Saturday, July 23, 2005

   'Tis July 23rd, 2005 Now.
Steph's party was fun! It started at 7pm last night, but I arrived at 10:30pm, I think? Lol, I had to go to EckeRd (last minute shopper {=P}) to get my allergy crap, some cards, etc. I stayed awake until 6am. We had ice cream & made a mess, getting it on each other. Hehehe... so immature, but still fun. Her parents rented "Cursed" for us, but we never paid attention. We'd zone in & out of the movie... most of the girls played Sorry while it went on, but Kayleigh was trying to fall asleep, & I was writing a draft for of my response to Kaly. Writing really helps me sort out my thoughts.
LMFAO... this morning, my cell alarm went off for 9:45am. It was right under my pillow, but so was my cd player. LMFAO... my cd player automatically turns off when the cd completely plays through, & I usually fall asleep through the middle. Well, I woke up because my alarm sounded, & I must've really been out of it, since I started hitting my cd player & screaming, " Why won't you turn off you fuckin' retarded piece of shit?!?!" LMFAO!!! I'm REALLY not a morning person {=P}. We had Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. Emma picked me up around 12:30pm. I'm using her computer right now, lol. She typed up the draft I wrote for Kaly (because she was on earlier & just decided to not let me), & then I sent it... my, oh, my... I also sent Izzy a copy, because I feel like he needs to figure out what he wants too...

Here's what Kaly wrote to me:
I tried sending this on AT but it seemed to eat the message... It's Kaly. Isamu told me he told you about me. I don't know what he said. I don't want you thinking I'm a bad person. :/ His mother & brother hate me but they don't understand... they think I'm playing him or something. That I don't really care. I say it's been over a year if I had just been playing around, he would know. >< It's hard to explain... I feel like I'm being so greedy but my heart is bleeding. :( Do you think people can love more than 1 person? I didn't use to think so. But I had a boyfriend when I met Isamu online, and Isamu knew I did since he and my BF were friends... and my boyfriend wanting me to be happy let me meet Isamu in real life. I tried to keep Isamu away. I was afraid we'd all get hurt. But he kept following me around in the game we played FFXI, and I fell for him. I don't know why I couldn't resist. He was so sweet though, so tender so caring... When I was depressed he was there for me. If I had had a problem with my BF he would hold me, comfort me...I was his kitty. I even created a kitty girl in the game we played for him, named Kaly. So Isamu and I got together July 12th of 2004. This is real life... we met alone at least once a month in person. Um you can imagine what happened
after awhile. *^^* For me that was so special, made us closer... I hoped that when he turned 18 he could visit us more and maybe we could move in together... When we started he was very jealous and he didn't really want me talking to other guys online, he didn't want me flirting, etc. I didn't think I was but to make him happy I pretty much stopped talking to all my male friends. :/ He said he didn't flirt, he didn't seem to like the idea. he didn't want me doing it. So can you imagine how shocked I was to find out he had been messing around online here. :( I mean look at our comments to each other... I never expected... I never thought he would be flirting... Ever since he joined AT, with several girls since June I guess, I think Libby, and Tamara, and you... /sigh. Well it's not your fault he acts like he does. But now I'm so scared... what if he had been doing the same thing with other girls in real life? How can I trust him again? ; ; Why does life have to be so hard. *sigh* I don't think he's a bad guy... I think he just wants someone of his own. :( But if only he had told me before messing around. I would have understood even if it hurt. :( I don't know what to do. I love him so much. It hurts but I still want him. :( Am I stupid or what? >< I'm sorry to bother you. But I didn't want you thinking I was a greedy monster. :/ His mother even called me on the phone once, called me such terrible things, his brother, sigh. I have real feelings. :/

Here's my response to her:
WOW?umm?hello, Kaly? Haven’t talked in a while?I would usually ask the over used, “How are you??right about now, but I suppose it is sort of pointless. Not to be rude, but how did you get my e-mail address? Well, I am guessing you wanted to discuss matters about Isamu? You have stated your opinions and feelings, so I will state mine.
I honestly did not know about your relations until last week. He was incredibly nervous when he mentioned you, thinking I would hate him for his odd situation. All it did was confirm my predictions. Drama erupts every time I find someone great. I will admit it?I am falling (or have fallen) for him too, so I can understand why you love him. Despite it all, I still cannot date for another 4 years, and I doubt anyone would wait that long for me. Yes, I care about him, and wish him the best and happiness in life (even if it did not include me).
You said he also flirted with some girls, other than me? I see how that was hurtful to you, and I am sorry. Though, I do not think Isamu and I were really committed, so I do not mind as much?jealousy is not a trait I take too often.
I never thought you were a monster Kaly. The fact you have a boyfriend and still want Isamu does show greed though, if you would like the truth. Love and selfishness are an inseparable pair, and as humans, we all experience sins, emotions, and thoughts.
Above all Kaly, it is HIS CHOICE. But if you truly love him, stop confessing to me and tell HIM. Yet, also remember, you will have to choose sooner or later. There is just no way to get the best of both worlds. REAL LIFE is never fair or perfect, the way some people portray it.
Sincerely,
QtNptnSwtE (I actually used my real name, but I just don't feel like telling you people {=P})

So that's what it was... I'm now anticipating Kaly's & Izzy's responses... I'm going to the movies later with some friends to see "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory" Cocoa & I are going to sleep over Emmalz1's house tonight. I'm also staying tomorrow, I think? Lol... I'll find out... but I'm going to be home by Monday. T2yl8rz.

~*QtNptnSwtE*~
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