Friday, October 5, 2007

Time: 9:42am Mood:estatic Listening to: typing, so nothing really Quote: "Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds." Orison Swett Marden Hey all. Tomorrow is my wonderful boyfriends birthday!!!! YAY!! I'm so super excited!! I want everything to go perfect!! I love him so much! I hope nothing goes wrong... I can think of several possible problems... grrrr... anyway! I cant wait to see him! he's in class right now. *day dreams* anyway. I should get going now just a little update :) later

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Monday, September 17, 2007

Time: 3:12pm Mood: tired and sick Listening to: The air conditioner hum, I'm at school. Quote: "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." Robert McCloskey Hey all, I'm at school and I've caught a head cold so I'm feeling pretty miserable. I think my teachers are out to get me *looks over shoulder* sorry I havent been on in a pretty long time but things happen. you know what I mean? So... yeah now I'm back in school I'm a sophomore in College yeah lots of fun and I'm taking Accounting ^_^ dont I feel smart! anyway. I'll catch ya'll later

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Tuesday, September 4, 2007

I'm just a little black rain cloud Hovering under the honey tree I'm only a little black rain cloud Pay no attention to little me Ev'ryone knows that a rain cloud Never eats honey, no, not a nip I'm just floating around over the ground Wondering where I will drip Oh, ev'ryone knows that a rain cloud Never eats honey, no, not a nip I'm just floating around over the ground Wondering where I will drip.

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Time: 11:31pm Mood: tired Listening to: You'll Be In My Heart Quote: "There will be sleeping enough in the grave." Benjamin Franklin Heyo! I'm super tired! I was up till 4am last night. I had an interesting time at work. it was messed up. well, lets just say I left feeling really stupid Xp well I must need to go to bed. night all

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Time: 10:46pm Mood: not sad, not happy, not bored, ummm just here? Listening to: Runaway Quote: "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh Hey all, I'm thinking that I'm going to redo my site, cause I have nothing better to do :) I hope everything is going well for you. Tomorrow is my best friends birthday, (hells light) but unfortunately she's left home. too bad for her I think. well anyway. Just wanted to let everyone know. laters

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Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Time: 8:00pm Mood: depressed Listening to: nothing Quote: "The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes." Thomas Hardy Hey all I'm feeling horribly down right now. in case you didn't know my best friend hells light has run away from home. She ran yesterday afternoon. Last night was hell for me not knowing where she was and if she was ok or not. I feel like a cruddy friend because I wasnt here the last 2 weeks when I think she truly made the decision. I should have called her more and then maybe I would have been able to talk her out of it. Last night I was so numb I think I was in shock I couldnt believe she actually left. So far she's kept the pattern. I have never been able to keep really good friends for very long they always end up leaving me. and I say always cause I havent have a friend stay yet, so far hells light was the longest 7 years and that was off and on. *Sigh* I hurt so bad I miss her like crazy. I tried to call her yesterday but I guess she had already gone. I hate myself for not being a better friend. I just wish there was something that I could do or could have done. Because of this she may not be able to go back to college with her free education.... I really really hate myself.....

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Sunday, July 1, 2007

Time: 3:02pm Mood: super sad Listening to: Breakaway Quote: "The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes." Thomas Hardy Well.... Today is... just that another day in the not so great expanse that is my life. I had a friend that I was very close to last semester that had broke all contact with me add me on Facebook, I was super happy I thought that maybe we could be friends again and all that crap. But not so, thinking about it I'm fairly sure she added me as a mistake. Cause when you first join it asks to go through your address book and find your friends so thats what I think happened. She clicked that and it found me and added me as a friend, so now I'm waiting to see if she deletes me from her friends or not. I think she will though. So I'm feeling really stupid for letting myself get so excited about it. I should have known better. Now I feel like shit. I'm sorry guys... but thats been something thats been bothering me anyway I've just tried to not think about it cause it wouldn't help anything anyway, but its still in the back of my mind. And it kills. Then knowing it was a mistake just brought it back full force. I feel like a loser of a friend. I've betrayed someone that was close to me and now .... I'm nothing more than a loser. I suck as a friend. I can't even help those around me. all well, I have to go I'm feeling really sick now. laters

