Monday, August 22, 2005

   Good-Bye
My oldest friend is going to college in Ohio this week, and I saw her for the last time on Sunday. I'm just really sad right now - I spent last night crying, to be honest. I'm going to miss her a lot. E-mails aren't the same, ya know?
NO ONE click on my wallpapers until I post you can! I uploaded a new one, and if anyone clicks on them between now and then, I'll have to start over!! Thanks to Black Kara for warning me. ^_^
Here's an ode to my friend, who's now gone...

You've been with me through a lot,
and I think we've seen it all.
Good and bad, and joy and sad,
we've taken a lot of falls along the way.

You've never once let me down,
and I hope that I've backed you up when you needed me.
Bracing me when I'm about to fall,
I don't know where I'd be without you.

Good-byes are hard, and farewells are sad.
I don't like to think about them much.
To not see your face for who knows how long is not the easiest thing to bear.
I'll try to remember that you'll come back one day,
but missing you hurts too much for me to forget.

I'll continue my life, like you'll want me to,
and I hope you have good times ahead.
But please don't forget me, because I won't forget you.
And keep me in your heart until you come back.
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Sunday, August 21, 2005

   Hrm....
To all my friends that need help, have ever needed help, or will ever need help - physically or emotionally.

The stars seem so far away,
or maybe it's because I'm lost.
I can't seem to find my way,
I think I need a hand.

If someone would reach out to me,
and throw me a lifeline.
I'd gladly take the chance they've given me,
and hold on for the ride.

I can never seem to the find the words,
that will express what I'm thinking.
Perhaps that's why they say I'm dumb,
or pretend they can't hear me.

I'll substitute your reality for my own,
but that doesn't seem to be working either.
Life can suck, and so can dreams,
but maybe that's what makes life worth living.

Taking risks - disappointments,
to me it's all the same.
I don't want my heart broken,
but it's bound to be along the way.

When I need help, I'll make a choice,
to be all I can be.
Maybe someday someone will see me for who I am.
Until then, I'll just have to try to see myself for me.
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Saturday, August 20, 2005

   Hey!
I just had an awesome time - I went bowling with my friend, Andrew. (He's pretty cute, too. ^_^) None of my other friends could come, so it was me, Andrew, my dad, and my brother. I had a blast! He's really funny, and such a flirt. Kinda perverted, but not in a dirty way, even though that sounds weird.
After we boweled about four games, we went to mass, and now I'm sitting in my comfies typing this. My wrist is killing me!
Let me tell you one thing - I SUCK at boweling! ^_^

(Is is bowling, or boweling?? I can't tell....)

Well, today's Saturday, and that means a new Inuyasha! HOO-RAH! ^_^ I'm kinda pissed that Samurai Champloo is getting repeated, but oh well. And Last Exile isn't on till 4 in the morning, and there isn't any way in hell I'm staying up that late. I think I'll go see if I can get the VCR to work for me to record it.....

I'll catch you people later! Hope you had a good day as well!
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

   Last Exile
I've been watching Last Exile for a bit, and I recognize the voices of Alex and Vincent in particular. Does anyone know where else those voice actors have played? I can't find it anywhere!
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   Hey!
I just wanted to say "hey!" to all my new friends - and to all my old ones, too. ^_^
I'm very happy here - I get to talk to people I know (sorta) and like, and exchange ideas and anime! I'm very glad I stumbled across this site. Originally, I only wanted the wallpapers, but decided to give having a blog a chance. And look what happened! Ah....risks are great!
Always take a risk, or you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you had, and wondering what would have happened.

There - that was my piece of advice for the day. Or at least, kinda advice, kinda pathetic. You decide! ^_^

I've been updating my stuff at fanfiction like mad - some stories are still on hold, while one I completed in a week! 12 chapters...hee-hee-hee! I've got several lined up for posting as well.
I'll see you guys later....thanks for being a friend!
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Tuesday, August 9, 2005

   ARGH!!
What is WRONG with my friggn' site?!!? I submitted two wallpapers yesterday, and it showed up "Wallpapers (3)" right away. And now I'm back to one! And I submitted another earlier this week, and it's still not up!!!!

AARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
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   Dedicated to....
A girl I knew who was pregnant at 15, and had her baby. At least she didn't have an abortion, which I personally believe is a great evil. You not only harm yourself, but a living human being inside you that you brought into existence.

Without further depressing ranting...

Help me, please.
Someone save my from this reality.

I don't want to see it.
It hurts too much for me to bear the pain.

I don't want to share my burden.
It's no one's fault but my own.

I never meant for this to happen.
How it did, I'll never know.

I don't understand.
Why is this happening to me?

Too young to carry this weight.
Too old to run and cry to my mother.

Too scared to tell anyone about this.
Too inexperianced to know what's going on.

Maybe I'll never fully appreciate the weight of my actions.
But this life shouldn't be condemned because of my mistake.

