Friday, December 8, 2006

Long time...
So sorry for the absence.
Some things have happened. In fact many things have happened.
I’ve been getting really sick again, so it’s been hard to make it school. I stayed home yesterday and talked to my mom about a lot.
Here’s what this a lot concerns:
My school therapist/whatever she’s called. She’s saying if things aren’t going to improve with my “outlook” they’re going to send me to this psycho place called, Penninsula. Don’t worry Chara. If I go I will bring you back a straight jacket somehow. But I doubt that’ll happen.
I got together with this guy. He and I have been together since last Saturday. But we’ve been talking for a lot longer than that, and know each other pretty well. And I know you’ll say “But Lynnsey, internet dating is bad. You don’t know if they send you pictures, they are who they say they are.” Well the neat thing about that is I saw him on tv. He was on the Doctor Keith Ablow show. We had a lot in common and I felt like I had to find him and talk to him somehow. So, myspace aided my search. I found him. Aric. We had been talking for awhile and then he asked me to call, because he really needed some moral support. I called him and fell really fast for him. He fell faster for me though. It was really cute. He’s been abused all his life and he has a hard time dealing with things. He’s mom and dad both abused him. It’s a long story, I’ll save for later.
I told my mom about everything. She was quite understanding and thought he should come down and visit.
Chris found out about us though and now my “I’m going to break up with slowly over the course of time. I’ll make him hate me.”
But he heard my voicemails that Aric so frequently leaves me. He called me a whore and all this other crap. I finally let everything out and just started crying. My mom consoled me, but I was just embaressed to show that much to her. I told her more about Chris and mine’s relationship, the things she didn’t know, things that no one knows but he and I. I think my mom is sorta frightened by him now.
Well, after a lot of talking and I told him that I wanted to break up with him. But he leeched to me and bawled and made me feel so bad for him. He begged me to take him back and give him another chance. He said he’d do anything and never yell at me again. Never hurt me in bed, never hurt my feelings intentionally like he used to, etc. All the empty promises and all the lies he told me in the beginning he said he’s bring to life.
I don’t care. I love Aric, and I think that he and I have a chance. Aric needs me. He needs someone to love him and show him that not everyone is going to hit him. That life is worth living and hurting yourself is not the answer to pain.
He’s so understanding of everything, because he’s still going through/has been through the things that I went through in my life. We can relate. He loves anime and video games and Invader Zim, similar music.
I hope that all this works out. But I know that me giving Chris this chance for the millionth time isn’t going to help anything. I want to love someone for who they are, not someone’s façade.
Chris in the beginning, the person I used to love so much, was all just a lie. He said he lied to me because he didn’t want to loose me.
But he will loose me. I promised Aric that Chris would be out of my life eventually. I’m going to make good of that promise.
But that’s been life for me.
How about everyone else? ^^’’’’’’
Love,
Lynnsey

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I'm really proud of myself. I got to most sites yeseterday.
My schedule for next semester:
1. English IV CP
2. Creative Writing
3. Ecology
4. Computer Applications
But I don’t really have any friends so far. Sara, Tori, Christina, or Hanson have no classes with me.
I did nothing yesterday. So, it wasn’t actually that bad, when I was out of school.
This girl keeps bothering me and talking shit about me in 3rd block. I’ll show her the justice when I feel like I want to start something.
It was so hilarious! Last night when Chris was asleep on the couch, Luke and I were making fun of him as usual. Luke has almost a big loathing for him as I do. Luke got the brilliant idea to play a prank on him. So, he went and got the accordion( a musical instrument associated with Polka music mostly and funny, whimsical music) out of his room. Chris is sound asleep and the monster approaches. All of a sudden this loud annoying funny sound comes and blows from the instrument itself. Chris freaks and jumps, cursing with profanities. Luke and I didn’t stop laughing for ever.
I actually like his girlfriend. She’s been a vegetarian for four years and works on a ranch part time. So, maybe I’ll let Luke off with little embarrassment. I usually don’t like the girls who like him.
So, an actual happy event! Except for that girl. I dread third block.
Love,
Lynnsey

