Friday, October 5, 2007

i go *blargh* in the toilet :D

I got my poem! *waves paper* Nostalgia Was it working? You know you didn't feel it. Only in your dreams. Why couldn't it be real? If it didn't work in person, how could you love him? What creates love? You miss April and May. Dreaming that things wont change. Or change back. Dreaming it was just as strong. Why did it die? Why did you die? Who felt it first, and remained unspoken? You love him. You'll never stop loving him. You wished you wouldn't fall out of love. You forgot to wish that he wouldn't. Don't forget next time. If there is such a thing. XD It's about how I was confused on why I still loved him even though he was a liar and an asshole. (he stopped being 'nice'. we told eachother we never want to see or hear from eachother again) But I know that I love who he was. I don't know what happened to him, or what changed. But I miss when we first got together, and we were so passionate, and there was such a deep connection. I know that that is over, and probably gone forever. And I accept it. It's still hard dealing with this though, because I was lied to, betrayed, and rejected. And it was such a shock to me because I had ignored my gut instinct and made myself think his excuses were nothing, and that it would get better. That he wouldn't lie to me. Hah. Do you ever have that thing where songs remind you of someone? I have a bunch of songs that had reminded me of him. I'm going through them to see which ones I can still enjoy =P So far he's ruined: Schism by Tool Bodies by Drowning Pool And maybe Invisible Wounds (Dark Bodies) by Fear Factory. But I'm not sure about that one yet. Also not sure about Anywhere by Evanescence.. .. hey thats not so bad, considering i had a dozen songs that had memory of him. I would say that There For You by Flyleaf is ruined but that was long ago when things were good and so it doesn't make me want to punch a baby. XD. But all of these make we want to vomit. +++++++ Right now the song I'm dwelling on is Forever Gone, Forever You Evanescence I wanted you to be with me For so long I don't even know why now But now that I've given up on you Defiantly you see me Walking away I see the pain You put me through Lost in your game to change the same Forever gone, forever you There's something very wrong about this I think you knew all along somehow You'll only take me to change my mind Lonely, broken, and defeated So far away I see the truth I see through you Now that I know the way you play I don't want to Walking away I see the pain You put me through Lost in your game to change the same Forever gone, forever you +++++++++ Music is amazing. I'm going to Britt's gig today!!! I so happy,I miss her like crazy. We talked on the phone last night for an hour or so. I feel free, now that I'm single. Like there's a ton of weight lifted off of me. I'm surprised on how well I'm dealing with this. But I guess when you're trying to get over someone who's being an asshole to you it's alot easier. WHEEEEEEEEE I was dancing outside and running around with my dogs, and I'm just good. I don't ever have to deal with him again. I'm erasing him from my life. Like he never existed. I just wonder how long this will last, like if I'll break down one day.. idk. I feel like we had broken up the last day of school.

Comments (0)