Someone, help me, please.
But let me live in this reality that I've created for myself.
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   Poem
This is a piece I wrote several weeks ago.

I share my pain with no one;
because I doubt anyone cares.
I lock myself in my room;
and blame my life on me.

I hide my feelings from my friends;
scared that they'll reject me.
If they truly see who I am;
there would be nothing left but to run.

The light that shone inside me is gone;
snuffed out by my mistakes.
My dreams have taken flight;
I don't think I'll see them again.

Hope and love and trust;
these concepts are alien to me.
Despair, loneliness, and fear;
these are what I understand and feel.

I'm hiding from the world;
or maybe just from myself.
I don't know what to do at all;
but fear and rejection keep me from asking for help.

I believe I'm also taking a page out of aodtr666's book - if you don't comment on my page at all, or PM me back, I'll take you off my Friend list.
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Sunday, August 7, 2005

   Dance Continued...
All in all, I think I learned a few things about myself last night. One - that I love to dance, no matter what. ^_^
Two, and more importantly, - that I'm not ready to have a date or to have a boyfriend. I'm too independent, and I like too much to flirt back with a guy. (I'm not a slut, but if they start it...) I just like to have fun too much.
I realized this when my date and I were slow-dancing, and he started to stammer something out. (I still don't know what it was.) But all of a sudden, I was terrified that he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. All I could think was "Please don't ask me. Please don't ask me!" over and over again. If that doesn't mean something, I don't know what does.
I think next time I talk to him, I'll tell him that I'm not ready to date anyone, or to be someone's girlfriend.

I'm so glad for Otaku and for you guys -- Kitsune Theif, aodtr666, J Briones, TaliF, Leon Sama, and everyone else. It's good to be able to talk to all of you - through PMs or posts - and not have to worry about you guys judging me, or telling everyone and their brother my personal feelings. If I tell this stuff to ANY of my friends - except TaliF, and she's getting ready to go to college, and I don't want to bother her - next thing I know, everyone's gonna know my business. That's how it was at the dance!
People I didn't even know were coming up to me and asking me about my boyfriend and shit like that. I got pretty pissed by the end of it, I can tell you that!
I just like being able to have fun with other guys in general, and be able to flirt and stuff when I want to. I don't like having a guy that's not even DANCING with me except for three slow dances(even when he asked me to the dance!)hovering around me, acting like I'm his property.
I started to dance with someone, and he actually ran up and shoved the guy away from me. A-HOLE. I'm not someone's property! I'm a person, and a person that's able to make my own decisions, THAT'S for damn sure!

Ah...that rant felt much better. I just want to let you guys know how much I appreciate your friendship, and how much it means to me.
BTW - I submitted two more wallpapers, so keep an eye out for them. ^_~ And check my articles out, if ya want.
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   Dance
Man...my feet are killing and I'm all beat to crap from last night - but I had an awesome time!
I hung out with nine of my friends, and met another guy who we hung out with as well. I danced all night long, and one of the most popular (and single!) guys in Teen Group asked me to dance! I danced with my date some, but he couldn't dance, and kept wandering off, so.... *_*
The guy we met was really nice and easygoing - and cute, too. ^_^ He danced with us most of the time.
A guy I had met a few years back - and he acted like a jer - tried to dance with me again. We were swing-dancing, and he tried to spin me into his arms. Only his hands were RIGHT underneath my chest! So I elbowed him, and accidently smashed his foot and grabbed his tie. But it was a nice touch - he didn't come near me. I just couldn't believe he DID that! ARGH!!! If a guy was gonna try and feel me up, why couldn't it at LEAST have been a cute guy I was interested in!?!?!
Other than that, I had a ball. My date was kinda...hm...not doing anything is a good word. And then when I went and danced with a guy who WOULD dance, he had the nerve to get all possessive! When I danced with that other guy - the popular one - he actually stopped dancing and stood like three feet away and stared at us! That ticked me off - he went off and danced with girls when I was in the bathroom! (My friends saw him.) So he doesn't have a right to act like that. I think I'll probably tell him off, and break it off as well. He acted like a jerk, basically.
Ah, well, other than my date, the dance was great! Now I have blisters on my feet - honestly! - but it feels good. Man, I was really getting into it. ^_^ They had formed a ring during the music, the one where people go in and breakdance or whatever?, so my friend and I got in and swing-danced together. And then she, the guy we had met, and I went and can-canned. ^_^ That was the first time I've ever had the nerve to do that.
And I looked damn good doing it, if I say so myself. If I could, I'd post a pic up so you guys could see me, but my mom'd go ballistic. But my hair (blond) was in an up-do and curled. It looked great. The dress was black, low-but, and went a few inches above my ankle. And my shoes were black heeled-sandals.
I better stop - this thing is HUGE! O_O But I'll continue it later...
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