Monday, November 20, 2006

for anyone who cares a bit
wont be on between november 29th to the 7th. I need to clear my mind.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, November 13, 2006

   I am getting accustomed to this word - Fool
dont feel well today, not sick, gloomy by my own carelessness. My grades in German are not good at all. And as I hear that my lil sister and brother, friends and gf getting pretty good grades I am the one struggling behind. Like the fool I am, I hate my actions, I hate my self-absorbedness, I hate the way I cannot freely speak my own thoughts without thinking it will be made laughed at jokingly (not in a mocking kind of way just joking around). I don't like it when I hate other people. So I rarely actually hate someone, I may say I hate that kid but I may not like his/her choice of actions.

I hate it when my mom compliments me on some job I did. Well I have news for her, dont thank me for something I regularly do, dont thank me at all. I dont deserve it, not a single one, they make me feel horrible inside. It just never felt right getting a thank you from some people. Like they were expecting you to do it in the first place but to try and make you feel bad they end a "Thank You" to it. Im not sure but I think Dane Cook had a small sketch about getting into an argument with a grocery boy about being polite and stuff or something along those lines

I am a fool to think that I wanted to become some great leader that everyone looked up to. I am no great leader, or great person. Should I still think imaginativly of this dream or face reality head on?

This lightweight load that I carry on my back is nothing compared to what others have had to carry. If I keep thinking like this it will only get worse, so I must do something to change this, I must use actions.

I am not immortal, but should I live my life like it is? Why do I call everything an experience? Every event in my life is an experience. Good or bad.

I dont like being so different, I'd rather be normal. Maybe this is normal, being different at my age. Do I have to be defined by what I wear or what I do? Can't I just be me and not worry about what others think? Why do I have to ask myself so many questions!? If anyone can help, even with a little bit of info about our own personality and how it shows, it would be appreciated.

There are some words I do not wish to type cause they may be too personal.
I must review them over and decide if I will post them here.I am a coward.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

blah
I dont have many friends on here anymore. hm. I am still going to stay with this site till the very end. I will still try and visit this site every month, week, or day that I can. It seems that this site has gotten boring and has fallen into itself, or maybe im just not involved as much as i was before. I dont know *shrugs*
Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, November 2, 2006

   Halloween
good time, I went as Pippy Longstockings, totally awesome, and got lots of candy and many people saying "Arent you a bit old to trick or treat" and I say "your never too old to trick or treat". It was fun
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, October 27, 2006

My life seems to dwindle in a circle of a simple pattern. Like the way they do back home. Printed on a piece of paper, I like to see the world as a giant mass of things.
Let my curntain rise then fall, felt as though it isnt Fall at all, when these words pass through my veins, travels up unto my spine, directly digging in my mind, makes me sad that I cannot find the right words that traveled into my mind.

A giant chunk of life has come and gone with no soul or soup or gong, just drifted away with thewind as a torrent of my own fear. Take away that deadly spear, pierced me 1,000 times, again I fear it may be my last glimpse of reality.

Depression tries to demolish my days, it goes under the walls Ive made of happiness, jealousy, and pain. I wont let it pass the one wall that still stands strong and tall....Love, love is that wall that stands so strong and tall, welded together with words, wisdom, pleasure, laughter, kindness, truth, and a feeling undescribable every moment we are together. The wall may have some breaks and cracks in it, but it still stands strong as long as we are together.

Give opportunity a chance, do not give people sympathy.

Do people care about what they do? Or do they care more about who will notice it and if they like it or not. That what it seem to be coming down to for most people.

Every moment we seperate to go home or wherever, I feel the need to fight back to leave, so I just hold on to her for a few more seconds. I'm attached.

All we know is school, we know nothing of true freedom. We may know intelligence and numbers adn letters, but really to be taught those things without our childlike consent is not freedom. If we are allowed to roam the U.S. without fearing to be taken under the wing of someone we personally do not know, that would be freedom. We are not free to do what we want, but free to do what THEY want us to do.

Foresee life, Foresee death, Foresee both, Forsee the same pattern earth has had since its own life has begun. What is to come next? Everything must go, so when it is time earth will have its own death.
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, October 22, 2006

   Woohoo!
Well Im happy now because my ex got back together. We both promised we would see each other more often. yay!
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, October 20, 2006

Love
Me and my girlfriend broke up yesterday, we would have had our 6 month anniversary on the 21st which is also homecoming.

