Thursday, April 29, 2004

Where's the damned noose already?
I'm seriously freaking out right now.

I'm.. so fucked over it's not even funny.

It's ten at night, and I have until morning to clean, pack, and generally fix my house. MAYBE I'll have someone who'll help Luke and I move on Friday morning.

Maybe not.

.. fuck. Fuck fuck fuck..

~Chris
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004

When the ground is gone.
My fingers touch your arm

I am here

Not alone

The dust scrapes low and cold

You feel the chill

Against your bones

And everything I say to you
Drags through like empty thoughts
The chorus of the angels
Like a broken pointless gift

Ryhthm lacks the movement
Of my soul that tears your flesh

You'd leave me here behind
In the dust of nothing

Once when I loved, I felt all emotions blue

And now when I'm alone, I need to hurt myself

To see if pain is still real.

When nothing is left but emptiness

And the ground lets go beneith my feet

I'll say goodbye to this world

And escape age.

The distance beneith will be cold, but I'll fall all the same.

And when you shake your head at the grave

You'll see it too

And we'll die together within this ocean

Of nothing but broken souls.

Gomen.

------

That was entirely random, and it's very old. I still think I might kill myself when I'm around 40 or 50 so I don't need to be old someday.

Unless I ever wind up with a family.

One thing I can't decide it the future, nein?

Anyway. I'm going downtown now. I'm not depressed, so please don't look for the meaning in this. It's from when I was something like 16.

Bai bai.

//.r.a.y.n.e.//
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Я учу добро русского.
('I am learning Russian well.')

Кажется, что двигает мой quest для того чтобы выучить мой родной язык вперед наилучшим образом. Скоро я буду fluent на английском языке, французское, русское, и отчасти японское. Я думаю я могло как раз вывешивать для того чтобы показать ^_~ возможно не. Также, я двину скоро, поэтому я могу быть пойден после немного дней from now. Как раз извещение. ~

Кристина/Дождь


(My quest to learn my native tongue appears to be moving along well. Soon I will be fluent in English, French, Russian, and partly Japanese.

I think I might just be posting to show off. ^_~ Maybe not.

By the way, I'm moving soon, so I may be offline after a few days from now.

Just a notice.

~Christine/Rayne)
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Sunday, April 25, 2004

'Il fait chaud..'
It's too hot. It really is.

I know nobody else thinks so, and to be honest, the temperature itself isn't what bothers me.. but it's so bright out that it makes me wanna scream. Even at work it's been coming in that stupid ceiling light.

Anyway. Thats irrelevant.

I had a really weird expierience at the bus stop today. I sat down, and like, ten seconds later, this other guy sits like *right* beside me, not even a fair distance.

So I, being the wonderfully social goth girl that I am, move far away.

He didn't really seem to notice. He asked me a bunch of questions, and I decided that even though he had the appearance of some weird rapper-white-poser blue guy I'd just let it go and be nice.

It was pretty innocent, but it was creepy too. He asked where I lived, my name, how old I was, when the bus was coming (I guess thats okay), if I lived with my mom.. and then as soon as he found out I lived with Luke, he stood up, as if he had some weird purpose, and said:

"Well. The bus should be here soon."

And stood outside of the booth.

Far away.

And just now I realised that he was probably hitting on me.

And I just noticed.

I'm really really dense, aren't I?

//.r.a.y.n.e.//
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Friday, April 23, 2004

Werks
Well, I need to work tonight again..

I'll be quite happy with my morning shifts back. ~sigh~

I think I may start that comic soon like I've been promising.

Well. I'm gone until 9:30. Bai bai.
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Thursday, April 22, 2004

'Oui, ca va. Tout la monde faire une dance!'
I'm hungry, but not hungry enough to get off my ass and actually find some food.

Wah, hunh?

I'm eating Munchie Mix. Thats not dinner. I should make a salad or something.

Whatever.

