Saturday, October 7, 2006

Blahblah
Today was pretty good. My friend Stephanie might be spending the night with John Austin, Luke, and I. Chris has to work. ><
I'm so sorry I have been horrible about commenting. I'm on myspace all the time, because people message me and I can't escape! ><
I was suprised that Bekki commented.
Well, my sister's stepmother Kim passed away. She died the stereotypical death of someone who uses and abuses drugs and pills. And also pimps their daugter out to get the substances that make her veins feel as if a flame were casted into them.
Drug overdose. possible suicide. Who knows really?
My older sister is upset badly about all this. it's funny how over emotional someone can get over someone they were trash talking the other day....
Anyways, i drew a semi-het pic for someone...did a ton of homework and mainly just tried to sleep. Tyring to avoid the nightmares about people comeing into school and shooting my keyboarding class 0_0.
If someone really did come into the school and started doing that I'd have to intervene. I can't just stand there and watch. I always feel like I'd have to get everyone out of there. Espically those who have started their lives, like the freshmen. If I died I wouldn't care. Odds are I only have a little while left. My mom has already told me that my life span might be a little shorter than everyone elses. I think whatever fate has in store for me will be good enough.
Enough rambling for now!
And those pics aren't comeing as soon as thought. Luke lost the usb cable to the camera! ><
Love, Lynnsey
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Thursday, October 5, 2006

Rawr I'm sleepy..
Bleh life has killed me! Well, sorta!
I’m in Keyboarding right now and sneaking on the net!
I had a horrible headache this morning. I fell out of bed and tripped over the millons of things in my floor. I promised pics of my room and myself I know… I might actually have those up this weekend. My little brother has a digital camera and well he owes me, for letting him wear my shirts!
Hanson is looking at what I am typing! Say hello to Hanson!
Lol. I’ve died time and time again from these headaches, but today was like the ultimate headache. Then this girl had to say “ThunderKiss 65” was a Metallica song! I righted her wrong, but I don’t think she heard me.
White Zombie!
I’ve been working on my mad Guitar Hero skills and can now play quite well on Hard. It’s gonna be a while before I can do “No one Knows.” Though.
I’ve also played Naruto Ultimate Ninja and have for some reason fell in love with it! It’s not as if it’s actually a very good fighter…it’s slow and pretty cheap and simple. I think Gaara was the easiest person to play with. He maybe a slow person, but a long range attack style is all he has really.
My favorite character as always is Haku, Zabuza and Hinata.
My friend Tori’s letting me borrow the rest of the Love Hina I haven’t read yet! YES!
This weekend is going to be hella lame… I miss Chris being home at night. It gets very lonely. I think I’ll invite Stephanie over if John Austin isn’t going to spend the night.
I lurve Stephanie. ^^
I love you all!
Lynnsey
Ps. My dad maybe getting a job, so wish us luck! My older sister is now gone for a little while so maybe I can watch Memoirs of a Geisha with my mom today. I’ve already watched the movie and read the book but my mom wants to see it too so I’m gonna watch it with her! And the Office comes onto night! YAy!
Pss. See Memoirs of a Geisha… Stephanie and I command you!

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Saturday, September 30, 2006

I need some fucking beer...or just something to numb my mind from thinking
And it's true.
I've been thinking waaay too much this week. It hurts my head.
I stayed out of school Tuesday, for the first time in Gods know how long... I was so sick of the stress and cramps. I couldn't sleep because I kept having nightmares about fucking Westley and his new girlfriend....Every time I saw something that even remotely reminded me of him, I almost emptied the contents of my bowels in the nearest receptacle to me.
So, I laid in bed till 1:30 pm. Got up and watched Mia Tyler on the Tyra Banks show....I hate that show but I do like Mia Tyler...she's a great role model for so many people.
But I have to be thankful for what I have. Health and a fucking headache. I just need to stop complaining, because people have more things to do than read about my pathetic problems.
Love,
Lynnsey
ps. Sorry to all who called this week. It's been so bad that I've either had my phone turned off or left it in another room so I wouldn't hear it ring. I'm a horrible friend. Sorry. ;__;
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

bad day...
..................................................................

I knew this day would come.

Why wasn't I better prepared for this?

To see him with someone else.

