Thursday, March 15, 2007

   unhappynessxx..

why do we always get blamed for stuff that we didnt do? Well. because i had 'that thing' and walked out of a bath cubicle and there was a napkin wrapper on the floor,my classmate thought that i threw it there! i mean,like,HELL! who would do that?! I WONT,AND I DIDNT!! i didnt bother to ask her about it...but like hell i tell ya,I DIDNT DO IT MEANS I DIDNT DO IT!! IF I REALLY DID I WOULD TELL YOU I DID IT! I WONT LIKE BLOODY HELL DISPOSE OF THAT SORTA THING BY LEAVING IT ON THE FLOOR? WHAT DO U THINK I AM? A STUPID HOOLIGAN OR SOMETHING? HELL NO!!! ugh! i hate it when i get blamed by the conductor for playing wrong notes...when LIKE BLOODY HELL I DIDNT PLAY THE WRONG NOTE!!! IT WAS THE OTHER GUY WHO DID IT AND DIDNT OWN UP! THIS SUCKS! ...not only that...i get blamed for several other stupid stuff that happens when i am not at fault?! why do they like to point the stupid accusing finger at me and not others?this sucks... well. tonight...since i came home late at around 6,and had my lunch like...11+am,i was hungry so other than the small bun i brought along with me(which is,btw,whatever i put inside my bag would end up flat) and i bought a small pack of honey cashew nuts to snack on. other than that,yes,fine,i drank quite a few mouthfuls of chocolate milk. that's all. so i accidentally fell asleep again cus i was like,so tired i was swinging like some weird person on the bus almost fallling off my seat. then i woke up at 10+,which is wayyy beyond my dinner time...and i had my stupid dinner. the thing is..usually...at this time..its somewhat like supper and im nt a supper person. the latest dinner hour would be 9.30pm.well.before that actually. after that..its supper..i dont eat much. and like hell when mum saw that i didnt like finish my food,she was all pointy fingers and said WHY DIDNT YOU FINISH YOUR FOOD AGAIN?! THAT'S IT,I'M NOT COOKING FOR YOU TOMORROW! this is no biggie,since she does it on a forthnighly basis...but like hey...its like wayyy overboard this time?! it's like,uber late at night and i dont take too much food! i have already tried my best la! and like,all the oil in the soup would make me full....and like yes i had only left the last part of the soup with the icky seasoning bits and im not drinking that,and she has to scold me like what?!! ugh! its not my fault that i woke up this late and the lipids are making me full? i drank soup and i ate veggies and i ..well...its not like i took a whole lot of food and gave up after ONE mouthful right? she dont have to run me down like this. AND when i get all complainy and tell her that,she doesnt even bother?! this is soooooo unfair to me!!!!*sniffles* its not even my fault!! why does everyone has to be so mean!? i get blamed for stuff which i didnt do,when im nt at fault,people come to me when they need my help and be all nice like friends to me,and then when they dont need me they cast me aside!like a stupid unwanted puppy!! i mean....this is so unfair....i dont really say anything about it you know...i dont complain and stuff..(well,now i am,but...) i really didnt mind people who did that..and accepted them and helped them and treated them like a friend!like they are my close friends? but what do i get? thrown aside after i am used again! well...nad,viv and all,u cant blame me for being this emo,you cant blame me for being like this,but really,i have been crossed so many times and each time i open up my heart to someone else i only get hurt more and more in return!..now i am so afraid to open these frosted doors of my heart any more...i dont dare to bear my feelings out to anyone...BECAUSE I WOULD KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO CAST ME ASIDE SOMEDAY AND LEAVE ME WITH SCARS AGAIN AND JUST LIKE IT DIDNT MATTER! thats how it has been,seriously,all my life even now....but i never told you any of these...because being with you guys im so happy and i can forget the pain and suffering i've been through...or simply....because i didnt want to remember it.... and stupid goat, well,its not like i didnt want to smile or anything,but theres so much pain and suffering and unhappyness in my life i cant find a reason to keep my smiling always.......even if it really does seem like i am hanging out with my friends,but actually, there is a great distance between me and me classmates that i cant get over.... i want to smile and be all chummy with people and be my dumb,but happy self too...but i just cant seem to let that fragile me out into the open anymore,cus i know i would just get hurt deeper and deeper...its so cold,so cold,this world is..where was all of that sunshine and happyness that they promised? where is the warmth of the sun? i dunno....it doesnt really matter....cus i no longer feel the pain,the cold....im used to it by now....even if i am suffering deep down,nobody knows of it at all....even if they did,well,all i can say is 'its nothing really'..... im putting on a smile,a fake smile,a fake yawn,a great big mask to cover up my tears inside...a mask of lies and deception--well. that's how it is for me. i have been so used to lying(about my feelings) im used to it and i dont even batter an eyelid when i lie about them. i dont want to depend too much on people....i dont think i can let them go if im too used to it.. the pain is nothing now...but hell...at least i have let all of these out. it kinda feels better...at least...im not the only one sharing this burden of mine.^^. it feels kinda good to let this out...after long years of keepin it inside well..all i can say is....expect to see more of these emo-ness. ^^ . im tired now. shall go to sleep. its like,2.37am =P its rather late...well...but then again...the lipids are still making me feel full. and i woke up at 10pm+ XD lol. i can actually do with more homework...but nah..me hates to be the one switching off the lights...i bet someday i would really trip over something and fall over in the dark. hmm...which reminds me of today in band..... aha. nah. me is gonna save you from the troubles of reading an even longer post. XDDDDD. Ja ne~ Sweet dreams and god bless thy poor souls which needs them.... -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

