Friday, February 23, 2007

I need to type up a resume... yet I really have nothing to put on it... at all. Heh.

I have been thinking about the illegal immigration issue. Their trying to pass a Bill so all Driver's tests are in English, which may help fight illegal immigration. I agree with the Bill though, just to let you guys know, it's not a racist thing, it's a society thing. English is what we speak here in America. We cannot bend to everything including learning more vast languages just to please others who may enter the country, although I love to hear people speak different languages, which I have yet to master, and probably won't. =(

Anyways, I made it to bed around 3 or so. All of the clothes are down, with the exception of the really dirty white socks and a few towels. Everything is in my car and ready to start this weekend off. I hope we go see 23 today! The whole band wants to go so hopefully we can all go together and maybe it will cheer April up some.

Thank you all for reading today! It's always great to nice words! I appreciate it.




p.s. I think I may have to buy a new graduation dress.
=(
I love my dress. It's so pretty, but we may wear white robes so it will be basically see through to my pretty green dress.
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   It's 1 something in the morning. I'm cleaning some clothes so I can hit the road tomorrow morning and not have to come back by the house.

My dumbass brother let the dogs run out of the fence again. Jack and Jez both have Canine Aids, Jack has to take many meds to stay alive. When he runs for days while they are gone he gets very sick. Last time I talked mom out of putting him to sleep. If he comes back tomorrow without his cone still on (which those are expensive as hell) Mom is going to put him down on Saturday. It's Charles's fault. I think he gets amusement out of doing things like that. He knows that Jack won't stay laying down when someone is trying to pull in the drive with the gates wide open. He just watched them run. Now because of his stupid stunt, Jack is going to be put to sleep. I'm hoping Jez won't die of depression when it happens, or K.C.

I'm going to get some sleep in a few.

Have a great day you guys!! It will be amazing if I'm really ready to go to school on time. lol.
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Thursday, February 22, 2007

I just had a huge fall out with mom. I'm leaving as soon as I get some money together.

I have no clue where I will go.

I knew talking to her would end up this way, it turned into yelling though. She's the most frustrating person. I also told her that she gives me no appreciation and never notices my grades or anything that I do around the house. Of course she tried to claim that it wasn't true, but that's how she is and that is how she will always be.

I can't take it anymore. I am done with this household.






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Sorry I haven't been posting lately, I have been everywhere this whole week.

April's father sadly passed away. Thad and I went to visitation last night with Casey, Dondra, and Tim.
Supposedly Thad and I weren't really expected to go...? As soon as I got Thad's message on Tuesday on the machine, I packed up most of my stuff, grabbed a nice shirt, and left as soon as I got everything together. I am there for everyone who needs me to be there. I would have insisted on going if we hadn't been invited.


I am caught in a fix right now. My mom has been getting so excited about my graduation because she wants me out of her house by May 30th. I have decided to go on and get a job. Hopefully by graduation I will have a car with my name on the title and some money for insurance and living. I hate that it is such a rush lately. And Mom loves to make my leaving upon graduation a subject to discuss with my little brother. What business is it to him? Because he will be inheriting a bigger room minus a personal bathroom, like his has? Because he will have more space to sprawl out to play video games? Because of the bigger window I have that he will do his best to cover it?

;iugfy;hgv;chkvoiurwptuwd.

Sorry I'm frustrated with this.

I called mom this morning when I got to school. I told her I had made it to school at 8:20 a.m. and that was the earliest I have been to school in a year. All I got was a sour tone back saying that I'm behind in my classes and I'm always tardy to every class. Which is not true. I have all A's. I deserve a full gas tank for my achievements and the errands I run for them, not a notice of eviction from the house I have lived in for nearly 18 and 1/2 years now.

I never come in first. I always receive the silver, not the gold. Well gold is ugly. I guess second place isn't so bad!
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

   I posted this blog on my Myspace...

"So I was thinking about it today and have come to a near decision to delete this account and my other account and become an "ex-myspacian." Thad has tried to convince me otherwise but I am not concerned with this website. I have not gotten much from this site at all... well it has kept up my communication with some people (amanda, james, dj, terry, etc.) but I figure that if people really do want to hear from my existence, they could come and visit or call me sometime, even write me!

I have noticed that some of my "friends" call me jealous, jealous of other people, like my best friend Sarah, saying that I am jealous of all the attention she gets from people. I really do not care at all. I have my future, I may be a bit scrambled (who's isn't?). People like to tell me I am a depressed, antisocial human being who needs to be hyper and happy, basically telling me to run circles for them every waking moment. I am sorry to disappoint those of you who feel this way, but you don't really know me if you think any of that., and I am not afraid to tell you that to your face. The more you want to tell me who I am and how I feel, the more I will end up disliking you in the end, and it will only result in me discarding you even faster as a friend than any one else.

