Tuesday, July 10, 2007

-date- tuesdayjuly10 -time- 2:25pmct I like my theme, its pretty, but I dunno. Its kinda girly, but Rei looks cute. Yah, girly. I might put up a Kaworu theme instead. It'll still be Evangelion that way. Besides, if I put up Kaworu, you know I'll be putting up Kaworu/Shinji XD I'm going to add a bunch of pictures too. My friend went shopping yesterday and now I want to go cuz she said Kohl's and Target have skull bras and matching underwear XD haha. Besides half of my bras are all bent up cuz my mom did my wash once and she threw them in the dryer -_- Today I watched some Bleach episodes and got caught up with Blood+. I had like 8 episodes on the DVR that I forgot about. Have a good day everyone! ~rabid

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Monday, July 9, 2007

-date- mondayjuly9 -time- 3:50pmct Good Enough Under your spell again I can't say no to you crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand I can't say no to you Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly now I can't let go of this dream I can't breathe but I feel Good enough I feel good enough for you Drink up sweet decadence I can't say no to you and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind I can't say no to you Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely now I can't let go of this dream can't believe that I feel Good enough I feel good enough its been such a long time coming, but I feel good and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall pour real life down on me cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough am I good enough for you to love me too? so take care what you ask of me cause I can't say no ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ because I love you and i fucked up and now its to late its never too late what are you saying? i still love you i never stopped loving you aprilsixteenth ~rabid

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Friday, July 6, 2007

-time- 11:54amct -date- fridayjuly6 mysterious rei: I hope she will.. she has found out about it b4. about a year ago. she didnt do anything, but she might this time. Jenny: I KNO i dont want to leave you. I need to be there for you now more than ever. alphonse13: hehe the music is from the movie Ginger Snaps. they'd kill you for it? not good. redmoonchick: i don't want to stop, but it's not mixing with my relationship so well. Happy topic everyone. And thanks for all the hugs *huge group hug* I had lots of chocolate yesterday. 2 chocolate bars and chocolate cake XDXD Mouthwash is my friend. Thats... accually all I had all day.. My journal was falling apart so I had to find a new one and copy everything into it. It was better than watching TV all day. But my hand hurts. It's not a diary, i just put random things in there.. nonsense stuff. Have a good day ~rabid

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Thursday, July 5, 2007

-time- 11:05amct -date- thursdayjuly5 Thanx for being there. That was the most comments I've gotten in a long time. Kinda expected the opposite. AFI was great, and I wasn't complaining about not seeing the whole show. I was extremely lucky to see them, at all. Yea, I was bummed to leave early but that wasn't why I was pissed. Just what my mom said hurt. I kno I have problems taking things to far. It just hurts alot cuz my mom's always been like this. My brother and sister are used to it and know how to deal with her. But both have their own lives and I can't run to them for help all the time. I might be getting some help. With depression, and old habits [self mutilation]. I'm really scared though. I'll probably be put in a day program or something or maybe even a residential treatment facility. Idk. ~rabid

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Wednesday, July 4, 2007

-time- 11:58amct -date- wednesdayjuly4 Happy 4th, I guess, if yours is happy. I have 100 gb signings. Thank you everyone. I am lucky to have so many good friends. myO is the best! I accuallt got to see AFI play yesterday. I'm not complaining about not seeing AFI. I am so lucky that I did. Yea I was little bummed to leave early, but whatever. It was fun. It's just what my mom was saying to me that pissed me off. Well we got there at 5 and they play at 10. So we [me and Jenny] were there for 5 and a half hours standing in the rain and we only got to see like 15 min of them cuz my mom called and was like 'C'mon I gotta get up early for work tomorrow you need to leave NOW'. I was so pissed. But I guess I don't deserve to have fun. At least I saw some of the show. But since I'm not the one making money I'm not entitled to anything good. Since I get to sleep in in the morning I'm not entitled to any of that. I'm worthless. I'm not accepting anymore of 'allowance' because it'll just get thrown right back at me. She doesn't have to drive me anymore and spend all her money on gas taking me places because I am going to learn the city bus schedule like the back of my hand. I'm gonna look for a job so I can pay for my bus tickets and whatever essentials. Forget about the b-day book list I'll just go to the library. Why do I have to own the books anyway? Besides, going to the library will get me out of the house. I've been stuck at home for the past month and my mom had always complained that I don't go out with friends or have a social life. When I finally do go out, I am reminded why I don't. Cuz it always ends up like this. Fighting and guilt and degrading me and crying and suicidal thoughts and self mutilation. I really can't stand life right now. I'm probably the most ungrateful, spoiled brat. I'm not asking for attention. I could care less if anyone read this. But right now I'm living for my boyfriend. I wouldn't commit suicide. It's not like that. But if I didn't have him, I'd just be living to be alive. I have no future. I've already fucked up all that I have/could have. I'd just be living to keep my family from crying over my death and from the gov. chasing after my mom or whatever. Life would suck but whatever. She makes it feel like I don't deserve anything. I probably don't. People who deserve good are like Jenny. Who's home life really does suck and she deserves so much better than that. Sorry for the long post yesterday and today. I just end up rambling.. ~rabid

