Monday, June 13, 2005

   Daily Predictions!
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will spend another entire day worried about your feet. But honestly, most people don't notice these things. On the other hand, most people don't spontaneously grow more toes, either.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will need two torches, a sword, leather armor, and a significant amount of courage today. And for heaven's sake, don't forget the twine.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to snitch cookies when nobody's looking.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will begin a new hobby: collecting spores, molds, and fungus. You will find it richly rewarding, in a spiritual sense.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to sleep in. A nap would work well today, too. Try to get to bed early. Aside from that, nothing too exciting today.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Not an especially good day to do anything involving contact cement. At least not if you have plans to go anywhere.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Due to minor lymph-node infection, several dangerous toxins will shortly be released into your bloodstream. Not to worry. You'll survive, and the only permanent brain damage will involve an enthusiasm for polka music.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will invent a new type of bath toy today. It will bring you fame and fortune, although it will also be the cause of an embarrassing appearance on the Letterman show.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
While looking through comparative salary figures, who will discover that the job of "Villiage Idiot", in many metropolitan areas, pays better than that of the mayor. Don't even consider a career change, though -- it's a lot harder that it sounds.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Do not leave home without a ball of twine, today. You won't actually need it, but it'll make you feel better to be prepared.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to learn to do more with your toes. Start off by tying knots with them, and who knows? You could end up being able to accompany yourself on the piano!

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will get one of those pre-mixed salads in a new high-tech bag that "breathes." Or, in this case, wheezes.
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