Sunday, April 29, 2007

Time: 2:04pm Mood: Alive Listening to: "Someday" Nickelback Quote: "Try and fail, but don't fail to try." Stephen Kaggwa Hey. well I just deleted my myspace. I only had it to make sure my friends were ok and apparently I don't have friends anymore, I was thinking about commenting on a persons post but realized that she and another friends (her minon practically) had deleted me off their friends list >.< so I deleted mine since there was no use keeping it. It didn't help at all that I saw this supposed friend at lunch today. I really think she is being very childish over the entire thing. What gets me though is how much its hurting me. We were the best of friends over the summer practically sisters! Last semster was pretty good too, I'd go to her house and we'd hang out and all sorts of stuff but now she won't even look at me without telling the person next to her what a back stabber I am. I know that it really doesn't matter and the onld saying "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" that is so not true. I'd rather have physical pain any day. a point I've proven too many times. Dang I don't know why I keep caring, I wish I could stop its killing me inside a little voice in the back of my head telling me I'm a failure as a friend. grrr, All well The voice can go erm.... lick a spark plug. I dont know how many of you know but I've had a bad year, the first thing that was said to me on New Years was a guy insulted me, then my best friend had trouble with a guy she actually met on Myspace, I've had trouble with grades, and then I had the trouble with my (former) friends, then my Dad starts acting weird when I was cutting (though he didnt know that) which made me want to cut all the more and its all messed up. So yeah it does hurt knowing I only have like 2 or 3 good friends and that what I knew last semster won't happen again but atleast I do have those 3 friends one of which is Death Aihngel. Who keeps me strong. I am so thankful for him. I love you my aihngel Thank you all for listening. ~Pyro

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

Time: 12:35am Mood: I plead the 5th on grounds I may tell the truth... Listening to: "Dead" My Chemical Romance Quote: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Phil Donahue I hate my life, I let down the one person I truly love. I hurt all over. I broke a promise that was very important. I have nothing, no one can truly trust me, the only thing I had was my promise and I even broke that, I'm not worth the air I breathe. I'm worthless. *sigh* I am soooo torn up, I hate everything about me. I shouldnt be allowed to live....

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Friday, April 27, 2007

Time: 1:32pm Mood: I plead the 5th on grounds I may tell the truth... Listening to: "In The End" Quote: "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Tom Sobal Hey all 3 of my friends!!! ummmm, yeah...... hm, what to say. I've been having issues lately.... and I'm really getting sick of the voices yelling at me when I'm already confused and lost. (when I say voices I mean my conscience vs. my sin nature or just my human nature, but they feel like voices) anyway. I'm having a friend over tonight its cool, I'm just kind of worried because of everything thats been going on and we both have alot pain built up with no way to get out. I don't know anymore.... I feel like everything is spinning and nothing makes sense anymore. I'd have started again and twice as bad had it not been for Death Aihngel. I love him so much, sometimes it hurts. Its killing me knowing that once side of me has already said I'd do it and that I cant get away from it. *sigh* sometimes I wish I could just disappear, that everything would be alright once I'm gone....

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Time: 1:10am Mood: I plead the 5th on grounds I may tell the truth... Listening to: "If Everyone Cared" Quote: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Phil Donahue Hey Friends all 7 of you.... anyway I was bored so I thought I'd post althought this won't be long cause I am in no way the state of mind to be posting anyway, considering what I've been thinking about. hmmm, sorry for being vague(sp) but "even some of the trees are on her side" if you really want to know you can pm me or something. later

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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Time: 4:00am Mood: I plead the 5th on grounds I may tell the truth... Listening to: All Because of You-Blackmore's Night" Quote: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." Sophocles Wow, I had a completly different post planned for today at 2am, but I wanted to post my poem which also ended up differently then I had expected. well heres the poem: oh by the way its dedicated to my boyfriend Death Aihngel who is in fact my guardian aihngel Guardian Aihngel Looking on my life I see Mistakes that have followed me Times I fell and times I lied Times fear found me as I cried. Shadows follow laugh and mock While I wonder who I’m not The night is strong; at least it sees all I know that I can be. I sit alone and wonder why All this happens as I cry I look around the black is clear The darkness comes and with it fear I close my eyes and want to scream I feel a light, a precious beam I look up, but just to hear His cherished voice whisper clear “Close your eyes and be strong, For I am watching all night long.” I feel him there and know I’m safe I fall asleep in his embrace.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Hey, this is Deceiver, I am going to be using this as my main site now, some people found my other site that I didnt want to read about my life. alright. I still would love to make new friends!!!

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