THANKYUUUUUUU~~~~~~~

THANKYUU ALL~~~~~~ *relax. this gal doesnt go around smooching ppl or glomping these poor souls unlike SOMEONEs i know..* *tries to find something decent to do..*...uhh....i...ii....i......*bows suddenly* a.....arigatougosaimasu!!!! > /// < *tremble tremble* ...ah!!! *runs to grab candy lying around for cny* ah~ here you goes!!! *frantically handing out candy...and accidentally hitting people here and there* IM SO SORRY~~ > < --------------------- after moments of calming down... haaa... thats okie...better now...well. nothin much to post today. been sinning too much...ah electronic entertainment!!!! >< musst....resist....SHINY!!!! NOOOO~! - ^ -. *teardrop* -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

theme

wanted theme change. hell it would take almost forever. well. im planning to make it a kobato theme. theres not much on it though. shall make do with pics. bear with the freezy and cold and blueness of this site for now note: 2 more gb entries to 240! p.s. homework sucks...and im wasting my time online from morn till now...wow..-_______- sugar is good. so is NaCl. what was the formula for glucose again? C6H2O?? I DONT REMEMBER IM SO DUMB!!! -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

funny vid + life

lol..like hell...amazing~ and then again...i'ld rather gobble those potatoes up...^^ Life~ well. has been sick these few days with a sore throat from fridae till now...and the flu yesterdae....ugh well...actually.....yes i could have gotten well by now of the sore throat.....BUT blame it on the potato chips...so tasty~~~~~ so yea...thatnks to Greed+Hunger,now its gonna stick with me till tomorrow... and tomorrow's a very loooooooooooooooooong day...10am to 10pm of BAND (yukk)...and that literally sucks. ewww hell yukk. ugh! well...that means i better get started with my homeworks...or else i die....our short one-week holiday is more than a torture its akin to a living hell!!!! all those practises and homework...aww dun remind me of the homework it makes me wanna puke hell bleah! ewwwwwwwwwwwyewwwwwwyewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...... well...better get started...sighhhhhhhhhh....-________- {tears+laughter} -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Monday, March 5, 2007

greetings

nuthin. just making new ones n posted 2. yep. thats all. p.s. Anime tournament is now on at LordSesshy's site!^^ and boo for ugly picture of pikachu -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Sunday, March 4, 2007

