Thursday, November 11, 2004

   inuyasha 24
'Did he mean it? Really mean it? Or is it just everything that's happened?' Kagome cast a furtive glance at where Inuyasha was speaking in low tones with Kaede, Miroku, and Sango. Shippo was sprawled on his back over her lap, purring as she rubbed his stomach much as she did for Buyo at her home. Apparently baby kitsunes enjoyed tummy rubs just as much as fat, lazy cats, she thought with a little smile. That thought brought another to mind: would dog demons enjoy them that much too?

She coughed lightly to cover her mild embarrassment over that thought and forced her mind to move on to what was really dancing around in her head.

Inuyasha had called her koibito... More seriously, he'd said she belonged to him.

And he sounded like he really meant it.

Kagome was still more than a little shocked at that proclamation, but wasn't she allowed to be? It was the last thing she'd expected to hear from him and she wasn't exactly sure what she was feeling now. It's not like it's and everyday thing that you have the guy you're crazy about say something...

Kagome stopped in surprise, her eyes widening and her hand pausing as it rubbed Shippo's stomach at the small revelation her mind has just unexpectedly stumbled upon. She couldn't like him that much, could she? She knew she cared about him a great deal, but did he really mean THAT much to her now? He was rude, violent, insensitive, overbearing, protective, sweet, gorgeous....

She sighed in defeat, shoulders slumping, all right so she WAS absolutely crazy about Inuyasha, but didn't he care about her too? A least a little with how he was acting lately and what he'd said earlier? This wasn't just a one-sided thing, was it?

Shaking her head, she let her eyes trail along his profile affectionately. She'd never dreamed he'd kiss her... 'Well, okay, sure I've daydreamed about it more than once, but daydreams were nothing compared to the reality,' her lips twitched faintly upwards in a shy smile.

She could feel her lips tingling just with the memory of that last burning kiss they'd had, when she'd told him he was what kept her from dying. She just hadn't been able to resist when he'd been acting so upset, and the way he'd been holding her along with that gleam in his amber eyes. Desperate and relieved and terrified all at once, his voice so tight with emotions it had almost made her cry. And then all of that had been poured into her even more completely when he took over. She hadn't wanted that kiss to end...

"Oi, Kagome, you have a funny look on your face, is something wrong?" Shippo chirped up innocently from her lap, narrowing his eyes speculatively up at her. "You aren't straining yourself or anything, are you?"

Embarrassed at being caught fantasizing by the kitsune, she dropped her gaze from Inuyasha's profile and stammered out, "Nothing! I was just...just thinking, Shippo-chan!"

Inuyasha glanced back at her, watching her fidget nervously for a moment and smirking. She'd been watching him steadily for a long time, he had felt it, and now she was refusing to look at him. A soft, pleased chuckle rumbled from his chest as he pondered what could cause that kind of response, 'She'd better still be thinking about that kiss. She started that one, and she didn't push me away.'

"Inuyasha, please, this is serious," Kaede cleared her throat discreetly, drawing his attention back to their conversation. "You were saying that the spell connected you to Kagome? Did this person say anything else that could help us?"

Inuyasha turned his thoughts regretfully away from his more enjoyable thoughts, but she was right, this was important and he could always focus on the kiss later tonight, "From what Kagome has told me, the first voice doesn't really sound dangerous... I don't trust it still, but at least it seems to be giving her information instead of trying to fucking get her killed."

Miroku frowned thoughtfully, absently fingering the sealing beads on his cursed hand as he turned to the distracted girl, "Kagome-sama, you said it told you the spell was distorted. Did this... voice say how?"

Kagome shook her head, fluffing Shippo's hair while the kit basked in the attention delightedly, "It just said that the ink they used in the tattoo was reacting differently than they thought it would. That it was my magic twisting the spell."

"But it didn't know how?" he pressed for clarification.