I was looking through the Karns page to see if I could find any of my old friends from there. I ran across this girl I thought I might have known, but her picture wasn't of her, so I clicked to see if she was the person I thought she was.

She wasn't Heather.

But I will tell you this. I envy her and despise her more than anyone else as of right now.

I looked through the pictures and to my suprise there he was.

Doing the things we used to do, smileing and acting like an idiot.

I don't think I can ever turn on my PS2 or any other game console again. I don't think I'll ever put in another cd that he burned me or any metal of any sort again. It hurts too much. it reminds me of him too much.

I'm breaking my cds, I'm burning them all, I'm burning everything that reminds me of him. If I did that I would have to take my whole being and burn it.

I hate myself. It's no lie that I do. But now it's even more so apparent in my mind. She's so much prettier than I am. Skinner, straight hair, and everything....

I know it's pathetic, but he told me that no matter what he would always love me. He told me that the day we broke it off and the times after that as well. He said that I was the only person for him. That he could never have another girlfriend, because it would never work. I asked him if he meant that and he said "I swear to God." which he never does.

In my mind I guess I thought,

"Maybe, somehow, we'll be together. Not now but maybe if I do good in school and change myself to better, then after high school....or just maybe we'll run into each other.....and he'll find me somehow. And we can try this again. And this time it will work."

It's the only thing that has kept me going. Besides my younger brother who could care less about me anyways.

It hurts so much.

It hurts so much for someone you should be over by now. Someone you said you were over.

I still love him. I can't help it; no matter how hard I try to forget and look past it, it's still there.

I want every word, every band we liked, espically Black Sabbath, Children of Bodom ,Strapping Young Lad and Iron Maiden, every "I love you", every drawing, every song, every heartbeat I heard while I was sleeping in his arms, every phone call every night, every round of Soul Calibur, Half Life DeathMatch, and Counterstrike, every fucking time I smiled and truly meant it, I want it all obliterated.

I want to be able to go onto ymtnd and laugh at the angst/Linkin Park ymtnd again; go to disaster labs and real ultimate power and not have to fight back tears.....

I tried so hard to be everything....I tried.

I waited up every night by the phone after I moved. I cried every night you never called me and every time I'd call and you wouldn't want to talk because you were playing Guild Wars or was asleep in the middle of the day.

I gave up my religion....my friends....my beliefs, all because you asked me to.

I loved you so much Westley. Even after you casted me aside for your computer and such....

I would say "Why?", but I know that I deserve it.

Right now I'm going to go....and just do something.

I need anything to make me feel better.

Call me an emo kid or whatever....I don't give a fuck. I feel somewhat better and worse now that I've vented.

This is the worst I've ever flet or motherfucking close to it. I've cried so much today, I still feel like crying and nothing comes out. This is what Casey meant when she said you'll cry till all you can do is dry-ly sob.

Love,

Lynnsey
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Saturday, September 23, 2006

Back by popular demand....
Well, not really....but I tried to make it sound cool, huh?
Nothing much has gone except for a lot of useless bullshit.
It really is.
I'm feeling bad right now.
Hot and sick at my stomache.
Just got done watching episode 21 of Nana. It was worth it. ^^ I hope Nobu and Nana get together and stay, but Takumi is her boyfriend....it's all so confuseing. But at least Nana Osaki and Ren Honjo are together. That makes me so happy, I creamed myself, lol.
homework is killing me.
My grades:
Wellness: B
Keyborading/Keyboard Appl.: A
Econ/Gov:B
Alg.1:B
Not in order of chronology.
A lot of things have been bothering me lately. I haven't been answering my cellphone at all.
I just don't wanna talk to anyone.
All I do is sit around and cry a lot while I'm at home. I hate feeling this way. I don't even talk to Tyrell (though I'm probably about to call in a few minutes)
Earlier today was a lot of fun though.
Chara and I sat around and watched Jerry Springer, while she was on the net and I was flipping through her Ruroni Kenshin yaoi doujin she recently purchased...We also played Fatal Frame 2 and had the shit scared out of us. It was fun. Since we hadn't played in a while, we weren't excepting some things....like the ghost (Man in the Dark) that poped up on The Whisper Bridge... lol.
Chris took me out to dinner...Hardees. I think some of the meat wasn't cooked throughly. It's makeing me sick.
I've also been trying to work on my myspace page....
and write some fanfictions....and stuff, just to build up my profile on FF.net.
My big toe is itchy....
Love,
Lynnsey
ps. I will try to get to as many sites as possible although the comments might be breif.
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Saturday, September 9, 2006

This week in the life of Lynnsey!
My little brother got a girlfriend! She's one of my best friend's named Heather. Her birthday's comeing up so he's going to the mall to get her a gift....^^

Does anyone remember the band Alien Ant Farm? I heart that band....

