lovely i tell ya. so yes ive been saying this to many ppl today but oh what the heck! they are so damn lovely n pleasant little ANGELS that made me..cry. Shouted countless times at them. scolded countless times. was on brink of btch. was on brink of throwing down my sticks n leaving. was on brink of telling the conductor 'PLEASE LET THE OTHER PEOPLE TEACH THEM OH PLEASE'. GOOD GAWD.
they cant follow the tempo. cant play together. cant remember to hold the sticks properly. cant keep quiet when we are demonstrating. cant- UGH! pleasant are they ^^ *and yes i grit my teeth when i said this* wow. i had a headache n william had to take over me n gave me a break cus i think he can see that i was getting annoyed. peeved. frustrated. BIG TIME. dang. grrrrrrrr...................... so yea. im so skipping tomorrows practise. n i gave them the score home to practise. so if they dont. oooh...HERE COMES THA BITCH! (aka. bitchyme). i can be total EVIL SENIOR n do whatever i want. well. i might not be the SectionLeader but still im having autority here. to at the very least. BITCH at them.. aww can we punish the juniors please~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i totally cried when i was finally released from mini hell aka band practise. wtf. they all expect me to take them in hand n teach them how to play. they are obviously......CANNOT PLAY! ugh. so yea. a chinese idiom goes 'if ur student is not well taught its the teachers fault' or something like that. so in other words. if they cant play its my bloody fault. LIKE BLOOODY ******** DID THEY LISTEN?! DID THEY LISTEN!? why not try teaching them for a day ya ************************************
thats me. wanting to resume plan: sleep forever n never wake up. i used to think that well fairytales are just all happily ever after. n sleeping beauty is such a poor thing...getting cursed n all. n that it was good for her. then again. FAIRYTALE 101S REVISED: sleeping beauty slept till her prince came for her. no pain. no ageing. no tears. peace. WEll. how great. so if i can. oh darned evil fairy curse me too n i'll go prick myself n fall into eternal slumber. the only thing: it doesnt matter whether the prince comes to get me. i just wanna sleep. forget my troubles. fears. tears. pain. sorrow. stress. *****. forever in an everlasting dream. forever. PEACE.
maybe death wasnt such a bad thing. people dont have the all happily ever after going for them. i know i dont. life. never was truly happy. (except the little bits of favourite foods n chocolates n milk n my friends that made my day) ugh. so yea. i certainly wont mind. i do remember saying this: if god wanted to take my life away. GO ON. cus it aint exactly happy living on this pathetic earth. i wouldnt mind dying. i wouldnt mind being in a coma. no wait. that means hospital bills. nah. death is maybe....better...lol
i remember on goaty's chinese birthday (cus somehow or another his mum celebrates the chinese one TT) he told me he didnt have a daddy. off to heaven he went lol. so in the end. i think it got him a little sad to be talking about his daddy. but at least. well. 'maybe ur dad in in heaven with ur ancestors and baaaaaaaaa u a happy birhtday song?' lol. ^^ i dunno. comforting people? i can do that. but myself? im just deceiving me. making up lies. excuses. to make myself feel better. but i nkow. they arent for real......
that baka never does complain or cry or anything. covered up with a smile. the sadness lingers on his face. yup. typical (im not really happy) kinda look. forced smiles. sigh. then again. looking at myslef. im no much better. expressionless. but i know.......my eyes dark. gloomy. maybe a bit sad. smiles? what are smiles? tears fall n dry. but it never stopped raining in my heart. wet. gloomy. awful
maybe we are both aware of our sadness. thats why we became good friends. then again. we dont tell each other. nah. not really. we have too much complications. dun wanna let u see my tears. fears. dun wanna make u worried. dun wanna trouble u. dun wanna be teased of being a 'couple'. . . ... why is the world so damn fuzzed? why cant it be clear cut. simple. n. happy..... why must a guy n a girl being friends called COUPLE by ignorant jerks. why is the world so tainted. pure friendship. is that not possible? DAMNED HELLL
yes so i aint exactly the happy kitty. so my first few days of 15yrs aint exactly happy. so 15 is therby concluded as a bad. horrid. stressful. ******. year. i wish it passes by soon. n hope 16 is better ><.....
-disappears into the darkness with a flicker of ghastly flame~- 
