the only reason why would i be online during the MYE== emo rants
...........
well. today was higher chinese paper. well. the thing is: if we higher chinese people dont get at least an A (70marks and above) for our O level chinese at the end of this year,next year we would drop and have to study the normal express chinese.like everyone else in the class
and the problem now is: today,for my paper. i didnt have enough time to finish it. one question of 20 marks left blank
and that's like,around 20% of the whole paper
which means. at most i could obtain a 70+mark.
but then again. its totally impossible that i would be all correct for the rest of the paper.
which is like,totally impossible
so for my rough estimation. i'll probaly just get around 60+.
which either B3(65+) or B4(60+)...is not doing any good
well. i spent my time while still around school staying strong and trying to shake it off..
but in the end. i couldnt win myself. i cried.
i broke down once again,losing control over my tears.
i cried,sniffing loudly. no one was at home. as i entered the prayer hall(we have one mini one at home),all i said was 'sorry. but i really cant control myself' and tears blurred my vision
i cried. sitting dejected on my bed. crying till my asthmatic voice is heard. i cried. breathlessly. but it hurts too much within for me to care.
wouldnt it have been nice if i just went out of breath and died
wouldnt it have been nice if i was run down by a car on the road just now
'no' someone deep inside told me
'its okay. its not the end. there's still other papers. you still have the end of year exams to catch up'.
STOP!!!!!!! noo....stop conflicting my thoughts.
i no longer knew what is the real me. what is the real me thiking about. which is the real me. WHO IS THE REAL ME? WHO AM I!
sometimes i wonder. alot. about these stuff. to only find nothing but the 'golden' silence. i tried,asking god,but no replies
which reminds me. oh yea. God doesnt talk
fine! then SHOW ME! PROVE TO ME! who AM i! why am i here?! give me a sign..
....................
well. sorry if it in any way offended u peeps. i have so much i want to scream the hell out of my lungs. so much i couldnt take anymore
i dont know if love can fill the void. or will it just create and slash and hurt me even more. i dont know what to trust. who to trust.. why to trust.
my hated ones hurt me. my friends hurt me. my family hurt me. the whole world seemed to hurt me
and yet im forced to lie. about there being hope in the world. about the rainbow after the storm. about acting totally uninterested and fine emotionally stable
I"M NOT! STOP FORCING ME TO DO THESE STUFF NYMORE,KAY?!
my heart hurts so much its enough to kill me.
my tears overflow like theres no tomorrow
why must there be a tomorrow for me? living is such a pain
....i really dont know what to do now.
-----------------------------
friends are like the clouds
my tears like the rain
the sun,so warm yet it pierces
and my heart,a mountain frozen with ice
tears are like needles
piercing through my heart
no,it doesnt bleed
but its falling apart
love is like a fire
its safe to be at a distance
too near,it burns
too far,yet so cold
the world revolves each day
and memories are fading away
the tears will eventually dry up
but the scars will forever remain...
-disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~- 
