Monday, July 25, 2005

  




I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"


I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

"Doin' just fine!"


And the otherperson says:

"So what are you up to?"


What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"


At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"


Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ,

"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"


Then I hear the person say nervously...


"Listen, I'll have to call you back.


There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"
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Monday, July 18, 2005

   Angels online
There's a land where I go when I need to share that's not on a map, yet exists everywhere.

A land of names without faces, a curious place

A modern creation that's called cyberspace.

There's all sorts of people with cute little names

Like Pookie, and Sandman and Rosebud and Flames.


Some are just snobs and some are real fun.

And some of them just want to find someone.

But both good and bad they all play a role.

Still each one unique, but part of the whole.

We talk and laugh and wonder why.

We flirt and hug and sometimes cry.

We can't be heard and can't be seen.

Yet, there it is, right on our screen.

But all in all the most curious part

Is the power it has to open our heart.

To share with a stranger those things we've concealed

Which to our closest of friends we'd never reveal.

Our deepest regrets and most troubling fears

The scars in our life which bring us to tears.

What gives them the power to reach into me and show me the truths that I never see.

How do they manage to open my eyes
And make me confess the deceit and the lies.

I don't understand this magical spell.

But I know that without it my life would be.

This must have been planned by the Creator up above.

Cause there's no place on earth where you'll find as much love.

When I need direction I know I can find those angels from heaven just waiting online.


~ Author Unknown ~




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Thursday, July 14, 2005

   What????
Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?

As you can see I've had a few laughs lately. They say its the best medicine.
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

   Stupid is as Stupid does
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do boxer shorts box?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do clowns wear really big socks?

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

Do fish get thirsty?

Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do mass murderers kill only in church?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do steam rollers really roll steam?

Do television evangelists do more than lay people? --Stanley Ralph Moss

Do vampires get AIDS?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do witches run spell checkers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? --Steven Wright

Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?

Does an analyst have to be anal? --Adam Rifkin

Does killing time damage eternity?

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?


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Tuesday, July 5, 2005

   REJECTION
The myriad of voices that are activated when we're rejected can be shrill and endless. It's no wonder. Rejection begins very early in life and is with us, like an annoying but intimate friend, until we make our transition. If you're one of the people fortunate enough to have learned what rejection is really about early in life, congratulations. For those of us who are still learning, here's my take.

Most of us get our first taste of rejection very young. Even with loving parents and a stable home, dealing with rejection is a challenge. The situations can range from playground insults to unrequited love to jobs not gotten to deep and wounding personal rejection from loved ones.

Someone tells us that they don't want us, and for the majority, the first thing we ask is "What's wrong with me that they don't want me?” Some of the common voices we may share when encountering rejection range from: "What did I do wrong?" to "If only I had a degree from (Fill in the institution of your choice).” To "If only my butt looked better in a bathing suit.” To the much harsher, "You're just a big loser.” Who is this talking? Why do we allow our souls to be silenced - veiled with untruths about our worth and value?

Why do we feel the need to "IF only" ourselves into submission? WHO is doing that? The voices we hear when we're rejected are probably a combination of outside forces (parents, teachers, relatives, etc.) and our egos. The ego is a delicate and fragile creature that will always look to explain rejection by using some part of us as the reason for the rejection. The reality is that rejection isn't about YOU being rejected. It's about your SOUL rejecting that which doesn't honour it. Read that sentence again.

Your soul knows on a super-conscious level what honours it. Ego is concerned with what it wants and thinks it
needs.
I invite you to reflect on something that you really thought you wanted. A date with that person you had a huge crush on. That job that was going to make everything in your life better. A house or apartment that would've made things so much easier. Now mentally list the gifts you received from NOT getting it. The friend you made because you weren't wrapped up in a relationship. The job you got that turned out to be so much better for you. The living space that is beautiful and affordable. If you're really honest, I believe you'll see that your soul was guiding you without you realizing it. Here's the tricky part: How do you determine what is the voice of your soul, which only wants for you what is necessary for you to evolve - and what is the voice of your ego, which is comprised of fear, doubt and insecurity.
How do you tell the difference? SIDENOTE: I must warn you, the more aware you become, the more clever ego becomes at disguising itself as the voice of spirit. Threatened with what it believes could mean extinction, it will pull out all of the stops to survive. I've found several things to be helpful in furthering this process of learning to distinguish between the two. Meditation is essential.

