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• grivershini6
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Birthday
• 1989-04-10
Gender
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Female
Location
• Space Colossus
Member Since
• 2004-05-02
Occupation
• Zach's Bitch ahahaha
Real Name
• Lynnsey
Personal
Achievements
• College and things.
Anime Fan Since
• Four years old which is when I first saw Akira
Favorite Anime
• Higurashi (When They Cry), Nana, School Days, Devilman, Hoshi No Koe (Voices Of A Distant Star), Loveless, Gravitation, Boogiepop Phantom, Yami To Boushi No Hon Tabibito
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• To ensure the happiness and stability of our future. To possibly have a family one day.
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• Reading, Website design, music, anime, fashion, artsy shit?
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• Uncertain.
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Sunday, September 24, 2006
bad day...
..................................................................
I knew this day would come.
Why wasn't I better prepared for this?
To see him with someone else.
I was looking through the Karns page to see if I could find any of my old friends from there. I ran across this girl I thought I might have known, but her picture wasn't of her, so I clicked to see if she was the person I thought she was.
She wasn't Heather.
But I will tell you this. I envy her and despise her more than anyone else as of right now.
I looked through the pictures and to my suprise there he was.
Doing the things we used to do, smileing and acting like an idiot.
I don't think I can ever turn on my PS2 or any other game console again. I don't think I'll ever put in another cd that he burned me or any metal of any sort again. It hurts too much. it reminds me of him too much.
I'm breaking my cds, I'm burning them all, I'm burning everything that reminds me of him. If I did that I would have to take my whole being and burn it.
I hate myself. It's no lie that I do. But now it's even more so apparent in my mind. She's so much prettier than I am. Skinner, straight hair, and everything....
I know it's pathetic, but he told me that no matter what he would always love me. He told me that the day we broke it off and the times after that as well. He said that I was the only person for him. That he could never have another girlfriend, because it would never work. I asked him if he meant that and he said "I swear to God." which he never does.
In my mind I guess I thought,
"Maybe, somehow, we'll be together. Not now but maybe if I do good in school and change myself to better, then after high school....or just maybe we'll run into each other.....and he'll find me somehow. And we can try this again. And this time it will work."
It's the only thing that has kept me going. Besides my younger brother who could care less about me anyways.
It hurts so much.
It hurts so much for someone you should be over by now. Someone you said you were over.
I still love him. I can't help it; no matter how hard I try to forget and look past it, it's still there.
I want every word, every band we liked, espically Black Sabbath, Children of Bodom ,Strapping Young Lad and Iron Maiden, every "I love you", every drawing, every song, every heartbeat I heard while I was sleeping in his arms, every phone call every night, every round of Soul Calibur, Half Life DeathMatch, and Counterstrike, every fucking time I smiled and truly meant it, I want it all obliterated.
I want to be able to go onto ymtnd and laugh at the angst/Linkin Park ymtnd again; go to disaster labs and real ultimate power and not have to fight back tears.....
I tried so hard to be everything....I tried.
I waited up every night by the phone after I moved. I cried every night you never called me and every time I'd call and you wouldn't want to talk because you were playing Guild Wars or was asleep in the middle of the day.
I gave up my religion....my friends....my beliefs, all because you asked me to.
I loved you so much Westley. Even after you casted me aside for your computer and such....
I would say "Why?", but I know that I deserve it.
Right now I'm going to go....and just do something.
I need anything to make me feel better.
Call me an emo kid or whatever....I don't give a fuck. I feel somewhat better and worse now that I've vented.
This is the worst I've ever flet or motherfucking close to it. I've cried so much today, I still feel like crying and nothing comes out. This is what Casey meant when she said you'll cry till all you can do is dry-ly sob.
Love,
Lynnsey
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