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Tuesday, July 3, 2007

-time- 12:12pmct -date- tuesdayjuly3 yesh i put it up again i just like it XD SHUT THE FUCKING TV OFF AND READ A BOOK or something Wise words, wise words. There's nothing on TV anyway. I ended up watching some crack psychologist lecture about suicide. It was either that or James and the Giant Peach. I don't need to watch a movie about a fruit. I have my life. That's fruity enough. What kind of books do you like to read? I like the teen books where the kid has a dysfunctional shitty life. Like their parents drink or fight, or they were raped or beaten, or they run away, or into drugs and other addictions, food disorders, suicidal... and on top of all that they have a 'lover' that they're sacrificing everything for, or their only friend is a pet.. Fun stuff like that. Who wants to read a fucking book about a whiny teenager who thinks her life is at end because a boy she was going out with just to be popular dumped her and her friends are turning on her and she got an A- on her test and her mother reads her PINK FLUFFY DIARY!?!? -I'm calm, I'm calm- *deep breath* I accually remembered my dreams. I'm happeh I had three. One of them I left the house one day and decided to take the bus to my boyfriend's house but the last bus I took turned around and started going the wrong way and I got all pissed and started throwing food at the driver. Another was this guy was telling me his story about how he was trying to escape the cops and run out of the building before the place locked down, and he had his baby with him. WHY? I don't know. But anyways, there were 2 cops and he needed a free hand so he could shoot one of the cops and get away. Sooo he threw the baby to the side and shot the cop and ran for it. -_- He THREW the baby. It died. And the last one.. the guy who raped me or molested me as a child came back to my house but I wouldn't open the door. I was scared.. of course. But we made small talk or something and found out he was an ok guy and he gave me a hug which scared the FUCK out of me. I didn't want this guy to touch me. Then he left. He left the gate open. That pissed me off. I hate it when people leave the gate open. [that i know of] I was never raped or molested, it was a DREAM. And if he ever came to my house, he'd have quite a few knives through his skin and he'd be missing his 'gun'. But it makes me happy cuz I love dreaming and I haven't remembered them in sooo so long. It's so beautiful out today It's cloudy, so it's cool out. Yet there's this warm breeze. And the air smells like rain. I'm probably going to go out and lay on top of my picnic table and read a book, or draw, or write. ~rabid

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Monday, July 2, 2007

-time- 12:34pmct -date- mondayjuly2 I havent been commenting lately. I should be punished *holds wrists out and hangs head* SMEXY He has SUCH a great voice. I did too. But if you dont use it you lose it. I haven't sung in sooo long.. My voice sounds all raspy now. *cough* I wonder what my mom would do if I went to summerfest and came home with a pierced eyebrow XDXDXDXDXDXDXD hehe But I'd rather get it done somewhere more professional and sterile. Like Zoe's Tattoo & Piercings I think my mom said I can get my eyebrow pierced at 16. I hope she doesn't change her mind.. hah im so obsessed. Ive been reading a whole lot lately. It's alot better then watching spongebob all the time -_- OO I got 2 ICP shirts yesterday with jenneh. Yay. My mom just lauged cuz the first one has the clown thats on the cover of Great Melinko, and the other is from my favorite song by them "My Axe". But it says hatchet!?!? wtf, oh well. I was burnin incense. Tis funn. I have HIM incense. I forget whats all in it. I'll have to check later For my b-day I'm going to give relatives book titles to get me cuz IM SICK OF THEIR KOHLS GIFT CERTIFICATES I NEVER GO THERE!! They don't know where I shop for my clothes. They just base it off where my sister buys/bought her clothes. Kohls, American Eagle, ehhh... I could blow all the money in the world at Barns N Noble, plus they have music. So yeah. I dont need clothes. Books & Music. Ummm.. I'm wasting your time? Sry.. Question: If you like/know who HIM is, what are you 3 fav songs by them? Idk if I can pick.. too many ones i want to DEVOUR ~rabid