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Monday, November 27, 2006

"Bodies"-The Sex Pistols
There is this really annoying girl in my class. She’s singing Tenacious D and she knows nothing about meal. I HATE her. She’s probably never heard any other Tenacious D song but “Pick of Destiny”. But she thinks she’s sooooooooooooo into Metal. She’s not. Mudvayne is not meal. OMFG.
It just makes me mad. It’s a stupid reason to get all worked up, I know, but I can’t help it. I must defend what I love.
Or who I love.
My days have been restless. I can’t sleep, worth a shit. I talked to Tori till almost three am. It was fun though, and now her and I are going to make myspaces for our egos. Maybe I should make a new myotaku for my ego. Just for fun.
Maybe it’ll be a boost of morale.
On Deathnote vol 7. It’s getting interesting and such. Light is so evil! There was the most evil expression on his face, like ever.
I have a bad headache. I finally feel like sleeping, but of course I cannot sleep in class.
I really hate the stupidity of everyone. I’m mad and stressed and all this other shit. And people are just making it worse.
My mom got hit by a drunk this weekend. She’s ok and all, I mean she’s not in the hospital, but the car is totaled. So, now I might have to ride the bus, in which I refuse to do. After what has happened to me on the bus for the last few times I rode it, I don’t ever want to ride it again. So, now I must find rides to and from school when my dad is not available to pick me up.
But on the up side of all this. I found out a lot of neat things this weekend about the punk movement in the UK. I was amazed by it all really, because nothing really interests me all that much anymore, but this has.
Well, I’ll leave off, with a thank you for all the nice comments! I’ll try to get to more sites when I’m not so busy, but a lot of you never update anyways.
Love,
Lynnsey

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Saturday, November 25, 2006

"Glittering Cloud" Imogen Heap
Thanksgiving was horrible.
I had to go to Chris's house and sit there...
Boreing
Then I went to my home and well
My mom wasn't even there, and we really didn't have Thanksgiving at all. I got a burnt hamburger. It was wonderful. I hate Turkey anyways so whatever. My mom got home at like 11-ish and kept acting all stupid and shit. My older sister was there too.
And so was my dad's friend whom I think stole my set of rings.
All he brings is trouble.
How was everyone elses?
My back is killing me.
Depression is killing me.
Lack of love is killing.
I got AIM back. my SN is darkapocrypha13....
Old picture from a couple of weeks back:

ugly whoa.
I swear something happy soon.
Love,
Lynnsey
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Saturday, November 18, 2006

No good title.
Well...
I cut my hair. Just the back. It made my hair a lot shorter, otherwise it's un-noticable.
I was just looking at myself in the mirror and got pissed off and got out the scissors.
I might just actually cut it off in a dyke like hair cut. I don't know. I'm going to need a straightener and platinum hair dye, to satisfy myself in the least. *is still considering a mohawk*
I saw a Anti-Flag cd at Target. The world is coming to an end. Seriously.
I'm still in the deep end of emotion. It's showing up in the red and nothing other than a lot of anger.
So, the next little while may be a little emo-ish I guess.
In spite of my better judgement, I've been quite nice to everyone in general. Even if they destroy me, I just walk off and hit myself in the head with the Guitar Hero guitar.
I slammed my head into my electric guitar, and didn't feel anything. It was quite stupid really.
I stayed up pretty late Monday night drawing a picture and writing a sappy love note to someone I won't even give it to now.
I will say one more thing...
You people out there, like Chara, who have partners that they love and love them back, are the luckiest people in the world. You've found the one and you two stick it out, through everything. I envy you more than anyone else in the world. I think (even though 17 is still very young) I'll never have anyone like that. Seriously. Luck bastards :P.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. So, I think I'll be stoic and by o n my own.
I'm just tired of always seeking something that isn't there in the first place.
So, I'll just stop while I can. I just have to figure out a way to get rid of Chris. And not feel bad about it. And ignore his pleas.
Well. My weekend so far has been...pretty meh.
Thanksgiving is coming up and so is my most loathed holiday Christmas...
Agh, I hatehatehate Christmas.
Which means another couple of days and I'm out of school for a while.
I have been having nightmares again and it's been hard to sleep. So, I've been groggy and sleepy. I did however get a little bit of sleep, but I sill had the same dream about the same thing.
Well, how is everyone?
Love,
Lynnsey
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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Touched by the Crimson King-Demons and Wizards.
I’m going home.
I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see anyone here.
I have a horrible headache and I just got hit in the head with a dodgeball and ridiculed in front of an entire class.
I just called my mom and she’s coming to get me. Thank liljewspank.
King burned the new Demon’s and Wizards cd. It’s gave me a bit of happiness. I wonder if Darby has it. Hmmmmmm…maybe I’ll give him a call and see how the band is going.
Luke was given Deathnote 6 and 7. Koz is lending them to us. Yay.
I talked to Tyrell some more last night. It made me really happy. We talked more about the possibility of him coming here in December. And also about the open house at his college that I want to go to. It’s an art college in Pittsburg. They specialize in game design.
I’ll support her in any way necessary. As long as she’s happy why should I care? I’m just selfish. I can share every material item, but when it comes to emotions it’s hard to share.
I need to just relax. And not think about anything.
I keep trying to escape school. But it holds me in it’s infinite grasp…
Love,
Lynnsey

