Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Hi everyone.
Well, my trying to be happier is begiing to worj a little maybe. I got done watching the 1st disc of Haibane Renmei. It's kinda boring....it's good though. makes me wanna see Lain. Thanks for all the commens. Vicious2, AutmunCalamity, kira127, FledginglyVamp(though if I bother you I'll go away),Animegothgurl118,and all else. I have to start school back thursday. It's a drag. I have no freinds, but maye one if he even recognizes me. Tong deWulong. My cousin and her freinds also go to, but I don't like them much. I saw a few gothic loking peoples and such, but anyone I meet there will not replace, Britt, Chara, Angela, Alicia, Dennis, Randy, Twittchy, Kaleb, JJ, Brandon, Kayla, Dawn, Granny g, Mr. Matrix Man, Kevin, Mr.Sephirtoh Man, Celia, Jilian, Samantha, Elliot, Dustin, and everyone else!!!! I NEED YOU BRITT AND CHARA AND KEVIN!!!! I NEED YOU ALL!!!! I have a feeling I will make better grades this year though!!^^ I also need Chris, and all you guys, espically...AnimeGothGurl, DemonMessiah, ChainedAngel, and my better freinds on here(Niko, Kuro, and the rest) Well tell me of your nights!!! If you wanna chat M18Brn(IM) Well, hugs and bai!!!
~Purgatory-_-~
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Monday, August 9, 2004

Yo.
Hi. Is anyone there? I'm so lonely. Noboru? I'm coming home. But wait. I forgot. I'm in range anymore.
I love Voices of a distant Star. Thats basically the intro to it. I miss my freind Rayea. i wanna RP. When I'm on she never seems to be on anymore. I'm a listenin' to Duel Jewel now. I don't know the name of the song, but i love it and wish I could find the translated version for lyrics. If i can find it I'll put it on my site, but that'll be hard espically since I don't know the name. I get pick-up my schedule today. yay. Put on a smile and at least you seem freindlier, my moter once said. I don't know how to smile unless it's a fake one though. I wanna grow wings and fly faaaar away. All the way to the sky. Maybe the colors are brighter there. Who knows? But if there's one fact I trust in....it's this....COW'S GO MOOOOOOO!!! hehehehehehehehe!!! Well, I'm off to a couple of other sites before i go do other stuff. Well, tell me anything you wanna.
~Purgatory-_-~
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Sunday, August 8, 2004

   Hi.
Hello everyone. Sorry if I haven't been around. I just didn't feel like updateing for the past day or so. My freinds been over and we regained our freindship. Yay! I'm getting depressed again, but it will be gone soon. I hope I make freinds at my new school though I have a feeling i probably won't. They seem like the preepy school. I won't fit in. I already miss Britt and Chara and everyone. Chris was here Saturday! I had a depressing, yet fun day. We went to the company picnic. It was loads of fun. Then we got Chris and Kevin. I got a dozen roses and a teddy bear which I named uh-oh, HotDog! (MadTV skitt) I had fun looking at even more reminders that my cousin is dead. And oh it was ESPICALLY fun when we went to his grave site at 10 at night on a FUCKIN Saturday!!! That was the day he FUCKIN died!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! I'M GOING INSANE!! I think I see him when he isn't there, I talk to him when no ones around......I'm Morbid. Be isn't coming back......I tell myself that....but I think he will....waiting everyday....it's driving me insane.....I burst into tears at the gravesite Saturday and Chara and Kevin hugged em and let me cry on them. Chris was there as well...I'm just tired of saying I'm all right...saying that I wanna see pictures of his body at the funeral...The colors are fadeing away in my vision. They seem dull to me, or is everyone seeing it? It all feels like a slow and painfully realistic dream, but then again thats all life is, isn't it? Well, tell me of your days. Hope all was well. Thanks for commenting on my site.
~Purgatory-_-~
ps I will feel better later. I just wanna sit down and relax.
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Friday, August 6, 2004

   .....I don't know if I wrote this.....but who else would?
Laalalalalala. The screams of madness yelling in my ear, telling me theres nothing to fear. So, take away this pain inside. Lift the chain on my wings so I can fly.


Something weird in my head....
hehehehe psychoticness is good. Read Kuro-chans story.
~Purgatory-_-~
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   Lyrics to Fly, from Chaos Legion(ending theme, very pretty)
Reaching for the sky so hard
You are trying to get up from everything
That's right, it always lies in your hands

Fighting for your life so hard
Someday you will see the light
Get ready for your life, burning your hope, your strength

I will fight and fight for me
I will show the world what I can do
If I had the wings I will fly high than anything, anyone

Fly so high, fly so high
I will prove what I can do, I will not give up, I won't
Fly so high, fly so high
Till the day that I will die, I will praise and I will fight
For my life

I feel alone everyday
Sky of love, sky of tears
Glory and sadness, everybody feels the same

I've been searching through the dark
If there's a light up ahead
And I will meet you, on top of the "Holy Sky"

I will fight and fight for you
I will do anything just for you
If I had the power to fly high than anything, anyone

Fly so high, fly so high
Wind is calling out your name, it is giving you the strength
Fly so high, fly so high
Look at yourself and try, rise now
For your life, I will fly with you

