Thursday, April 3, 2008

   i'll never stray again

James came over again on monday, the next day, as planned. my mom had no idea he was over already, even my dogs were already sort of used to him =]] my minpins. it was only from like 10am to 2:30pm.. my mom had to go to work at 3:00, and she dropped me and james off at mickey d's to have lunch and i was supposed to walk back home when he got picked up. but we never arranged for him to get picked up until like 8pm at my house. hehe. so after we ate, he walked back home with me. but we stopped at an asian store first for some pocky. =P i swear this is the naughtiest i've been in a looong time. i still want to try a cigarette and some pot. anyways... we had no supervision, and i was feeling alot better than the day before. so we messed around innapropriately i'm not going into details all i'm saying is that i'm still a virgin. even though i had sex once with my last boyfriend donovan, james still calls me a virgin since that 'attempt' with donovan was crap. and hurt like fucking hell on a stick. we were laying together and he was telling me about some really hard stuff he's been through and he was crying a little bit, because he had never really opened up to anybody. a minute later he starts crying super hard and gasping like crazy and tossing. i found out he had had a panic attack & it scared the living SHIT out of me. i was so scared for him. he said its happened before, and it was over quickly, but still. i didnt know he was having an attack until it was over and he was like What happened? I was so confused, how did he not know what just happened? i thought he had just freaked out. but the lights were out and i didnt see what was going on i just tried to calm him down with my voice and my hands and kisses on his face. and later on again i was telling him about what I have been through, and yeah i did cry too because it's not too often i open up about stuff and some of the things were really hard to just say and he had to coax some of the things out of me. he was just like Whats wrong whats wrong?? when i finally told him i burst into tears and it scared him, he started started crying for me, because he didn't want to see me hurting... and he had another fucking panic attack, but this time the lights were on and i saw what was happening and oh my god i was so scared!!! i was thinking he cares too much about me it stresses him out to see me hurt and he said hes never had 2 in one day... i dont know. i feel like because of that i'm bad for him. but his family and his best friend todd say they've never really seen him this happy, since hes been with me. he ended up not leaving until like 11pm, because his dad took forever to get to my house. which again was cutting it close, since my mom got off of work at midnight. one of these days i'm gonna get him to spend the night with me =] So YESTERDAY wednesday, I went over to his house, and we played resident evil: umbrella chronicles, ate ramen, and we put on the movie Dark Water but I fell asleep and we both fell asleep together for like 3 hours. i had a really bad headache the whole time i was over, ugh every time i'm over he's taking care of me. he gave me 2 tylenol, and told me to lay down. i was really tired because i was up at 5 in the morning for a behind-the-wheel, and he didn't mind me falling asleep on him. he said he likes taking care of me. okey dokey then. hehe. my sisters here and we're gonna make a yummy pie later and i'm gonna ask her if she would take me out driving to practice.

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