Wednesday, December 8, 2004

   Hey guys!!!
Me is at school! So, um yeah! Hugs for Sinny and everyone else! I got to talk to Sam last night and couple of her friends! They were awesome! I think they thought I was quite strange..^^ I was just sitting here with Freddy and we were trying to look for mein Kampf ( Hitlers bio!) And it's still out! So, he checked out Journals instead! KURT!!!! I do not think Kyo is an asshole and never shall I do so!! ^^ I love master Kyo to death! Sorry if that hurts you Vicious2. Yes, I am gothic! And i am so bisexual that it might scare you! It scares Chara 0_o but she still loves me! Sinny don't ever let anyone talke advantage of you! I used to be like that! ( I still am in ways but ^^'') I have a site for all of you check out if you can and as soon as I can I'll give you the place to find their music! It's www.headlesshudson.tk It's Freddys band. He gave me some place I where I can get music form em, but well me don't remeber! Freddy is the drummer by the way...
I hope evryone's day is going good, ne? We got to listen to Weezer and Jet during art class and mr.Shinn even took a look at my anime art! ^^ Also I colored a goth/anarchy yoda, but gave it to Freddy for Christmas! I hope to talk to you guys soon. Remeber if you ever wanna talk to me outside the Otaku, please feel free to do so! I dunno why I'm in such a good mood!!!!!! But I hope it lasts! Hugs to all of you!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and Loveing it~
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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

I STOLED THIS QUIZZ FORM DIZZY ALONG WITH HER DOTS!! *FONDLES DOTS!!!*

You are a sexy Neko! You dress in very revealing
outfits (or no outfit at all...) and tend to be
a very naughty kitten. You're most likely
seducing out bishounen hero while working for
the evil guy...GO YOU!!! >=D


What Kind of Anime Neko Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yay me ish sexxy! Post below this!
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   Man I do not feel good.
i missed school once more and again *sigh*. I have to stop this. I don't feel good today. i was up until 1:21 last night. I was out until 11:00 as well,because I went out to the bowling alley. It was all right. Not a pot of fun. Believe me. I drew and I think finished my newest picture of Grave (my character). It has thanatos in the BG. I also have a tummy ache. blep. It's those burritos from taco bell. They'll kill ya man. I knew I ahouldn't have gotten one,but well it was irrisitable.I have learned one thing by absorbing the culture of the bowling alley. There are and will never be any gothic people there. I was the only gothic person there. Everyone kept stareing at me and I swear some hick girl even sneered at me. oh, well she was a ugly ass bitch anyways. And when she went to the bathroom she left ass-prints on the seat. She was nasty looking for you could have made feild goal through her teeth and they were sticking out like a horses. I'm glad you like the BG, Sinny! A symbol of new friendship! And it also goes out to Sam. The wnd outside is blowing really hard. I think we are gonna have a hurricane! I want snow though. I'm so glad we are out of school soon ^^. Makes me happy. Well, I was gonna change my avi,but the one I want won't save right to my computer. It sucks! I think Sinny had it once though...I think. Chris now doesn't like Kyo. He was sad,because Kyo made fun of him. I told him Kyo was just jokeing,but he doesn't understand. I still loveid kyo though and i can still talk to him. Or atleast Chris won't get mad at me for it. >< Sometimes I thinking about things and I don't think I wanna relationship,but then I know I'd be lonely. I know I'd also miss him in ways. Ack. Love is complicated... But it makes the world go round. I can't stand over emotional guys. I liike guys who can cry,but well it gets scary when they cry all the time... But well I love all of you and hugs!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and Loveing it~

a little something for me to stare at and squee about! Thats what boyfriend materil is! Alucard!
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Monday, December 6, 2004

>
Somehow I turned the ringer off the phone!!! How in the hell did I do that? But well I'm off from school today. How are you guys? I'm all right. Confused, but all right. I'm worried about a lot things and missing a lot of people at this time of year...I hate Christmas ><. I changed my bg. It's for someone special in a way. I think that person knows whothey are ~^ If not then it begins with an S. I made up with Sindalla and now we are friends again. just incase you guys wanna know. I also got part Jangalian story!! I have yet to begin to read it,but I think it will be good! I also joined a yuri/shoujo-ai RPG with Sam. I'm her lover *grinz* Chris wasn't too happy about that it seemed. Well, he can GET OVER IT!!! I LOVES MY SAM! I hope she is all right She went home from Mari's last night has a lot of stress on her right now. But well, i'm going to try to change my avi too! yes, it will be bai-bai Rosie; ;_;, But I've got even better one!! Well, I loves all my brothers and sisters! Love all of you!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and Loveing it~
Me and Sam!!!!! I loveid you Sam! ^^
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Sunday, December 5, 2004