If you feel alone I will be there for you
Take my hand, we will now reach the shining star
So now, come with me now, fly with me now, I will take you, yeah
There is only one sky to fly
The time has come so fly to your light

Fly so high, fly so high
I will prove what I can do, I will not give up, I won't
Fly so high, fly so high
Till the day that I will die, I will praise and I will fight

Fly so high, for my life
I've been searching through the dark
I will fight and fight for you

Fly so high, for my life
I've been searching through the dark
I will fight and fight for you

I BEAT CHAOS LEGION!! All thanks to my Flawed and Guilt(Claw and sword) legions!!!^_^ Thanks for the cookies!!
Keiko! I also have a kitty named Tiger!! I see you updated when I wasn't on, so I will check that out in a minute! ........Kuro-chan. I'm sorry I had to get that off my chest. But of course we are still freinds!! And guess who I got to see the other day? KATIE!! Friends have fights and we have our diffrences. I'm sorry i got so mad at you. It's just that DemonMessiah and Rayea are REALLY good freinds. If you knew DM you would think he's pretty cool! You're my bestfreind and I'll be asking Brandy if you can come over. ....We might be going swimming with Pumpkin(Chris's older bro), just don't make any ...over weight people jokes...
I'll be giving you a ring tomorrow. I didn't know you posted a song. Or maybe I didn't see it. I don't respond to everyone ALL the time... just usually the people who post on here....usually diffrent people off and on. Except for DM, DuoRocks, Keiko(AGG), Kira DOWN, ChainedAngel, and others. Btw does anyone know of what happened to Zen Origatou? I'm worried, because he tends to be very sucidal.... Well, how is everyone? Good, hopefully. Because now that I know that one of my bestfreinds doesn't hate me, I feel better!! Well, bai and hope you enjoyed the song! I'll see if I can't find the orginal version somewhere. Also, if anyone noticed..the intro background is now my freind Kevin....I mean Axl Rose...they look so much alike..... btw I also got to see Jenny and Shawn today!! Shawn ran up and gave me a hug severalt times and it was adorable!!! chris is off to school tomorrow!! I'll miss him!! ;_; Well, I'll see everyone laters!!
~Purgatory-_-~
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Thursday, August 5, 2004

I'M A DANCIN' LIKE A MONKEY!!!!!
Sowwy, bout that!! ^^' i just needed to yell at myself to wake the hell up!! Hewo, and how is everyone? Hopefully good. Thankies for the nice comments. It seems my freind didn't read the last post....or she didn't comment..Brandy says if all it's causeing me is pain then I shouldn't just talk to her and then in the car the other day she yelled at me and said"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR HER!!??" Then we laughed about it!! I played more Chaos Legion last night and now am on the last sage, but I quit and need to go find all the Thantos chips for the ultimate legion and some recovery items, espically soul recovery. I just love that game!!! The story is just too AWESOME!!! i need to check out your sites, espically Color me evil and Niko, because they are really good freinds and I haven't been by in a while...^^' Sorry guys....I'll try to get to everyone today....Well better be off to your sites!!! Bai and hugs to hippygeek, animegothgurl, Kueenbee, and Julias Peach!!
~Purgatroy-_-~
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Wednesday, August 4, 2004

