Thursday, June 14, 2007

me be pissed

band randoms~ well. i so forgotten to post about this lol. on monday we started practise in the newly refurnished school and went for a toilet break. our dumb conductor went into the handicap's toilet. well. it seems as though the lock is faulty.one of the trombone guys opened the door and saw him sitting there on the toilet bowl. both guys freaked out. after the toilet break. they were talking about this out loud. LMAO!! XD 'oi,why u go toilet never lock the door' 'its not like i dont want but i was talking on the phone,then cannot close the door in time. i thought i lock already but.....' conclusion: double check your toilet doors before and after entering. ^^ band~todae ************! well. the stupid guy who forgotten his toilet door appparently commented that i looked like a f******* china doll. the being called china-chinese is ok. i get that alot. but the doll part is pissin me off. my ******* mallets junior was being dumb and playing 'soccer' behind back there. apparently. their ball was stuck somewhere around my chair and i didnt give it to them. they were asking about this senior's name anyway. being me,i didnt tell them. (if they were asking nicely,i would) **** i dunno what spunk got into him,but he brought up the stupid 'china doll' thing and i got *****ed up. i shouted back and 'stabbed' him with my pen and kicked him 'wtf dont think i dont dare to do this'(was really pissed) *missed stab* 'aha. noob~' 'BLOODY HELL WTF FREAKASS!!' apparently. the last line was loud enough to catch the ears of our section(we were on tiers. percussion occupying 2 tiers on the topmost portion). and they turned around with that 'wth just happened who was that just now' look 'no nothing happened. said nothing. said nothing' and my face still pitch black. moral of the story: be nice to me and i shall do the same. step on my tail and i show no mercy. i wished kakashi taught me the master art of Sennen Goroshi(thousand years of pain. Naruto anime). ugh. and then again. it'll probably tarnish my hands. i was givin them the black face since that. bloody**************** yup i curse n swear alot. ugh. gave them the cold shoulder. wasnt being in happy mood. his partner in crime who was also playing cymbals was gettin lost n all. and then like i was totally being 'wtf u gotta be independent n count urself' so i was ignoring him. besides. they are partners in crime. how can i NOT snub them and pull the ** long face? so yea twas my day today. mum well. i went for my usual-turned-unusual kitty nap and wok up findin my mum shoutin at my sis for losing her wallet. the whole point is:she lost the wallet YESTERDAY. ah. my mum was getting all WTH-GO-REPORT-LOSS-TO-THE-POLICE-NOW. she thinks that it might be used up n used for some crime or something. ya know the world and it **********ingness. its crazy. its mad. its dumb.(and hilarious perhaps in LS's view) ugh. dangit. think its menopause. ugh. whatever it is. she's becomin *****yness and ugh worse than befre. WHY IS IT ALWAYS THAT I HAD TO GO N GET SCOLDED AND NAGGED OVER SOMETHING WHEN IM READING THE PAPERS! chinese OR english. ugh. im finally having time to read up on 'current affairs' and such(not to mention the anime section of the newspaper) IN this stupid no-life holidays of mine,and i get all these....s***. great isnt it. juuust great. ughhh. well hell. gotta go off. my sis needs the com. chao. tomorrow's an 8-4 band session. look forward to more random dumbness or more blacked-faceyness. ugh. ****. once u're on my blacklist. u are most likely there forever. end of story. ughh. no time for AFs today. but Sennen Goroshi is classic. poor naruto. oh my,is he still able to give birth to babies? ah. poor Sasuke~(hints of SasuNaru). but nah~ am not one for Yaoi. not one for SasuNaru. just said for amusement. XD -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

