Friday, August 10, 2007

   started everying......stopped
Round and round he traveled,
Sluggishly wandering in and out of houses
Aching back, legs, arms, everything aching
Losing count of all the footsteps taken
A want, a need, to walk, to move, to continue
A sweet smell found
The thoughts traveling as well, but straying from the path known
Distracted mind forcing his body to stop
Houses disappeared
He encounters nothing
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Well....
Nothing much really happened on the cruise. Also I forget most of what happened.

Poem I wrote on the cruise
Y? What a Different genre.
Every step I take
is another mistake
My head drags low
but my feet carry on
the best wishes I've made
make my thoughts afraid
to be alone
again that smile breaks

(just random words)
fuck the Fry's
create a sandwhich

On another exciting subject I have written some stuff down this night. I have not had any sleep tonight (august 6th to august 7th).

4:11 am
I do not want to sleep. I'm afraid if I fall asleep I will forget her, but the question is whom will I forget. So who will I forget? Or what will I forget about her. I'm clustered with pictures of the girls I know and like, yet none stand out. So the questions are which girl, what about her and why am I thinking about her? My brain does not want me to sleep, my body does want to sleep. I do not want to sleep. I love her laugh(I tested myself to see which one I was focusing on) and I know out of those certain girls which one I was thinking about.

Same time
Marshall has figured a tidbit of himself out. He is way better at talking to one individual than having to converse around many individuals. Even then though, most days I like to listen instead of speak. The best way to listen is to walk, and the best way to speak is to walk. Walking keeps you moving, it does something to a persons body and mind. But walking has become one of my hobbies, even after a day of work walking ponies around in a circle for hours on end I go for a walk around the lake. I have become a safer driver, not as reckless, and a bit slower. You have to learn to slow down to speed up in a conversation. To listen I must slow down so I may speak not as much, but evoke a strong impact still.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, July 23, 2007

   The Backbone of a Soul
First, the sight of it, the sight of her, the equalizer of dreams and nightmares. No right from wrong, only a feeling, a feeling of pressure against a stained glass window. Soon to shatter and fall as rain, they seep deeply into the soot carpet, each glass shard cornered by the soots creator.
Second, focus is off, off of her, eyes traveling into the distance, believing to see glowing embers. Red hot embers that are being crushed on by the dark night sky. Deeper breaths, nostrils helping to fuel an impatient heart with oxygen.
Third, focus to her tries to return, but she is gone, eyesight scatters in every direction when slowly realization hits. In the distance the thoughtless embers are growing. Prodding the air with smoke, a fire has begun to rise from her, by her shouting and screaming at the fire.
Fourth, the sight of them, combined make love weaker and tragedy stronger, the love of her and the love of fire, the tragedy of her and the tragedy of fire. But combined you lose both of what was once loved and feared.
Comments (9) | Permalink

Saturday, July 21, 2007

lost words that wont be remembered by me
I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do, I know what to do. Do you know what to do, do you, do you know what to do? what? What do you want from me? What do you need? ANYTHING, I'll do anything you need? Please I beg of you tell me what to do? Where? Where do you NEED me to go? OK. I will go. I will do anything you tell me to do.

Slow motion formation for the one they call god. Make all and everything go out of focus, most definitely everything out of focus. It constricts the details, all of the details.

Empty space collides with shaking bodies, shrunken by hunger. Tapping at other's bony shoulders for farewell words, but the only answer they get is a blank and silent stare. One by one the inevitable collapse of the mistreated bodies, there is no more empty space to fill, even if the bodies were shrunken the countless fallen enveloped the empty space. They have a quiet farewell to the emptiness that once was unnoticed, now is discovered with a sad sad past
Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

posting..posting......POSTED
blank blank blank. Cannot think, blank blank blank, cannot think.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Customization on a boar
fifteen times ive heard this theme an itchy, crunchy, fast theme that does not need a rally to stop but a hammer to the foot to halt it.threee lights go on, three turn off. one lights stays on and never goes of. too many lights.

We finished Johns room Tuesday which felt good but it still looks cluttered.