I looked up crap abut NaNa last night....
I was shocked about what has happened. I also watched the movie and vrious parts of episodes 1-18 that Chris downloaded for me. It really follows the manga well! ^^

Men, are becomeing a supreme hatered of mine....But I love allyou guys! And Killwoon you can call me by whatever name you like. I don't care if you all call me Lynnsey at all.

Isn't it screwed up when people will talk to you on myspace and not in school?

YAOI!!!! ^^ It is the supreme love....
My friend Koz ruined the bands performance last night. He forgot to bring his horn up and the tripped off the bleachers they play on. It was a football game too. So, he is in deep shit. Our band is very cruel. People in there think they're they shit and aren't really. It's so funny....they think they're special. They suck. Karns band was much better. They played the Zelda song. It rooxxored.

I'm re-reading Gravitation. It is fun. School work has been heavy and people will not shut their traps.

Well, I'm going to try and get to everyone's sites!
Love,
Lynnsey
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Sunday, September 3, 2006

>
Ack....tried to get around to everyone's site and comment and post and work on website and myspace page....>< ><
This week an ambulance has been to my school, three times....
A wreck and two fights...
A girl tried to kill her self and is in ICU....
Chris is driveing me crazy....
Life is giveing me a headache.....
Love,
Lynnsey
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Sunday, August 27, 2006

Feeling like shit....
There's someone I miss very much...
I haven't heard from her in forever....
I took a look at her myotaku site....it hasn't been updated since Janurary, 25, 2006...
I took a glance at her live journal...it said...
45 weeks since last update.
I think she's dead. If she's dead...
I want to know what happened. I don't want to not hear from her again....
If I were there...things would have been better for her. Maybe I wouldn't have hurt her like I did. She always said that she had strong feelings for me. it was like wise...I did everything I could....and now.
Look.
Where did she go?
I'll miss her....I'm thinking about deleting the site off my friends list, because...I really just can't stand to look at the words...
last update: 01/25/06...
She always leaves without notice and then comes back within a day or two...but it's been months...
Where did she go?

Love all of you....
Lynnsey
ps. Sorry I'm just a little meh...right now. I miss her and it hurts because I haven't heard from her in months....she hated me before she went away...and I can't stand that.

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why!!????
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/gothneko/dirlive1.jpg
What is this takeing over his face???!!!!
WHY!!!???
Lol, Alayna is on the phone with me!!! Why Kyo why!???
Love, Lynnsey
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   Ahhhhh...
I've been trying to clean out my friends list and it's hard to do when you have around lets say...300 people!!!! 0_0

But ahhh my day has been filled with Chara and I updateing our site shikaihane...yeah I have a website, that no one goes too...

I'm also trying to comment...I'm doing the best I can...

My myspace is Smileing In The Rain...for anyone who wants to know...

I added you Michelle and Amber ! ~^

Chris isn't being too pleasent right now. I just did the dishes...and now he can't fix food because the meat didn't thaw out...
He gets mad too easy and blows up over trivial things. It scares me because he throws things and slams doors and stomps...
He says I "nag" too much. He also says that I shouldn't try to convince him to do anything, because he wants things done a certain way...like earlier he couldn't find a dish to cook spagheti sauce in. He said he had to have that dish to do it in. I told him why don't you just cook it in the bigger pot. He blew up over that...maybe because I repeated myself like 20 times...
Also, attention all fanfic writters and any and all artists! We need stuff for our website! ANYTHING! Espically fanfcition, because our site really lacks in that section! >< Please, tell me if you would like to contribute! We will give you full credit and a link on our page! ^^ Please, help! We, also take orginal fiction and poetry...
My week has been busy. I have totally wned my first two econ tests with a 100!!! ^___^ Other than that hung out with Amanda....about it...
Actually I have a lot more to say, but I will save it for later!
Bye-bye!
Love, Lynnsey
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