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Monday, June 25, 2007

Time: 6:48pm Mood: Alive Listening to: Whatever is playing at the store I'm in? Quote: "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." Epicurus Howdy Ya'll!!! tee hee, sorry I felt like being weird with my greeting ^_^ Ummmm lets see lots has happened I'm going home on Thursday at least thats when we start back. I can't wait to see my boyfriend and my dog again!!! *huggles them both* I miss them. Its been fun but a couple of times I've gotten really lonely and super depressed. I have to really fight it though cause it happens a lot. I almost passed out in a store today. It scared me really bad, Things my vision started getting darker around the edges and it was black but like when you close your eyes, and I heard a high pitched ringing in my ears it was really scary I couldnt really see anything and I was shaking but sweating even though I wasnt hot. I was totally freaked and my cousin was looking at something so I was by myself. but yeah this keeps happening and each time it gets worst. all well I hope you guys are having fun!! Laters!

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Monday, June 18, 2007

Time: 5:07pm Mood: sad but ok Listening to: Whatever is playing at the store I'm in? Quote: "I'm Strong On The Surface Not All The Way Through I've Never Been Perfect But Neither Have You." Linkin Park Hey all, I'm in Texas. Its ok, very sunny. It stormed the other night and so far thats been the highlight of my trip. There are somethings that are bothering me right now so I'm fighting with those. Its annoying. I'm in a bookstore with free wireless right now. So I'm not online much. ok well I dont have anything to say. I miss my boyfriend. Its hard cause I cant cry cause there are always people around and I dont want them to think I'm pathetic. Its sad. so I dont cry. I have to go now. laters

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

I would not read this were I you

Time: 7:00pm Mood: very depressed Listening to: Unwanted Quote: "Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out. And leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life." Avril Lavigne Hey. I do not believe that this will be read seeing how late it is in the day. I will be going to Texas for 2 weeks starting tomorrow so I will not be on too much but since I haven't been doing much anyway I suppose that does not matter. I am at the truest form of depression at the moment. Eating makes me sick, breathing hurts, I am completely alone, the darkness comforts me. Its been storming every evening for 3 days now. I've been at home alone for 2 of the storms. Its storming now as a matter of fact. And yet, I am alone. I was up till 2:30am last night crying. I had a feeling a few days back that I was searching desperately for something and I didn't know what it was. Now I think I know.... But what does it matter now. It is true though, I have found that when you need someone the most no one is there. You find yourself alone. The storm is coming closer, it feels as though it were bringing either sweet relief or an impending doom the decision is mine as what to think of its handy work. The rain comes now, small drops of sadness, each one a tear of some unknown angel, a child perhaps who's been hurt or a lover whose heart has been broken. Each drop hitting the ground trying its best to do some good in the world. The wind tests the trees as they stand tall losing only a few leaves. I can feel myself becoming darker, the darkness around me starting to join itself inside my soul. I am cold all over. I'm shaking, I hurt, there is nothing that can stop the pain. I want to disappear, I am so alone... I'm too lost to be saved. It is said that when things seem to be going the best that's when something happens. Something terrible when no one is watching, expecting, then.... then is when it happens.... panic, fear, hate, sadness, all of these things come from it. The darkness within..... it is the root to many things, Loneliness being one of them, it eats away at anything good, it kills the light.... here are my all time favourite quotes ever, from the book Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The dark is generous. Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others. The dark protects us from what we dare not know. Its second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in night's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day's harsh light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. Because it is day that is temporary. Day is the illusion. Its third gift is the light itself: as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its own self. With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins. The dark is generous and it is patient. It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice, that drips contempt into compassion, that poisons love with grains of doubt. The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout. The rain will come, and the seeds will sprout, for the dark is the soil in which they grow, and it is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light. The dark's patience is infinite. Eventually, even stars burn out. The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins. It aways wins because it is everywhere. It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, and in the kettle on the fire; it is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed. Walk in the midday sun and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet. The brightest light casts the darkest shadow.

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