"No," her gaze slid to Inuyasha again, her eyes guilty and apologetic at the same time. "It just said that staying near Inuyasha would keep me safe. It wasn't until after...um, after I was hurt that it said why it was safe. That when it told me I was balancing with him. If I left it told me I would start absorbing others, but it didn't tell me how or why."

"Balancing with Inuyasha," Kaede murmured, frowning in concern as she thought that over. "That would explain why there were two heartbeats when you were so badly injured. Kagome, do you realize how fortunate it was that you were under this spell when you were hurt?"

Kagome nodded, lifting her hand from Shippo and lightly touching her wrapped shoulder before she answered softly, "I know it."

Inuyasha cleared his throat, not wanting their companions to consider putting Kagome at fault inadvertently, "That's not important right now."

Sango's hands fisted on her thighs as she looked from Kagome to Inuyasha, her brow furrowed at the thought of her being so close to death, "I just can't believe-"

"I said it's not important," Inuyasha shot her a speaking glance, his eyes narrowed sharply. "She's alive, and now we have to figure out this spell so this doesn't happen again," his hand clenched into a fist at his waist.

"I'm all right now, Sango-chan," Kagome interjected, smiling at her friend with warm reassurance when she continued to look uncertain. "Really, Inuyasha wouldn't let anything happen to me. It was my fault it... got so out of control," her gaze turned introspective, shoulders hunching and making her look almost fragile, vulnerable.

"Kagome," Inuyasha shook his head and turned his glare on her. "We've talked about this. It isn't your fault."

Miroku held up a hand to forestall what seemed about to turn into another full blown argument between the two, "Kagome-sama, Inuyasha is right. You can't blame yourself for what has occurred. Had this monk not cast the spell we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."

"Still-" she started.

"Stop it," Inuyasha all but barked at her, his brows lowering to turn the glare into an all out scowl. "I mean it, Kagome, don't even think like that."

Obediently she didn't say another word, but Inuyasha shook his head and sighed deeply at the guilty look that still graced her expression. It was going to take a lot of work before she stopped thinking this was her fault and he was starting to believe Kagome was even more stubborn about taking blame than he was. That thought didn't sit very well with him.

Inuyasha was rather suddenly distracted from his thoughts, frowning when he felt a familiar and unwelcome shiver run through him, "Damn, not now!"

Kagome looked at him, surprised by the anger in his low grumble, "Inuyasha? What is it?"

The hanyou hopped to his feet and stalked to the window, pulling aside the covering to glare out at the sunset accusingly. When he started swearing beneath his breath, slapping a hand against the wall beside the window, Miroku's eyes lit with understanding. His eyes turned sympathetic as he commented, "Ah, it's the new moon, isn't it, Inuyasha?"

Kagome's mouth opened once and closed while she mentally berated herself for losing track of the days. Normally she was so careful to remember when Inuyasha became human, "Oh."

"Forget it," he muttered in annoyance, dropping the curtain back into place and returning to his previous position with a huff. "It doesn't matter. We have more important things to worry about than the fucking moon."

Shippo frowned when he felt a pulse next to his head, turning to find the source of the gentle beat. When Kagome grunted and reached down to absently rub her hip, an odd twinge shifted into her scent and made his eyes widen, "Um...Kagome?"

"Just a minute, Shippo-chan," she took her hand from her hip to pat his head, frowning at Inuyasha's set expression curiously.

It was strange, but for a moment she could have sworn she actually "felt" the frustration and anger that swamped the hanyou. At the same moment she'd felt the emotions tumble through her head, her hip had started to throb. First just a single, lurching pulse that turned into a steady throbbing, spreading heat slowly through her veins until she felt almost feverish. Her skin was tingling, sweat beading on her forehead and she absently flexed her hands in her lap, flinching when her injuries began to ache as well.

"Perhaps if we can figure out what exactly they were trying to do and how it distorted, we can reverse it and remove the risk to Kagome," Kaede shook her head, rising to her feet and moving back towards the bedrooms of her hut with measured steps. "Kagome, if you hear this voice again, try to find out more of what it was trying to do to you."

