why do we always get blamed for stuff that we didnt do? Well. because i had 'that thing' and walked out of a bath cubicle and there was a napkin wrapper on the floor,my classmate thought that i threw it there! i mean,like,HELL! who would do that?! I WONT,AND I DIDNT!! i didnt bother to ask her about it...but like hell i tell ya,I DIDNT DO IT MEANS I DIDNT DO IT!! IF I REALLY DID I WOULD TELL YOU I DID IT! I WONT LIKE BLOODY HELL DISPOSE OF THAT SORTA THING BY LEAVING IT ON THE FLOOR? WHAT DO U THINK I AM? A STUPID HOOLIGAN OR SOMETHING? HELL NO!!! ugh!
i hate it when i get blamed by the conductor for playing wrong notes...when LIKE BLOODY HELL I DIDNT PLAY THE WRONG NOTE!!! IT WAS THE OTHER GUY WHO DID IT AND DIDNT OWN UP! THIS SUCKS! ...not only that...i get blamed for several other stupid stuff that happens when i am not at fault?! why do they like to point the stupid accusing finger at me and not others?this sucks...
well. tonight...since i came home late at around 6,and had my lunch like...11+am,i was hungry so other than the small bun i brought along with me(which is,btw,whatever i put inside my bag would end up flat) and i bought a small pack of honey cashew nuts to snack on. other than that,yes,fine,i drank quite a few mouthfuls of chocolate milk. that's all. so i accidentally fell asleep again cus i was like,so tired i was swinging like some weird person on the bus almost fallling off my seat. then i woke up at 10+,which is wayyy beyond my dinner time...and i had my stupid dinner.
the thing is..usually...at this time..its somewhat like supper and im nt a supper person. the latest dinner hour would be 9.30pm.well.before that actually. after that..its supper..i dont eat much. and like hell when mum saw that i didnt like finish my food,she was all pointy fingers and said WHY DIDNT YOU FINISH YOUR FOOD AGAIN?! THAT'S IT,I'M NOT COOKING FOR YOU TOMORROW!
this is no biggie,since she does it on a forthnighly basis...but like hey...its like wayyy overboard this time?! it's like,uber late at night and i dont take too much food! i have already tried my best la! and like,all the oil in the soup would make me full....and like yes i had only left the last part of the soup with the icky seasoning bits and im not drinking that,and she has to scold me like what?!! ugh! its not my fault that i woke up this late and the lipids are making me full? i drank soup and i ate veggies and i ..well...its not like i took a whole lot of food and gave up after ONE mouthful right? she dont have to run me down like this.
AND when i get all complainy and tell her that,she doesnt even bother?! this is soooooo unfair to me!!!!*sniffles* its not even my fault!! why does everyone has to be so mean!? i get blamed for stuff which i didnt do,when im nt at fault,people come to me when they need my help and be all nice like friends to me,and then when they dont need me they cast me aside!like a stupid unwanted puppy!! i mean....this is so unfair....i dont really say anything about it you know...i dont complain and stuff..(well,now i am,but...) i really didnt mind people who did that..and accepted them and helped them and treated them like a friend!like they are my close friends? but what do i get? thrown aside after i am used again!
well...nad,viv and all,u cant blame me for being this emo,you cant blame me for being like this,but really,i have been crossed so many times and each time i open up my heart to someone else i only get hurt more and more in return!..now i am so afraid to open these frosted doors of my heart any more...i dont dare to bear my feelings out to anyone...BECAUSE I WOULD KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO CAST ME ASIDE SOMEDAY AND LEAVE ME WITH SCARS AGAIN AND JUST LIKE IT DIDNT MATTER! thats how it has been,seriously,all my life even now....but i never told you any of these...because being with you guys im so happy and i can forget the pain and suffering i've been through...or simply....because i didnt want to remember it....
and stupid goat, well,its not like i didnt want to smile or anything,but theres so much pain and suffering and unhappyness in my life i cant find a reason to keep my smiling always.......even if it really does seem like i am hanging out with my friends,but actually, there is a great distance between me and me classmates that i cant get over....
i want to smile and be all chummy with people and be my dumb,but happy self too...but i just cant seem to let that fragile me out into the open anymore,cus i know i would just get hurt deeper and deeper...its so cold,so cold,this world is..where was all of that sunshine and happyness that they promised? where is the warmth of the sun?
i dunno....it doesnt really matter....cus i no longer feel the pain,the cold....im used to it by now....even if i am suffering deep down,nobody knows of it at all....even if they did,well,all i can say is 'its nothing really'.....
im putting on a smile,a fake smile,a fake yawn,a great big mask to cover up my tears inside...a mask of lies and deception--well. that's how it is for me. i have been so used to lying(about my feelings) im used to it and i dont even batter an eyelid when i lie about them. i dont want to depend too much on people....i dont think i can let them go if im too used to it..
the pain is nothing now...but hell...at least i have let all of these out. it kinda feels better...at least...im not the only one sharing this burden of mine.^^. it feels kinda good to let this out...after long years of keepin it inside
well..all i can say is....expect to see more of these emo-ness. ^^ . im tired now. shall go to sleep. its like,2.37am =P its rather late...well...but then again...the lipids are still making me feel full. and i woke up at 10pm+ XD lol. i can actually do with more homework...but nah..me hates to be the one switching off the lights...i bet someday i would really trip over something and fall over in the dark. hmm...which reminds me of today in band.....
aha. nah. me is gonna save you from the troubles of reading an even longer post. XDDDDD. Ja ne~ Sweet dreams and god bless thy poor souls which needs them....
-disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~- 
unhappynessxx..
