Sunday, November 13, 2005

   August Journal
>>Monday, August 1, 2005
We got back to my sister’s house around 1:30am. I got my stuff ready to leave, but found out I wasn’t going HOME (meaning I was COMPLETELY missing Lucky13’s 14th birthday bash! {T_T})… So I went on the computer to check my email. I didn’t respond to any of them though… wasn’t in the mood… I was half dead. I talked to some people though… I can’t really remember who or about what though… but I slept most of the day away. Then I babysat my niece for a few hours, talking to her (promising her a place to escape to when she wasn’t be able to stand her daddy anymore)…
My sister’s computer is fuckin’ mess. WORD hasn’t been working on it for about 2 months, so that meant I couldn’t update MyOtaku or Anime Tribe. I told her to get a fricken Virus Scanner/Protector, but she says, “It’s too expensive…” the cheapskate… It’s definitely worth it though (if you care about keeping ANYTHING on your computer), but no, don’t listen to me!
Anyway, it was funny seeing her get pissed off at the computer (But it was an even bigger treat to see her yell at her husband!!! {^_^} The only reason they HAVE to be together now is their daughter though… that’s the ONLY good thing he was for… I love my niece. The bastard of a father calls her his ugly, disgusting baby… GRRZ!!! He’d play with her maybe once in a while; then hand her to some1 else if she’d start crying!!! He doesn’t do ANYTHING AT ALL to take care of her!!! He doesn’t feed her; he doesn’t change her; he doesn’t even try to stop her tears… Forget it QtNptnSwtE… seeing his blood isn’t worth jail right now…).
I guess her nephew-in-law downloaded some Chinese shit into it that she couldn’t uninstall because she couldn’t read it! I don’t install anything without her permission, & I sway from downloading, because that’s a scary & long (I’m not the most patient of people…) business! The only time I installed is when I tried getting YM (Damnit!!! Yahoo Messenger won’t download right into her computer!!! It got everything BUT the Messenger!!! WTF?!?!), or get a file from a friend (but it scans it before I can get it, & they’ll tell me what it is. Then I delete it after I see/hear it, unless it’s something REALLY nice or REALLY funny).
I was in the computer room too, on this laptop, updating this, my poems, etc. Her husband (remember him?! 1 of the few people I HATE with passion?!) comes in & starts yelling with really bad grammar in his Chinese accent, “No1 touches my wife’s computer! I kick Tom if he did someting to it! What about you (He looks at me & says my nickname… Grrz… he doesn’t have the right to call me by my ‘family’ nickname…)?! YOU BREAK MY WIFE’S COMPUTER?! YOU’RE THE ONLY OTHER PERSON ON IT (please… give me a fuckin’ break!!! I’ve caught his niece & nephews on it before)!!!” & he just goes on & on accusing me of talking to boyfriends on there, & breaking my sister’s computer! If I broke her computer, it wouldn’t be on purpose! & I am very careful about downloads!!! I don’t do it… like, at all really!
Anyway, how can the ASSHOLE talk?! He can’t even use proper grammar, manners, or the computer for the most part! What if he was the 1 that did it, & doesn’t want to admit to it?! Huh?! Huh?! Why would I want to break my sister’s computer anyway?! If I break it, that means I won’t get to use it either!!! WTF?! That’s why I talk to my friends on here, while wearing my earphones, listening to The All American Rejects on full blast! So I don’t have to deal with the fuckin’ drama that’s ALWAYS in my life!!! I like to be alone… because no matter how close you are to a person, there’s always a way they can hurt you… this is why I fuckin’ isolate myself from the world… {T_T}… & even though I SHOULD share my problems, I just jot them all on here… typing/writing’s my escape! It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s there… or here? I don’t want to make my problems some1 else’s… they say misery loves company, but I just like to keep mine to myself. I love it when some1 can just make my living hell seem almost heavenly though, just because they got me to smile (smiling isn’t my forte) or laugh (my insanely embarrassing, loud, almost a snort of a laugh). My friends are the best, because no matter how horrible something is in our lives, we cheer each other up when we’re around or talking to each other…
GIVE ME A MOTHER FUCKING BREAK!!! I HATE THE IMMATURE, IGNORANT, NAIVE BASTARD WITH PASSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Though he can’t go to hell, God, because I’m going there!!! & I can’t spend an eternity with the DICKHEAD!!! But I can spend the eternity with other philosophers, Satan, Hitler, & all those other evil people… just NOT him!!!
Nothing else really happened, then went home around 9pm (Ah… home sweet home!)…
I also have that ceremony tomorrow! I’m going to be bored out of my mind… & I don’t think I have anything to wear! {O_O} Oh, well… I’m a master procrastinator anyway… always making it last minute!