  

kishin da omoi o hakidashitai no wa sonzai no shoumei ga hoka ni nai kara tsukan da hazu no boku no mirai wa "songen" to "jiyuu" de nujun shiteru yo yugan da zazou o keshi saritai no wa jibun no genkai o soko ni miru kara jiishiki kajou na boku no mado ni wa kyonen no CALENDAR hidzuke ga nai --------------------------------------- kiri-e well. thats what my fanart is called. actually its just cut pieces of paper for decorative purposes,known in chinese as chuang hua. yea. after that one on the butterfly,hey,im getting kinda addicted and interested. ^^ whee. pls go see anyway .kiri-e ----------------------------- reply on comments: well. it almost seemed like u peeps are ganging up on me! hmpf!*pout* all of u want me to go talk to him...which i wont. i mean. i heard from his classmates before(girls) that he isnt much of a talker...and to vivi: like DUH OF COURSE he would know we r living in the same housing estate!!!! after so many months and school years(only 2yrs but yea..)...who wouldnt?! (maybe thats just you...). WAAAH!!! i mean...maybe...JUST maybe...if we get a chance to umm...be int he same class next year...just maybe...then there's actually something to talk about...like..umm...HOMEWORK...yea...THAT sorta thing....> < * ...im not very much a person who just..umm...talk to anyone...hehe..im like a mountain of ice...and you would know that very well...when u have touched my hand..or been touched by it before...^^ bwahaah! its uber cold it has made people scream before! YAY!!! ^^ EVILNESS~~ well. tomorrow we are having our annual cross country run. haa~ that lucky goat/reymond...he is having duty as waterboy...so he has the pleasure of watching us run and sweat like mad and there he is sniggering i bet. ugh!! well. he actually told me stuff like 'eat ur breakfast and drink more water' so that i dont faint. well. last year i wiped my sweat off my face and then my vision went blurred and lost balance,and he thinks thats because i dont take breakfast. -____- well hell,i'll tell you no. (it rhymes!) sigh. points to note: just let the darn sweat drip from your face. well,i shouldnt be pushing myself too hard too. yea. and i'll tell you,I KNOW THAT EVEN WITHOUT U TELLING ME,DUMB GOATIE!!!! lol. positives: burn off some carb =D and perhaps get to skip band...but hey...thats only if i'm too tired and exhausted and outta breath and faint-y....yea...I@M A RESPONSIBLE KID!!! (depends on the situation actually...) library books: yea. returned the old ones. borrowed new ones. so far i'm done with one. gonna start the next one tomorrow. ^^. there's always time on the bus to spare! actually out of the 4 books are only 2 chinese novels..yes...love novels...but like hell its normal for a girl my age to read shoujo,why not romance novels!?(is feeling lucky there were no NC16 ovr lovey-dovey-hentai stuff in these books)remember that old post about horrid NC16 books! ugh! yea. and speaking of which users really gotta put an advised rating on even animes. Mit has told me that she watched Onegai Twins and it was nice...but has hentai in it...and so does Nana...yukk okie..gotta goooo...byeeeeeeee~ -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Friday, March 2, 2007