Kagome nodded, fighting the urge to grab at her shoulder and side when they cramped painfully, "I will."

Inuyasha's lips twitched briefly, momentary amusement covering his irritation at the moon's cycle, "Do we have to reverse all of it?"

"Sit," Kagome's eyebrow twitched in annoyance, snorting at him when he was instantly flattened. She quickly held up her good hand when he turned his head towards her from his prone position, eyes glittering with promise. "I'm hurt! Don't do it!" she reminded, her own eyes sparkling with amusement at the way his face fell. It was like a little kid being told he couldn't have his way.

Inuyasha scowled at her again and warned, "Don't think I'm forgetting this, Kagome. As soon as your well-"

"You may not forget, but I'll have weeks before you can do anything about it," she smiled softly in delight, letting her hand drop back to her lap when another twinge went through her injuries. That had momentarily taken her attention off the rising heat spreading in her blood, but she frowned again when Inuyasha turned away, pressing her hand hard against her hip at the intensifying sensation.

It was pulsing insistently now, making it impossible for her to focus on the conversation between the others when the throb echoed in her healing wounds uncomfortably. Frustrated, she lifted her hand to her forehead to rub at the ache there, closing her eyes on a wave of dizziness while that bizarre itching grew more intense all along her skin. Her heart was thundering in her ears and abruptly, the sounds in the room rose in volume, making her head ache as her breath came in shorter pants.

Shippo righted himself in a hurry to sit in her lap and tug at her shirt front, "Kagome?"

"What is it, Shippo-chan?" she forced her eyes to open and focus on the concerned face below her.

"What's wrong with you? You smell funny," he shook his head and pressed his ear to her chest before he looked back up at her and whispered. "And your heart feels wrong," he added, his voice uncertain and more than a little scared.

"I-" she broke off with a grunt of pain, her fist clenching over her heart when it lurched painfully in her chest. Okay, enough was enough and she was definitely getting worried, "Inuyasha!?"

Inuyasha's head snapped around at her frightened gasp, his eyes instantly concerned when he saw how pale her face had become, "Kagome?"

"Something's wrong!" she shook her head, her eyes wide. "I feel...I feel so strange-!"

"Fuck, it has to be the moon," he bit out, moving to her side and dropping down in front of her to take her chin in his hand, turning her face from side to side and studying her intently. She was hot to the touch, her skin damp with sweat as she trembled faintly with her breath coming in light pants. He slid his hand from her chin into her hair soothingly, calling back to where Kaede had paused, watching them with a grim expression on her weathered face. "Baba, if the spell has Kagome balancing with me, what will it do to her when I turn human? How will it 'balance' then?" he shot the old miko a look of poorly disguised concern and self-directed anger at failing to consider this sooner.

Kaede frowned at him and shook her head, "I have no idea what the spell will do, Inuyasha. I don't know any more about it than you do, you know that."

"Dammit all," Inuyasha brought his hand back up to Kagome's forehead, scowling when he felt the rise in her temperature just from what it had been a moment ago. Cursing the human blood dulling his senses, he demanded, "What do you feel, Kagome?"

"Hot," she swallowed, leaning into his hand slightly at the cooler feel of his skin. Her eyes closed and she reached up to take his wrist in her hand, "And I'm... I don't know, I just... feel strange."

The sun dipped below the mountains and Inuyasha started swearing blackly when he felt the change come over him. He glared angrily at his hand as his claws shrank down into blunt human nails, growling at the burning feeling sweeping through him with the weakening in his blood. He instantly stopped when he heard Kagome gasp, reaching out to catch her when she doubled over, hissing and clutching a hand to her heart.

"Kagome!" he yelled in alarm even as he pulled her into his lap, forcing her still to keep her from opening her healing wounds. "Kagome, don't move, you'll hurt yourself," he pressed her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"Inuyasha, this...this really hurts..." she whispered into his neck, her body shaking as his hair leeched black and the last of his youkai blood waned.