The Sufi's equate the mind with a jumping or drunken monkey - constantly in motion and not necessarily productive. Focus helps calm the mind that extraneous voices are stilled. It is only then that we can hear the voice of God/dess or our spirit. It's also helpful to affirm "I am open and receptive to hearing my voice of spirit." Write your own affirmation around this and say it to yourself as many times a day as you can. With every decision you face, ask yourself, "Is this honoring my soul?" Allow yourself to hear the answer ~ especially if you don't want to because, on the surface, it may cause temporary discomfort or inconvenience. Give yourself permission to feel the human hurt that can accompany rejection. So many times, we believe the spiritual thing is to forgive and move on. That's a beautiful sentiment. But God/dess created us with egos and emotions. To deny that rejection hurts is to deny a part of us.
Allow yourself to feel the pain to the highest degree you're capable of in that moment and know that as you do so, the pain is being released. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way essentially means learning to
re-parent ourselves. Make the commitment to yourself to grow through it, instead of just going through it, and I promise the results will catapult you to places you didn't even know existed.


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Monday, July 4, 2005

   HaHa
In Honor of Stupid People . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
==============================

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
============================

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

============================

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
============================

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
=============================

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
============================

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
==============================

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
=============================

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)
==============================

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
=============================

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
==============================

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
=============================

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
=============================

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
===========================

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
===========================

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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

   Forgot this
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have you tried leeches?

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your butler will return to work today, and pretend as if nothing had happened. It's time for you to compromise, and give up those new argyles. It's for the best, in the long run.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Life will deal you an interesting hand soon. Which is OK, although an interesting foot would have been better.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This is a good day to bake. Cinnamon rolls would be good. Or perhaps some crusty bread. If you follow my advice, you will make friends and influence people. Otherwise a horrifying fate awaits you. No pressure, though. Do what you feel is right for you.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will seek out new life, and new civilizations. You won't find any, of course, but you will discover a really excellent Chinese restaurant in the process.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It would be best, if you abandoned the Fez. You aren't that type of person, and it's no use pretending.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!."

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to get lots of water in plastic bottles, and shore up your other earthquake preparations. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure. Well, actually, maybe just a little to worry about.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good time to get involved in the Fiber Arts. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will meet someone with a really "cute" sneeze.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
The mountain will be happy to come to Mohammed, but Mohammed should be prepared for a brief (in geologic terms) delay.
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   Funny
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."


...........You're gonna love this.........

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate


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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

   Something Interesting
I just had one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and wanted to share it with my family and dearest friends: I was driving home from a meeting this
evening about 5, stuck in traffic and the car started to choke
and splutter and die. I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to
wait for the tow truck.I wouldn't even turn over.
Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the "quickie mart" building,
and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay. When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel. At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back( in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95. I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying "I don't want my kids to see me crying," so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And you were praying?"
That made her back away from me a little but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, "He heard you, and He sent me." I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling I walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more,and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car who attacked it like wolves,and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little. She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas. Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and in desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in along time , to ask to move in with them and try to get on her feet there. So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California.I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her, for safety on the road.
As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are you like an angel or something?"
This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy,so sometimes God uses regular people." It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but as I suspected the mechanic won't find anything wrong.


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Thursday, June 23, 2005

   Here Ye Here Ye
Hi all! I just wanted to give you a piece of info on the country I'm living in. Tomorrow marks the offical day of Summer celebrations here. Its Mid-summer, with lots of food,music through-out the land. The sun is actually shinning at midnight. All the people gather together and have a dance around the maypole.Search for swedish maypole, theres alot going on in the US too.


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