Tuesday, July 5, 2005

   REJECTION
The myriad of voices that are activated when we're rejected can be shrill and endless. It's no wonder. Rejection begins very early in life and is with us, like an annoying but intimate friend, until we make our transition. If you're one of the people fortunate enough to have learned what rejection is really about early in life, congratulations. For those of us who are still learning, here's my take.

Most of us get our first taste of rejection very young. Even with loving parents and a stable home, dealing with rejection is a challenge. The situations can range from playground insults to unrequited love to jobs not gotten to deep and wounding personal rejection from loved ones.

Someone tells us that they don't want us, and for the majority, the first thing we ask is "What's wrong with me that they don't want me?” Some of the common voices we may share when encountering rejection range from: "What did I do wrong?" to "If only I had a degree from (Fill in the institution of your choice).” To "If only my butt looked better in a bathing suit.” To the much harsher, "You're just a big loser.” Who is this talking? Why do we allow our souls to be silenced - veiled with untruths about our worth and value?

Why do we feel the need to "IF only" ourselves into submission? WHO is doing that? The voices we hear when we're rejected are probably a combination of outside forces (parents, teachers, relatives, etc.) and our egos. The ego is a delicate and fragile creature that will always look to explain rejection by using some part of us as the reason for the rejection. The reality is that rejection isn't about YOU being rejected. It's about your SOUL rejecting that which doesn't honour it. Read that sentence again.

Your soul knows on a super-conscious level what honours it. Ego is concerned with what it wants and thinks it
needs.
I invite you to reflect on something that you really thought you wanted. A date with that person you had a huge crush on. That job that was going to make everything in your life better. A house or apartment that would've made things so much easier. Now mentally list the gifts you received from NOT getting it. The friend you made because you weren't wrapped up in a relationship. The job you got that turned out to be so much better for you. The living space that is beautiful and affordable. If you're really honest, I believe you'll see that your soul was guiding you without you realizing it. Here's the tricky part: How do you determine what is the voice of your soul, which only wants for you what is necessary for you to evolve - and what is the voice of your ego, which is comprised of fear, doubt and insecurity.
How do you tell the difference? SIDENOTE: I must warn you, the more aware you become, the more clever ego becomes at disguising itself as the voice of spirit. Threatened with what it believes could mean extinction, it will pull out all of the stops to survive. I've found several things to be helpful in furthering this process of learning to distinguish between the two. Meditation is essential.

The Sufi's equate the mind with a jumping or drunken monkey - constantly in motion and not necessarily productive. Focus helps calm the mind that extraneous voices are stilled. It is only then that we can hear the voice of God/dess or our spirit. It's also helpful to affirm "I am open and receptive to hearing my voice of spirit." Write your own affirmation around this and say it to yourself as many times a day as you can. With every decision you face, ask yourself, "Is this honoring my soul?" Allow yourself to hear the answer ~ especially if you don't want to because, on the surface, it may cause temporary discomfort or inconvenience. Give yourself permission to feel the human hurt that can accompany rejection. So many times, we believe the spiritual thing is to forgive and move on. That's a beautiful sentiment. But God/dess created us with egos and emotions. To deny that rejection hurts is to deny a part of us.
Allow yourself to feel the pain to the highest degree you're capable of in that moment and know that as you do so, the pain is being released. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way essentially means learning to
re-parent ourselves. Make the commitment to yourself to grow through it, instead of just going through it, and I promise the results will catapult you to places you didn't even know existed.


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