Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Randomness
Life has been completely strange for me lately. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does throw me off.

Have you ever had friends that have dated forever? You know, the sorta plutonic couple you expect to be together forever?

It's a strange feeling when those couples break up. I've been questioning the paths and ideals I've taken on lately, and it's confusing me. I feel like my life is stable. I feel that nothing I do or think right now is too irresponsible, that everything will be fine, and I'll be safe with Luke, with our life plans.

But marriage fails too. I know that firsthand. And Luke and I will be married in a few years. It frightens me. My family (my close family) has fallen to pieces over the last few months in ways I cannot even begin to describe:

My brother and I have refused contact with each other. I find myself verbally abusing him more often than I can imagine. I never really did that before; he hit me before. Once he threw me down a flight of stairs. Up until now, I've let such things pass. But time has made me bitter on these facts, and now I've begun to hate him.

My mother has vanished. I have recieved no contact from her whatsoever in the last month. I don't know where she lives, or what she's doing. I'm concerned that she doesn't really want to get ahold of me. She gets spurts of the like.

My father has voiced an urge to visit me in March. This is not something I relish as a grand 21st birthday present. I really don't like my father.

Now, if my close family can shatter around me this easily... who's to say that the rest can't fall? There have been so many times people have just left me alone. I have a hard time trusting anyone, and when I do, I can't sever myself from them, no matter the cost.

... I'll leave that for now. I don't mean to update only when my mind turns to angsty-preteen mode, but it builds up after a while.

I bought the first .hack game for my PS2. It seems my system has finally died. Or something. I suspect it needs a new disk reader, but I'm afraid to bring it into the Sony store. The last time I brought something there they treated me like an idiot and tried to sell me something I full well knew I didn't need.

Now, in this case, I am an idiot. I have no idea what the system needs. But damnit, I wanna play that game!

Also, I pirated No One Lives Forever 2. God damn. I feel bad for not buying it. It's fantastic. The AI is incredible.

Thats all for now, I guess. If anyone's read my newest comic, I used markers in this one.. does it look alright? I'm not the best judge of my own work.

That would be it for now. :)

-Rayne
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