Miroku was on his feet with Sango in an instant, rushing over to them in an effort to do something to help their friend. Shippo rubbed his hand up and down on her stomach, hoping to bring her some measure of comfort from where he was sandwiched in between the now human hanyou and Kagome. His head was swimming with the confusing scents vibrating in the air between the two, Inuyasha's seemingly stuck in that weird state where he didn't smell like himself, but he didn't quite smell human either.

"Kagome-sama!" Miroku bent down and reached for her, his face solemn.

Inuyasha's response to the monk's attempt was to tuck Kagome more tightly against him, all but swallowing her up in the enveloping sleeves of his kimono and tucking her head under his chin. He twisted away from them, hiding her from view and hissing at them demandingly, "Don't! Don't fucking touch her!"

Miroku's own temper finally snapped at Inuyasha's stubborn refusal to let him help and he yelled out, "Damn you, Inuyasha, let us do SOMETHING!"

Sango was torn between gaping at the monk's outburst and doing some yelling of her own, but she finally shook her head and focused a frustrated look on the glaring human version of the hanyou, "He's right, Inuyasha, you have to let us help Kagome-chan!"

"I can fucking handle this!" he snapped out at both of them defensively.

Shippo's eyes went wide when Kagome shuddered again, letting out a soft, muffled whimper and burrowing deeper in Inuyasha's hold. The scents around the pair had cleared, "Oh SHIT!"

"Please don't!" Kagome whispered out, her hand fisting against his chest. "It's too loud... It hurts!"

The three instantly went silent, staring at the girl hiding her face with mixed expressions. Inuyasha went perfectly still, his eyes widening in alarm as he silently prayed he was wrong about what the spell might have done. Kagome shifted against him, rubbing her head under his chin when she turned to squint up at Miroku and Sango's confused, yet worried expressions.

Inuyasha's eyes slid closed and he dropped his chin over her head, "Oh no... Oh fuck no...."


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Monday, November 8, 2004

   inuyasha 23
"Why didn't you want me to tell you what happened with Kikyou?" Kagome asked in surprise as Inuyasha carefully set her down on the futon he'd been sharing with her. "I thought you said you wanted to know everything that happened."

Inuyasha sighed and leaned over to pluck Shippo out of her lap, ignoring the kit's yelp of protest, "I do want you to tell me everything, but you said some of it needs to be private. I think that part qualifies as what needs to be between us."

"Iie! I don't wanna go!" Shippo squirmed in the hanyou's hold, sending Kagome a pleading look. "Let go, you jerk! Kagome, don't let him make me leave!"

Inuyasha grunted in irritation at the high-pitched screaming and lifted the baby youkai up to eye-level, "Dammit, brat, give us a while to talk about this! Kagome and I need to be alone."

"Shippo-chan, there really are some things I have to tell Inuyasha. Just Inuyasha," Kagome quickly added before the kitsune could protest. "But I promise I'll call for you as soon as we're done talking and you can stay after that, okay?"

Inuyasha shot her a speaking glare, but she just frowned stubbornly until he dropped the kit and turned his back on them, "Keh."

"You promise?" Shippo insisted, his little hands fisting at his sides in indecision. "I can stay and you won't let him kick me out?"

"I promise," she nodded, holding out a hand to beckon the kit back to her. Shippo rushed over without a second's hesitation, climbing back into her lap so she could pat him on the head. "I'll even make sure Inuyasha doesn't throw you out tonight," she smiled down at his hopeful, upturned face.

"Now wait just a minute-!" Inuyasha sputtered out, whirling back to Kagome angrily.

"Hurray!" Shippo's face broke into a huge grin and he leapt up to point triumphantly at the hanyou. "Nya! I'm sleeping with Kagome tonight!"

Inuyasha's brow twitched and he again leaned down to grab the kit by the tail and lift him off Kagome's lap. Ignoring Shippo's muttered curses and threats, he crossed the room and silently tossed him out into the hall before slamming the door closed. That done, he turned around and glared at Kagome in disapproval, "And just what the fuck possessed you to promise him something like that?"

