Thursday, June 5, 2008

HAY LOOKIE ISH BEEN A WHILE

well i wrote a couple posts at school. but then they got blocked and losted forever and i got mad and didnt' wanna rewrite em all idk how much i need to fill u in. well i'll start from friday. DONOHEAD IS THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE ON EARTH no i know theres bigger. whatever i wanted to be emphatic. we got back together friday, and i dumped his ass on sunday IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF i went to see him on saturday and we talked for a while but not about anything in particular, and he kinda made me feel inferior, and then his frennns came around and we smoked some bowls. and then he was like "no offense, but i wanna go home and im tired" well no shit he gets tired when he smokes. but we didnt even fucking hug. he gave me a (very pitiful) backrub and we came close to kissing but his potty frenns interrupted. then the nxt like day and a half i didn't hear from him and when i was finally talkin to him online he was ignoring or avoiding some questions and i was like U BITCH THIS IS THE SAME SHIT I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT FUCK U IM NOT GUNNA BE FUCKING WALKED ALL OVER im proud :3 saturday night i went to hang at britts and later at night we went to a bonfire and i had some peach schnopps and vodka and a little moar pot but still threw the whole day i felt 90% sober. we drove around at like 1am with the windows down and i had shotgun and we were blasting music IT WAS SO GREAT I HAD SUCH A FUN FUCKING TIME but i wish i got more pot than i did. 2 DAYS... ...is pride fest. IM SO EXCITED tara might be able to get some blueberry middys O_O_O_O_O blueberry pot GOD I SOUND LIEK A FUCKING DRUGGIE IM REALLY NOTTT. raWr. i jus lieks to have sum extrie boost now and then >.> i've smoked pot maybe 5-6 times? got high only once. and it wasnt that extreme. i dont think. whatever. IMMA STOP TALKIN BOUT IT OMG TODAY tara flashed me and bethany. no reason. just what the hell *lifts shirt* LMAO. i was gonna too but they were like ehhhh they said they'd feel like a pedo. because i'm 15, and taras 17 bethany's 18. STUPID NUMBER. but i get it. me and james are really close again. i called him sunday night after the whole donohead thing and i felt like crying he was like "Nikkyyyyyyyy wats wrongggg i know u i can tell in your voice" and i said i didn't want to talk about it but he did make me feel so much better anyways. and that was good enough for him. so we've been talking on the phone every night now. wednesday night we had a potluck at school, and he had to go home so i walked him to his bus stop and waited with him. he was saying how like he's holding on to the chance that maybe one day he'll get another chance with me. and that whenever he touches someones hand he thinks of and misses the touch of MY hand and he told me hes not over me and never will be. and that no one will ever replace me. he was telling about how often he thinks of me and it was getting so hard to listen because it was HARD u know cuz i had to end it, and im doing very good right now, on my own. and i felt like i wanted to be in his arms again but i didn't want to do anythin stupid and hes dating joey. and i dont really want to be with him right now, but maybe in the future if things change... he ended up getting on the bus and the bus driver told him to get off because the bus pass expires at 6:30 and it was 6:40 -______- so we walked back to the school after all. when he was walking he had his hands in front of him like holding his jacket closed, and i was like 'whats wrong' and he said when his hands are at his side he misses taking my hand, and i held out my hand and we held hands the way back to school. and i looked over and he was smiling so much he looked soo happy, and it felt good. but i worry about leading him on. >.< NIKKY

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