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• Started second year of college, made deans' list, joined the honor society, got job!
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myOtaku.com: Purifying Goddess


Thursday, November 17, 2005

   Bleh
Today's been an okay day. I spent about three hours raking for the church with three other friends - it went okay. The guys were pains in my ass, but not too annoying. Now my feet are killing me, and I have cramps from you-know-what. Damn it.....

*sigh* I'm just kinda in a bleh mood. My one friend was talking about her boyfriend, and my other, it seems, has a chance of having one as well. So now I'm sitting here wondering - what's wrong with me that no guy wants to be my bf?? This sounds horrible - I guess it is, to you guys - but my one friend is...large, and the other (with the bf already) is really plain. I'm not drop-out gorgeous, but I'm pretty. So why can't I get a bf, if they both can? What's wrong with me?? I just don't get it....I don't normally feel like this - I'm not that jealous, I guess I just feel left out, or left behind. It's kinda depressing. I'm not saying I want one, persay, but I've never had any guy pay any attention to me. (I'm not counting stalker-boy for obvioius reasons.) Hrmph......

I'm just kinda moping around. Tomorrow's my bro's 13 B-Day. Oh god....He's going around whining about how his neck hurts, and I told him to shut up. He's not getting any sympathy from dad, who's just had major surgery, or from me, who twisted both ankles while raking and had to walk over a mile to get home limping. Mope, mope, mope...it's not the weather, because it's a beautiful day out. I guess I just feel like moping today. Some days I get sick of always having to be happy for everyone else, or nice, or the obediant one, or the good kid, or the best friend, or the selfless person. I have feelings too - I'm not a robot. I can get hurt. Just because I don't go around whining and crying to every single person I meet, or wearing my heart on my sleeve, doesn't mean that I don't care about stuff. But whenever I say anything, people accuse me of being whiny and selfish, so I don't say anything at all, really. I vent at myO, which is nice - even if EM is sometimes less-than-supportive, what with the skewering and telling me to get a backbone.........I didn't need that crack.

I'll shut up now, and I'll see you all later. It's probably a mood swing as well, I dunno...urgh, mopey day....
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