fixes + AF

yupyup. after reading Ls's post. i finally realised who was the missing button. lol. so i remade and uploaded another one in its place. ^^ AnimeForums is back. after the very much short-lived one last year or the year before XD. well. this aint gonna be too long-lived either XDDDDD would try to maintain it ---------------- forum topic~ TRC vs TC ------------------------ well,many people would have already heard or know of my hatred towards dubbing(like anyone ever will) and also my hatred towards TC(Tsubasa Chronicle). to begin with. TRC(tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE) is the original work by CLAMP,our favourite mangaka foursome. TC is the rip-off from the manga(like most animes such as Bleach and Naruto and HunterXHunter) and i thses yuky rip-offs they usually change the storyline Personally. i enjoy the original storyboards of most manga. Bleach was much better without the Bounto part and....well...Naruto wasnt changed alot or so i think so its fine both ways for Naruto. as for MAR(marchen awakens romance),the anime is a bit too draggy with the extra enemies. but still reasonable why my hatred toward TC? simple. the artwork sucks. animation is sometimes good as everything that is not too clear in the manga could be made known. however. TC has horrid artwork and is too draggy. whats with the 'mokona modoki mou tokidoki!! Haaaaaapuuuuuu~'(T: Mokona Modoki is excited/looking forward(to the next destination)the 'haapuu' is just a stupid dialogue not in the manga) before leaving for the next place already?! what a drag! the music is nice and all. but the TC storyline involves recurring worlds and such. that is kinda okay. but the part in Hanshin republic is irritating. Since when does Sakura wake up that early! those dudes had forgotten one important thing: by then,there was only ONE and only one Tsubasa(sakura's feather) within her body keeping her going.Which is obviously not enough for without the feathers,she loses her life. how then can dear Sakura be walking around in the streets and meeting up with that almost bald porcupine-kudan gangster? and it is impossible also that she could be walking about on the streets without Arashi(the ex miko-priestess girl who looks after the house) knowing that she's gone. TC has gone draggy. too draggy. and its started to bore me out with the awful art and lengthy unnecesseties. ugh. soooo. TRC all the way. TC takes too long to get to where the manga(TRC) is already. ugh. drabx. -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Saturday, June 9, 2007

