Friday, August 27, 2004

Why did you go?
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Thursday, August 26, 2004

WARNING
So heres the warning, because if you read on and get pissed at me thne its ur fault. This entry is what I truly believe and feel, and what I know to be true. Its gonna offend some, okay most of you, which personally isn't meant to do, but it has reached a point where I can't fake anymore. So you got to choice, suck it up and deal with it, or stop reading now.


I relized last night in my thougts, that I don't have a true friend. I have friends, and best friends, but not a true friend. A true friend is someone who hasn't ever let that person down. They always find time to spend with them, they listen and give advice, they worry and care for them, they love them, they dont leave them out of things. They want to see them, they aren't obligated to do so, they are there for them when they are needed, they never hurt them, purposely or unpurposly. They keeep their secrets, they lie for them, they do whats best for them, they help them.

I don't have that with anyone. I mean I have my best friends, but they even forget Im here, they dont love me like they say they do. They wouldn't die for me. I'm tired that Im always the third wheel, that I have to ask to taken somewhere, that I have to do the calling, the IMing, the talknig. I mean if I didn't everyone would forget I existed, and ignore me for the rest of my life.

My goal for this year is to find or make one true friend for me. Even if it means going to hide in my books.

Sorry.
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Sunday, August 22, 2004

Hell Yeah
I went to the beach, and it was awesome!!! I love the beach so much!!!! Yeah, i want to go again. Like we woke up at 5am, and then got there in time for my show, after that we hung out on the board walk and then I was all I wann go in the water!!! So we did, and I saw a seal up close!!!! It was so good. Then I got scraped on my knee from the shells and such. But I got some pretty shells!!! There was also loads of seaweed!!! Kinda cool, and I still have the smell in my hair.

Then today I woke up at like 11am!!! Which is a first of the whole summer!!!! I came on and talked with Kelly for like a long time!!! Yeah, then I left to go and see if someoen was at Yostys to pick up my camera, but no one was, so I went to see Yugioh the movie with my baby brother, and he was all, did you see that?! Did you!! I was all, of course!!!!! I went with you. Then I came home and saw the band pictures Kelly posted on her site!!! They are awesome!! I look really good in some of them!! In other I look lazy, she even got Angie in some!!!
Well I think thats all for now, Much love
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Friday, August 20, 2004

   Good Shit

I LOVE BAND CAMP THIS YEAR!!!

Everyone is trying to so hard, and we all have this faith and enthusiasm. Its so cool. Yeah, the froshies are awesome marchers and the upperclassmen are doing their best too!!!

Our music is kick ass too!!! Mask of Zorro!!!! Lol. Its such a good thing!!! I gave Kelly her copy today. And my flute works perfectly too!!! Im so glad about that.

I just cant believe how much I love band this year, I mean last year I was so scared of everyone. But this year, it's like, Hey I can do this, and I want to be the best I can be. I'm going to step up to the plate this year and get this right. I've been hitting my music hard, i'm gonna try to memorize the opener by the beginning of the school year. And refine my pep band music so it's perfect. And when the drill comes Im gonna do all I can to make sure I get my sets right, so I have time to help the three flute freshmen. Yeah, its Terran, Lindsay, and Angela.

Yeah, so I've lasted longer in the drill downs than I had before. I just always end up in the front. Which sucks. Im gonna try and stay toward the middle so I dont get caught, like I was watching Porshay, ans she recovers fast! I think Krisra might win this. She been in the last three for the past two drill downs. She's such an awesome leader. We are doing so good thanks to her. Much love Krista.

So I finally annoyed Jhenai so she called Uly so he could talk to me. Lol. It was funny, so yeah we talked. It was so nice. Like I caught him up in my week of doings. Lol. Then yeah, that made my day.

And I can't go to the traditional bowling this friday, because I have to do something. Yeah, well leave it at doing something.

Saturday Im going to the beach!!!! I love the beach, you know!!! Then on Sunday Im headed to Stockton to visit family, which I rather not do. So yeah.

Im having such a good week! Much love to everyone!!! Take care.

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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

   Bull Shit
Band camp started this week. Not bad, except i feel so sore! My arms, shoulders, legs, back hurts. Im in pain and such. Lol. Yeah, and like I just found out that everyone is going to the fair on friday, and I awsnt invited. I feel so fuckin shitty. You know I can't believe this. Like yesturday angela was all, if you want to come since last time you got all mad, you can come see exorcist with us. Im pissed, you know that was bull shit way to say it. Im tired of this crap. But, I just have to live with it. And now I've screwed Kelly's lfie over, since I told her Elliott showed up today. Fuck this.
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Wednesday, August 4, 2004

   For Angie
Im bored. LOl.

So yeah. Not sure what to write about.

Saturday: Well my dads friend Jannet had this party, a true heart of mexico type. Well I got to skate all day. Since it was at discovery park. Lol. And even got to wade in the river. WEll during the pinata this kid was sitting in front of me, and this 200 lbs man was in front of him. Well when the pinata broke, the guy stepped back adn the kid went forward and the guy tripped over the kid and landed on my knee which popped. But yeah, its better with the pain killers.

Sunday: I finished a bunch of quice stuff. Then I went to the store and had my mom buy stuff for the board. Then I came home and took some more meds and fell asleep. My mom did my board. Then monday came along.

Monday: Woke up from a strange dream. Then went to school Porshay wasn't there. So I waited fro Ulyses, and while I waited I forgot to turn off my phone. So anyways, while we were walknig to the picnic tables, he answered my ringing phone. It turned out to be that guy I had hooked up with in Mexico. That one boyfriend I had. Thne I ended up confessing more than I bargained for. So he was all I dont know if I can trust you. But yeah. Bad day and I had no time for anything but sleep.

Now: He kinda forgave me. Sorta, but whatever. Omg I shoulda kept the conclusion and posted it on here. So yeah.

Thigns I need to get done before Band camp:

Pictures w/ Kelly.

Movies with Uly

Quince Decorations.

School Shopping

10 goals for the 10th grade.

Okay done for the night, happy angie?

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

   HELP
Omg, I might be going crazy, please help me. Im really trying o be happy, but everythings claspsing, please help me. Please. I don't want to go back into my little hole. I hate it there, its too safe. Please, don't let me go. If I do, I won't come back, I won't...
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Silent Screams of Death
I'm sitting here, listening
I can hear them, talking
But its so far away
All the voice of this day
Talking, muttering their nonsense
Not realizing the consequence
I begin to cry those tears
Tears of sadness, tears of fear
To God I pray
ThaI'll find another way
To escape those silent screams of death.
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

2 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!
I can't believe two months have gone by, and he kissed me. Im like psyched, really psyched.

I have CSCC practice again tonight, and I finally memorized the song we are working on, which is good for me I guess. Im really proud of myself for doing that. I really really am.

I took a history test, and I think I passed it, since I knew most of the answer and I didnt understand only two questions!!! And there was like 100 questions, so yeah. I think I passed.

For our history class we are doing this project. Its called " A trip Around The World". Im doing it on the city of Dubai. Its a really pretty city. I liek ti so far. No one will really do, because its too unknown of a city. But hey, its got the best hotel in the world. It has this water park thats nothing compared to our water park. And its gonna host several concerts when we are there!!! It gonna be alot of fun.

Well I think thats enough for one entry, take care and comment, byezz.
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

I love myself.
Im tired and I want to be able to go on with life. Lol. I hate practice, Im tired. Im sick, adn Im fed up with damas giving me fuckin attitudes. They can just kiss my ass, tho. Lol. Im out.
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