Wednesday, June 29, 2005

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have you tried leeches?

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your butler will return to work today, and pretend as if nothing had happened. It's time for you to compromise, and give up those new argyles. It's for the best, in the long run.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Life will deal you an interesting hand soon. Which is OK, although an interesting foot would have been better.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This is a good day to bake. Cinnamon rolls would be good. Or perhaps some crusty bread. If you follow my advice, you will make friends and influence people. Otherwise a horrifying fate awaits you. No pressure, though. Do what you feel is right for you.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will seek out new life, and new civilizations. You won't find any, of course, but you will discover a really excellent Chinese restaurant in the process.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It would be best, if you abandoned the Fez. You aren't that type of person, and it's no use pretending.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!."

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to get lots of water in plastic bottles, and shore up your other earthquake preparations. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure. Well, actually, maybe just a little to worry about.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good time to get involved in the Fiber Arts. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will meet someone with a really "cute" sneeze.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
The mountain will be happy to come to Mohammed, but Mohammed should be prepared for a brief (in geologic terms) delay.
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