Wednesday, June 9, 2004

Good Luck

I've been thinking about what i should and what I shouldnt write. And, I guess it doesnt make a difference, everyone one will notice my change with tomorrow.

I feel so there. I just dont know how I feel, but all I can tell you all for sure is that I feel different, kinda as if it werent me going through those classes. I dont know what happened but I guess it all began yesturday night during graduation. Seeing them up there, graduating, kinda made me think: Gosh, Dayana, get your act together!! Else you might just not pass high school! I just have that going in through my mind. Then this morning Ulyses walked right by me, without saying even Hello to me! It just made me feel so awful. Elia even said that that was messed up.

So then during band, I turned in my key, and I turned in my music and Nena's fltue, which I didnt even use at all. I kept my oboe over the summer. I signed Krista yearbook. Which was nice, it was one of the few who I wanted to sign. Then I signed Lance's which wasnt somthing I expected. It was kinda cute the way he asked me to sign it, he came up and tickled me adn said"You and Nai sign this." Lol. Elia didnt leave my side all period saying I needed to cheer up. Then 10am came and I went into the consulors.

Well she made me feel a bit better. I told her I was gonna retake my algebra end of course exam to get a higher grade in my math class. She asked me if I enjoyed playing, performing. I told her of course, that's why Ive always been involved in music things. All because (and yes, I know this is gonna sounds conceited, but its true!) I love having the spot light on me! I love the attention. But only that attention, music based attention. She said what color would I put to that feelnig I got when I performed..I said a bright morning sun yellow. She told me to imagine that color all over me while taking that test. I did, and I think I did really good. I felt so confident!!! That was one of the few things that made me smile.

After school, I caught Ulyses before he left. We talked a little and he said he wanted to talk to me. He also aksed me if I was okay, he said I looked a little pale. Yeah, but that was that.

Next year will be a better year. I will make it a better year. Im gonna work harder and not give up so easily to depressions. Ill change some things, well most things. I know that Im gonna fade some friendships, make others just friends, not close friends, and make some friends closer friends. yeah, but Im gonna make some nessacary chages for me to be able to makle next year loads better. I know that'll I end up hanging out with Ulyses, E-lis, Martin, Sue, Angela, Diamond, and Porshay also wants to get away from some people. My attitude will also be changing. Im gonna try to stay away from the band room this year, that way I dont listen to certain types of conversations. My grades are gonna come up majorly.

I regret so many things about this year. But the one I regret the most, isnt dating Corey, but dating Isiah.I just wish I hadnt. I had a good point in when I told Kelly that they always took his side on arguments. I shoulda known they would take his side on this too. Well you know, at least now I know who I can and cant trust. I know not to depend on Jhenai, Tim, or any of them. I just cant believe that she would set me up like that, Jhenai my own best friend. Its just bullshit. But now I know better. I know now that she sells her best friends. But that is the one thing I regret the most abotu this year.
GOOD LUCK JOHN STILL CLASS OF '04!!!! i LOVE YOU AND WISH YOU MY BESTEST.
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