Saturday, January 20, 2007

   The door creeked open this morning.
In my half daze and I thought it was you.
No. The cat was only joining me in slumber.

I woke this morning to the dogs barking.
Maybe it was you at 8 this morning, finally understanding the meaning of being romantic.
No. The drive is empty.

I walked past the phone on my way to the kitchen and picked it up.
Maybe you called last night and that would show that you're more responsible than I took you for.
No. Typical. Nothing new except Gloria and Patty called for mom.

When the time comes and you see that you are not alone anymore at nights and you really question who this person is who is doing your laundry for you at midnight, who is waking at 6 or 7 in the morning to cook you breakfast on the weekends, who is the one making sure you stay warm at night, then maybe you will truly, truly see what a " caring girlfriend" is. Maybe you will see this every time I answer your calls.

You never call me at random anymore to just say hello. We never go out to Starbucks and laugh like we used to in the beginning. We don't have a moment alone wherever we may be. We never can have time to go do things that aren't on our schedules.

I messaged you the other day and towards the end of the message I asked you to answer my question...

What's new that is worth putting effort into?
When you got an answer to my question, message me back.

You messaged me back with something I could predict. Nothing was new there and you didn't tell me a thing that was worth the effort. Are you saying nothing now days is worth the effort? Or do you want to take a second shot to convince me other wise?

I don't care. Not anymore. IF there is no answer to my question then what is really worth time anymore?
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Friday, January 19, 2007

   Thad is going out of town today. I am relieved for this. I'm going to stay at home and read my way through Act One of the Doll's House. Sounds very boring, huh? Well your probably right.

I cannot wait to finish Bitten. I almost want to put it away for another decade and savor the ending over time.

It's getting colder outside. Chris chilled with me on his break. We discussed movies and other things. Cameron and Rae hate me because they cannot understand the concept of how quickly gas can be burned just driving down the street and coming back. I wouldn't take them to Wendy's and as usual, they are only interested in hearing the latest news about Sarah. How typical. Well they can hate me because I have my own things to do and my own responsibilities to get to school and back.

Anyways. Winter is bitter again. I hope for a snow day. I look forward to next Thursday. Yoga. Then I can talk to Matt about all different kinds of things. He was so easy to talk to, amazingly. Even more, he's from Michigan so that's cool. I know several people from Michigan. Plus he was the one who told me about Yellow Stone, well he said it to the whole class but I am really thinking about the possibilities of me going there now. It would may risk distance from my family, but it looks like something that would be fun.

Anyone up for a road trip?


Did I miss a memo or something? Why am I basically the only one in Journalism today?
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I cannot believe I dreaded Yoga so much today... well actually I can. lol. When I walked in I thought I was late but I wasn't. There's only one guy in our class and a crap load of women so that's a plus. He's cool, not a creep so there's no one to be really 'ehh.. i don't wanna be near you' over. The teacher has never taught the class before. There will be no tests and it will be more of a socializing class than actual work out, as far as she said.

Anyways. There's no jobs in the papers for me. Great.

I cannot wait to get tomorrow over with. I'm thinking about going out and going to a movie or something.... hmm. But I do know tomorrow I need to at least go out and get some more pants for yoga since my pants that I got are already missing. It will give me something to do at least.

tomorrow I get out of school at 2:00. I am thinking about out-of-state college or something like that... or bartending school. I have to talk to Chandler first and see if she can help me out understanding somethings.



EDUCATION GETS SO FRUSTRATING.
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Thursday, January 18, 2007

   Sooo today has been really frustrating and stupid.

Yes, today is Stupid day.

Okay so this morning was a little rocky but I would survive. Thad had to go to work and I knew I'd be a little late to class. I called and left Mr.Tinnon (Principal) a message saying "I am going to be a little late. My car isn't starting and
I'll have to get a jump." (My car was fine but I needed an excuse.)

SO... I was telling Thad to go on and leave so I could pull my car out of the drive. I guess while I was bitching and shutting my door, I pressed down the lock.

BOOM.

My car is running. I am locked out of my car. And my spare set of keys are shinning from the passengers seat.

I thought about calling my dad... 'risk getting yelled at and called a dumbass for delaying his day with my stupidness?'.... 'call mom? Only her her impatience and she will think of something or send a strange man (who could be a rapist serial killer who preys on stupid girls that lock themselves out of their cars at their own house) from triple A to come and save me?'

I called Mommy.

After trying to unlock the car with a hanger. I gave up until mom got there. We both stood on our heads trying to hit the unlock button with a heavy duty hanger and FINALLY I hit the button.

My car was really warm and toasty whenever I opened the door. hahaha. Hopefully dad doesn't find out until I get home so I don't get the "your such a dumbfuck" look when I walk in the door. I already know Charles will be on my case all night. Jeezus.
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

   I didn't get the post office job. After 3 questions over the phone I was cut off. I haven't graduated yet. I do not have my GED. They hire college students, I am one. So I'm stuck in the middle again.