meow~ = 3

Random lyrics: {{ asu ni hagurete kotae ga nanimo mienakute mo kimi ni au sono tame ni kasaneteku "kyou" to iu shinjitsu tooku hanareteru hodo ni chikaku ni kanjiteru samishisa mo tsuyosa eto kawatteku... kimi wo omotta nara setsunaku mune wo sasu sore wa yume no kakera ari no mama deaeteta sono kiseki mou ichido shinjite .... }} 'Reason' Nami Tamaki +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ hihi. me have been hiatus for a long time yes and shall continue to do so cus of the overdue homework. @ x @ HIM well. this year have been seeing alot of him. ah~ i wont know if its good or bad. sigh. i keep telling myself not to bother,but i just cant..gaah~ i see him on the way to school at the bus stop,on the bus,on the way and between classes,hanging randomly around the school...on the bus home sometimes,and that would mean on the way home! argh!!!!!!! well...i mean...this MIGHT just have been a hint from above,or a test,whichever it is. but like..ah..i mean..its not the right time for these stuff...i have my homework to take care of..my doodles to doodle O o ....and many other overdue stuff already...and yet NOW...ah~ THIS SUCKS!!! >//////< and today was a mega. for bio lesson we were doing experiments with Benedict's solution and there Zoe was,teasing me again...ugh! the name's on the book,the evaluation questions,on the powerpoint slides....EEEEEEEEKKK!!! @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @!*scratches head wildly* why mus he live so near to my house why is he in the neighbouring class why is he always 'hanging aound' me why can he always be seen why must he take the same bus why must he walk the same path back why must he play basketball why must my eye keep looking out for him why does my heart long to see him why does my brain tell me its not right why must we meet why must we be in the same grade why does his smile look so nice why is there always an agitated look on his face why must he....umm...be in the same school why does he always look so sad why does being around him make me feel flustered why does he make me feel safe why must i fall for him why must we be in the same school WHY DIDNT I WORK HARD ENOUGH FOR MY PSLE AND GET INTO A DIFFERENT SCHOOL WHY DIDNT I GET ACCEPTED WHEN I APPEALED WHYy.....? *huffhuff**gulps down BEER root* ----------------------------------------------- New Year foodies. sorry about the huge chunk of rant. ugh. ah well. this new year wasnt too good. me still short of 4 red packets from my great aunt on mummy's side.she and my cuzzins....sigh. there goes $16. whats the best part about the new year? ~getting to stay up late ~puzzle 'construction work' ~candyyy and also...like....ALL THOSE FOODIES! !!!! waiii ^^ and the thing is...we are still having leftovers of foodies so they naturally become our snacks..or my breakfast...since i usually havent enough time for breakfast. well. think we can finish all that down by..umm...2 months or so...^^..gaahhhhhhhhhhh! might try making comic. MIGHT try...oh well. bye peeps! *hugs..and runs away to evade glomps* ----------------------------- note: i updated my fanart and also my photo album -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Monday, February 19, 2007

   growing up...????

