Saturday, April 7, 2007

:D
So, sorry for never ever posting. So, busy even without school anymore. I go to Peninsula stuff and I need to find a job. It's my 18th birthday soon and I guess that's pretty bitching that I've lived that long. I was looking back at old posts and I can't believe that I've been a member of this site for about 3 years! Looking back at old posts makes me realize how much I've changed.
But I got a new boyfriend. We've been dating for somewhat over a month. His name is Andy. and I don't think I've ever really been more in love with anyone. I think I've found true happiness possibly. I'm spending the night at his house again so I took the time to make a legit post while he's playing Tribes. I always have lots of fun with him. He's fantabular. :D
But I'm back on depression medication. Again, but I haven't taken it yet. I need too...eventually.
But more has happened in life just not enough time to explain it all.
We got evicted from our house, so when my parents have to move, maybe when I can find a job, I can get an internet connection! XD
Love,
Lynnsey
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Monday, February 19, 2007

Happy Late Valentines..
I'm out of school for good now.
It's taken a lot of stress off. But now school has been replaced by cleaning, doctor's visits, and a good warning that if I fuck up again, I'm going to the fucking psych ward.
I'm now on Lexapro, some sort of anti-depressant. We'll see how that works out for me. I'm also still taking those nerve and muscle relaxers. Something gives me the feeling that I'm going to grow tired of all this.
My mother has taken away all razor blades, my knives (I had like two and one that I really loved. My little brother gave it to me. It was big and rusty, and reminded me of Pyramid Head ^^), and has made me keep my nails to a minimum length. Sucks is the nails...but she'll loose notice and they'll grow out again.
Yesssss, my pretties grow! GROW! Sorry I miss my long nails. They were good for some many things.
A couple of older pictures from when I got that dress:


And Endless Dismal Moan, good old fashioned Japanese Black Metal:

But well I did really good on that Pre-GED test...in fact better than anyone else has. He said I made the highest score in the history of it, missing two questions, and half a point off the essay.
I took the actual test which two days long...I get the results sometime soon hopefully.
Now all thats left to do is find a job and get past the bad things. -___-
I'll get to as many sites as possible.
Love,
Lynnsey
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Monday, February 5, 2007

Stop-Janes Addiction
Hello to all. So, sorry about the extended delay.
I’m working towards getting my GED. I take the practice test next Tuesday, and have to score a 2000 to get into the program and 2500 to qualify to take the test. I want the 2500. So, I have no clue whats going to be on it, so I’ll just study everything in general.
I’m not feeling all that well at the moment. I feel like I’m going to loose it soon and just do something really bad. I’m in a violent mood.
A two year silence has been broken. Westley is trying to be my friend again. He says that’s all, but when I sent him a reply he never returned my message. I don’t want a false friendship out of pity and such. He also says he’s sorry for all the shit he put me through and he thinks about me and hopes I’m doing well. Maybe I’ll post the messages here for all to see or something and you guys can tell me the level of sincerity.
He also said he’s changed a lot. When I saw him the physical had changed. I wonder if the mental has changed as much as he says it has. He says he’s not so pissed off at everything anymore. I hope the best for him.
I’ve finished reading Deathnote vol 9. If you’re a fan of the series, then you might be saddened by an event that conspires.
My little brother dyed his hair jet black. I think it looks really good on him. I hope my dad doesn’t kill him when he sees it.
I have to get a job. It’s a GED requirement and I have to get an ID made. I go to the psychiatrists Monday, I take the practice test Tuesday, and also maybe some of Wednesday , and Chris is taking me to get a new outfit for Valentines. I’m going to be busy.

lyrics….

Save the complaints
For a party conversation.
The world is loaded,
It's lit to pop and nobody is gonna stop...

No one...
No one!
No way!
Gonna stop,
Now; go!

Farm people,
Book wavers, soul savers,
Love preachers!
Lit to pop and nobody is gonna stop.

No one...

One come a day, the water will run,
No man will stand for things that he had done...
Hurrah!
And the water will run...
One come a day, the water will run,
No man will stand for things that he had done...
Hurrah!
And the water will run...
Will Run!
Will Run!

Gimmie that!
Gimmie that - your automobile,
Turn off that smokestack
And that goddamn radio
Hum... along with me...
Hum along with the t.v.

No one's
Gonna
Stop!