Still I Smile, No matter what. I do get terribly upset, just like everyone else. But thats ok with me, Ive had my moments and its the worst pain I have ever felt, even worse then the pain I felt of just thinking my father will die of smoking. It is an experience that I must deal with and learn from. It is going to take a whilst to get over Though I may cry today, I still smile tommorow. You could call it hiding your emotions, but I know it will transition into a different love once again with someone else, though not nearly the same as the last. From time to time I will reminisce and it will be one of those days. EDIT - This change is a drastic one but was already known about. It was there to guide us to our next destination either it be good or bad.
But Still I Smile.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Fearfest last Saturday
We had thirteen or fourteen people going.My lil sis had like seven of her friends go and my bro didnt get any cause they couldnt come.So I have three of my friends going to Fearfest with me (Kenny, Josh, Zack) and my Dad brought this mask with him to scare some people so Zack takes it with him and we decide to ride the Anaconda first cause it is the closest ride and the never really is a line for it. But today there was a line. We all decide when the camera shoots a picture we would all do girly poses but the lights were way too bright and ya couldnt see the poses.Once the ride stops I say "I just got my period" really loud so everyone can hear. So we walk around a bit and decide to go on the eifel tower and kenny doesnt like elevators so Josh and Zack would think its a good idea to try and scare but that doesnt work out. When we get to the top we start having this weird conversation about climbing out of the bars and stuff, then I say "If my son is ever afraid of heights im going to grab him by the waists and make him look down and shout at him "LOOK DOWN!"". I think he wont be afraid of heights anymore, but then we wanted to put him outside the bars and start throwing him up in the air and catching him and talking about how he slipped out of our hands and we kinda start juggling him. It was so horrible.. but so funny. And I cannot forget this part : This guy with his kid in his stroller is walking around the park and stuff and he puts the kid right in front of the fog machine. I mean right in front of the fog machine and he keeps backing up and driving him into it, like the kid is enjoying it! Then he just leaves the stroller right where the fog machine is blowing. So we keep walking and 10 min. later that guy is still there with the kid STILL in the fog. The kid was waving the smoke away with his hand and stuff too and the guy didnt even care. WTF it was so bad. After that we ride the drop zone and I tell everyone to hold hands and im sitting right by Josh and once we get to the top he says "FUCK THAT MAN! Im holding onto the bars bitch!" So no group hand holding awww.... once it was over I tell josh "I feel even sexier now". Then we start to skip for a while until we hit a dead end. Umm. what else happened. *ponders* Oh yeah and we went into the scary maze things with all the scary people and we couldnt see a damn thing in front of us. hah. Josh cant see that well cause he broke his glasses so he kept running into walls. hahah. The 2 parts were when this same freaking clown kept showing up outta nowhere and this guy came running out and kicked this metal can which startled us cept for Josh cause he couldnt see anything. We were supposed to have a conga line going but Kenny rejected cause he didnt want Zack touching him. (though Kenny was messing with Josh all day). Also Josh hid behind some bushes with the mask and scared some people. And one of the people who work there asked him if he was a Nazi when he was trying to talk to them in German, that set him off cause he looks nothing like a nazi (maybe a neo nazi). So he starts going along with it and starts saying "I am the jew-killer" and jumpin up and down. So the lady walks off. That fucking bitch. Then we got these rent-a-cops on us cause the you werent allowed to wear masks or some crap on public property cause its like a state law. It sucked, but at least we arent rent-a-cops! .

We rode the shockwave and when it was over we started to sing the oscar meyer song. tis a fun time we had. yeah fun time. I think there was more but i cant remember right now. I will add on if i remember anything

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, October 13, 2006

Cell-Phone
ok so my family and i got new cellphones and yeah thats about it that happened. But im happy that my old cellphone is now not mine!, but my lil brothers. The cellphone was passed down to me by my older sister and now it is going to my brother. oh what joy he will have with all those buttons missing and junk like that.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

oh my brownies
So hey everybody. *waves at everybody* nothing new yet, except for that I dragged a chair into the hallways when everyone was leaving lunch, yes people were confused and didnt know how it got there, but it sure was fun hearing that i made this one chick mad. and because my friend was a bit behind me he ran into the chair and kicked it. haha, I think he hit some people or something like that. Also I had a paper due today in fourth block and i didnt start it till last night, but i still got it all done by fourth, schwew what a close one eh? Oh and lets see homecoming is like in 2 weeks and a bunch of ppl at lunch are going to homecoming dinner beforeparty ting. I dont know if i should go or not, (probably will), but the only connection i have with like 4 of those people is lunch. Oh lunch how you bond together so many individuals and your the shortest class of all, you are almight lunch....*whispers* almighty.

And i picked up 2 more books (oh yeah i didnt tell yall i started actually readin without it being for some class. started in May) today at library. umm and whenever i get books I get one related in some way to fire. And I was playing with some candles and decided to finally try and put the fire out with my fingers, and it worked but most of the time i burnt myself, im getting the hang of it now But yeah and oh yeah again! I bought a hatchet today and some waterproof matches, what FUN! :). Ive wanted a hatchet for 3 years now and i finally have one. woohoo! well i guess thats it for this moments of extravagancingly now time.
Comments (2) | Permalink