Today I went to the high school to see Chels. That was nice. She drew me this kick ass drawing in less than ten minutes. Envy envy.

Apparantly a friend of ours who can't sing is trying out for Canadian Idol. My cousin is a co-producer for that show, so I've been kind about it up until now. I don't watch television, but I saw an episode of it recently.

People should go outside more. TV rots your brain.

.. seriously.

I had this huge conversation with Luke today, which I won't detail for privacy's sake. It was cool, though. I got upset once and cried, but it was good to talk to him and get everything that was bugging me out.

I think everyone's gone offline already.

This is odd. It's only 7:30?

//.r.a.y.n.e.//
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'Ti sevodnay shto dalish?'
(The russian above says 'what are you doing today?'

Crazy Rayne fact: I am half Russian. Another fact? Nobody really cares, and thats pretty much all I know how to say in it! AHAHAHA!)

Okay! Avoiding sleep has once again PAID OFF!


WOOOO!

Well, maybe not really. It's not that good a picture, but I did create something, which I'm a bit more cheerful about than anything more. I haven't drawn for a little over a week now, and it was killing me.

Anyway, it's just some weird oekaki of Valentine, which I doubt really would interest anyone, but if it does, the link is right here.

(I'm actually really proud of it, but I'm trying not to get all stupid over a picture.. ^^; So if you comment I'll love you forever.)

Okay. I'm wide awake.

Hey, if I stay up for three more hours, Xavier's gonna post before school.

No, that would be stupid. I should sleep, or I can't go out tomorrow.

Damn.

I came home after work today, and totally crashed. Luke was sleeping for midnights, and I was *supposed* to wake him up. Instead I fell asleep. Good show, neh? I was impressed too.

Anyway, as a result from this, I'm really really not tired.

Maybe I can just not sleep at all. I don't work tomorrow or anything..

I'm sorry for anyone who read all this nonsense and thought anything worthwhile was here. ^~^

//.r.a.y.n.e.//
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Must... create..
I am SO angry at my tablet. Sure, I realise it's just my inability to draw right now, but god..

If I can't draw this picture of Valentine before I go to bed, I will NOT go to bed. It's been resolved.

I need to draw this. Why won't my damned hands co-operate?! GAH!
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

'Wareware rokyu apato'
Japanese lesson of the day, Kids. That means 'Our Run Down apartment.'

Ah.

I feel enlightened. Thank you, dictionary. I think I've learned a fair amount of Japanese already since I got this thing three years ago, and I haven't even had one lesson.

Sugoi!

Anyway..

The day went well. Luke doesn't work midnights on Monday night, so he went to get me after work yesterday, and we were able to walk home together.

I really wish I could be privilaged enough to see my fiance every night before I go to sleep. I hate to see him off to work and then go to bed myself. I know he's working hard while I'm resting.. but last night was different.

We went out, though we didn't do much. Tim Hortons until three am. I don't usually get online on Sundays or Mondays, but thats only because he's with me, which is cooler anyway.

^_^

Anyway, we went to Home Depot and Costco with his mother and stepdad. It was great. My own mom's coming to visit really soon too, from Ontario. I can't wait for her to see the life Luke and I have in BC. I'm worried she won't accept me. I haven't seen her in a little over a year.

I really miss her. And we were close before.. so maybe I'm just ovvereacting. I don't know my parents well.

Like my Dad. I haven't even spoken to him in over two years, and he sent me a birthday present in March when I turned 20. Sure it was from EBay, and sure he included the reciept with the exact price on it.. but he sent me an easle and oil paints. He spent over 400 bucks on a good easle and paint.

This is my Dad. My Dad doesn't want anything to do with me unless I'm a Lawyer or such. For a 'complete failure' he certainly gave me a nice gift.

I don't know whether I should call him or what. It's been a couple months.. I'm really confused.

I hate my family. The only people in it that I can even tolerate are my Mother and my Grandmother on my Father's side. I love them both like nuts. But I friggen hate my Dad and my Brother. I seriously can't stand them.

