Saturday, April 17, 2004

'Your soul is like a chasm that pierces my heart'
Is that romantic, or threatening? ~points at title~

I don't know. I want to use it for something. .. anyway..

I feel more wakeful than I probably should; the urge to paint is horribly livid on my mind, but if I force myself to stay up all night to do this stuff again, I'll die at BESM tomorrow. Sleeping is good for you, I hear.

Maybe I should try it.

I worked a long shift today, eight and a half hours. My job consists of working at Orange Julius in Tillicum Mall for 8 bucks an hour. (Some of you may think eight bucks an hour is reasonable. But thats minimum wage in BC, and it hardly pays bills. -_-;)

I don't mind my job.. it's alright. I work hard. I want to build a house with my fiance in a few years, and we want to get married next summer, but can't really declare it until we know whether or not we'll have enough to do it. So I've been stashing away all I get thats extra (sometimes it's not much, but I've given him as much as I can. I think it's beem like, 900 dollars now, over the course of five months. Birthday money, christmas stuff, and all I can.)

^_^

Anyway, today I got written up for not remembering to put out damned straws on my last closing shift. I also forgot to go down to the storage room to get more bananas. And although I did a bunch of backups in the morning, it wasn't enough.

Ee.. I'm not so good at that, I guess. And I cried at work. Which is horribly humiliating.

After Diane (boss) went home, the shift was alright. Steven came in, and I was generally irritated, so I just slacked off and only did what was necessary. She made me feel really stupid, I guess, and thats really not something I find to be appropriate.

Rob paid me back today. Woot. Now I can buy.. a loaf of bread! Woo!

Laugh if you must. I miss toast. ;_;

Heh. I sound bitchy, but my mood is great. I love BESM, and even though D&D is cancelled tomorrow, it should be fun to meet up with everyone again. I don't think Amber's coming back online.

Well, it's one thirty am. I really shouldn't expect that anyway.

..God.. I have SO many ideas for plotlines and stories.. I just.. gotta get them out. But not now. No. Now I sleep.

Yeah. Bed. Why not. People do that a lot.

People seem to like it.

I guess I'll try it.

Man, this'll be the first night in a month I've slept for more than five hours in a night. 0.0

(Thanks for the comment on my story, Xavier. ^_^ I don't share many of the ones I write myself...)

Music: And One: Get you Closer
Mood: Too wakeful to be human
Thought: Toast. Only toast.

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Friday, April 16, 2004

'Patience'
It occurs to me that I'm probably a very morbid person.

To others anyway. To me, this really means something. I won't add the element of death to anything unless I can respect it. I wrote this at 3am, with nobody around to bother me for it.

There's a lot of symbolism here, but I doubt anyone will find it.

Well.. enjoy.



Towards the light, she travelled. The night gave no association to past

deeds. It was dark, silent, and forgiving; not like the daylight, which

held nothing but curses, nothing but omens that she could never regard as

her own..

Omens which were hers, but never to be truth.

Omens. Omens and lies.

She travelled on, the murky green footsteps of puddles along the muddied

sidepath of the highway gauging her time, her ability to run, before they'd

find her with the daylight, and try her for her crimes.

Crimson shades marked the lining of her jacket, her hands, pale and cold.

The telltale markings that shocked her body, the blood stains that were not

of the fluids of her own body.

She was in shock now, most likely. Her footsteps were jagged, unresolute;

and the only thing that stopped her from straying into the line of traffic,

to end this escapade, was the fact that night often took away these things

as well. There were no cars.

She had no escape.

A deep sigh, shaky, threatening tears, rose in her chest, but she would not

allow an escape. The knife from the grueling activities she'd performed was

stray in her pocket. The blade had cut through the bottom of her long

overcoat, cut through to her leg, and had been rubbing against now raw

flesh for the past hour. She felt the white pain in her, but didn't have

the energy or patience to reposition or move it. Her mind had left her.

He was dead now.

It was an easy game, really. They'd both been drunk on white wine. The

wedding had not happened yet.

There would be no wedding now.

She'd lost control; the words he'd uttered were foreign to her now. His vow

of celebicy before marriage had been wrought upon by a whore, a

philantropist. Herself. Her, Jane. Just Jane.

Her eyes had fallen. She did not remember the action performed, but the

feeling of her wrist flicking forward, staking him. Again. Again. And

again.

Until he stopped moving, and calling for her. For her to save him.

Strange.. that he would call so lovingly to the person who was ending his

life.

The woman stopped along the highway, and stared back over her shoulder, to

the soaked highway, the fields of corn and metal fences, the light of the

morning soaking through the sky. She did not regret her decision to kill

him, she realised..

But.. did she truly want to die? Or be jailed? Which was worse?

Her mind wandered with these questions for a long while as she moved

through the cold of the morning, eyes trained on the ground.

Her question was answered by the loud blaring of a semi truck's horn.

And her body was smashed like nothing across the Alabama state line.
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Thursday, April 15, 2004

GAHHH!

Yahoo groups make me want to die and revive myself and die again, only to be FURTHER revived, so that I may take my sweet sweet vegnance on those who once killed onelist!!!


AHHHHH!

.. fuck. I miss onelist. And.. hell, even e-groups was better than this.

.. I'll shutup now.
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

   Not much to say, really.

I only signed up for this today; I suspect that means I'm bored.

Or maybe I'm strange.

Either is probably a very valid excuse.

ANYWAY..

Not a lot has been happening here, lately. I've still been having problems with my brother, but he's started to pay Luke and I back for the damage he did when he threw his fist through our wall, so I suppose things are looking up there... and we got our apartment. So it looks pretty good.

Oh..

I've started playing Max Payne 2. I'm actually enjoying it a lot..
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