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Tired of school?
I think I might seriously collapse from all the damn stress.
I want to just drop out seriously. But I can’t can I? College. Like I have any talents to work on to make a career out of.
So, thus I question your truth of your feelings toward me. Since apparently you have no feelings at all and can’t have a romantic relationship. All my effort is wasteful, so screw it. I try and express it. I tried to make you happy. I did everything I could and yet after all it was a waste.
I called Tyrell and talked to him for a while. He’s such a nice person. I pretty much stopped talking to him because of my busy schedule and even though he said he was mad at me, he still accepted my apology and said he was trying to be mad at me, but couldn’t. He really is one of my best friends. And well he’s always been there for me. I hope I can get him something good for xmas.
Speaking of I’m making cards this year and if you give me your address and such I’ll make one for you!
Well that’s all for now because once again I’m buckled down with work! ><

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Sunday, November 12, 2006

More Pictures..
Even more pictures!
I got a new kitten from a lady in front of walmart. She's mine, Luke's and Chris's. But truthfully...I feel like she's more mine since I picked her out,

Me and the kitty without a name still.

RAWR BLURRY

Again....

She was sleepy...

Muh little fluff ball

Meow...

God isn't he gross looking? It's Chris....agggggggggh. Aggitateing.

Yet another ugly picture....defileing my kitty...I will kill him...

Best for last...

And thats all....I swear...
I will try to get to as many sites as possible...I'm just so tired...
Love,
Lynnsey

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Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Down in it.
Life right now...is excrutiatingly painful.
The Melvins are here in town and guess once again who gets to miss out on the concert of a lifetime.
You, guessed it...Lynnsey.
I tried breaking up with Chris again and he once again wouldn't let me go. He screamed and cried and threatned to wreck his car off the road and kill himself. I'm so tired of all this.
I'm going crazy...I can't sleep, I can't think clear...I just want to sleep forever.
Every bit of happiness in my life is dissapearing. And I'm going into fucking council soon. My mother is making an attempt to get me in. I don't know if anything will come of it.
All I could do after I came home early on Monday is sit and try and sleep. I watched a little record of the lodoss war. All it served to do was make me cry, because I associate that show with a person I miss.
I need some pills to make me happy and it's sad that it's come this far. But I'm going to take some of my mom's medication. She says that I should so I will. I'm afraid to though. I don't want to take any medicene. I'll be happy if I can just figure out how to make myself that way. Even L isn't bringing me into the land of the fangirl twitch. I did squee over him a little in first period.
Tori's not here and I'm sad...
I hope Stephanie's here. I feel horrible because I feel like I bring her down. I feel like I cause her so much pain with my very existence. Tonight is the night for Lost...Lost is wonderful.
I'll stop being all sappy and crap now...
I'll do my best to get to sites.
Love,
Lynnsey
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Sunday, November 5, 2006

Pictures...
Pics of me finally
From a cameraphone that had a better quality than my digital camera...
Behold my uglyness:









Love,
Lynnsey
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