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myOtaku.com: Purgatory


Monday, August 2, 2004

i'm not all alone.....he's here with me.
Well, hello everyone. Another somber day for me. What of your selves? I got to go see my new school today. It's not the ideal place to go, but then again, what's the use. Maybe I'll do better without any freinds there. Probably not. I'll probably break down. My mother told me to smile and they'll like you fine. What if you can't smile? What if you forgot how? I called Chara today and believe me, big frickin' whoopie. I tried to act the happiest I could(I am excited a bit about my classes. I'm takeing Mythology and Creative Writting. They didn't offer that where I used to go.)and she was all sad acting. I see she updated but whats the use in checking it out? It's probably something about Kevin. Thats the ONLY reason why she comes to see me is because she knows I see Chris and where Chris is Kevin will come if she's there. Not that I dislike Kevin, don't get me wrong he's like an older brother to me. But sometimes ya' know *sniffs* you just want things to go back. Far back. I want to be blind. I don't want to see sadness. I want to be a child again. I don't want to have emotions anymore. I want to be cold again. I don't freinds if all I'm going to do is hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be a burden. It's all my fault everyone is going through all this trouble to get me enrolled. I just don't want to see my dad. No thats not my dad. That isn't him. He isn't the man who use to push me on swings and have cook-outs on the weekends. That man was my dad. Even if he was addictied to a lot of bad things, he never hit me back then or cussed me out and said bad thngs to me. I want cuz to be here with me. I want to hear him yell at me and make lame jokes and sing the songs from comercials and ask Chris if he has the urges. It just now hit me that he's gone. He isn't there anymore. Death took him away. Testament maybe has possed my father....no wait he's right here laughing as I write all this, saying what a pitiful fool I am. I really feel bad...I wish Rayea or big brother(DemonMessiah or Katie or Alica was on now...but they aren't. Well, I better stop writting now. I better go and clean some more and try to call Katie or Chris. bai. I will post more later and I won't promise, but it'll try to be happier. I've got to practice that for school anyways.
~Purgatory-_-~Keep the Faith~
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