me be sad

yea LS. i got into another squabble again well u see. my mum hasta rush to this place we r going after this for a kinds because she has this duty at our religious 'temple' at this other place. not the mini-prayer hall we have in our house. and then she was 'rushing'' us to hurry up. well. at least. she CLAIMed so. i dont recall any of it my siblings are part of this teenagers' group and are planning the activities for our outing tomorrow,and my brother was doing the stuff required. well. apparently. he hasta cut out the shapes of the words he printed out on paper ON the piece of cotton cloth he was provided with. and then my mum was blabbering for a whole minute or more about how STUPID that was and how impossible that was. I was happily on the floor,readin my straits times newspaper on the article of Paris Hilton being released and how it was 'good' for her. i havent got through the article when she suddenly shouted 'HURRY UP IM PRESSED FOPR TIME!' after she was done with the blabbering on the 'stupidity'. ugh like simply. WTH! u didnt say ANYTHIing about it. and like wtf if u had time to go blabber on the whole stupidity business,why not put it for LATER and ask us to hurry up instead on blabbering! UGH! being super pissed n unhappy. i played along i cried because i was too F******* pissed at how irresponsible of her man. i simply cannt stand her! ugh! my friend,who is also a scorpio girl,is quarter as bad as my mum is. who knows. maybe my mum is one and another quarter of the bad tempered scorpio gals but not all are bad tempered. at least i do know of one who is nice and all WTH! the thing is,shes being so ...soo....DIFFICULT and like bloody hell she NEVER thinks for US! and never REFLECTS on her own actions and thus NEVER apologises for the stupid behavior so arrogant and difficult and stuoid! ugh! WTH! YEA ALL OF THE F*** PARENTS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT! they dont hafta f*** respect their children and can backstab and gossip about others ALOT behind others backs! AND get away sdcot free not being scolded or reprimanded. or in a sense, they cannot be reprimanded for it shes going 'oh man i cant stand my mum shes senile and being so stubborn and clinging too much on her money' wel;l. HELL KNOW WHAT?! U ARE EQUALLY STUBBORN AND STUPID! so what? grandma's SENILE she mixes up her family members identies and dont remember who i am and stuff. but u dont. u arent senile. u arent 93yrs old! f********* whatever it is. it only goes to show that what she heard on the radio programme about how parents should deal with their teens (respect n understand them) has simply gone from one end to the other without having any piece iof the nice kind informatiion they shared with all their listeners into her puny brain! ugh! sometimes. in fact. nowadays. i dislike going back home cus it means another day and many more days to put up with her stupidness. i hate this why cant i ever do what I want to do in MY free time in my F****** holiday?! i mean. its holiday. but its even worse than having school! worse than having exams!.... ugh! i really hate it. i really cannt stand it anymore perhaps this is common of puberty ugh whatever their nonsense excuse parents use to describe our behaviour. if parents are just gonna give us this shit while we are growing up,who can not help but to think of moving out or escaping from home?!yup. and all they say is 'its just part of puberty the kids gets a bit rebellious' if U parents are not being shitty and,i know seriously myself i refrain from using this words,but parents being total bitches. WHY WOULD US KIDS WANT TO REBEL? why is our behaviour calling for our own rights seem to u freaks as 'rebellion'?! what ********??! i mean,think about it. if u really arent wrong in the frist place,why would we 'rebel'?! theres gotta be something wrong somewhere down the path! some parents do actually think it over and realise their mistakes and apologise for being bitchy and stuff, but my mum NEVER does that! her bitchyness is like,telling me in a way that whatever i say is wrong and whatever she says is the truth. WHICH IS SO DUPER WRONG! just try talking it out with,take the last incident,the breakfast over papers thing 'i'll take it later' and she goes something like 'what the hell why do u NEVER listen!' IM the one whos going all WTH all these shit! cant u think about it and at least apologize after all of these? apparently. it doesnt even matter. scorpios just want their own way. but my mums the extreme its like. she is no longer the nice and caring n comforting mum i used to know. menopause maybe? but wth! shes turned into a total bitch! i couldnt stand it!.... wheres that mum where i can cuddle up happy and safely to? wheres the mum who comforts me when i quarrel with my siblings over little things and all wheres the mum who takes notices of my injuries and bruises and all immediately when i reach home wheres the mum i know i can trust ever so much i can walk safely along the streets with my eyes closed and her leading me i dont know. it does seem to me that instead of parents supposed to be helping out with my little emoness and all. shes making it worse shes adding to me even more stress shes making my life now miserable and horrible! i hat it. now i dont really have a nice place to return to. a nice home to return to despite my injuries suffered in school and stuff. i dont what what i shoul;d really do with my life anymore! well. thats that. ive gotta go. we are kinds runnin late. ugh. okie. gotta go. bye! ---------- edit. after the post well u see. i was ready to go out. we hafta covr our dishes(dinner) properly. or else the lizards and roaches might come. and i saw my dads unsuccessful attempt to cover the soup.so i went to cover it i removed the plastic cover that couldnt fit,and so i got myself a handy metal lid. in fear of its flimsyness and thus being unable to keep out the lizards,i placed an unopened jar of peanut butter on top. and the soup is being supported on top of a 'cooling rack' CRASH it fell onto the floor and the soup spilled all over. dad came back into the kitchen to clean up the mess and so did my brother. all of us were about to leave the house already i felt so dumb and useless. why do i have to create this huge mess now when everyone is busy this is a really a huge horrid stab in the heart. at my down moments when i was crying just now in the post i couldnt stop crying and blaming myslef. this time. it ws so loud and horrid and i couldnt stop. bro hadta tell me twice that its okay stop crying but i cant! i mean. its totally my fault that this happened. now dad wants to stay home instead of going to the 'temple' and its all my fault why did i hafta be such a busybody why couldnt i have used somehing less heavy why was i so stupid to do such a thing why am i so dumb and stupid i troubled everyone im so dumb and foolish im just a dumb burden to everyone im better off dead.... i broke down and cried. i tried to persuade dad to go without me. i wanna stay here. i cant go out with all these tears over my face overflowing. ui wanna stay home and break down and its all better without anyone to see me. but dad didnt wanna go anymore. i spoilt his day i really dont like this. maybe this is one of the facts about being a cancer- being too emotionally sensitive and all. but what can i do? im feeling so down and not knowing what to do anymore what am i to do next morn? the next next morn? the next next next morn? i dont know? i dont know what i want with my life i dont even want my life maybe this is just a test from God. whatever it is. i've failed and i dont wanna live. life has been way too harsh and horrid for me i dont see the light i dont know what should i do with my life i've thought of maybe telling this to guppy over msn. but then again. forget it. i think hes just gonna be freaked out on what to do with me,crying so bad i've thought of calling vivi. but shes not here. and well. simply everyone else is just gonna be so freaked out .i cant even talk properly now. no use crying over spilt milk say? but if i werent so clumsy n stupid,the 'milk' wouldnt have been spilt and we would all be happy. if only i was less stupid. if only i used my brains and considered the weight of the peanut butter before i placed it on top of the whole thing if only i wasnt so dumb if only i could turn back time,none of these would have happened if only..... ..............i wasnt born i hate myself. i dun wanna live. picking up the broken shards of the bowl i rather it cut me and i bleed to death. that shall make up for everything. well. it didnt i dunno. mum is probably gonna be a whole 'bitch' about it and give me a scolding later. sis will probably understand me better than mum, and say not much about it i dont wanna stay in the house n let dad see me like this ui wanna go out but its even weirder for me to just go crying downstairs. mum has wide relaations. me,sticking with her mostt of ther time,knows most of her 'friends'. besides, HE lives just nearby though he doesnt really matter a whole lot. i really hate others to see me like this. i dunno who to trust. i dunno why im living. i dunno what to do for the rest of my life let me burn in hell for all these horrid stuff ive been doing. its probably better there than here. let me suffer physical pain if thats the way it will hafta be. nothin hurts more than emotional pain. i dunno. i dont plan on eating now. i cant stop crying. i just wanna end it all in my sleep. i wish i never wake up ever again. maybe this should be my starting of my fanfic. ah. i dont even care about that anymore. all i want now...is to never ever wake up. if god could just allow many people to die in their sleeps,why not me? the dead are dying to live,and the living living to die ...............i duno what to do anymore...... -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Friday, June 8, 2007

me be happy..?