   OH MY GOD HINARU COMMENTED!!!!
*jumps around for joy!* Yay! I missed him so much! *tackles Hinaru!* But anyways how is everyone? It's 12:10 over here and I just got done takeing Chris home an hour ago. I got some dinner on the way home. but well I also put up my inu-Yasha fanfiction on fanfiction.net! And also a twisted yuri love fiction on fictionpress. But then again I think all my storeis are twisted love stories. Are my stories getting repetive? I need to think in a new direction...I miss Sam. I had a weird dream about her the other night...not a dream you guys wanna hear about. believe me. ~^ She's one of my best friends and I'd really love to talk to her. I hope she is not angey at me or anything...maybe she updated today...I didn't get to go look at the lights...jenny wanted to pick her friend up so she could spend the night. yay. Every thing thats anime she sees it's like ' Is that those people from inu-Yasha?" it's aggitateing, but well understandable! *being nice* Infact I was looking on redvoid.com ( GTK's website)to see if she put up any new art and everything was like is that Inu? GTK's ART IS WAAAAAY BETTER THAN TO BE INU-YASHA!!! But anyways I love all of you lots! And I hope you all of a good sleep! Nighty-nite! sweet Dreams and I'll post again tomorrow!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and Loveing it~
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Saturday, December 4, 2004

   Silent Jealousy!!!!
In memory of hide-sama for his birthday was yesterday! I cried when I found out, for some odd reason. Yesterday was also another famous rock icons birthday, Ozzy. Not nearly as important as hide-sama, but none the less a cool person!! Well, how are you guys doing? I'm fine! I have Chris sitting right here with me and well we get to go look at the Christmas lights tonight! yay! I like to go look at em. Just wish iyt were me and him, so it would be more romantic. My little cousins are here to makeing it almost impossible for peace to be heard within the car. It sucks. They are both little brats, but well i still love em! I love all of you and hope you all have a good day! ^^
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and loveing it~
ps. I'm worried about Sam ( Razors and Needles) Has anyone heard from her? I waited up online last night and she wasn't on...

STORY TIME!!!!

He's Not Here.

By: I-Wish-I-Were-Dead

" The sun is setting in the dusk. Can't you see it too? "

" Yeah, I can see it. "

" I'm glad. Your so cold again tonight, but the cherryblossoms are blowing in the wind. They are signaling the changes in the season. You always loved them so much. "

" I know. Because they always reminded me of you. And when i'm reminded of you, I can always think happy thoughts no matter what I'm doing. "

" I'm always thinking of you. I know you don't have much longer left so I only want to give you the best experince possible. "

You wrap your arms around me and smile at me. The sadest smile. It was only with you I spent the happiest of days. It was only with you that I saw the how you can hide in a false sense of time, hopeing that our days together would last and last. But I knew. You knew. That it was not meant to be. Wait a minute..your smile is so happy, wipeing out the stars that now occupy the skies.

" What are you talking about? I don't have any illness! "

He laughs, a laugh that I missed hearing.

" Don't joke! I only wish that were true! "

" But it is true! You know that you live with me now! We've been married for a month now! "

I couldn't believe it! Was this the reality of things? Now I begin to listen him describeing our wedding and how happy my parents were for me. My family was off drugs, my little brother had a good girlfriend and everything was good with them.

" So, you remeber now? "

' Yeah...I do. I'm sorry for jokeing with you. "

" Eh, maybe you just don't remeber, because of your simple mind!! "

He laughed hitting me on the top of the head. Maybe this is the reality and the sickness was all a dream and his death was all a dream and everything was all a dream. All of a sudden it got all serious. He stared down at me, looking deep in to my eyes. Pools of golden yellow was what I saw looking up. Contacts covering his ice blue eyes. I always harped on him to get clear contacts. It didn't matter now. All that matter was that he was here and not sick and lying in the cold hard ground, beneath a slab of rock.