The Doll's House was assigned as a reading assignment last week. Tomorrow in, Mrs.Stewart's class, we are to start reading aloud.... It's a play though! I can only imagine how confused everyone will be, plus how boring it would be.
Why can we not have an art class? Art is so simple.


I want to go somewhere pretty. Somewhere wonderful, where I can dress up and have a good time. A place that I can get lost in for a few hours of my life. I want to be apart of something beautiful, even for a moment. I have collected some very nice clothes over the years that I have nearly bargained my soul for, yet I have not really had the chance to wear any of them out and act above my "middle, nearly lower class" status. The last time I had a nice opportunity to dress and feel the way I wanted, plans were changed and all I wore were jeans and a t-shirt. When I plan to dress up and make surprise arrangements to go out, plans are yet again changed. I will change my clothes and slip on sneakers to go hang out with the men.

For not being able to go to sleep until 5 something again, it is amazing I have yet to be worn out yet.

~ heather lynn

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Why do things in life go really swell at one point and you say "wow things may be looking up for me!"

and BOOM!!! Rock bottom.

I am tired. I am bitter. I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

I hope school murders me tomorrow and I will come home and sleep through my life once again. Ignoring reality. Trying not to break at school, in such a public place. God I wish I still went to school with you guys!! (susan and becca)

I'm going to go bury my face into a pillow and let this all drain out of my eye sockets.

goodnight.
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   Don't You Forget About ME
I am removing this blog for reasons of my own. I am glad you know, Susan, and it cheers me up that someone cares. Thank you.

I just want to drop things because I feel selfish for the situation. I know that these issues do not need to be brought up just yet. I will wait awhile longer to judge my feelings and my gut, although my gut is screaming and my hurt feels as if I have had a million tons dropped on to it.

Thank you.
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

My day got so much cheerier when Clayton appeared to day. I was almost afraid that he wouldn't take classes this semester. How would I be able to survive school without guidance from someone's who has already been there?! Well he's back and I'm happy. =)

Rae spent all lunch asking me to take him to Wendy's. Maybe if I knew where I had parked and I had more gas than barely a quarter of a tank left, I would.

When I get home I need to call the Post Office and apply. $20 an hour!?! With benefits and over time? Now that's what I'm looking for. Clayton said that I would have to take a Civil Service test. According to him, I more than likely can pass it if they even decide to give me the test. Hopefully though I can land a job here soon that won't be hectic and has good pay.

Jez (my dog for those who didn't know) followed me to the gate this morning looking so depressed I was leaving and she couldn't stay in the house. I need to get home right away and let her inside. I couldn't bear the look she gave me this morning so I couldn't look at her when I pulled out of the drive way.
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Sunday, January 14, 2007

Going back in the days....

Television Shows....

Rugrats (old school)
Magic School Bus
My Little Pony
Doug
Rocko's Moderne Life
Dinosaurs
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Tales from the Crypt
Garfield and Friends
Digimon Digital Monsters
TaleSpin
XMen (old school)
Beast Wars Transformers
Goosebumps
Legends of the Hidden Temple
Beavis & Butthead
Tiny Toons
Raccoons
Batman
Spirder Man
Aaahh!! Real Monsters
Goof Troop
The Magic School Bus
Dragon Ball GT
Adeventures of the Little Koala
Eek!! The Cat
Ranma 1/2
Biker Mice From Mars
Big Bad Beetleborgs
Earthworm Jim
My Little POny Tales
Moon Dreamers
Freddy's Nightmares
Married... With Children
The Angry Beavers
Weinerville
Ren and Stimpy
The Tick
Bonkers
FlinTstones
Daria
Gumby
HEy Arnold
Dexter's Laboratory
Attack of the Killer Tomatos
Tazmania
Two Stupid Dogs
Extremem Dinosaurs
Catdog
Card Captor Sakura
Cow & Chicken
Bump in the Night


Movies...

Little Mermaid
Peter Pan
Pooh
Beauty and the Beast
Lion King
Aladin
101 Dalmations (bith animated and not)
Hunchback of Notre Dame
Toy Story
Dumbo
Hercules
Aristo Cats
Alice in Wonderland
Lady and the Tramp
Pinoccio
Bambie
My Little Pony: The Movie


More on the way...
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Saturday, January 13, 2007

   Thank you becca and susan for commenting. It makes me feel not so lonely anymore. Thank you all for listening. =)

I switched around my room. I unbunked my beds and pushing them together, made my own sized bed (i think it's larger than a king sized bed. I cleaned everything. I made space for Thad to have closet space. I gotta still clean our clothes but I think I may move Whitney's stuff out of her closet, too. I'm finally completing things I need to get done!
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