waah.after the whole 'boyfriend' incident with Anis and then NOW viv's changing into a different person...im wondering if we would still be able to stay firends... note: i hope that if nis or viv is reading this...u might just want to reflect on yourself and especially nis...i hope that u would make up again with nadi ---------------------------------- okay. firstly. the whole 'boyfriend' thing. it begins like this. Nis fell for a guy and has been going out with him ever since. and that guy happens to be Nad's cousin. Nis didnt tell anyone of us about this. at least..not me nor Nad. Nad is feeling upset firstly because as friends she felt that Nis should have told us...and also she feels that its as if she's going out with her cousin's girlfriend...not Nis anymore. (she found out via her lil cousin aka nis's boyfriend's sister) Anis thinks that Nad is just being childish and immature,and is hating Nad for not approving of their relationship. but actually..there's another side to this... Nad,on the otherhand,was rather unhappy when i told her this. no. i didnt mean to be nosey,but i just felt that she has a right to know about what Nis is feeling about this whole thing. She replied me, saying that she didnt want Anis to be with her cousin is because nad's cousin had been a nasty person to her..and she didnt want Nis to go through the same thing. well...afterall..he is nad's cousin...so she knows more about him than nis...when people are madly in love,they arent sensitive to whats going on around them..or at least...thats what i've heard.. well. as someone who isnt really involved. i wont really know....but im gonna take nad's side and help her ask nis to calm down first. and we really want us to be FRIENDS. YAMI should remain as YAMI,not AMI. = < --------------------------------------- secondly. its about viv. well. initially...about her fangirlishness and falling for a couple of guys..oh..okay..not too many..but oh..well...it wasnt much of a big deal. FANGIRLISHNESS IS NOTHING WRONG!!!!!!! ...and like..whoa..that's NOT the whole point. after reading her post about todays happenings(eh. pop over to her site if u havent done so to grasp a better idea of my babbling)...i dunno...she feels like a totally different person to me. it feels as if i dont know her anymore. Yes..i did know about the slashings and the whole goth thingy...but whoa. i would have never imagined for her to be huddling with a guy(or whatever it may be that u did with that guy)..i thought that she would have simply tried to get away from that situation. i thought that she was more clear-headed than the other one who is head-over-heels aready.. --------------------------------------- i dont know. it suddenly feels as if everyone has changed. i have 2 other childhood friends who has already gotten boyfirends and broke up with them...and one of them whom i shall address as 'bird',has gotten another boyfriend. the whole thing is,despite knowing each other for so long...even longer than i've known Nad and Nis and Viv....they told me no nuthin about this! im feeling so left out from their lives..as a friend...all of them. well at least if i really got a boyfriend and is going out with him, i know i would certainly tell my friends...okay...i wont tell them simply everything...but at least i would tell my close friends aka Y.A.M. ...that is....if we can still stay as friends...about my Boyfriend. and certain u guys on myO ^///^; like i have been with HIM. hehe. although thats not much. i dont want any stupid guy ,or any stupid rumours,to get in-between any of my friendships with any stupid idiot,no matter how dumb they are,they're still my friends. if the stupid boyfriend or rumour really managed to break up our super-close friendship,i wont allow it to be like that. i cant bear to see people being upset with their family or friends...until the stage where it cant be salvaged. Take my mum for example. she is sooo fed up with my grandmother aka her mother. well. grandma is 90years++ of age now...and she has hearing difficulty and the stubborn behaviour just like any typical old folk. but Grandma keeps accusing people of taking her money(gawd i keep making typo errors),including my mum. well. hmm..what can i say? she's too obsessed with money. and Mummy always get fed up with her and hang up,slamming the phone down. she gets real scary when she does that,and actually without anyone noticing,i always cry secretly over this. She was never that scary..only towards grandma. i dont know. what im actually afraid of is that my family would be broken up and relationships broken. my family is happy,i've got both papa and mummy under the same roof..not quarelling and stuff. but as the sensitive person i've always been(my mum said that once,when i was watching this serial drama and there was a fire scene,i was all crying and stuff.),watching and understanding the people in serial dramas with broken families and the pain they went thru..i dunno. i kinda have a trauma for that. i mean. who would want a broken relationship,be it friends,families,colleagues....its all so horrid. luckily my prayer came through. before the new year,i prayed to the gods for my mum to reconcile with my grandma and be less unhappy with her. well. and also that that they wont quarell or bicker-for new year's day at least. Everything went smoothly yesterday i guess. im so glad nothin major happened. with her accusing people of stealing her $$$$,im so glad that i didnt visit a house of unhappyness for the new year. it was rather lively of course. Grandma didnt do anything much. Mummy says that she was too eager to go home and count her $$$ happily. lol. i hope things stays like this..for the rest of our lives. ---------------------------------- well. if experiencing all this troubles and pain are a part of growing up,i never want to. like that chinese song <>,i really dont want to. although i wont lose my prince charming by doing that(eh...i dont...no i dont!!),i feel that i would lose my friends,and is losing my friends already as time flies by. even with that goat aka ghost aka reymond. after being sorted into different classes,well,we barely talk anymore(not as if we were talking like normal friends. lol. probably talking stuff like 'baka' to each other). i dont know. after seeing his MSN personal message as 'why am i so useless? why cant i do what other people can manage to do?'...i really feel that he has changed into a gloomier person. Not like we were close anyway XD. just academically-related aka 'rivals'. no. for the billionth time,i dont feel a sigle thing for him. grrrr. its just that he feels like someone whom i can trust,like an onii-chan. (maybe cus he's older). i dont know.i like being with my baka onii-chan than onee-chan.(probably cus onee-chan's older than onii-chan,and onii-chan feels like an onee-chan! XDDDDDDDD)lol. i didnt really spend my childhood with either of them,but im closer to nii-chan due to video games. i didnt grow up playing that icky Barbie doll,but video games including King of Fighters,etc. as a kid i've watched my dad play airplane-related games and racing games(and yea im more interested in the racing games ^^) teehee. but i still like being with mummy and in my bed O o ...no wait..that has nothing to do with gender and other stuff... and watch mummy make lots of pretty clothes and stuff. probably its because mummy's a tailor,thats why im better in drawing skirts and dresses. lol. or maybe its because i fancied the way it twirls and spins around gracefully.^^ lol. or maybe its because there has been a period of time i wasnt allowed to wear them due to my badly bitten leg by the bedbug. ah. its gone now. but my leg is still scarred due to my caelessness and clumsyness,falling down and well,bumping into stuff and well...now i've got quite a 'few' bruises on my legs. ah. -_____- oops. i think i might have blabbered on tooooo much. lol. thanks for your patience in bothering to go through all these crap. sometimes even i would simply scroll down to the bottom after seeing such a long post. lol. thanks for visiting anyway...^^...Toodles and good night~ -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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Friday, February 16, 2007

