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myOtaku.com: pyromaniak1


Monday, November 13, 2006

   I am getting accustomed to this word - Fool
dont feel well today, not sick, gloomy by my own carelessness. My grades in German are not good at all. And as I hear that my lil sister and brother, friends and gf getting pretty good grades I am the one struggling behind. Like the fool I am, I hate my actions, I hate my self-absorbedness, I hate the way I cannot freely speak my own thoughts without thinking it will be made laughed at jokingly (not in a mocking kind of way just joking around). I don't like it when I hate other people. So I rarely actually hate someone, I may say I hate that kid but I may not like his/her choice of actions.

I hate it when my mom compliments me on some job I did. Well I have news for her, dont thank me for something I regularly do, dont thank me at all. I dont deserve it, not a single one, they make me feel horrible inside. It just never felt right getting a thank you from some people. Like they were expecting you to do it in the first place but to try and make you feel bad they end a "Thank You" to it. Im not sure but I think Dane Cook had a small sketch about getting into an argument with a grocery boy about being polite and stuff or something along those lines

I am a fool to think that I wanted to become some great leader that everyone looked up to. I am no great leader, or great person. Should I still think imaginativly of this dream or face reality head on?

This lightweight load that I carry on my back is nothing compared to what others have had to carry. If I keep thinking like this it will only get worse, so I must do something to change this, I must use actions.

I am not immortal, but should I live my life like it is? Why do I call everything an experience? Every event in my life is an experience. Good or bad.

I dont like being so different, I'd rather be normal. Maybe this is normal, being different at my age. Do I have to be defined by what I wear or what I do? Can't I just be me and not worry about what others think? Why do I have to ask myself so many questions!? If anyone can help, even with a little bit of info about our own personality and how it shows, it would be appreciated.

There are some words I do not wish to type cause they may be too personal.
I must review them over and decide if I will post them here.I am a coward.
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