me be sad and angry n cursing wow. turns out to be the humanities cip was a 'band members' kinda thing. and i was stuck with 6 other idiotic juniors of mine.Sec1s are dumb. immature. and lame. ugh. they can lie back and enjoy life,while we slog ourselves to death. ugh. THE WORLD IS GONNA END~~~~ *sarcasism* well. me was doing most of the work. and then i got meself dirtied. my hands black. and i chipped my nail(which unlike most girls,i dunt give a damn about) and i got these two cuts on my fingers now.ugh. wow. surely the brasses,those dimbos. ughs. Brass guys are so lame n immature~ (cus woodwind comprisises of mainly girls) ugh. oh gawd. there goes the future of the band~ and the thing is. we hadta wait a long time for the teacher. and i dont see anyone i know of at first so im like ********************************. besides. i saw my unfavouritest backstabbing form teacher. ugh. and there EVERYONE goes again treatin me like a stupid primary school kid who is clueless about everything in the **** damn world. UGH! she backstabbed almost everyone in our class. well. whatever it is,no one in our class likes her. its good,the fact that im pnly having her for oe year. uGH. i soo dun wanna see her again! after graduation we are so gonna snob her 'hm. where is she? ah sorry u are too short we cant see you ^^'. ugh~ bwaha. sweet revenge that shall be. she's even shorter than my...slightly-below-average-height friends! AHA! TAKE THAT! IN YOUR FACE !!! *********** said nuthin. me be happy well. me heard this song sang by Lacus off one of the myOtakuians' site,and was trying to find it on gendou. lol. and then i chanced upon this song: Find the way from Gundam SEED. i was completely going like....WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! i loved that song! and i still do. its super nice! its what kept me going and watching another GUNDAM SEED eppy! lol. it is suuuuuper nice~ kyaaaaaaaaaaa~ i am sooo super happy i found the song once agin i had totally forgotten it. OMGOMGOMOGOMGOMGOMOGOMGOMG!!! kuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! >< *hyper* well. me has been feeling like a total otaku and game addict these few days so me is being unhappy about it. NOO IM NOT AN OTAKUUU!!! (in this case. otaku as in those type of freaky super animangamin-addicted Japanese men who is super addicted and buys figurines,games,almost everything related.mostly porno though) EEK! EWWW NOO!!! I DUN WANNA BE LIKE THAT!!!!! the thing now is: eat my dinner n get some quality telly and book time ^^ lol~~~ XDDDD. about viv's going to australia. hm. yea.she has been here n there lol XDDD. but NY was quite some months ago LS. T T. lol~ haha. she was going 'omg im so sorry i was just unable to get u anything from china ><' 'nah. its okie ^^ lol~ aha. now u know how complicated i am XDDDDD' 'LOL!' and now she's going 'i must find u a present this time ><' lol~ hmm. think all i want still is that bbeads set lol~ XD cant wait to try out the stuff inside my new bead accessories book lol. my birthday is so far away~ ><. eep. ahh heck current wishlists: +beads set +sleep +sugar ^^ +my own phone(cus i have been using other ppls phones cus they switch theirs too much n well...stuff) +alot of personal time +time with n for my friends +time for drawing dooles~~ +mum to stop her nagging +ppl to stop treating me like a 10yr old. ugh hell i am 14. almost 15! ugh! i want my own space n to rule my own life when i eat when i poop when i sleep! UGH! cant i at least control the when to poop part?! ugh! ------------------------------------- Fanfic-manganess hmm. well. 'thanks' to my mum. i have found the perfect begining to it. note: such uploads wont be frequent lol~ i dont have as much time as u,LS waah~. so good~ butthen again. u are sorta like one of those random (slightly)pervertic-minded guys. eek blah. ah well. i guess life CAN be good. not. i wish i had a good job next time which allows me time to post n stuff more often. Poor Elves >< ----------------------------------- -scene: outside of a flat. rainy weather. lightning- "What did u do that for?!" -scene of things scattered on the floor- "look,izumi.stop doing these silly stuff and do your assignment!" "its not silly or stupid!!" "i dont care! i want u to stop drawing such stupid stuff n do your assignment!" -scene: goes out of room. door being slammed- "like i said,IT IS NOT DUMB!!!!!! ugh!!!!" -scene: plops down on the floor- why cant she understand what i want,what i need? its not like i never touched the assignments at all i only started to draw for a few minutes! why is life so unfair? she doesnt scold onii-chan for playing on the computer and stuff. why is it always me!? i hate this world -scene outside window. rain falls- i wish i wasnt here at all! -scene: thunder flash. tears fell onto the floor- *lies on the floor. falls asleep* ---------------------------------------- thats the very intro. ughh. or should i say. prolougue. whaaatever. lol. well. it is likely i update tomorrow. i'll try to get my paws off the gamin though XD -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Thursday, June 7, 2007

