Sunday, November 1, 2009

  long time.

well let's see. friends, or "friends" should I emphasize... all of my "friends" from my past are pretty much gone. it's relieving though in many ways. it was easier letting them all go than pulling off a band-aid. i am not having to be a chauffeur to everyone anymore. i am not broke as hell due to"friends" short changing me, "borrowing" without asking, etc. i am not the door mat or the crutch anymore. it's just all pretty much relieving to really sum it up. and some of my "friends" that are now in college and doing their own thing, good for them, but when we all hung out after high school and stuff and they just cold shouldered me after knowing each other for so long, as if i did something to them. just bullshit moves they would pull after hanging out and partying. screw them though. if their going to be like that, i could care less about them then.

i'm working a whole lot lately. i work about 9 or so hours a day. doubles on saturdays. split shifts on sundays. i get usually 2 days in a row off. sometimes i work through them though.

dj and i... were still going. we have our rocky times and then our good... i dunno. i do love him and i do care about him, just as much as we've been through now i want to now the future of this now. i don't want to wait for it to unfold or anything. i am too impatient for this waiting thing in a way now. i want to know where this will end up. i am just worn out that is all.

dj and i don't even really drink anymore. randy (dj's mom's boyfriend) said he thought we'd be "partying it up in nashville." nope.... just working. maybe occasionally having a glass of wine (if that). yes, wine. we don't drink beer. we once in a blue moon have a mixed drink. we don't drink to feel any certain thing. we just sip on a glass of wine. hard to believe, huh?

plus, i maybe will smoke a cigarette a day. sometimes i smoke one in the morning before i walk into work and one during lunch to tide me over till dinner. but i pretty much smoke hardly at all.

i'm pretty tired. bed sounds good. or at least a quick nap.
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