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Sunday, July 1, 2007

-time- 2:12pmct -date- sundayjuly1 hiya i disappeared. but im back. i was only gone for one day.. but i havent been giving comments cuz my compy is poopy my laptop still isn't set up. my mom said it would be done yesterday a week ago, and now shes saying the dude is coming like thursday -_- oh well. i bought 3 books today. i love barnes and noble... i could blow all my money there. and not just on manga. i got death note 11. i have 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10, 11. i lent out my volume 1, but i bet ill never see it again. also got Pet Semetary by Steven King, and Valiant by Holly Black. I already read it, but i wanted to get it so i could read it again and again and again..... right now im reading Smack by.. umm..Melvin Burgess? i tink.. Its about runaway teens (1980's England) who get addicted to heroine, and their struggle back out of it. oo im going to the mall with jenny hehe, hot topic is having a 50% off sale i guess. O_O have a good suday guyz.. ill try to comment later on. ~rabid

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Friday, June 29, 2007

-time- 10:40amct -date- friday june 29 Summahfest.. When we first got there, I had no idea what to do. Like where do we start... We ended up just hanging out randomly. It was cold out, but Jenny kept me warm XD. Hehe. OOhh yea I dyed my hair dark purple. It turned out ALOT better than the other 2 times. Maybe cuz it said to leave it in for 30 min, but I left it in 45-60 mins. I got a Flyleaf hoodie and when we go to see AFI Jenny gets that one. Cuz they're expensive and we can only get one of each. The concert was awesome. There was such an amazing energy and the music and performance was great. Lacey cut her hair!! But it still looked smexy. I envy herr.. her band, and her amazing voice. I wish they would've turned up the volume on her mic more. Our seats were pretty good, about 4 rows back, just a little off center. All the pictures Jenny took had this guy's arm in it -_- haha oof i have like no energy. it got sucked out of me yesterday. It was fun though. Hanging out with the best peepz. We were missing the BEST one though.. the best to me anyways. :( I hope I can go with him once at least. I'm gonna call him later when he gets home from summer skull. ~rabid

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

-time- 2:44pmct -date- wednesday june 27 Sorry I am posting late again I dont know why I'm apologizing It's your choice whether to come here or not.. OO yay my birthday is in a month! Tomorrow I go with Jenny to see Lacey from Flyleaf SING SEXXYYY Mwa ha ha Summerfest The world's largest music festival And I live in the city where it is hosted!! *dies* *rises* Well I wanna be alive for it so.. yah... Tomorrow is a busy day besides Summerfest. I see Ass-Lady first thing in the morning, and she's probably going to up my medication. I soooo hope that doesn't ruin my day. OMG summer [for me] is half over!! Noooooooooooooooo and I haven't DONE anything yet besides sit on the couch and puke on a boat. And the worse part is I havent even spent the first half of summer with meh beau :'( When I finally DO go to camp, it's after I start school so I'll be missing a week of school. -awesome- But yeah, my school starts Aug. 6th. Tis early. its a year round school, but I get like 2 weeks off every season. Plus Christmas and Spring break. YEAH! That means I can schedule my... wait... TMI... nevermind Umm.. yea so I am happy today. And quite hyper. I watched '10 Things I Hate About You' twice yesterday, and I wanna watch it again today. New obsession. O about the mayo no pickles thing... Okay I love pickles, but anyway when we were ordering my sub, I asked for mayo, and he thought I said pickles.. HOW can you confuse the two? They dont even sound alike... I dunno, you had to be there.. it's an inside joke XD Do you notice me abbreviate things alot? Like: idk, nvm, ik, idr, etc.... ~rabid

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