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>>Tuesday, August 2, 2005
1st of all… WOW!!! I got really deep yesterday… I still can’t believe I actually put such detailed information on my life here… I understand… it might be dangerous, but… when I write… I WRITE! Anyway, I don’t think too many people would actually bother to read such LONG passages/posts…
I woke up around 1pm & took a shower & ate brunch. Then at 3:50, my mama took me to Fashion Bug to get an outfit (because I didn’t have time to wash any of my decent ones last night). We got home at 5 & I got ready. The shirt I was SUPPOSED to wear turned out to be HUGE!!! It was lucky I got a few others. We left at 5:26pm for the All American Legion Award Ceremony. It was awarded to 1 graduating (as in going to be in 9th) 8th grade girl, & 1 graduating 8th grade boy. I was the girl, & Ethan (I think he’s my friend… just not the kind I talk to very often… we’re from 2 different worlds: Me from “weird” smart freaks/ Him from “popular” trouble-making jocks) was the boy. It wasn’t to start until 6, but I was to be there by 5:30 for pictures. It’s really lucky I only lived a few streets away from it. We both arrived almost simultaneous times.
Ethan got an army cut!!! It was weird seeing him with almost no hair, but I must say it suited him much more than his long, messy, emo, bowl cut (Yes, I’ll admit it… I had a crush on him in 6th grade, but I was young & didn’t know any better, ok?! Anyway, he’s got a girlfriend, & would never look twice at me… like I said… we’re from 2 DIFFERENT WORLDS!!!). I still felt short standing next to him. He’s a fricken skyscraper (always has been… but my heels were a good 2inches… oh, well, should get used to my height, because I don’t think my genes are going to let me grow much more…)!
We talked about how our summers were going. I mentioned I’ve barely ever been home, & he’s 1 of the 1st few people who’ve actually asked, “Is that good?”… I think it is in some ways, & isn’t in others, depending on where I go & who I see when I’m not home (but it’s nice to finally be back…). His was going slow & boring… & our parents started having some small talk. Our dads talked about business… & asked if they make me work (yes… when they need people), & they keep him “humble” by making him work. Ethan & I finally forced ourselves to talk to each other. I told him some about Canada, drumline, & summer reading. He told me some about summer reading, school, camps, & boredom. It wasn’t as boring as I thought it would be, because I don’t feel as awkward around Ethan as other guys from my school (probably because he was in half of my 8th grade classes… & was my partner for a history project in which we got a high D, changed to a low C when our teacher graded it on a curve, & SO lucky he did! We shouldn’t have split up the work… because he didn’t remember much, & barely any of the questions were for the part I read. Anyway, my grade wasn’t in danger, because History’s my best subject… he probably thought I’d do all the work… but we did an ENTIRE chapter in less than 2 hectic weeks… & I was trying to catch up in science… most of the people who had the same science teacher failed, but I managed to force myself to work for that A! I barely made the A for the final… that made me ecstatic!!!).
Anyway, we finally got to eat, so Ethan didn’t have to shred the plastic table cloth. After that, we talked a little more, then they finally announced for us to come up. They did me 1st. She talked about the award while holding it out. I was so nervous! I didn’t know whether to also grab it while she looked at me or what?! I just smiled, went for it & held it while she talked to me, then she asked me to introduce my parents… so I did. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to say anything at all, but I guess it wasn’t so bad? Still a little embarrassed I probably looked to tense or eager to leave… I got a certificate in a little folder & an 18K gold pin (that was $45… they left the price inside the little jewelry box! LoL). Ethan went next (well, durr-duh!). He got his certificate in a large envelope & a medal. They let us sit down again. The lady grabbed my arm (every1 seems to like my arm…) & said with a friendly smile, “I’ll look for your name & keep up with your achievements as you go on in High School, honey. I know I’ll see it in the future.” Not too long after, we were allowed to leave. I don’t know about my parents, but Ethan & I were *whoosh!* out of there! LoL. We bid good-byes & see you at school (With grim faces… Who looks forward to school? Hmm… well, I guess it’d be nice to see my friends more often again)!
My parents dropped me off at drumline. I was only a half hour late, surprisingly. It turns out our conductor & best (older, most experienced girl) were no-shows, & our instructor gave birth a few weeks ago, so she wasn’t coming back for a while. So the other experienced girl was supposed to lead us. She told me they hadn’t really done anything at all, & were just going to do exercises again. We’re so behind… how are we ever going to survive band camp?!?! Well, she pretty much let us talk, but then the co-conductor showed up to ruin our fun, so we HAD to play something. We did scales, increasing speed a little every time. Easy stuff, but I still had a few mess ups. Then we tried doing a new exercise, & after I got the notes & pattern down, I did it… decently? Anyway, we didn’t stay the extra half hour since the 3 important people were missing…
I got home by 8:25 (even though it ended at 8… my parents drive SoOoOoOo slow, & we’re only 7 minutes away from the school!). I got home & ate dinner then watched my FAVORITE non-anime show: HOUSE. While doing that, Cocoa called me. She had been talking to a few other friends of ours, & she found out some1 liked her. I guessed 2 names & both of them did! See how psychic I am?!?! LoL… I suppose I’ve been well-tuned with my soul for the past while. It’s nice, because I think I was guessing years or #s for something, & EVERY SINGLE TIME… I was right!!! {^_^} I think that was it for today…