My life may not be totally perfect but I try to be happy. I do not have to prove myself to people. I do not have to listen to people's shit and take shit from my friends who think I am a depressing loser. I do not care about what others may think of me, I couldn't give a damn less. Anyways. The only reason why I may ever sign on again is to listen to music and view a few of my true friend's pages. Thank you all for taking time out of your oh-so-busy-schedules to read this.

If I do decide to delete this profile, I know and I feel it will be for all of the right reasons."




I feel better about things now than before.



Dr.Keith Albow had a young woman guest, describing her latest book. She wrote a book saying that it's basically okay to be demanding in a relationship, demanding the best, wanting the best, and needing the best. There's no room in life to settle for someone who "may" just seem compatible or less.

Dr.Phil had an episode about Sugar Daddy's and Mamma's. Hmmm. Odd subject. Hookers. Simply put. Not necessarily "hookers" though. Maybe just people who want companionship here and there with no strings other than money.

________________________________________________________________


April's father passed away. I guess I will go to Thad's tonight so I don't have to spend forever in a day trying to get ready on time and be out the door on time. I rule that Tim, Thad, and I take my car. It's the biggest car.
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It amazes me how rude people can be sometimes without realizing it.
Several people today have really gotten on my nerves so badly but I just shrugged it off. It just really strikes me how rude people can be and immature. I got someone telling me that I should act like a teenager, act my age, and not try to grow up so fast... I will call them Dick in this blog. I have been doing this my whole life, Dick. I am a Senior in High school and a Freshman in college. I am 18 and I have an ID to shove in your face otherwise. Dick, you get on my nerves sometimes... a lot, but I still don't care, you sometimes make me wish I hated school, but I'm not going to hate school. I'm not going to conform to your head games, Dick. Here's a little advice for you, Dick, grow up and get a life, get a girlfriend, and help your parents out when they need it. Stop trying to run from adulthood, eventually you will have to face it. And no, not everyone can afford getting a job that only pays shit an hour, Dick, especially when your job is too far away from where you live. The gas that goes into your car is being paid with the money that you make from your job, but also that money has to put food in your mouth and a roof over your head right? How about you grow up Dick.





________________________________________________________________


I just got the news.

I have to be moved out in 8 weeks.

Job hunt time.
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By the way, last Thursday, the snow day, I did end up going to his apartment to see him. I gave him chocolates and a hand-made card. We went out to Logan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a great meal! But I swear, the table we sat at was literally sticking us next to the the wall, as Thad likes to describe it... "tucking us out of sight." The table looked to be only a foot and a half to 2 feet wide on each side. hahaha. But it was still great.

I cleaned the apartment today. It took me hours to get the kitchen truely clean. Hopefully things stay clean though.

Well there's not much to say, I haven't been on here in awhile, I'm sorry. How is everyone? ^_^
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I started to bury you weeks ago.
You're mouth was wide open but your ears seemed stitched shut.
Why can we not bring back the good in the past,
then I wouldn't have to be putting my energy into digging another hole in my vast graveyard.

Our laughter and smiles bring out the best of me.
While I post myself onto the shovel,
taking a break from ripping up the earth once again,
I run love scenes in the back of my eyes,
thinking of our secret language and every morning we shared lying next to each other,
Tears form at the edges of my eyes.

Back to work again,
Tearing through the thick earth,
I work my way deeper and deeper into trance as I fixate my mind on digging, what seems to be, a bottomless pit of a hole.
The shovel grows heavy in my arms.
My hands began to numb and my head begins to drag lower and lower to the ground.

Dropping my shovel, I pull the small heart necklace you gave to me so long ago from my pocket.
It hardly has any shine to it at all from constantly being clasped around my neck.
The trail of hearts represent every moment we have spent together,
every thought we have shared,
and the years yet to come that we will be with each other.

Smoothing it onto the ground in the middle of my bottomless pit,
I hope for all of our wishes to come true.

Burying our trail of hearts into my vast graveyard will hopefully help us and give our hearts' room to grow.
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

We are supposed to write something for the Writer's Showcase since there is nothing else to do, I think I may write a poem.










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   Every where I go my past runs back into me. Sometimes it almost feels like a kick in the teeth or a curb stomp to the back of my mind with steel toed boots.
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   I fell to sleep trying to keep my eyes open to watch the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen but I failed horribly and woke up on a tiny, cramped couch. Haha.

My mom and I went over graduation tonight. She's been getting pissy over nothing lately so naturally she wanted to do things the cheap way and print out invites with my crappy black and white printer. I have just stuck to talking to her when it's completely necessary.

OMG. 23 is coming out on the 23rd. But also another movie that I really want to see, The Abandoned, is coming out on the same day! Ungh. I guess the Abandoned must wait. Jim Carrey starring in a serious role is more important than another horror flick that I will own eventually.

So technically tomorrow is Valentine's Day. bleh.
Hopefully Spring hurries and gets here. Today was pretty decent outside. Walking season is showing back up on the calendar. At first I thought we would experience a Day After Tomorrow-Twilight Zone of the a new Ice age for a moment there. HA.

Goodnight everyone.
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