me be good

me've been a good girl~ since there was pretty much nothin to do,me was gettin to alllll those guestbook signing which i never had time for. me is still doing that. me good girl yes i noe mrreow~ *sweet kitty meow* =^ . ^= earth gal hmms. btw. shes going to australia today. hmm. dunno when shes comin back. ah well. theres gonna be more pictures then ^^ life~ boring as usual. heckk. bleah. is boreddthehellouttamymind as usual. ugh. cant wait for school to start. AND then again. i'll hafta finish my homework before that eek *faint* hmm. maybe might get some inspiration for the melody of the song i wrote. maybe i should just try to do my homework. which btw i misplaced my maths homework eeepx mreow. cant play pangya. ah well. there was Audition to begin with if no more golfin meanwhile~ me shall get to more siteys now. ja~ What Dark Soul are You? (Dark Anime Pics\ Girls Only) You're a beautiful dark soul. You're soul is pure and amazing, and your face matches it. You have so much but you're also are hiding a lot aren't you? Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code p.s. hmm m'lord. me thinks he needs his head examined too. too much gaming for that guppy~ baka! and the doc better make him fall asleep less often infront of the computer. but on the bed where it is supposed to be -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Wednesday, June 6, 2007

cold war-

hmm. yea. she made it worse. we got into another squabble this morning. a bad one. ugh. why cant she understand me? i was just readin the papers and she made some 'milo' for me. when she returned minutes later,she nagged at me for not drinkin it. apparently. im one of those peeps who enjoys working alone and doesnt wanna be disturbed. ugh. was happily reading the papers till she came. like wth! i just wanna finish reading the papers and then she just got perked up and said like why do u always not listen to me. why r u being so difficult! like b* hell im not. i just wanna do my own stuff. at my own time boy. now i couldnt even read the papers WHEN i want. eat my breakfast WHEN i want. UGH! i am so ** pissed so now. im still cold war-in her. i dun care now. its overbearing for me. i dont need a home without warmth. i cant stay in a home without love well. strangely. i am glad i hafta go back to school the whole of this week now. ugh. cant wait to leave now. hmm. the 'guppy' replied. and he asked me to brush up MY english. WHAT?!~ it was LS who said that u are a guppy,not ME ! >< *fake sob* fine. i shall not hold it against someone who can only think about sleepland in front of computers >< hmpf. baka he is >< bleah. well me gotta start preparing to go now. signing offies~ p.s. lol. it was totally random. hey. we even tried names such as chocolate and strawberry 99%. honey and stars..umm..was it 45 or 65%? whatever. it was a total random thing anyway. we even paired up viv's ex-guys. lol. and some of the pairings work out XDDDDDDDDD me wish me didnt gt into family disputes often too. -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Tuesday, June 5, 2007