" You know maybe this will help you remeber..."

He bent down and swept my lips up in a torrent of a kiss. It was like a maddening storm. But it was the sweetest thing. After dreaming about his suffering, I was so overwhelmed by this. I loved him. He was here. Maybe this was the reality after all. I love life. I hope it never ends.


" She might not make it. We'll have to see what time gives. What it brings. Until then just keep the faith. "

" Thanks for everything doctor. Can I see her now? "

" If you like. I'm sure you need the time alone with her. "

" Thank you. "

" One last thing. Why did she jump in front of that car? "

" If you really wanna know then I'll tell you. She tried to comitt suicide. Her boyfriend died a couple of days back from heart failure. "

" You mean Raresu Motosuwa? My wife was his psycholoist. I didn't know he was dateing anyone. "

" Yeah, not a lot of people knew because he was about 4 years older than her. "

" I see. My wife said he was a nice man. Enjoy your time with her. "

" Thank you."

The doctor walked off in to the hallway and I stepped in to the door. There she lay in a perfect sleep. She looked so peaceful that I almost didn't want her to awaken and face what she used to in life. Now that she lost him, I guess she thought she lost everything in life. But she was wrong. I was still here.

" Hey. What are you dreaming about, huh? A world with him still in it. "

I stroked back the strands of curls resting on her cheek. I did something I dare not do when anyone else was around. I kissed her softly on the lips and rest my head on her chest.

" I loved you too, Riris. "

~End

So, how did you like it? Shit huh? Well at least leave me a review! I don't care if it's a flame ethier. I was planning on makeing this into a story, but well I think I like it better this way, unless anyone has any objection?

~ Lots, of hugs to all of you who read! ~ I-Wish-I-Were-Dead ~
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Friday, December 3, 2004

I 'm a bnegative, I'm a negative creep and I'm stoned.
Ah, the joys of Nirvana! I'd kill to have the box set!!! But anyways I'm home again today! And I hope Master Kyo is on later so we can talk!! ^^ But well I have a gimp leg. We went to the mall and Kmart yesterday and well basicallt I pulled the muscle1 ;_; I hope it's better by tomorrow! >< Or else some of the 'fun' I have I won't be able to do! Well anyways I hope all is well in your lands! I'm trying to delete a stupid progam off my computer and well, I think I did it! ^^ It better work, because it likes to kivck me off the net! I'm also getting a stroy to read from jangalian hopefully! The girl I'm fighting with ( Chiyono ), well she's being really polite...but i didn't know big bro Vicious 2 was christian!!? First christian goth I've ever met... I feel bad for dissing god now. I hate Christmas!!! >< I can't get anyone presents this year and it sucks!!! But well I got some GB to go sign! I love all of you lots and hugs! I WILL NEVER LAY OFF THE BLOOD THIRSTY ANIME!!! OR HENTAI! MY WRITTING WILL STILL BE BLOOD THIRSTY!! Don't worry Youkai Trunks. I will stick to anime like cement! I have for years!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and Loveing it~

STRORY TIME!!!!
Endless Rain


I-Wish-I-Were-Dead


Hope you all enjoy another one of my short stories. Not that anyone ever reviews anyways, but well whatever. I'm going to put them up here just in case anyone does decide to read 'em!


I am Damien.
I am tired of life.
This place sickens me.
Good-bye.
Bang.


~..............................

Maybe it's just me, but it seems to be raining a lot today. I'm finally comeing home from the war and it rains?! I wanted to take him to the park too. We always used to go before I had to leave to fight. And the Sakura are in full bloom too. As,I look out the window everything I see reminds me of him. His hair is like the black of the sky, his eyes have the beauty of the Sakura trees in bloom, and his smile is like evrything wonderful around me. I just couldn't wai to see him again. To hold him in my arms. to make love to him. To laugh together with him once more and again. All I needed was him to get the images of the blood sprayed across the earth. The eys blankly stareing up at me. People of all ages, includeing children, being slaughtered, beheaded and tortured till they scream for death. All the blood shed by my hands. All I need is him to make it all better.