.. ah.

Anyway. I'm off topic again.

I found cool boots online here.

I wanna buy them, but they're 200 bucks US. But they don't have animal products in them, and I know I'm being a bit of a hypocrite for wearing leather ones now.. so maybe.. by the end of the year.

God, those things are sexy. Rowr.

Soon this vegetarian will be totally meat free. I don't think it'll be Vegan, but I won't be wearing cow no more. ~pumps hand in the air~ Woot.

Ah, yes. Off topic again.

The cherry trees are losing all their leaves. The streets are totally covered with them. It's beautiful. I've never seen a summer like this, since I've only lived in Ontario for most of the time I was growing up. (moved over 20 times, but it was all in Ontario.) It's totally cool, I can't explain it. The cars kick it up like paper, and it flys down the street like a fog whenever one goes past. Luke says they're only around for a while. I loved walking out with him today.

I saw a Bald Eagle today! It was crazy! I was so impressed!

Also, I made spaghetti, and although Sam (From an rpg I'm in) burnt his, I didn't burn mine.

^_^ It's been SUCH a great day.

Even with that weirdness from my dad..

It's still buggin me.. should I call him or what?

Music: Everclear- Amphetamine
Thoughts: I WANT MY BOOTS! GAHHHH!
Happiness: Terri's giving me a drafting table for my comics. ^_^ woot. I need a studio for all my art things. 0.0
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Sunday, April 18, 2004

   'The Prince of Persia is on glue, but we love him anyway.'
I haven't actually played that game for, like, a month and a half, but I figured I'd state that anyway.

Poor poor Prince of Persia.

Anyway. It seems Yahoo is hiccuping all the posts that were sent through it in the last four days of which is was inactive or something. I woke up this morning to a shitload of e-mails in my inbox, but the only one who posted between the time I went to bed, and woke up for work, was Xavier. And thats like, what, four, five messages?

Yahoo's very guay.

Moving right along..

Yesterday was sweet. I didn't play D&D, but I did play BESM with David, Chelsea, Adam, and Michelle. It was great. I don't see Chels enough (she's my best friend), since she's only in grade eleven yet, and I'm a fair bit older than her. So.. when I work, she's in school. And when I'm home, with Luke, she's doing chores and homework. She takes school really seriously, and I can admire that. I mean, before I ditched college, I felt the same way.

I don't regret that descision. I really don't. I don't feel like I was getting anything out of school at all, and when I wanted to do my own thing and be an artist, all I got was fuckin deadlines and crap. It just doesn't suit me. I just didn't fit there.

Oh yeah. There was a subject at hand. ~backtracks~ There it is.

Yeah, anyway, so afterwards we went downtown, to play DDR. None of us had a great deal of money, except David (I don't know where his money comes from, and I think it's rude to ask.), and I couldn't stay long anyway since I promised Luke I'd be back by 7. The bus driver was a total ass about my bike, and gave me some retard winded lecture about how there were specified loading places. I wanted to say some colourful things back, but Chelsea elbowed me when I opened my mouth to do it. These guys are paid like, what, fourteen bucks a fuckin hour to drive a bus? Can't they just lemme get my bike?

So I was nice about it, and I got my bike where they said, and I got off the bus. I had an athsma attack on that damned thing and the chain kept falling off anyway.. this just sorta convinced me not to ride it again for a while.

DDR was nice, though. I managed to survive a Trick round not to badly.

^_^ yayy.

I've decided to get an electric scooter. When I can.. yeah. I think that'd make more sense than a car for me, since I live in the city. I don't really need a big car that costs too much money, and I can't afford one either.

Of course, I also need to get my licence first. ^^; I have no idea how to drive..

Oh yeah, I work today, don't I?

I guess I should find my diskman now instead of spazzing last minute like I usually do. ^^;

Ja ne.

//.r.a.y.n.e.//
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