I went to Busch Gardens yesterday which was like a 5-10 min. drive, but before we went to Busch Gardens we went to 7-11 for the free slurpees! and I got to see some of the Simpsons stuff they had out which was pretty nifty and i enjoyed wholeheartedly. haha corn chips, thats another story though. Well we got to Busch Gardens and John and his gf (her nickname from me for yesterday was sugartits which she got pissy about a few times)were already complaining about the heat and its was like 6 pm so it wasnt hot. We rode a few rides and they played some DDR which was totally borings as it always is. Then we left at like 9 or 10 and went to get more slurpees and I got a simpsons donut. Thats basically was my day yesterday. yep yep. Oh and another thing I want to drive soooo badly right now! I was trying to drive John's gf's scion but she wouldnt let me cause Ive told them both too many stories of my "great" driving adventures. FUCK!!!! I want to drive my truck more though. Also Im going home Thursday the 19th by plane and im paying for it. Which is fine by me. Khay thats all I think I have in my head for the moment
Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Florida
Uhm the political bunnies keep sacrificing the orange button found in their veins and helmets all across this great country while the circular canopies blend thei way into South American homes and villages as we speak and as we sleep. Pardon my French but I think someone has inappropriatly placed freshly toasted toast into the freezer to cool, which did not go over with my under-over-underlord. In other news
*the florida trip here took roughly 13 hours which we left at 4-5 am. I was awake from 9 am til we left to florida then I went to sleep at 3 am after we got to Johns house. Which was positivelies fun. We played some pool today and did this tournament thing. We were walking around the apartment complex so John could get a soda. Tis was cool with me.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Monday, June 25, 2007

   Ohio
Got back from Ohio trip at like 1:00 pm today. My family(excluding my dad, he had to work) went up to Ohio for my cousin Jerrel's graduation party. Tis was fun. Cant wait to leave for Florida though!!!!
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Bonfire(s)
So,s yesterday I decided to see if Josh wanted to do that bonfire we were supposed to do last week. So we called Kenny, Zack, and Kat. Kenny came over at like 3 pm, Josh and Kenny were going to play some airsoft in this old abandoned barn which i wanted to play but I have no airsoft gun. Oh wells, they played against a bunch of kids that had walmart pieces of crap ones. Josh and Kenny dominated. I had to leave at four to go see my lil bro play a baseball tournament game which he won by the other team forfeiting because the opponents coach was thrown out and so were a bunch of the parents on the other team. So after that I went to Josh's and they had pizza and whatnots and we ate that. Zack, Kenny, and I had to make a smores run because noone had any smores stuff. So we go to grocery store and I was looking for customer service by yelling "I need an adult, I need an adult" and some employee appeared and helped us out. what a nice young gentleman he was. So we get the supplies and head back to Josh's house. I start the fire cause noone else wants to pour a lot of gasoline on it and then light it on fire. Pshhh, that was fun though. So we get the fire going and I try to give it a hug, which I almost did but someone pulled me away. We made some delicious smores and Zack had a bag of old school papers and some textbooks and books from school that he threw in the fire. Then someone said jump the fire so I went first, then someone else went, then when Kenny jumped he slipped and made his foot all blistery cause he kinda sorta stepped on some embers. So yeah blah blah blah, we conversed and junk and Kat left at like 12. so 30 min. later we put out the fire and went inside to play some video games. Which we played until 7 in the morning. Kenny fell asleep around 4(he found a blanket somewhere and noone knew where it came from), Zack fell asleep around 6(on the couch), I fell asleep around 8(I was sleeping on bean bags and curled into the fetal position and I found a blanket too) as well as Josh fell asleep at the same time as me(he went into his room to sleep), we all woke up at 10 or 11 and went outside to mess with the fire again at 12. Then we left and told Josh to have fun in Texas with his mom(which he totally hates the bitch), Zack is looking for a job or whatnots, and Kenny is doing nothing this summer except for airsoft. And I am going to Florida beginning around July 1st or something and staying there for 10 or more days. Then on July 27 I am going on a cruise ship to Nova Scotia with my dads side of the family which I really don't know them very well.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, June 14, 2007

My day right now 5:00 pm
Today is not really empty or complete.
Today is categorized by what I think is what I'm feeling or thinking is strongest today
* Loneliness
* Frustration
* Anger

Now onto what I am thinking about today. I am thinking today is a day of relaxation in my home that no person can handle alone.

I don't know what else I feel, but again I don't feel empty or complete. Just clumsily balancing myself in between nothingness and some thingness.

Loneliness is what im truly feeling(Im guessing). A common feeling of all humans, so why should I be like them and have to deal with it. Because thats what must be done, I must be patient and not cling to whomever comes near for that will push them away farther and farther they will go.

I cannot distract myself from some thoughts that like to crawl into my head so often today that I either just laugh or get angry and bottle it up inside. well im gonna go try and take a walk to see if that will help me clear my head.


Comments (2) | Permalink