Kagome blinked up at him in surprise, shrugging as she answered, "Shippo always sleeps with me, Inuyasha, you know that. He's been used to it for two years, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him no. It never bothered you before... What's gotten into you?"

He gave the door one more glare before moving back to sit across from her on the futon, his knees lightly touching hers. With his arms folded in his "no-arguments" pose, he growled at her matter-of-factly, "Now you sleep with me. Next time you offer to let Shippo in with us, you should make sure it's okay with me first."

Kagome gaped at him, a wide variety of emotions chasing across her face before her cheeks went bright red and she hissed out, "Inuyasha!!"

"What?" Inuyasha shrugged, confused at her response. "I've been sleeping with you for weeks, even before you were hurt. Did you think that was going to change? I'm keeping you beside me, Kagome."

Kagome lifted her uninjured hand and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "I am NOT having this conversation."

"Good, because there isn't a conversation to have," he reached out and took her hand, moving it away from her face and smirking at the dry look she gave him. He would have thought she was over this shyness, but then again, he still found the blushes absolutely adorable...

Shaking his head to dispel those thoughts when he had more important questions, he covered their hands with his other one, "Now tell me what it was that you thought needed to be private. What did the voices tell you?"

The look she gave him told him that she was in no way finished with his comments on their sleeping arrangements, but she knew he deserved to have his questions answered this time. With that in mind, she set her jaw and sighed out, "The voice said some... other things, but they were more personal. I didn't want to say them in front of Sango and Miroku-sama."

Inuyasha frowned, cocking his head to one side as he thought about that, "Go on."

Kagome looked down at her lap, lacing her fingers with his as she gathered her courage to explain, "Do you remember how I wanted you to remind me to thank you for saving my life?"

"Of course I do," he shook his head, even more confused now at the hesitation in her voice. Was it really so bad to make her this nervous about telling him? "What does that have to do with the voice?"

"The first one told me...that it had connected me to you," she replied, taking a bracing breath as she tried to guess how Inuyasha was going to react to hearing all this. She was worried, but she needed help... these voices were getting completely out of hand, "It said that with as much blood as I lost fighting Kikyou, my heart should have stopped."

Inuyasha's hands tightened on hers, "It didn't! You're still alive."

"No, it didn't," she frowned when she felt the tattoo begin to pulse, gently at first, but then with increasing speed and heat. "It said the only reason it didn't was that you stayed with me. It said that my heartbeat was following yours; your heart was beating for mine..."

"My heart?" his brows rose sharply, his voice thick with surprise.

Kagome nodded, a light blush on her cheeks as she smiled at him tentatively, "It said that if you had left me, my heart wouldn't have had anything to follow and it would have stopped. You were the only thing that kept me from dying."

Inuyasha's arms were around her, dragging her into his lap so fast that if she blinked she would have missed seeing him move. He pressed his face into the curve of her neck, letting out a heavy breath as he held her close. She had no idea how he'd managed to do it without something pulling or twinging, but even then he had been remarkably gentle with her.

For a long moment he didn't say a word, just held her close and breathed deeply in an effort to calm his racing heart, 'If I'd left... Kagome would have died...'

"Inuyasha?" Kagome was worried at the silence, awkwardly lifting her good arm to stroke his hair in the same way he'd been doing for her recently in an effort to calm him. She could feel the tautness in his limbs, the faint trembling that she likely would have missed were she not so sensitive when it came to the hanyou. "Are you all right?" she asked softly.

A shudder wracked through him from top to bottom before he gritted out between clenched teeth, "Fuck, how can you even ask me that?!" He lifted his head, moving back only enough to look at her face, "Dammit, Kagome, it would have so fucking easy to lose you and not even realize it! It would have been my fault if you'd died and you ask me if I'm fucking all right!?"

Kagome opened her mouth, but closed it again quickly at the ferocity of his glowing eyes, her own wide as he held her gaze effortlessly.