   .....Well, I just found out my freind has been saying bad things about me...
Well, hi you guys!! I'm glad to see that Kueenbee finally updated but still no Sam.....*looks around more for Sam* I just found out that my best freind has been talking and saying bad things about me. I hope that this doesn't effect my freindship with one of my freinds(her dudefreind). Well, it seems that she says I have been neglecting her...hmmmm, well if she wanted to talk so bad then why didn't she call? She said she tried, but the phone line is busy. Well, I try calling her and her voice is all dull and stuff. We don't have anything to talk about Chara, unless it's Kevin or mother problem related. Don't get me wrong you need to talk about those things. But not all the f'n time!! Look at the happiness in life!! There's always a little somewhere or you could create some. Not that life isn't always happy. Just, because I have new freinds doesn't mean I still don't wanna talk to you. In fact you could have came over this weekend. And maybe if you take a little time to realize this that maybe you might not have time for me because of your boyfreind too? Everytime I call, your on the other line Kevin. And that your never happy for me. Not that I want to go to Karns, but the classes there are awesome. They offer a better education. I don't know about you, but I wana go to college and have a good job. I don't wanna be like my parents. I don't wanna have to get involved with drugs just to keep food on the table. And well I know I'll be leaving you and a lot of other freinds behind, but well thats the way life goes sometimes. I'm sad about it too ya' know! And well maybe you would have more freinds if you were a bit nicer to people. And you'd have a lot more freinds on here if you tried to respond to at least half the people who sign your guestbook and stuff. And i'm sorry that I didn't get you anything on that trip! I told you I saw something, but I didn't have enough money. And well maybe that I want something nice for once. I don't ever get to buy my little brother presents around christmas or get my boyfreind HALF the f'n stuff he gets me. I think I've always got you a christ,as present or a birthday present. I want something nice for myself for once. I don't have a dad who'll go out and buy my a'frickin everything and a mom who buys me stff every once in a while. I have to go bum stuff off my sister for clothes. Do you know how bad that makes me FEEL!? You've never had to ask your little sister for money just so that you'd have food to eat or have your parents come and ask you for money so that they could pay the light bill. And then take all your college money and go out and buy f'n cocaine with it. Stop thinking only of yourself and think of others for once. Try to make peace with your mother, I'm trying to with mine. Your life isn't as bad as you think. mine isn't that bad ethier. I'm just lucky to have a house to live in, and someone that loves me enough to take me in. There are a lot more people out there with worse problems that need help, like the girls who get raped by their fathers and can't get help or won't. DemonMessiah is a good freind and you shouldn't diss him before you know him and so are the other people I've came across, like Rayea and Rebecca and Kira. So, don't say that I don't know these people and that I haven't talked to them long enough. i have been talking to these people for months. I think I know most of you pretty well atleast the ones that I talk to often enough. Well, now how was you guys days? Sorry had to get that all out. It's been there for a while now. Hehehehehe, I'm listin' to Guns n' Roses!! And beware the ninja assians are coming!! I wonder who gonna win the election too? I die of laughter if it's Kerry!! Well, everyone sorry for the rant, but I had to get it out of me. Hope she understands....well, I'll post more later, and bai!!
~Purgatory-_-~
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Hi!! To all!!!
i'm trying to get to all your sites as fast as possible, if you noticed I might not have been to yours in the past few days! I'm usually pretty busy when on the net, on IM with Rayea or DemonMessiah. I hope ChainedAngel begins eating agsin, I am worried about you chickie!!! DemonMessiah thankies for helping me try to find an outfit!! Rayea, I misssssss yoooooouuuu!! but where is WitheredPassion(Sam)??? She dissapeared!! I can't seem to find her and really miss her!!!*looks around for Sam and imagines us frolicking thorugh a field of dead flowers together* Also I found out that my neices father died trying to rob someone tonight. Micheal Brown was him and he was a jerk. My bestfreind and I got in a fight, cause I told her F*** You! (I had a good reason to say it too) and Katie and her boyfreind came over today! Yay!! i got to see my Kaite-kins!! And I got Final Fanatsy Tatics back!!! I played more Chaos Legion and got to the tenth level!! Yay!! My Legions are getting on a good level too!
Well, how was everyone's day? Tell me!!
~Purgatory-_-~Keep the Faith~
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Monday, August 2, 2004

i'm not all alone.....he's here with me.
Well, hello everyone. Another somber day for me. What of your selves? I got to go see my new school today. It's not the ideal place to go, but then again, what's the use. Maybe I'll do better without any freinds there. Probably not. I'll probably break down. My mother told me to smile and they'll like you fine. What if you can't smile? What if you forgot how? I called Chara today and believe me, big frickin' whoopie. I tried to act the happiest I could(I am excited a bit about my classes. I'm takeing Mythology and Creative Writting. They didn't offer that where I used to go.)and she was all sad acting. I see she updated but whats the use in checking it out? It's probably something about Kevin. Thats the ONLY reason why she comes to see me is because she knows I see Chris and where Chris is Kevin will come if she's there. Not that I dislike Kevin, don't get me wrong he's like an older brother to me. But sometimes ya' know *sniffs* you just want things to go back. Far back. I want to be blind. I don't want to see sadness. I want to be a child again. I don't want to have emotions anymore. I want to be cold again. I don't freinds if all I'm going to do is hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be a burden. It's all my fault everyone is going through all this trouble to get me enrolled. I just don't want to see my dad. No thats not my dad. That isn't him. He isn't the man who use to push me on swings and have cook-outs on the weekends. That man was my dad. Even if he was addictied to a lot of bad things, he never hit me back then or cussed me out and said bad thngs to me. I want cuz to be here with me. I want to hear him yell at me and make lame jokes and sing the songs from comercials and ask Chris if he has the urges. It just now hit me that he's gone. He isn't there anymore. Death took him away. Testament maybe has possed my father....no wait he's right here laughing as I write all this, saying what a pitiful fool I am. I really feel bad...I wish Rayea or big brother(DemonMessiah or Katie or Alica was on now...but they aren't. Well, I better stop writting now. I better go and clean some more and try to call Katie or Chris. bai. I will post more later and I won't promise, but it'll try to be happier. I've got to practice that for school anyways.
~Purgatory-_-~Keep the Faith~
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   Hooray for Manson!!!!

Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you
know what you have to say and you just say it!
I like you very much...just be careful you
don't scare me away...


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is a cool quiz! Got it from Gungrave67!

So, how was everyone's day? Mine was all right. I layed Chaos Legion and watched Gungrave and drooled at it's greatness! It's so emotional with all the violence! They did change a little from the game, such as Grave's emotions. He actaually smiled! But just like in the game Grave speaks very little, and I advise you watch it in the jappanese, it's a lot better. Well, my dad also came over and said I love you, but well of course I said nothing back. Grave also got a computer. An XP for only 125 dollars! I'm going to try and speed this up so I better be off to your sites now!!
~Purgatory-_-~Keep the Faith~
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