Tuesday, April 14, 2009

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I have 2 moods lately. Depressed and Hyper/Goofy as fuck. its strange. Its when I get with or talk to friends then I'm okay & pretty jolly. But I get sad bein lonesum and I start thinkin about my problems w james lately. Which is like, we're in a rut, a stand still, whatever u may call it. I havent seen him for 2 weeks and never talk for more than 5 min on the phone, talking only casual-like. Its bummy. But I messaged him bout stayin over friday so I'm waitin for his reply. Always waiting. Waiting it out, Waiting for "us" to get back on track, waiting for a call, waiting for an answer. I don't really have that much patience, but I don't have much of a choice in the matter. -sigh- I'm okay though, generally. :)

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Thursday, April 9, 2009

So since august I've...

Cheated on James. With Donovan. Fell in love with a friend, Gabe. Left James for Gabe. Cheated on Gabe. With James. Left Gabe for James. And that is who I'm currently with. Oh and Donovans completely out of the picture by this time. Trying not to cheat anymore. That goal is going well. & I've establised this: There are 4 kinds of people who smoke pot. 1-Stoners 2-Hypocrites 3-People who use for recreation (Partying) 4-People who use for artistic and philosophical inspiration. (This list is subject to change lolz based on my ever changing opinion) I've been through all of these. I now land myself at #4 and a lil of #3. Last time I updated, I was an all out stoner. Then I was an uptight hypocrite who hated it but did it anyway and then quit for a while. Now I am content, and in control. I feel like I understand life a lil better. 'Til next time.

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

What have I turned into????

This week I've smoked Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday And then probably Friday Saturday But I do all of my homework. And go to all of my classes. I spend time with my mom and sister. But James and I noticed lately every time we hung out we'd smoke weed. And I don't like that. And he doesn't either. God. I'm so glad we're on the same page. We both miss hanging out together. Sober. I need to chill pill on da hooch >.< He's my savior.

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Sunday, August 10, 2008

OMNOMNOM

i r going to jamez' house todai he has a movie projector thing in his basement and were guna watch Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay ^_^ YESSS I saw it a week ago but I cant remember any of it cuz I was chopped >.> and falling asleep i was tired too. raWr I WANNA SEE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS PLZ but i have no movie money D8

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Saturday, August 9, 2008

Heyyyy

It's been a while, dontcha think? daaaang. I don't like starting over -_- but I guess right now nothing huge is happening in my life so that means if I continue to post everyday my posts will be SHORT! I'm starting to think that would be a good thing. I miss myO, I honestly haven't been really "in-tuned" with it for over a year now, I don't have many friends on it like MAH BEST FRIEND. WHOS IN NEW YORK. YAY NEW YORK.

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I'm at caaaaaaamp

And I found that we do have internet (veryvery slow) but I can get on myO. but not myspace (its waaaaaaaaaay to slow) so HEY imma post. I got here yesterday.I took the ferry across lake michigan and there was amovie playing on it. but it was silent. you have to pay for sound ._. ahhah. Well on the 4th of July we picked up James and we went over to my brothers house for a cookout. And we got to watch the fireworks together :3 It was really amazing. Ahh crap I have to go now but hey I'm having fun maybe I'll post later in my stay.

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I'm at caaaaaaamp

And I found that we do have internet (veryvery slow) but I can get on myO. but not myspace (its waaaaaaaaaay to slow) so HEY imma post. I got here yesterday.I took the ferry across lake michigan and there was amovie playing on it. but it was silent. you have to pay for sound ._. ahhah. Well on the 4th of July we picked up James and we went over to my brothers house for a cookout. And we got to watch the fireworks together :3 It was really amazing. Ahh crap I have to go now but hey I'm having fun maybe I'll post later in my stay.

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Thursday, July 3, 2008

PICHURES

No u don't understand I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!!!! NUUUUU I've never been gone from home for 3 weeks straight. And I don't want to go!! I'm going to miss James! and I'll miss Jenny being in town, and my brother camping, and my mom camping which if I was going I coulda brought Jenny along like last year... and all the free weekends I could've gone to the Rennaisance Faire DXXX I think this is going to be my last year of camp, unless I can be a part of Outpost next year (which is only ONE week) because camp isn't as important to me as it used to be. And I don't want to be gone that long now that I am making more friends and getting more opportunities to get out. The whole main reason I was going to camp is so I would actually have something to do in the summer, but now I DO without it. >.< and I don't need it anymore. raWr!! DXXX Well, i shal savor the time I have left in milwaukee. Yesterday James came over and me him and my sister hung out. And we took pictures! Which is a first. For us, and for me. I don't take pictures to often. And thats kinda why I was getting cranky with all the surprise pictures he was taking of me -_- But there were some cute ones Hehe :3