"Do you know how many times the others tried to get me to put you down that night?" he cupped her face in his hands and growled out, his voice almost too quiet to hear. "Or even after that? They were constantly telling me to take a fucking break and leave you with them. If I'd listened once...ONCE, Kagome... If that voice is right, you'd be dead now," closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to hers.

"But you stayed," she murmured, closing her own eyes as she felt the tears rising in response to the pain in his voice. "You didn't let me die, Inuyasha. You kept me safe..."

"Can you even imagine how fucking glad I am that I told them to go to hell?" he continued as though she hadn't spoken. "How fucking-"

Kagome tilted her head and very gently pressed her lips to his to cut off the flow of words. The moment she touched him, Inuyasha's hands slid deep into her hair, fisting to hold her still while he took the lead. The kiss turned consuming, intense and frantic as he poured out his frustration and fears into her mouth through his own. Kagome responded easily, leaning into him with her hand sliding down to rest lightly on his cheek as she tried to convey whatever comfort he was looking for in the devouring kiss.

Inuyasha was the one to break the searing contact, panting lightly as he pressed her face into his throat, his body trying to curl around hers in an instinctive protective motion. He held her still, his heart racing even more frantically than before and blood pounding in his ears as he tried to calm himself. It took everything he had not to just drag her to him and let himself get lost in that almost drugging warmth she offered, reassure them both that she was alive and well. The strain of holding back made his voice a barely recognizable growl when he demanded, "What else did it tell you, Kagome?"

Kagome was shaking with the after-effects of that kiss, feeling like her head was swimming, but she cleared her throat and did her best to gather her thoughts and answer, "It...ah, it said that it's still doing it. It told me that your soul won't let go of mine even though I'm healing."

Inuyasha very carefully moved his hand down to hover over the healing wound at her side, "How?"

"It didn't know," she turned her face so she could rest her cheek on his shoulder. "It was surprised you had done it, and it was saying it was trying to figure it out. And that it was your soul that kept the others from getting into my head. So when I left you and then got mad, it was like I was inviting the other one in."

"It's not your fault, Kagome," Inuyasha's hold on her tightened, his mind reeling with implications. Had that weird monk just been trying to connect Kagome to him? She'd said the magic was distorted by her own, so was it really meant to be an innocent spell at the start? But why the hell would some future monk be trying to connect them? One thing was certain... If this voice was telling Kagome that he was the thing keeping out the one that had tried to kill her, AND him, he had even more reason to keep her close.

Kagome gave a short, bitter laugh, "Yes it is. If I'd listened to it, to you, and stayed close this never would have happened. But I went for a walk and then I got attacked and... It told me not to get angry, but I did, and I... I listened to the other voice. To that man..."

Inuyasha was growling again at the reminder of the second, more destructive voice, "What did HE say? When I found you, what did he say to you to send you over the edge like that and attack?"

Kagome shivered, pressing herself against him for comfort as she remembered what she'd done, and what she could have done if Inuyasha hadn't stopped her, "At first it was just whispering...telling me I was weak. When you came it changed into the man's voice. He..."

When her voice broke, he turned his head to rub his cheek against her hair, a soothing rumble in his throat as he stroked her back, "It's all right, Kagome. You can tell me. I'll be able to make sure it doesn't happen to you again."

It might not have been completely true or at least no something he could be certain of, but Kagome took comfort in it anyway. Sighing deeply, she inhaled Inuyasha's warm, earthy scent, still more than a little amazed that it was so easy when it used to seem so subtle. She pressed her cheek to his chest to hide her face before she spoke, "He was telling me that you wanted me dead. You'd stopped me from killing Kikyou so she could kill me and the two of you could be together."

Inuyasha snarled violently, yanking back and grabbing her chin to look down at her with his eyes glowing fiercely, "Dammit, Kagome, you listened to that shit? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I WASN'T thinking right, dammit!" she flinched away from the anger in his voice and snapped back defensively. "I was shot and all I saw was that you'd stopped me and Kikyou attacked me again! Then I saw you and her so close and he was in my head telling me that if I killed you he'd come for me. He kept telling me that he wouldn't think I was a copy and that he would..."