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I'm never going to be able to comment again...uggggh....so much to do.
Well, I’ve done the worst thing possible.
I am now dating Tori. Or so she thinks. I told her I’d like to wait things out and shit, but she took that as an automatic yes. I told her that I still harbor deep feelings for another woman who doesn’t feel the same for me. I told her I didn’t think I could love another girl the way I loved her and blah. But she didn’t listen to me. I guess I’ll just have to straighten it all out. I do have feelings for her, but they just don’t outweigh what I feel for another person, who’s name begins with an S, is all I’ll say. For she likes to remain annynomus. And it’s like she reads this anyways and well I’ve all ready agreed to be friends and nothing more. Nothing can change this situation between her and I, it’s set in stone. But if only you guys knew her. You’d understand why I’d still feel the way I do.

I also have found out that this guy named James, likes me. He sits with me at lunch. He reminds me of Chris from family guy in a way. He’s ok. I guess.

It just gets more complicated as I go further into it. I’m going to ruin my life before it’s over with. I just don’t want a relationship right now. There’s only one person I’d want it with and it’s obviously not going to happen. But as long as she’s happy I don’t mind one bit. I just wish it wouldn’t feel like she avoids me. Does she really hate me that much?

I am reading DeathNote vol 8 right now. It’s getting down to the interesting stuff. I love how it always portrays like human life is important, but then again it all seems like a game, a race to see who can outwit the other first. And new rules are thrown in constantly. It keeps it interesting. I have grown very partial to Near, but L stills has my heart. Light is just so evil it’s really funny. The expressions on his face are so hilarious at times.

I am just going to try and ignore all this for right now. And tell Tori that we just need to be friends for now. That’s all. Except she’s so attached to me and she’s already all “I love you”, because I said I had similar feelings, but I thought I had made it all clear.

Thank you guys for the concern and I was in shock that Alayna visited! ^^
Love,
Lynnsey

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Blah.
Sorry I never get around to visiting. I promise I will soon!

So, something really major has happened. Well a few things have.

One is that I’ve been passing out and getting sick lately. Things were just getting worse, so I had to go to the ER. I had blood taken and all sorts of “fun” stuff. They had to put me on an IV too, which felt too odd and hurt when I moved my arm. I hated it and had to endure it for like 2 hours. But they came up with the solution to everything that was happening. I have been formally diagnosed with depression, panic attacks, and vago vessel (sp?). Vago Vessel is nothing deadly, but it does make me pass out at any given moment when I’m stressed and depressed. The blood vessel is my head are so constricted by the stress and such that they can’t get oxygen and make me pass out.

The second and most recent is that one of my best friend’s Tori has confessed to me that she likes me! Which I already knew. But the kind of like is more than like. It’s love. She’s more in love with me than she has ever been with anyone else, or she said in a note. It’s really a lot on me right now, but I don’t know how my feelings are. I’m still mourning the loss of the last lady in my life and I just don’t know what to do/say to postpone this until I can sort things out. Plus, right now I don’t think I want another relationship with someone close to me.

But eeep bell,
X3 you all
Lynnsey

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

And so this comes to an end.
Aric and I broke up.
Yeah it was a shitty deal. He still wants to date me in the future and he acts like we still are dating.
It's confuseing.
This song describes how I feel right now:
Laid To Rest-Lamb of God

If there was a single day I could live... a single breath I could take
I'd trade all the others away.
The blood's on the wall, so you'd might as well just forget it
And bleach out the stains, commit to forgetting it.
You're better off empty and blank, than left with a single pathetic trace of this
Smother another failure, lay this to rest.
Console yourself, you're better alone
Destroy yourself, see who gives a fuck
Absorb yourself, you're better alone
Destroy yourself.
I'll chain you to the truth for the truth shall set you free
I'll turn the screws of vengeance and bury you with honesty
I'll make all your dreams come to life, then slay them as quickly as they came
Smother another failure, lay this to rest.
Console yourself, you're better alone
Destroy yourself, see who gives a fuck
Absorb yourself, see who gives a fuck.
Failure.
If there was a day I could live, if there was a single breath I could take
I'd trade all the others away.


So that about sums it up. I took one of the pictures I had of him and wrote the lyrics all over it.
><
I got a total of thrity minutes of sleep last night and I don't really know what or how to feel right now.
I don't know what to do or feel anymore.
I just don't know.
Love,
Lynnsey
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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Sorry for the late updates...
Well, school is almost over so I have to make this quick.
I got a lolita dress! XD It's short as fuck, but I'm wearing a new pair of Tripps I got under it.
I'm not feeling too great. A lot of emotional problems.
School started back up and problems do as well. I've already gotten a millione people hating me for just kissing one of my best friends on the cheek. I mean it's not like we makeout, it's just a fucking kiss on the cheek and everyone freaks out like they did last semester.
I hate this school. Sometimes I wish it would explode...but with no one inside. I just wish I didn't have to go to school anymore.
I hate dealing with anti-lesbian people. So immature. I mean everyone has their own opinon, but Christ when they throw it up in your face...
I've been listening to The Shins and Imogen Heap a lot lately. It's pretty insane.
I'm taking more pictures soon.
"She" got her hair curled, sorta crimped looking. And OMG she looks so freaking hott. I can't help but stare at lunch that one day. She looks depressed. I hope nothing is wrong. She said on 12/30/06 in a post that my emotions for anyone were fleeting and shallow. I cried about that for a while. I'm just a big fucking baby.
I'm a shallow bitch. A shallow bitch digging herself into a shallow grave.
I hope everyone's Christmas was well.
Things with Aric are fine. It's just that my feelings are so out of place about everyone. I just can't find happiness anymore. Is it unattainable? I love him and all, it just seems like my feelings for "her" are stronger. I was tempted to call her all Christmas break but didn't.
So, yeah bells about to ring. I tried to get to sites the other day...
Love,
Lynnsey
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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Pictures...
Of Aric:






