Time: 7:00pm
Mood: very depressed
Listening to: Unwanted
Quote: "Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out. And leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life."
Avril Lavigne
Hey. I do not believe that this will be read seeing how late it is in the day. I will be going to Texas for 2 weeks starting tomorrow so I will not be on too much but since I haven't been doing much anyway I suppose that does not matter. I am at the truest form of depression at the moment. Eating makes me sick, breathing hurts, I am completely alone, the darkness comforts me.
Its been storming every evening for 3 days now. I've been at home alone for 2 of the storms. Its storming now as a matter of fact. And yet, I am alone. I was up till 2:30am last night crying.
I had a feeling a few days back that I was searching desperately for something and I didn't know what it was. Now I think I know.... But what does it matter now.
It is true though, I have found that when you need someone the most no one is there. You find yourself alone.
The storm is coming closer, it feels as though it were bringing either sweet relief or an impending doom the decision is mine as what to think of its handy work. The rain comes now, small drops of sadness, each one a tear of some unknown angel, a child perhaps who's been hurt or a lover whose heart has been broken. Each drop hitting the ground trying its best to do some good in the world. The wind tests the trees as they stand tall losing only a few leaves. I can feel myself becoming darker, the darkness around me starting to join itself inside my soul. I am cold all over. I'm shaking, I hurt, there is nothing that can stop the pain. I want to disappear, I am so alone... I'm too lost to be saved.
It is said that when things seem to be going the best that's when something happens. Something terrible when no one is watching, expecting, then.... then is when it happens.... panic, fear, hate, sadness, all of these things come from it. The darkness within..... it is the root to many things, Loneliness being one of them, it eats away at anything good, it kills the light....
here are my all time favourite quotes ever, from the book Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
The dark is generous.
Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from us the truths of others.
The dark protects us from what we dare not know.
Its second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in night's embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in day's harsh light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that the dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. Because it is day that is temporary.
Day is the illusion.
Its third gift is the light itself: as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its own self.
With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins.
The dark is generous and it is patient.
It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice, that drips contempt into compassion, that poisons love with grains of doubt.
The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout.
The rain will come, and the seeds will sprout, for the dark is the soil in which they grow, and it is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light.
The dark's patience is infinite.
Eventually, even stars burn out.
The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins.
It aways wins because it is everywhere.
It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, and in the kettle on the fire; it is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed. Walk in the midday sun and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet.
The brightest light casts the darkest shadow.
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