Friday, February 2, 2007

Thanks to Jade's wishes of good luck and me not mentioning snow too much for Cameron's sake, IT'S SNOWED LAST NIGHT!!

Yay. No school. And not just NO SCHOOL for my high school classes but I my college classes were also canceled, too!!

Right now I'm charging my camera to take pictures. My dad has been holding up the bathroom for an hour so it's about time he lets me in there to shower.

I am going to have to plot a way that I will be able to get to Rivergate from here... living on a step hill (mountain) sucks when you're trying to get somewhere without running into ice. I think I may take the straight down side of the mountain and slide down it if there are problems. The curves are too risky that I will slide into a wall of rocks, otherwise.
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Thursday, February 1, 2007

I went to speak to Thad this afternoon. We ate boneless chicken wings with dipping sauce while we talked. It's so much easier to talk over a slight distraction of food rather than having an intense eye-to-eye conversation with nothing to stuff your face with.

When we had gone to Walmart, so he could pay his taxes, I bought the cutest pair of slippers. They are made of a really soft fabric that almost feels like feathers. They have a little button strap across them and they are multi-colored with pink, white, and black. Thad had a key made to his new apartment for me. So now I have one extra jingly key on my key ring.

When we had departed tonight, it was nice. I'm glad I got to rest with him for awhile, I can barely catch any shut-eye as it is. With him next to me though, I can drift off into slumber anytime of the day or night.

Things are going to be worked on, so I accomplished my mission today. =)
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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

All of the problems are falling into place in Thad and I's relationship. He promised we would work on things.

My heart feels heavy and I do not see this really working in the future if things do not improve. I want to be heard in my relationship. I know I deserve a good relationship and that is what I seek. I hope he sees how fed up I am and sees the danger of this tail spin in our relationship. I told him that I wanted things to be fixed before I decided a more permanent step for us.


I cannot tell but... I think I am getting to be unhappy.


It's actually snowing. But it will have to snow until there's only ice to be seen on the road and 12 feet of snow covering my car to stop me from trying to save this relationship, again. I am not giving up. And tomorrow if things go badly, I am afraid that at least I toughed it out for more than a year. I will always love him. But it cannot work with only one person fighting for it.
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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

GRRRRRR. Thad is so lucky it's not "that time of the month" or else I would have ripped his head off tonight over the phone. I can do that you know. j/k.

Seriously though. He owes me. Ditching me to go do shrooms is a completely stupid thing to ask me if I approved of it. No I don't but he can make his own decisions. In the end it may affect us so he will have to get over it. I am going to put him on a short leash if he doesn't quit with these games though. I'm already fed up with it. Before this, he went out of town and left me behind, called me once, had no clue what time he called, where he called from or anything. He claimed that he called twice. Oh yeah? Prove it, read my caller ID. It's still on there that he called one time.

He owes me. I will not let him forget aout this. He is unfair. He is unequal. He needs to listen to all that I say instead of "asking my opinion" and still only having things his way.

If things don't improve, I fear the worst. If this is a continuous thing with "the guys" and "the partying" and "the band" I am not going to be apart of him destroying himself or us. I love him to pieces but I cannot stick around to see someone I love destroy themself. It's not just a phase.
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Today is so slow.

Trouble wouldn't leave me alone this morning. She pranced around me feet all morning, meowing nonstop, making me trip while I was trying to get ready.I told her that she was going to make me late while she was sitting in my lap while I was trying to get ready for school. I don't think she cared. Hahaha.

The newspaper was printed in black in white yesterday. It looked crappy but McKinnon demanded the substitute to make us go on and print it. The color scheme that I chose would have looked good in color but oh well.

Yes, Becca and Susan, I would have loved to have you all with me during lunch. It's still lunch and I have already had my "fix" break.

Everyone seems to be trying to make me angry today. I had a swell morning, yet people want to taint the rest of my day by trying to tick me off.

I signed my own progress report today, which felt a bit odd. I hope no one brings it up with my mom or I. I'm legal now so I should be entitled to my legal rights.

I'm wearing one of those pregnant looking shirts today. You know, tight around the boobs and way loose and flowing around the stomach? Well I enjoy wearing these shirts. I don't have to worry about my stomach when I am feeling bigger than I should be. Kids aren't for me, at least not yet, so don't worry about me being pregnant so young you guys. lol.


I went to Thad's yesterday after school. I watched TV for awhile with Tim (our usual episodes of that 70's show, which is always fun)until I fell asleep. When I woke up, Thad was walking through the door. I had a bit of car trouble getting home. An empty gas tank is never good. Then my "CHECK ENGINE" light came on. So the whole way home I was saying to myself "fuck fuck fuck, please don't break down on Dickerson Road! FUCK!!" Hahaha. The fear of being stranded on a high crime rate road is bad enough. Turns out my car takes 5 quarts of oil, not just 4.

Anyways, this is enough for today. I don't know what I will do when I get home. I need to start practicing Yoga tonight so on Friday, the crazy Yoga lady doesn't keep bitching me out.


Manson, Sweet Dreams. Thanx to someone's play list.
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Monday, January 29, 2007

   My yoga teacher is crazy. Crazy in the bad way. She lives her life to the fullest extent of yoga. I am not really looking forward to her comments of how out of shape I am on Friday. I was upside down already on my first day in her class.

