Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Still here.
I've decided a few things over the last few days, and realised a few more. A lot of people stated I would grow up a lot when I came to Taiwan to work this job. At the time of this statement, I was really quite aggravated. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not a child, I have not been anything less than an adult since I was sixteen years old when I left Ontario to come to British Columbia. Through trial and error, through mistakes and goals met, I grew up a long time ago.

But this is not the same as what I thought it was.

I am slightly naive to the way that I see people. I'm foolish in the way that I assume there is ever a set good or bad side to anything. Everything has a right and a wrong. Every person thinks in a slightly different way. Every culture is different. Respect is earned, not given. Growing up has many steps that I'm certain I'll pass through in a broader sense as I age.

I also have learned some things that are a bit bothersome. Not everyone cares about people they should. Not everyone understands things the same way. Not everyone is heartfelt and emotional. And many people are very selfish and bitter.

But I stand by the same thought I have had for years. You should try to understand and respect everyone, regardless of what they want, who they are, where they are from, etc, unless it becomes dangerous or makes you feel profoundly uncomfortable.

Taiwan is a nice place, but I feel quite alone. I have, since I came here, spoken to two native English speakers, and I have noticed a great change in my speaking patterns, the way I carry myself. I have difficulty feeling optimistic about much of anything. I speak whenever I can to friends from home. Michelle has been offline since she came home from Japan, so I have heard nothing from her in two months. I phoned Taber, twice now, but he is rarely available either.

Walking down the street, people stare at me, sometimes ask me questions in Taiwanese that I'm still unable to answer, and.. I now respect the foreigners who come to Canada a lot more. Nothing is more frusterating than someone speaking to you in another language, you answering incorrectly, and having everyone laugh at you for reasons you don't understand.

I have drawn many things since I got here. Nothing I'm terribly proud of, although I am getting better at cging images. I wish I knew more about realism. I think I could pull off better things if I understood those proportions better.

My classes are easier, as I've now realised that my boss with most definately never be happy with what I give her. I can follow her instructions to a T and she still finds some reason to complain to me. I managed to escape the 'free babysitting' fiasco, but it was a long and artuous argument to get there.

I'm desperate for someone to interact with personally. People need companionship. I just want a friend to be around who I can talk to, in my own language, about things that I don't find insanely boring. (Or that they don't find insanely boring..)
I really miss playing Dungeons and Dragons. I'm a nerd, and I demand my nerd socialities, goddamnit.

Woo.

I'm really looking forward to October, which is when my friend Adrienne is actually coming to Taiwan to visit. Few things excite me the way the concept of seeing someone makes me feel. And in January, both Luke and Terri are meeting with me in Thailand for a nice Vacation of 9-10 days.

Today I was given the great pleasure of teaching my class all about American customs and symbols. Not only did I find it completely frusterating (Like I know what the 'Liberty Bell' is), I think it's totally useless to them. When will they go to America? Probably never. It would be more useful for them to learn about China- it's closer, and most of Taiwan's business is conducted there. Sheeze. And when we went to count the Stars on the Flag that the school had hung up, it didn't have fifty stars (like the book says it's supposed to), it only had fourty one. I don't know why.

I was then brought to dinner by my boss, where we met with her husband's very stupid and drunk friends. I wouldn't call them stupid if they weren't so adamant on pushing me to drink every time I was with them.

'I can't drink' I say 'It makes me sick.'

They ask again, again, again, and eventually fill the glass anyway, until they get really pissy and whine like five year olds when I don't drink it.

Well, no duh. And I know the culture, I eat whatever they give me, even if I don't want it, but booze is something else entirely. You can make another foreigner look like a blasted idiot and laugh at them. Not me.

Eventually we go home. Where they try to make me drink again.

Until I get pissed off and go upstairs to my room early. I can handle different cultures, but no means freakin no. Goddamnit.

Okay. I'll end this here. Forgive the length of this.

Have a good one, everyone. I'm thinking of you.

- Chris


Current Music: The Verve Pipe- The World I Know

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