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• 2004-05-02
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• Lynnsey
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• College and things.
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• Four years old which is when I first saw Akira
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• Higurashi (When They Cry), Nana, School Days, Devilman, Hoshi No Koe (Voices Of A Distant Star), Loveless, Gravitation, Boogiepop Phantom, Yami To Boushi No Hon Tabibito
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• To ensure the happiness and stability of our future. To possibly have a family one day.
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• Uncertain.
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004
i missed thebus....
I don't very good this morning. I keep sneezing and my head hurts ( yet i'm listening to Dir en Grey's " Children " at full blast^^''', well it's zomboid now. i loveid you die and Kaoru. I loveid you so) I keep trying to call everyone because I missed the bus and noone is awnswering. Though my parents cell keeps ringing, noone awnswers and my sis's is ethier turned off or out of range. And this morning when i had my horrible headache ( always seems the worse when you first wake up.) Chris was yelling at me to get up and i wouldn't until he finally started to say i'm getting on my arms and knees and begging you, in a very loud and annoying high pitched voice and started to cry. I think I might have said something, but then he yelled " you just don't care, do you?!!" And I don't know if I responded to that, but then he was bawling and said he had to go to the bus. After that i got my ass up out of bed and the bus stop peoples were gone. i need to stop missing so moany days of school or I'm definetly headed to juvy!!! Chris called me back a few minutes later, and apologized for saying he thought I didn't care. I said I was little angry with him. He walked for a few more minutes and nothing was asaid and then he had to go because he was at the bus stop. I read the song that Matty told me to read and well...in a way thats true, but ... Chris is really begininng to annoy me with all the crying. Everyday since Sunday, he has cried at least once. I try to be there for him. But well sometimes i don't think he's better off without me. It's turning out to be just like it was with me and Josh. He says he wants to leave me and i'll be better off without him, and I screamed at him that one time that all I needed was him! He was everything I ever wanted! ( Which he wasn't...^^' ) Chris says the same thing to me, except with more begging and pleading. Our realtionship just gets worse and worse for him. And the sickening thing is I make it that way. I'm a horrible person. my emotions are too confused and i just can't stand to see someone cry. Espically not Chris. Everytime I start to say I need a little time apart, he starts crying and begging me not to leave him. And I just come running back to the phone a few minutes later saying that i want to be with you and I'm not going to leave you. Please don't cry anymore. I think i need to leave him, but I know he'll hurt himself. Maybe not leave him, but maybe just sometime apart. He thinks he brings this upon himslef and he doesn't. He is a very sweet person and is always trying to buy me stuff, so that when he is away I came look at that thing and say that I'm thinking of him. Maybe this is just a rough spot for us, but I can't stand to make people cry. I do wanna sound mean and tell him to shut-up ansd stop you crying or anything. Thats not at all how I mean it. I just don't like him crying because of me. Well help me if you guys can... i have a morbid stroy up sometime. I'm brainstorming one. I love all of you! Espically some of you and you know who you are! ~^ hugs to Sam, Kei-chan, Vicious2, Matty-monster, Darke, rebecca ( though she never comes to my site anymore ;_;), iamdizzy, Chara-chan, Thecrowchicky, Nikorasu ( I never have to time to come visit you, but I will this morning!! ), and all the other people that I may have forgotten the names of you or not have mentioned ( frineds from school, etc )I love all of you! Meaty Chainsaw!!!
~Purgatory-_-~Dead and loveing it~
ps. sorry it was so long and rant-like. I'll make it happier next time!
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