lolx

replies to comment: no lol. we were trying random pairing on lovecalculator.com since we were bored and there was such a long time for the software to download. pink candy1 would know we were chatting through msn XD. lol. apparently. the gay pairings were more viable and worked out better than actual pairings. and it is complete phoney since it paired me and the guppy 44% as compared to *ahem* 26% and these two fellas together 71% XDDD. the wrong part about this: me and the guppy?! eww. no! no way. just friends. normal friends with nickname calling and spacing out-ness and..uhh....being in half-asleep land frequently. lol. xD we started out with that stupid rumour. and didnt care abt it lol. and then its competition of scores. and then well. it sorta went on from then. the random name calling 'baka!' and stuff ^^. no. not gonna go any further in the ROMANCE aspect. not ever. we are just dumb name-calling-dumb friends XD. dumb friends indeed. all of my friends are dumb. the worlds folks are dumb XDDDDDDDDD hm. glad u liked the song. might do it one day.when i can finalise the tune lol. but its a bit of hilary duff and avril lavigine. ah. i dunno how to exactly describe it lol. bad at descriptions. >< heck~~~~ school mon-fri yup. thats how the week's gonna be. monday with band and packing today with library cip tomorrow likewise thursday's more band. but its unpacking friday humanities cip *CIp= community involvement programme. ack. some sorta social service,u can call it ack. poofed-dicity. yikes. isnt life bad enough already?! mom hmm. well. generally. when this term comes out as a sub-heading. its usually rant again ugh. i got into a quabble again. u see. i was being in this sad mood cus i was playing the golf game and was losing hell. and mum was nagging me to stop ugh! so when i came out she went on with the ticking off. 'why wont u listen to me?' 'stop playing already' 'faster la!' like...UGH! major unhappyness. i was already upset. and she HAD to make things worse topping it all: cus there was this thingy we hd to say. and then i said it correctly. but then she was like '...' and then slowly reacted. AND THEN instead of anything. SHE TICKED ME OFF FOR NOT SAYING IT CLEARLY ENOUGH FOR HER TO HEAR! WTF!!!!!! like hell. U were the one with the bad hearing. I said it correctly. U are B******** hell putting the blame on ME. I did nothing wrong! i stomped back to my game. i was still in the friggin bad mood. ugh. and so we were cold war-ing. ugh. against my will. tears fell again. i dunno. like why. why cant they EVER spare a thoguht for US? yea. u friggin adults are right. ALWAYS right. FOREVER right. to the b******* hell with that. wth.. whats good of a family if u cant understand and love each other whats the point of living under one room if things are just gonna end in squabbles and quarrels whats good of a home if no warmth can no longer be felt?..... i dunno. i really want a space of my own. a place of my own. a shoulder to lean on. a friend to pour my troubles out to and is able to comfort me and understand me and will be with me. i simply cant take it. i need to unwind i need to have my own space i want to just sleep the hell off and never wake up. never EVER. now. i dont even wait for that so-called prince to come. i know there is no longer such a person in this world. this corrupt. dark. contempt world filled with sins. in the darkness,i seek the light only to be deeper and deeper into the darkness itself the light gets further and further smaller and smaller it has,from where i am now, disappeared and i left in the pitch black world of contempt helpless clueless devastated sometimes i wish for it all to end. sometimes i wish God would just let me die if there was a purpose for me in life..tell me..what is it? why am i still living? why havent i died yet? what IS the point of living in this cold. unfeeling. corrupt world devoid of the warmth of love devoid of freedom devoid of life why can people who didnt want to die depart from this horrid world whereas people like me continue to live? underneath my smilling face. are only tears nothing but a broken heart a wounded heart a bleeding heart no amount of love can make anyone whole. once a scar is implemented it can never heal it will never heal no matter how much u do to make it feel better it hurts it hurts still. with throbbing pain i dont think that anyone is able to tell all of these pain i've went through i've felt in my heart ever so deeply behind my smiles my expressionless face my stupid jokes and whines to create laughter so as to hide my pain maybe it really is. if u tell no one,how are they to know? but then who am i supposed to trust who CAN i trust i dunt know i no longer know to every little bit of hope it all leads me to disappointment with every friend i think i could trust it only let me to more disappointment more tears more pain as compared to the 'emo' people who scratch and cut and slash themself i think people like me who hides everything who DOESNT even show a bit of the pain and suffering inside is even more fragile even more easily broken cus there's simply no way u can tell what the hell they're feelin inside what the hell they're thinkin of what the hell they've been through unless they are willing to tell. however. there is simply nothing else to be done nothing else that CAN be done the more u love someone the greater the disappointments he/she tend to give you the greater the hurt done if there was such thing as love if there still is such a thing caled love if there is still a bit of warmth in this world if there is still hope in this world if there is still that bit of light in the dark then show me prove it to me that it exists its rather paradoxical that i still choosing to believe to hope for that little bit of light in the darkness even if its just gonna lead me deeper into the dark i am still willing to chase after it i am still waiting to get out of the darkness i am still waiting...for the proof that there is still hope for the world there is still love in the world there is still warmth there are still people i can trust.... sometimes i really dont know what to do my eyes are blinded by the dark i dont see that bit of light i cant see that bit of light my life...is in darkness having a fall into darkness even if i stood up and finally found my way into the lght i dont know whether i can still trust people whether i am able to love whether....i can still smile... ...im sorry...but all i want now...is to cry. to cry like its nobody's business to cry like nothing ever mattered to cry . and to release a bit of the pent up feelings ........ well. me is gonna get me some shutter eyes now i guess im tired sick of livin (and i really caught the flu again btw) well then i hope the next time it can be a happier post and that i dont have to be doing this often ^^. ja ne~ -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Monday, June 4, 2007

