Wednesday, April 20, 2005

molding life
4/20/05
are life is molded into a shape that we can never see when others see and try to expalain all that happens is confusions the want we have is nothing more than dreams to soon come true but when they do for others it is what the least desired a heart breaks and a heart never beats to say how can a man end something that has never began i only look to the hearts of others as that is the only way i can see i am blind to all shape and form besides of delight that now and then passes my way i love the touch and feel of things but no image is given through these dead eyes so onlsy hidden they remain i have propblems that not many know not even one closes to me only one close to me i cannot tell for that person is no were near i plan on many things to be hard a relationship that is full of love and the heart that beats so much if she is lost no more this world would mean but life is all the things i can truelly live for i planned so much to cry on shoulders and lay down to rest but when i cry it comes from the heart o tears are shown and i never lay to rest but move all day long life is molded in many ways are plans that we make to create a life is nothing but till we place are hands on the furnishing of life we mold it how it goes as a famous saying that was told to me "today is the first day of the rest of my life"
i live firm to those words if you mess up the plans all you can do is recreate from another model to only keep looking at what has been changed to know not to mold again. i rest and ponder looking into hearts and two hearts i see that are in love but no way for them to stay no matter how much they do love it can never be if they be as how they are one never trusts and the other is mixed i lay in wait to find them away and crying to all who is knowledgable please take weary do not follow a path of dispair never care till a ring is on the hand to say that their will never be an end stay an open life so that you may know what others are like take weary or life may become our own dispair to look at in life.
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Sunday, April 17, 2005

life game
4/17/05
hmm lately its been tiring amd hopes and dreams fall. but new shall arise this what i say may be confusing. when i lay i dream of things to happen which i should not. with out a spade no heart should exist. as i say many words only few can be placed i had walked through hell only to find heaven all i can say is that i walked so long now i only see that glimmer. i left many things in the past for fear now fear has came back to me wanting to run but finally facing my fear knowing im not standing alone. knowing my words are only riddles for one to understand.
i love you courtney. and all the peeps out their. later
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Saturday, April 16, 2005

last ounce
april 16/05
today has been hard or this entire week. i had a few plans tomorrow and now that my g/f courtney cant go it all screwed up cause i would like to talk to her alone and just be with her with no one around. and i had a suprise for matt and i think i may do it but it would kill me pretty much to do it now. i been angry or well throwing it to anger but been really sad about it my punching bag felt bad pain. so did i with an already fucked up hand. i know i been fighting so much and alot of people have a feeling my and courtney wont last threw this year but im willing to fight till the very end if it may kill me. i love her very much and things happen that kills me from the inside. cant wait to talk to her soon today or see her tomorrow. im tired of fighting but for her ill fight forever even tho people have no thought that i can make it and im gonna prove them all wrong. besides that ill survive for now. gotta go bye.
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Friday, April 8, 2005

hell of a time
4/8/05
past few days i havnt been on has been kinda dead besides finding out one of my friends i known since 7th grade and a few days ago he over dosed on morphine, oxycotton and other pills. only cause of his father but the good thing is he is alive and off the machine that keeps him alive. and then my anger moods been coming back heh scary but ohwell people will live .....i think. heh cant do much talking on here cause i dont know what to really say besides people piss me off cause they will only listen to one side and that isnt even the main ones cause its only their own and they wont even listen to yours or the other main side that has a friend.....at times i wish their was more understanding in this world but who ever wants to know what that poem means please message me about it
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Monday, April 4, 2005

a poem
4/4/05
this poem is only for a certain few cause they will understand it cause they know my poetry..... i think
devils turn
to lay so dead in the bed.
all that can be seen is stars that only glitter. to never move nor to speak. to lay so silent to never scream as knives dive into a bloody pool. scars that have been left slowly clear yet all that has been done never are forgotten as the time that has been spent waiting in patience only for the devil to take his turn. tears fall from the tender heart into the blood that has taken away only pain. life becomes a motionless dream to play upon thoughts that had never came. life slowly deplinishes as the stars fade and once more a sundial begins only knowing that it will not last but still the moon will not hide in the light.

joshua
jacob
florea
this poem is hard to understand and is a very ruff ruf draft. to the ones that dont under stand think of it as a riddle to solve your questions that you have please read carefully it isnt as dark as it seem (trust me)
-gives evil grin- any ways got to go sorry it is confusing to but its only a riddle
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Saturday, April 2, 2005

funny day
4/2/05
today was very funny courtney matt and me all went out to celebrate my b-day which was late but oh well we went to applebees and mom asked for smoking but their new rules has are that no one can smake in their so mom was sitting with us and the waitress came up and mom told her it was my b-day but after an hour their they didnt sing the song but around 30 mins in this they cam singing and i thought it was to me....damn how red my face and ears got and they all began to laugh. but then later they did sing and my face got redder.....uh so humiliating after their we began leaving and mom took her cigerates and did in a little girl voice saying nicotine after that we decided to go to the movies but with all the rain and stuff the electric went out for a while and that really got mom mad so we went home and watched a movie or well kinda we all did some stuff me and courtney well not go their and matt played a game on the comp then matt looked at us and shook his head and left saying we need alone time but all we did was talk and no we didnt do any of that kinda stuff you sick minded people hehe. but things are becoming alot better. but i gotta go now later yall
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Friday, April 1, 2005

first time user and lovin it
hmmm well well well not much to say about all this but oh well besides matt here is kicking every ones but in dmc3 and i havnt played the dang game yet :-(
lol but oh well today was fun but tomorrow is gonna be alot better i get to spend time with courtney and matt for a while even tho he threatens to throw me and courtney in the back of the jeep tomorrow and throw a cover on us lol -slaps self- bad mind oh wait matt gave the ideas hehe good matt. but nothing else to say right now but ya'll take care now and umm u may get a few jokes on this and umm a hilarious reality story's about me and my friends. so check every now and then and laugh your heads off
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