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Sunday, June 29, 2008

I'M THINKIN ARBY'S

I was gone 24 days? Well I'm going to be out of town for 20 days starting July 7th and then will be my next huge break. ~~ I am with James again. And very happy YOU SEE WE DID GET BACK TOGETHER BOOH YAH I have no idea who I'm talking to. O yes. Myself. Yah thats fun. James actually found this site a day or 2 ago and read my archives until october O_______O Gaw Dammitt. Oh well. I'd really share anything with him so I don't care that much. I just worry that the stuff he read about donohead and me swooning over him probably hurt. But thats the past now. There are times when I just watch James. I'm not a fucking stalker. Okay yes I am, I am HIS stalker but I'm not freakish. But I'll just watch his face as he smokes or, just gaze at his face;; my god he's so beautiful to me. And I absolutely love it when he smiles. This is making me smile right now XDD I realize that the extremely close thing about my brother sounds a bit wrong. Yes my mind is in the gutter at the moment. Fuck it. There are just so many things we have in common. We understand eachother. And we could talk to eachother for hours, having a mature insightful conversation. I have never met anyone else so like me and I've known him my whole life, yet I'm just finding these things out ever since I started highschool. We are NOT alike in the way that I am random/my sense of humor. And my immature moments. But I'm 16 years younger than him, what do you expect? Me and James have a similar connection but we both connect with the sense of humor part. We love eachother for the retarded persons we are. One more thing; I'm not addicted to pot and I'm not in denial. My life is going good and I am stable and mature enough to tell when I've had enough and when to take it easy. I have that confidence.

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Thursday, June 5, 2008

HAY LOOKIE ISH BEEN A WHILE

well i wrote a couple posts at school. but then they got blocked and losted forever and i got mad and didnt' wanna rewrite em all idk how much i need to fill u in. well i'll start from friday. DONOHEAD IS THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE ON EARTH no i know theres bigger. whatever i wanted to be emphatic. we got back together friday, and i dumped his ass on sunday IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF i went to see him on saturday and we talked for a while but not about anything in particular, and he kinda made me feel inferior, and then his frennns came around and we smoked some bowls. and then he was like "no offense, but i wanna go home and im tired" well no shit he gets tired when he smokes. but we didnt even fucking hug. he gave me a (very pitiful) backrub and we came close to kissing but his potty frenns interrupted. then the nxt like day and a half i didn't hear from him and when i was finally talkin to him online he was ignoring or avoiding some questions and i was like U BITCH THIS IS THE SAME SHIT I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT FUCK U IM NOT GUNNA BE FUCKING WALKED ALL OVER im proud :3 saturday night i went to hang at britts and later at night we went to a bonfire and i had some peach schnopps and vodka and a little moar pot but still threw the whole day i felt 90% sober. we drove around at like 1am with the windows down and i had shotgun and we were blasting music IT WAS SO GREAT I HAD SUCH A FUN FUCKING TIME but i wish i got more pot than i did. 2 DAYS... ...is pride fest. IM SO EXCITED tara might be able to get some blueberry middys O_O_O_O_O blueberry pot GOD I SOUND LIEK A FUCKING DRUGGIE IM REALLY NOTTT. raWr. i jus lieks to have sum extrie boost now and then >.> i've smoked pot maybe 5-6 times? got high only once. and it wasnt that extreme. i dont think. whatever. IMMA STOP TALKIN BOUT IT OMG TODAY tara flashed me and bethany. no reason. just what the hell *lifts shirt* LMAO. i was gonna too but they were like ehhhh they said they'd feel like a pedo. because i'm 15, and taras 17 bethany's 18. STUPID NUMBER. but i get it. me and james are really close again. i called him sunday night after the whole donohead thing and i felt like crying he was like "Nikkyyyyyyyy wats wrongggg i know u i can tell in your voice" and i said i didn't want to talk about it but he did make me feel so much better anyways. and that was good enough for him. so we've been talking on the phone every night now. wednesday night we had a potluck at school, and he had to go home so i walked him to his bus stop and waited with him. he was saying how like he's holding on to the chance that maybe one day he'll get another chance with me. and that whenever he touches someones hand he thinks of and misses the touch of MY hand and he told me hes not over me and never will be. and that no one will ever replace me. he was telling about how often he thinks of me and it was getting so hard to listen because it was HARD u know cuz i had to end it, and im doing very good right now, on my own. and i felt like i wanted to be in his arms again but i didn't want to do anythin stupid and hes dating joey. and i dont really want to be with him right now, but maybe in the future if things change... he ended up getting on the bus and the bus driver told him to get off because the bus pass expires at 6:30 and it was 6:40 -______- so we walked back to the school after all. when he was walking he had his hands in front of him like holding his jacket closed, and i was like 'whats wrong' and he said when his hands are at his side he misses taking my hand, and i held out my hand and we held hands the way back to school. and i looked over and he was smiling so much he looked soo happy, and it felt good. but i worry about leading him on. >.< NIKKY

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