Tuesday, June 14, 2005

   One more Time!
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Be nice to your coworkers today. Cow orkers have a darned tough job, so it's good to make them feel special once in a while.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony. You'll be asked to knock it off.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will give your lawyer a retainer today, which will only irritate her. She will patiently explain that that isn't the sort of retainer she'd meant.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will decide to have a bit of illicit fun, and will slip bits of dry pasta into other people's pockets, shoes, etc., when they're not looking. My advice: don't get caught.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
This is a good time to get out there and make a difference! I'm often tempted to do that, but I just can't figure out where "there" is -- every time I get there, it's here. Maybe if I run really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Twelve freshly cut rods (made from ash) will be found in a peculiar pattern on the lawn. Two large black crows will watch you solemnly from the top of a parked VW Microbus. The weather will turn colder, and the air, although clear, will seem grey. Don't worry, though, it's probably nothing.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This might be a good time to consider night school. That's night, not knight. Unless you enjoy clanking around in armor, of course. Some people do.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to review what you know about hamsters. I think that's all I should really say, except possibly that it's often considered impolite to see how much food you can pack into your cheeks, when dining out.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You are sad about an upcoming event, but can do nothing about it. Try knitting -- people say it's wonderfully relaxing.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will ask "How are you?" for the millionth time. You should celebrate the occasion by having a speech prepared - something embarassingly intimate is usually best. "Glad you asked, Bob. I'm having a darned tough time getting rid of these pesky genital warts, for one thing..."

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to bring an empty donut box in to work, leave it on the counter in the break room, and send out email saying "free donuts!" Later, spread a rumor that your manager ate most of them.
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