You scored as Kakashi. You are a very good but very strict sensei. Prior to Naruto’s team, you've never allowed any of the teams he was to teach become genins. You use the same teaching methods the Third and Fourth Hokages used, and emphasize teamwork above all else. You feel that someone who does not understand teamwork is not worthy of becoming a ninja. You are known as 'the Copy Ninja Sharingan Kakashi' all over the world, and have memorized over 1000 jutsu! Kakashi 100% Gaara 83% Shikamaru 78% Sasuke 61% Naruto 61% Tsunade 56% Orochimaru 50% Hinata 50% Rock Lee 50% Sakura 45% Kimimaro 44% Konohamaru 39% Neji 39% Jiraiya 22% which character from NARUTO are you?? created with QuizFarm.com -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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whoa

im sooooooo sorry about being MIA. aww.. so much to do...so lil time(and me havs the problem of nt being able to controll when's nights out time).sigh well. new year's around the corner! welcome the year of PIGGIES~!!!!!!!!!lol. Kagura theme? nah. kill me if u must. gack. should i change the theme? awwwww...i dunno...but if im nt gonna be posting alot its kinda of no use. d'oh! *pout* life~~~~~~~~~~ +homework=piles and unfinished ones too +fanart submission: eh. there's quite a number on my table top. gah. left that in school. was too lazy to bring it home. it is done on 2 pieces of drawing block btws +library books: wheeeeeeeeee~ yes. and its all chinese btws. i wont wanna be reading anymore OBSCENE english books. im nt good with them,. bleah. and yes they are chi romance novels- eh no. actually. not quite. i've gt one inspirational one,one mystery one and fine. the last one,which i finished btw, was the romance one. gah. +cny shopping: well. might hav the chance to post piccies. hecks. i've got me a hairband with stars on it,2 black tops -_____-.,new 'sneakers'. heck. i wont know how u call it....and 2 skirts-one white one and one home-made blue skirt.^^. yay for Mummy~^^ note: cny=Chinese new year,and its good cuz u get to eat alot of junk foods!!!!!!!!!!!! and...get $$....-__________________________- +HIM: gah. i have been seeing alot of him this year. good thing or bad i wont know...but like hell.i dont exactly find it 'pleasant'....but like hell...im just trying to get on with life (besides,i have my mystery novel to distract me,ne?!)...oh wth. bleahx. but what can i do? like, i will have to get past his block when going to school...and his class while going to class or recess and stuff...ah~ @ x @~ okie. gotta go lunchies...byes! -disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~-

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