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>>Wednesday, August 3, 2005
I worked today: 11am to 4pm. Then got to my sister’s, talked to people on MSN Messenger & AIM. I met some kool new people from Anime Tribe that I had an, oddly, educational chat with. I learned some new words in Spanish, in which I don’t remember anymore… LoL, & talked about beliefs, or points of view, & philosophies. They complemented me, saying I’m wise beyond my years, which is true when I’m deep in thought, but I can also be goofy, silly, stupid, & immature when I’m with friends.
~ “I ALWAYS feel like I’m looking out 10 or more windows…” this is my quote about how I ALWAYS feel… I always see so many sides to everything! Philosophies just naturally occur to me… thinking is just an instinct humans (well… most anyway) possess… I think in some ways, I’m an Atheist, but I still believe in God for the most part (maybe? I end up 2nd guessing myself a lot)… I still think I’ll go to hell though, just for practicing philosophy…
~ (Guess what? This is ANOTHER philosophy!!!) Showing real sorrow is better than showing fake happiness… never keep emotions bottled up!
My sister’s husband also had the nerve to walk in again & yelled, “Are you breaking my wife’s computer again?! Ya, you’re breaking my wife’s computer, aren’t you!” I just ignored him, & turned away. Then he just had the balls to ask, “Why are you so mean to me? I’m supposed to be like your, what is it? What do you call your sister?” I responded I call her my Ate-Lan, & he wanted to know what I called him… OH, HO, HO, HO!!! I SoOoOoOo DESPERATELY wanted to say, “I call you a mother fuckin’ immature, ignorant, naïve, bastard that I passionately hate, even though I hate hating people, but you’re the BIGGEST exception to that rule of mine, because I debate whether or not being covered in your blood is worth going to jail for!” Of course, we all think things we don’t REALLY mean when we’re taken over by wrath… but I ended up keeping calm, & telling him, “I don’t know… leave me alone…” & he just stood there. He repeated, “What would you call me?” Sometimes I wonder if he even understands English (I had to explain to him 1 time the definition of ‘prying’ because I told him, “It’s rude to pry into other people’s lives when they don’t feel like talking about it! My life is none of your business” but that’s another story…)? I said I’d call him his name. He chuckled… WTF?! It wasn’t meant to be funny, but he finally walked away… thank God!!!
I also solved the puzzle to who was bullying Izzy! I reviewed the clues/facts I already knew & figured out the identity of “ARUther”. Why I didn’t notice the 1st 3 letters of his name before, I really don’t know?! But I got a confession out of him & found out why he did it! LoL… I still have yet to tell Izzy he’s harmless though…

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>>Thursday, August 4, 2005
Not much to point out for today really… I actually stayed home & practiced playing on my bells, but that’s about it…

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>>Friday, August 5, 2005
I was supposed to go to the mall with Cocoa & another friend today for boy watching/flirting, but Cocoa & I couldn’t get a ride to go {T_T}, so I was stuck at home all day again…
But OMG!!! IdunnoU called ME!!! She might be moving back!!! I’m so ecstatic! She said she was going to try to ruin anything that would mean her staying there, so she can come back here for us!!! LoL, she’s been my gurly since 3rd grade, when I kicked her in the head {0=D}. That was a great, LONG story… We talked about everything imaginable, serious & stupid! Hehehe, what would I do without her?! She’s also 1 of my few other friends that’s into anime.
We put Izzy on 3-way. I was surprised his cell was actually on. He wasn’t very talkative, but I finally told him who “ARUther” was. Holding that piece of information was just killing me! I’m so glad it’s out… & I have an idea for revenge on “ARUther” but I forgot to tell Izzy before he got off. I talked to IdunnoU for almost 3 hours!!! {^_^} I missed our pointless chats. “Bpibpibpibpibpibpibpib I like ice cream!!!” LMFAO!!! Hehehe… see what I mean by pointless? That’s it…