We are are now passing by the park. The beautiful Sakura petals seem to be only blowing harder in the rain, makeing them even more eleagent. Yellow police tape suorrounds the park... but why? I had an urge that I needed to know why. Something was guideing me to check it out.

" Bus driver, I need to get off here. "

" At the park on a rainy day? What are you going to meet a girl? " he asked confused.

I stepped on to the steps and the bus door creaked open with a squeak.

" Yeah. I guess you can say that, " I smiled at him and went on my way.

After I heard the final rumble of the bus motor. I ran as fast as I could over to the park. I finally reached it after about 5 minutes and looked over the tape. there was a corener on the ground beside a dead body.

" It's sad. I guess he must have comitted suicide. The evidence is over whelming. Gun in his hand, but the hand prints won't come out till we get it dusted. There's even a suicide note in his hand, " the corenor said, shakeing his hand.

" Let me see it, ' the officer next to him asked.

The corener handed it to the officer. For some reason I could oddly feel the Sakura petals calm. A minute ago they were whipping againist me, but now it was almost a smooth caressing feeling.

" To: Daemien Kamashi

From: Japan's Sea Side Millitia


Ishiro Kamashi was lost in battle the year of 2008, month of July, day of 14. He fought bravely for our country and will be recieving a full salute funeral. Remains will be shipped back to you from Arabia.

With our deepest Regrets,

Captian Jiro and the 289 Militia

I know that guy. He was really nice. Too bad. " the officer spoke echoing inside of me.

Daemien...Daemien...my sweet darling...I'm not dead. I'm alive. So, very alive, but you...that letter was a mistake!!!!! MISTAKE!!

I ran over to my love. I busted through the police tape with my greatest strength. I picked up the body and the Sakura petals began to whip at my back harder than before. The rain began to pour and drip off me in a torrent of a river. Blood from my loves wound began to mix with the rain and dye the Sakura petals on the ground crimson. I screamed to the rain and cried with it as well.

I understood why now. I didn't before but now I do. The Sakura petals were mourning my Daemien's life. The rain afterwards didn't stop till next week. I had a full week to mourn my love.

~.................................................................

I am Ishiro.
I miss Daemien.
Thank you for the support, rain.
May you forever be endless.
Bang.

~I-Wish-I-Were-Dead

Please review, flame whatever!!!


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Thursday, December 2, 2004

   Hi everyone!!!
whats going on? I went to school today and saw David and Freddy and Heather and Tara and Nicole and lucy! We had fun! ^^ I met this girl on the net yesterday through Myo. She's a total prep and so denies it. or maybe not prep, but main stream. She then has the balls to put I do'n like Gravitation, because the guys are gay. And then expects me not to say she doesn't like gays!!! That must be the contradiction of the century! And she also like football and her site is all in pink and bright colors. And also she said it's not because she's a prep, it's because she's crazy and happy all the time!!!!!!!! Prep or not guys? I think so. But anyways I met a really cool sounding guy on here called Jangalian! I missed talking to Master Kyo today ;_;. on a final note on the whole chick thing, she says that GOD CAN HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEMS!!!!! And also that I need to lay off the blood thirsty anime?? THE FUCK!!? I won't start an agruement ( I think I already did though ^^') but I won't stand back and watch people diss stuff I like!!! Espically:
1 MY FRIENDS!! AND MY BOYFRIEND!!
2 MY LITTLE BROTHER /or his buddies
3 MY MUSIC!!!
4 AND MY JAPANESE RELATED STUFF!

I also will not let others go by undefended. But anyways I'm going to end the rant I swear! ^^ I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you last night Sam... ;_;, maybe we can talk tonight? And Kyo *hands him bowl of macaroni* And Kei-chan you know I like your fanasies of hide-sama!! Thy are like mine! ^^ And Chara-chan *hands her new heater* And to Kevin *Hands him sign that says ' DA JEW PIMPIN IN DA HOOD!! ' And to everyone else *hugs!!!* And wait to Matty *hands him combat squirel* Oh and guess what Chris is gettin me for X-mas?!!!? A CARD SIGNED BY ONE OF THE MEBERS FROM DUEL JEWEL!!! I will die if I get Shun signature. But I will die a happy woman!! ^_^
~Purgatory-_-~dead and Loveing it~
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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

