday was possibly my biggest let down in a very very long time... i have wondered for awhile about my trust in people. i had made i huge improvement since the old me disappeared among the last train wreck of my life and gained more confidence in myself to trust people more and more.

now all i can feel is disappointed and lost.
i am worried to leave town again. especially when i don't have a day that i can promise to be back on. i am afraid to talk to people about what is really bothering me. the only ones i can seem to confide in is sarah and myself. even on this blog i feel uncomfortable to discuss everything that has ran across my mind in the past few hours. i thought i had near to sturdy footing in my life but it was proved wrong yet again. i am yet again facing the world in another game of topple.








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Monday, November 27, 2006

finally home
Back from Turkey HELL.

anyways. it wasn't too bad.

I'm not going to say that hearing "whitney whitney whitney" every five or ten minutes didn't get on my nerves but I blocked it out better than I have before.

Going out of town wasn't so easy emotionally at all. I hate going somewhere that I know "once I get into that car, I'm not coming back for awhile."

My hair is prettyiful. My highlights will be blonde-ish once I get them dyed again.

I am so very happy I don't have to do a senior thesis for this school like you becca. Sorry. But hey I probably wouldn't do it anyways. But I would have never came up with such a kickass topic like Cannibalism should be legal.

Susan. I need your address so I can mail you.

I am soon to be out of my Prisoner position for the day.
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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I know he is not going to show up today. But it always gives me something to look forward, just to pass the hours.

Hmmm. So yeah look at Ms.Dumbass. I thought we had school tomorrow! turns out there's the high school break from Wednesday to Friday. yay-ish.

Ungh. My life is so sluggish lately.

Today I recreated my admiration for Janis Joplin, Hendrix, ACDC, and Garbage.
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Sarah and I went to McDonald's today.

When we got back to the car she helped me answer some questions from my government worksheets.

Ready to go back to school right? Wrong. The car wouldn't start. Sarah had to call K-dog for him to pick her up and take her back to school, and I had to wait on dad to come jump my car so I could go home.

Nothing to do here.

I hope Thad drops by before he goes running off to band practice. Today has been ehh.

Hopefully I can make it to school tomorrow and back.
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aww.


someone needs to give me some bad sickness or something so i don't have to go to kentucky. ungh. =(

saturday... movie. no matter what i'm doing. or what state i may be in.

i need my camera charger back. i guess on wednesday i'll go get it.





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i update this thing everyday. hmm.

Does anyone like Justin Timberlake's song 'bringin sexy back'? what about Black Eyed Peas's song 'My Hump'? Well I do, (fuck you if you wanna say mean shit). And apparently my dad does too since he walked by me last night and guessed the artists.

Lately we have been working on zooming in chapters in Government and reading Chaucer's tales for English. And Computer Apps. We have been typing random grade averages on spreadsheets for imaginary students. There are no end of exams in this school or senior thesis. Basically any exams are extra credit for the assignments that we may have gotten zeros on, which will only bring up our grades.

Hopefully over the break, I won't have too much to do.





I found an envelope sitting on the table addressed to me from Nashville State. It was from Mr. Little, most likely his secretary because he's so busy sitting on his fat ass and stuffing his face to type a letter of disappointment to students who need financial help.




Dearest Mr. Little

I received your little disappointment last night, while I was standing in the kitchen getting a glass of water before bed. I foolishly thought I had received the grant and all was in the clear. We received a check of returned money the other week, which would have covered the days mom had off of work. But now I guess we must pay it back and Christmas will look even poorer now. The only person who knows of your let down news is my mom. It's too much to discuss with my dad who will probably be very angry about it. Stupid, stupid Mr. Little. How many kids do we have in this school that actually need those grants? Maybe 30 kids who actually need the grants because they take college classes? So how do we have a record of the most applications turned in for the grants if we only have about 50 students at most in our little high school and you can give out 300 grants? Stupid Mr. Little. You are such a let down.
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