Me:







My little Brother:



My more recent crappy art:



















(Kyo from the Saku pv)

Hope everyone had a merry sexmas.

Love,
Lynnsey
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Monday, December 18, 2006

Is it a freaking Miracle?
I got to every site today!
EVERYLASTONE!
Yay!
Aric and I have made a decision. We are going to Boobburg. And the Crotchtown. And if you know what show those towns are from, you got points.
^^
So things have been just a little hetic. My older sister has dissapeared. I can't say I miss her. She left with my dad's creepy old man friend and he called looking for her. I was like "Isn't she with you?" And he was like no.
So, bahahahaha she's gone!
I've been feeling a little down, and such. I miss my best friend and miss the days when it was her and I hanging out and such all the time, with no male figures and just having plain old Jappanese fun.
I have had happy fun with Aric. His parents have almost agreed to let him come down and visit me! ^^ I know it's sappy and all, but, I just hope I don't screw this up. He's sending me this big old package of stuff today...and another one with a letter. I feel loved.
I'll have pictures soon I swear. They're on my photobucket and myspace, but I have yet to get them up here, because of restrictions at school.
Well, later days!
Love,
Lynnsey
p.s. I got a Sid Vicious poster. It was the highlight of my weekend. That and Arbys. And Resident Evil 2. That was my weekend.
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Friday, December 15, 2006

Delayed Response
Well, I’m sleepy. But you already knew that didn’t you?
I’m so sorry that it’s taking me awhile to get to sites. You guys are so nice to visit without me doing the same. I will get to sites eventually. I’m just catching up with work at school and other things. I will try and do so today, but I will only be getting to the sites for those who commented last post. Others will wait, sorry.
I got presents today! I felt loved. Tori got me something. She got me a stuffed doggie! ^^ And 4 boxes of Pocky! And well, she also got me something really special. It was this little Chinese keychain that came in a little woven box. She’d had it since she was little and she always loved it. I felt really special. All the stuff came in this really cute little Stutterfly bag/purse thing, that had an adorable stuffed skeleton dog on the end. I’ll probably put pictures up later of the stuff, just because I feel loved. She’s going to come and spend the night with me, and we’re going to play Eternal Darkness and have the shit scared out of us, during xmas break. I’m still hoping to spend some quality time with other friends. Like Stephanie and Chara.
Aric and I are doing fine right now. Everything’s been very good. Well, on the relationship aspect at least. He’s still getting hit night and night again. What makes me mad was that one night, his step dad punched him in the face and said, “Who would ever love you? You’re worthless, your fat, you smell, and you’re a whiny little fucker” I hate his parents. They treat him like crap.
On my personal end, I’ve come one step closer to having Aric here with me pretty soon. That makes me happy. And well I’ve been doing time for time. I had to skip yesterday, because I got sick. I’m going to skip today because I have a date. Not that I really want to go. But he’s making me pretty much or he’ll start crying again. I don’t know what he’s planning, but I’m going to probably be sick later on. I can feel it coming on. I’m going to try and go home, but he wants me to spend the night. I don’t want to stay there anymore, because it’s miserable. The bed is full of “dirt particles” and it itches. It’s either too hot or too cold, there’s never anything to eat and there’s nothing to do, and I can’t talk Aric there. I do want to see my little kitten however. Princess Pwn, is going to the vet soon.
I might call home early because I threw up a little earlier. I still have a bad headache and such.
I got RE2 for the N64 and I also Guitar Hero II, which is so worth the money. And I also got the movie Sid and Nancy finally! XD It’s such a good movie! It’s kinda obscure to find now, but if you can find it, watch it. I bough RE2 and Chris got me the other two for some reason. He’s been really nice lately, but whiny nonetheless.
I’m going to shut up now. And get to sites…
Love,
Lynnsey

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