   I MISSED SCHOOL AGAIN!!!!!
*hits floor crying* I CAN'T BELIEVE MY STUPIDITY!!!! Sometimes I wonder about my intelligenec. I dissapontied Chris too. I'm hungry too. I neeeed cheese. i want to hear the lemon Sam is going to write for me. Hungry + Horny = bad. hehehehehe MATH IS NOT THE SHITT! I had the weirdest dream. it had the lady from Touched by an Angel in it....God drove a car too. It was weird and took place in a supermarket/chapel. It was one of the weirdest things ever. I want to talk to someone! I want my story to get some reviews too! I wanna cuddle! I WANT SEXXX! Sorry about the random outburst. Just incase you wanna know. Chris and I are on the right track. I think. I think Vicious2's advice really helped. I thought about it for awhile and yeah Acceptance is the key. We needed to accept each others diffrent intrests. Thankies big brother. You need a cookie. All your other advice helped too. And thanks to Master Kyo for talking to me all day yesterday! I wanna know how things went hwen he had to go have a talk with someone....hmmm wonder if he'll get this message? I got a picture of him and he is super sexxy! But well I love all of you. And special hugs to Elke-chan!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead ad Loveing it~
ps. And to Sam too!
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

   i missed thebus....
I don't very good this morning. I keep sneezing and my head hurts ( yet i'm listening to Dir en Grey's " Children " at full blast^^''', well it's zomboid now. i loveid you die and Kaoru. I loveid you so) I keep trying to call everyone because I missed the bus and noone is awnswering. Though my parents cell keeps ringing, noone awnswers and my sis's is ethier turned off or out of range. And this morning when i had my horrible headache ( always seems the worse when you first wake up.) Chris was yelling at me to get up and i wouldn't until he finally started to say i'm getting on my arms and knees and begging you, in a very loud and annoying high pitched voice and started to cry. I think I might have said something, but then he yelled " you just don't care, do you?!!" And I don't know if I responded to that, but then he was bawling and said he had to go to the bus. After that i got my ass up out of bed and the bus stop peoples were gone. i need to stop missing so moany days of school or I'm definetly headed to juvy!!! Chris called me back a few minutes later, and apologized for saying he thought I didn't care. I said I was little angry with him. He walked for a few more minutes and nothing was asaid and then he had to go because he was at the bus stop. I read the song that Matty told me to read and well...in a way thats true, but ... Chris is really begininng to annoy me with all the crying. Everyday since Sunday, he has cried at least once. I try to be there for him. But well sometimes i don't think he's better off without me. It's turning out to be just like it was with me and Josh. He says he wants to leave me and i'll be better off without him, and I screamed at him that one time that all I needed was him! He was everything I ever wanted! ( Which he wasn't...^^' ) Chris says the same thing to me, except with more begging and pleading. Our realtionship just gets worse and worse for him. And the sickening thing is I make it that way. I'm a horrible person. my emotions are too confused and i just can't stand to see someone cry. Espically not Chris. Everytime I start to say I need a little time apart, he starts crying and begging me not to leave him. And I just come running back to the phone a few minutes later saying that i want to be with you and I'm not going to leave you. Please don't cry anymore. I think i need to leave him, but I know he'll hurt himself. Maybe not leave him, but maybe just sometime apart. He thinks he brings this upon himslef and he doesn't. He is a very sweet person and is always trying to buy me stuff, so that when he is away I came look at that thing and say that I'm thinking of him. Maybe this is just a rough spot for us, but I can't stand to make people cry. I do wanna sound mean and tell him to shut-up ansd stop you crying or anything. Thats not at all how I mean it. I just don't like him crying because of me. Well help me if you guys can... i have a morbid stroy up sometime. I'm brainstorming one. I love all of you! Espically some of you and you know who you are! ~^ hugs to Sam, Kei-chan, Vicious2, Matty-monster, Darke, rebecca ( though she never comes to my site anymore ;_;), iamdizzy, Chara-chan, Thecrowchicky, Nikorasu ( I never have to time to come visit you, but I will this morning!! ), and all the other people that I may have forgotten the names of you or not have mentioned ( frineds from school, etc )I love all of you! Meaty Chainsaw!!!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and loveing it~
ps. sorry it was so long and rant-like. I'll make it happier next time!
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