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>>Saturday, August 6, 2005
I woke up, took a shower, & talked to Cocoa, Abz, JimmA, & Wayne on the phone. We greeted JimmA a Happy-Happy-Happy (belated) Birthday-Birthday-Birthday!!! I also found out in the conversation that Abz & JimmA like anime too! LoL… why don’t my friends tell me these things?!?! Now Abz might be another contestant to go to a Con with (Rayn’s a definite, & IdunnoU’s a maybe). Lucky13 also came over for half an hour. She was being mean to me {T_T}, but hey, I was right back {~_^}! LoL, it was nice to catch up for a little bit. She borrowed a few DVDs because… she was bored, I guess? We also talked with IdunnoU on the phone for a while. Not much else for today.

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>>Sunday, August 7, 2005
I’m now listening to Modest Mouse, my 2nd favorite band next to The All American Rejects. About all of their songs fit my mood the majority the time. I love this 1, it’s my favorite of theirs (& I forgot to post it in the ‘lyrics that describe me’ a few weeks ago):
The World At Large: “Ice-age heat wave, can’t complain. If the world’s at large, why should I remain? Walked away to another plan. Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand. I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way. Went to the porch to have a thought. Got to the door and again, I couldn’t stop. You don’t know where and you don’t know when. But you still got your words and you got your friends. Walk along to another day. Work a little harder, work another way. Well uh-uh baby I ain’t got no plan, We’ll float on maybe would you understand? Gonna float on maybe would you understand? Well float on maybe would you understand? The days get shorter and the nights get cold. I like the autumn but this place is getting old. I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast. It might not be a lot but I feel like I’m making the most. The days get longer and the nights smell green. I guess it’s not surprising but it’s spring and I should leave. I like songs about drifters—books about the same. They both seem to make me feel a little less insane. Walked on off to another spot. I still haven’t got anywhere that I want. Did I want love? Did I need to know? Why does it always feel like I’m caught in an undertow? The moths beat themselves to death against the lights. Adding their breeze to the summer nights. Outside, water like air was great. I didn’t know what I had that day. Walk a little farther to another plan. You said that you did, but you didn’t understand. I know that starting over is not what life’s about. But my thoughts were so loud I couldn’t hear my mouth. My thoughts were so loud I couldn’t hear my mouth. My thoughts were so loud.”
I’m going to bed now, at 4:25am. I’ll get back to this later…

I woke up at 1:45pm, ate brunch, then practiced my bells for sometime. Then, I got a little further in Treasure Island. After that, I listened to my fave CDs (some several times): The All American Rejects, Modest Mouse, Muse, Simple Plan.
I thought I was going to miss the 1st day of band camp (Monday) because we were going out for my brother’s birthday… but it turns out we were just going to combine the celebration with my dad’s later on.
Then I came across another MAJOR problem that I ALWAYS have with activities… rides to & home. *sigh*… I hate asking for things… I hate making parents feel like chauffeurs… but I can’t drive yet, so it’s either wake up SUPER early & go for a (LONG; 5 mile) jog, or ask… I tried the jog before, & I felt like like died… not to mention how many people seemed to want to run me over! But ya… I asked Lucky13, but she was get a ride from Lys, so I called Lys… but she had to get all detailed on why she couldn’t give me a ride (She could’ve just said, “Sorry, no, I can’t.” but she had to be snippy & almost snooty-ish about it…what did I do to her?! Gz… every1 seems to hate me lately… I’ll end up never finding out what I do to people… no1 tells me anything, damnit…). My last resort was Cocoa… & if I couldn’t get a ride from her, I had to say hello to some good running sneaks. Luckily, she was able to (for tomorrow anyway… I don’t know about the rest of the week…). That solved my problems for a short while, but I’ll have to solve this puzzle later…
I’m so fuckin’ behind! Work, work, work this last month {T_T}! No more fun… I have to read, read, read!!! Gz, why do I keep repeating words 3 times? Something’s wrong with me… I have a feeling that stress is kicking in early… I’m going to have to plan things better so I’ll fit everything when I start school. Damnit…

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>>Monday, August 8, 2005
I’m going to try to get some sleep before camp, now at 2:43am. I’ll have to wake up by 8 & get there by 9. I’ll tell about it later!

I woke up at 7:55am, & Cocoa picked me up at 8:45 for band camp. We got our uniforms.

It’s also my brother’s birthday.

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~*QtNptnSwtE*~
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