ah lol. about the guppying XDDDDDD man. classic. funnyness. lol. he hasnt replied me on that though. shall post when he does. hes probably gonna be like...'huh? what?' again. afterall. its the COMPUTER XDDDD (note: he falls asleep infront of it. hes probably gonna be half-dozing somewhere lol~) meowwwww. viv house lol. it smells the same lol. it looked prettier lool~ XD. i got semi-lost again. lol. have told her many times. 'at the most u would receive one phonecall going UWAAAH IM LOST~~~~'. lol. good thing we met up on the way. or else,its really gonna be UWAAAAAAH~~~ phonecalls being made. lol hmm. we did nothing much there lol. staring into blankkk spaces XDDDDDDDDDDD. it took almost forever to load that stupid software required for her to watch the anime vcds she bought in china. ugh. 1hr and 45 mins+++ blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! boredom that was. lol. good thing nadi came online so we were chattin the rest of the time away. lol. due to it being chinese and all. me hafta help and pause n translate to that silly vivi what it happening loll.was kinda boring tho. lol. but classic moments of ouran yepyep! XDD *lalalalalalalalalaa~*(sings to the tune of the theme) XD meowwy. lol. in the end,we made it through only eppy4 XD meh. shes really the one influencing us tooo much lool. once again. gomenasai to Hitomi-baka for having said u were the cause of the IMpurification of our pure innocent minds. eek. shes(viv's) the dirty one. >< she began talking to me about this friend of hers she saw half-naked with his underwear showing being h.o.t. O o like eww~ she was going. 'hm at first i sheilded my eyes like u..and then *peep* OMG HE'S SO HOT!' O O say whaaaaaaaaaaat!! kill me to have me look. yukk. would probably be going '*sheilds eyes**turnsaway* wth...guys and their dumb drooping pants..and their dumb takingshirtsofffeelssogood kinda thing yukk. whats with that....' or something similar. anyways. no lookies for me. and even if i did.(though i probably wont last 3 seconds without turning away) 'man. ur underwear is showing...' and she went on about me being 'cute' (for people who have been here. u would have known i have this complex about being 'cute' ugh),and her chest being smaller than mine. like....WTH. call me cute one more time...i'll send u off to heaven's counterpart....urr...i'll send u off to Satan..no...i'll send u back to china and strip u of your valuables and money and passport( dun think too much of the 'stripping' T T#) ugh~ do that,and u die. get burnt in hell. get shocked(lightning struck) to death. get drowned by the tsunami. or simply murdered in a 'peaceful way' ^^ and once again. i've said nothing bout murders ^^ ughs. whatever. i dont need people rambling on about impurities and stuff hellyagimmeabreak! seriously. but meh. nadi's getting influenced too. eek. i am in dangerr.....?*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!* whatever. have been into the reading mood today. my sias wanted us to pick up a book called '7 habits of highly effective teens' at this book fair yeaterday. lol. so far,it was able to get me interested lol. SO FAR,at least...¬ ¬ meow. the bookfair was good. there was this anime booth and its like COOOL!!! it sold tarot cards,little mystery goodie bags,tags,keychains,key(of NANA anime. the key to room 707. have wanted to get that fer ya viv.),necklaces...collections(of anime pics. hm. artbook. yea. thats the name),and i think even official guidebooks!!! KWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! >< everything is soooooooo cooooooooooooooooool!!! kyaaa~ too bad mum didnt allow me to buy anything waah~ i would have gotten many stuff as potential birthday gifts for my friends in that single booth waaaah~ and then. me bought this book about DIY bead accessories ^^ mweee~ have been wanting stuff like that for a long time. now that i've got the books,now all im lacking is the beads,since Papa have the tools,and Mama has the 'fishing string' but meh. me am too lazy to get that on me own~~ (and not really financially capable of doing that cus i know im gonna spend alooooooot!) ^ ~ *hinthint* too bad my birthday is wayyy far back in the year my hands are itching to go try out the designs and all~ ughx songwriting well. kinda. i just had the fel for it. it started out with a simple stanza and a melody . in the bath. lol. and then since im gettin the drive to do it,why not?! so when i came outta the bath,i continued writing it. lol. its generally about this girl having been hurt in love and growing out of it. lol. i havent experienced these stuff for myself. but somehow,i can just write it out like ..yea...having experienced it. lol. maybe's because Cancers are sensitive individuals to thers feelings lol. mayb's just because im an analatical person. gawd i dunno what am i saying am lost in the convo~~ XD well. and apparently i forgot about the site's birthday again LOL! XD well anyway. here's the song. in 3 simple stanzas lol. this is seriously my first go at song writing. ^^ hope u enjoy~ (me shall leave poems i wrote till next time ^ ~) Title: A Bad Fall feeling of the moment: hmm. nothing really. random words came to my mind and so did the melody. but me cant decide on the melody yet lol. wasnt even emo lol. the tune is mainly melancholic though Takin a walk down City Hall I took my step and had a fall looked up to the sky.... and wondered,wondered why why is no one even there, to stop and just to care about this girl who broke her heart for a guy she shoudlnt have sought c: [ i just cant comprehend my foolishness,it all had been to love him with all my heart, all my love, like my only kin but now he's gone and im left crying till the morning dawned..... we've already said goodbye so get out of my life right now ] i've had,in love,a real bad fall but now i've learnt how to stand tall despite my scarred heart really hurt and i,living like im dirt why should people think of suicide the sun's so bright shinin 'way(away) the shadows they cannot hide i guess, life is aye okay the end of every day's... just a new beginning.... -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Friday, June 1, 2007