Sorry if I haven't written in awhile, there's been too much school shit going on lately. And thank you everyone for signing my GB.


Rae is pissy at me again. We're almost like bickering old brothers and sisters sometimes. lol. He made out with Sarah on Friday. He told me I was wrong, she did like him. OK. Sarah's got her own life and so do I. He asked me why I never hang out with her anymore....
1.Drugs
~ I do not care for drugs. And though I do not do drugs, Kdog still trusts her hanging out with other people instead of me. Even though all of the other people she's with do drugs o fall sorts and have records of being busted. The most I do is drink, and I will stay wherever I drink, otherwise I am the sober driver. I hold no record.

2.Blame
~ "My attitude is a bad influence on Sarah." OK. I don't care. It's just an excuse. Everyone is their own person. Whatever.

Other than just those two things, there are other things. Rae says that she misses hanging out with me. Well if she did she would call. My caller ID works and the only other phone I am at is now Tim's. Nothing so far. Plus I got no money to drive out there. I'm already paying for gas in pocket change. What else? Anyways. Enough about the problems. I have learned to shrug things off and that's what I am doing now. She can come and see me.

Now it's time for some Ozzy. =)
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Ungh. My life would be so much eaiser if money grew off of trees.

I have nothing today. Of course I have classes. But I do not have any real homework. I forgot my books on my bed. And I left my head phones on my suitcase. There is nothing to entertain me.

There is a new secretary in Mrs. Waters's chair. I hope Mrs.Waters comes back sometime soon. It makes me feel bad because the woman does not even know when her breaks are and not one person has decided to tell her when she can even go to lunch.

My gas tank was on empty this morning. I put $5 in it. Hopefully someone can fill it up one of these days so I can make it to school and back. If I had a money tree, I wouldn't be complaining... only about my taxes.

Last Night.

After I fixed us dinner and washed some of our clothes, Thad and I settled down to watch comedy central and talk about everything that has come up lately. I finally told him what I felt. It was so simply put, I was amazed I had even said it.

"I give up."

He asked me what I meant and why. I told him that I have no one anymore. I spend the whole day doing the same thing again and again. I sit in my car after school and dread going home to an empty house. No one ever does anything with me anymore. Plans are rarely made and rarely carried out. I have no one to speak to in school and there is hardly any communication between "us" and lunch is the most solitary time I have alone in my schedule.

I told him that if he wanted to move in with Tim, then it would be okay with me.

In all reality the only people that I have are my family.


During my lunch, I went to my car to have a cigarette. I sat there and thought about a year from now. I couldn't think of anything. A year from now did not register in my head. I hate not knowing what is going to happen next. I wish we could have foresight buttons into our futures.
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

*Screams and drops head on keyboard*

WHY?!

A guy named Forrest called me just a few minutes ago from Nashville State saying my Yoga class was CANCELLED!!!!! He offered to switch me and I chose Friday's class 1:15 to 3:00.

I'm still sad. My future was almost torn. My graduation depends on this class. But Matt seemed to be a suitable new friend. A new friend and someone who would actually notice my existence at that school. =( Now I probably won't have anyone to talk to.
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I have partially decided to give nash-dill-hole-ness one more chance. Soon I need to be getting more into this yoga class instead of staring at the clock. Plus I need to get a job soon... unfortunately but fortunately. Mom told me to not let my job interfere with my schooling.

Sooo. There's not much to do but sit around... once again. No one to talk to. My life is so ungodly boring. hahaha.
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This morning I was completely out of it until I actually got around to moving further than just to the heater in my room. I do not remember what Thad described this mental disease as but it makes the person who has it think that they are sick all of the time.

I took what he was telling me as rude. It started because I haven't been in the best of shape since we have been going out. (I have been through this with another person and they were so sick I couldn't stand listening to him puke and groan anymore. I said nearly the same thing to him that Thad said to me but in all reality I knew he was sick and that it was from his smoking habits.)

I guess this issue just hits the spot because I have gone through hell twice in the past two months. My throat would swell. There was pressure all around my face. I would want to hack the stuff up from my throat but my throat was too sore to do so. There was more to it but I don't feel like trying to find pitty right now, I dislike pitty. Anyways.

The first time this happened, I refused to miss a day of school. I refused to go to the doctor. I thought it would pass with rest, hot tea, and warm clothes. It didn't. It took 3 weeks to get back to normal. A few weeks ago it happened again. I finally caved and skipped school to rest and go to the doctor. I was given antibiotics and 2 shots. They said they would test me for different things. As far as they have said, I do not have mono... and something else... they don't know what it is.

I abused my pills and still have some left because I forgot about them when I started getting better. Recently I have been sneezing and getting nose bleeds in the middle class.

It is not a mental disorder. I hate being sick. I hate missing school when I really need to be there.

I think this discussion began with me not feeling well this morning. My stomach hurt and I felt like I was going to vomit. It was that time of the month damnit. (All women will have it so don't believe that they don't. It's a known fact so don't go elementary on me with your little words, "eewwww" and "gross!")Men need a book on women. It needs to be in a series of books. There is no end to a woman's mind. And no, not everyone can explain an odd pain in your belly or a terrible ache in your back or even a horrible throat sickness with no name.


I wished this morning was not such a rush because I was late. I wish it went more smoothly.
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