lolxx

replies to comments: lol. silly people! NO. Reymond is just another STUPID guy in my class(or at least,used to be) who is born in the year of the goat(and has the word 'goat' in his email lol). and he was being ordered around like a puppy "reymond come come!(here boy! here here! XDDD)" similar to callin a puppy no? whatever it is. my sincerest condolences (NOT!) lol. okay la. he deserves our sympathy for some reason. lol. getting ticked off now and then and all.. XDDDDD poor baka. and who's fault is it that u are class monitor? lol XD ..guppy?! nice one. hmm. another new nickname. +lemon (other people thought of it. cus they sounded imilar) +blockhead (cus hes slow and dumb) +dumb goat (cus hes dumb) +baka (cus he is a baka) +mr falls-asleep-infront-of-computers (cus he does that. everytime. so when he's not replying for a few minutes,he's probably dozed off counting sheep. or oogling at them O o lol.) ---------- is bored lol. am so happy me is going to viv's house tomorrow!~!~!~!~!~! wheeeeeeeee. was being so fruggin bored at home....ugh....lol... wallpaper. me uploaded one yeasterday. i found the pic randomly off someone elses wallpaper,but of course,made chages to it and added a frame and stuff it prettyyyyyy~ go see ^^ (i really should add a button to the portfolio ne?) link: http://wallpapers.theotaku.com/view.php?action=retrieve&id=135204 well. fanarts gotta wait. is being lazy and sweaty so me is lazy to upload. ughh. lol sleep. meh. my eyes are kinda bloodshot. ughs. bla. shall grab sleep normally. my eyes r tired. and i really gotta take good care of them. wont wannt end up foureyed. lol. no offences. kies. toodles folks! p.s. he's probably gonna kill me if he knew about this. ah heck. first,he never remembers the reasons behind all of these nicknames. second,he doent know about myO. third,why go invite myself trouble?! p.s.s. mkay. people who are trying to hinthint me and that dumb one can jolly well forget about it. have lived with that for these past 2 years. ugh. fyi the giant mallet of evil is ready to minisize you whenever wherever if u think or do evil! (is reminded of that ps game Chocobo racing speaking of minisizes lol) -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

blah

yay hols. but that meant practise~ ugh arts night rehearsals well yea. simply put. performance' rehearsal. lol. our poooor goat/reymond is the stage crew i.c. XD LMAO!(sarcasm) haha. he was being called here and there like a puppy~ woooff! i mean...baaaaa~ XDDDDDDD im being a GREAT! friend by doing this. lol. its okay. he knows about it. lol. looks like i can look forward to more humour of such tomorrow. another rehearsal hols filled with homework. ughs. hafta find time to do them. ANd practises. cus arts night's on 29th june. yea. xP havent been getting as much slack as i wanted. lol. spent lotta time playing Pangya,that golf game. lol~ haha. XD. somehow it interests me. lool me want sleeeeep. bleah. am fearin that my eyes would get myopic sooner or later. lol~ i cant see things from far clearly. but my eyesight is +6. since forever. lol. sleep is good. sleep is holy. ugh. must. get. s l e e p ! (usually i would say 'sugar'. see the diff?) fanarts ack. have been doing them lately ^^ yay. time for fanarts are gooood~ but then again. now i've got no time to post them since im going out with my parents. ughx. i dun wanna~!! >< i want sleeeeeeeep. ughs! meh. gotta sign off. ughx. exasperation. chao~! -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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