Inuyasha's eyes gleamed dangerously, "He would...?"

"He said he would love me," she answered in a low voice, still more than a little disturbed by that and worried at what the hanyou would say when he heard that. "He wanted me to stay angry and use that to keep a hold on my strength. And he said not to touch you or let you touch me. He said that you would try to kill me."

Inuyasha's eyes hardened dangerously, his lips pulling back in a deadly snarl as he pulled her tightly against him, "No one is going to take you from me, Kagome."

Kagome closed her eyes, her hands clenching so tightly in his haori that her knuckles turned white, "He wanted me to kill you... I would have..."

"No, you wouldn't have," he soothed insistently when he smelled the fear enter her scent, his ears flattening back as he pressed her face against his throat again. "I told you I'm not letting anything happen to you and I mean it. Just calm down, koibito, calm down."

Kagome obediently took deep breath, closing her eyes and burrowing down into his comforting warmth. Under Inuyasha's softly murmured encouragement, the panic slowly eased until she had herself back until control. Breathing deeply, she managed to offer, "If you hadn't used your word, I don't know what would have happened."

Inuyasha let his lips quirk in a small smile, relieved that she was calming, "Well, it's only fair right? You've used yours to save me from time to time."

Kagome frowned as a thought occurred to her and she leaned back to look up at Inuyasha with surprise on her face, "He didn't know about it!"

His eyes filled abruptly with confusion, "Know about what?"

"The spell," she clarified. "He was pissed off because you subdued me. He said if he'd known you could do that he would have gotten me out of there before you could use it."

Inuyasha went silent for a long moment, his hands fisting in her shirt as yet again his expression went dark with rage. The man the invaded her mind had intended to steal Kagome away, not just try to get her to kill him. Inuyasha felt his slowly blood heat with the instinctive desire to roar out his intent to rip the unknown man apart for even thinking he could take something that belonged to him.

Unable to stop the violent growl rising from deep in his gut, he repeated slowly, "Would have gotten you out of there?"

Kagome's eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she whispered, "He said he'd come for me after I killed you. When you touched me, he was screaming in my head, and I was in... so much pain. But the longer you held me, the less I could hear him. It wasn't until you pushed him out that I could feel I was hurt. Something he did blocked it out..."

Inuyasha moved one hand down to her hip, his fingers flexing over the tattoo before he raised it to press his palm over her heart. His eyes burned into hers, holding her with the intensity when she would have turned away. He bent his head to give her a quick, hard kiss, "It won't happen again, Kagome. There's no fucking way I'm letting him come after you. That's a promise."

Transfixed by the look in his eyes, she could only nod when he continued to watch her expectantly. Wide-eyed, she stared up at him as he lifted his hand from her heart to stroke it over her face. He leaned in close again, his hand moving to cup her cheek, but when he stopped a breath away from her she whispered uncertainly, "Inu...yasha...?"

"You belong to me."


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Saturday, November 6, 2004

inuyasha 22
Kagome leaned heavily on Inuyasha's supporting arm as they made their way back from the river, shaking her head in self disgust, "I feel so worthless."

She'd been determined to take a real bath after having spent not only her week unconscious with just Inuyasha's rub downs, but the past four days since she'd been able to stay awake longer than an hour or two as well. If she didn't recover soon, though, she might run out of ways to blush when it came to the hanyou.

He was adamant about checking her injuries twice a day to reapply herbs and fresh bandages, but despite the interaction they'd had the first morning, he didn't show any outward reaction that he noticed how often he was seeing her naked. Actually, Inuyasha had only teased her once or twice about how pink he thought she could get when he was poking and prodding at her tender muscles. The rest of the time, he just seemed concerned with the injuries.

How long could she stay embarrassed when Inuyasha had been so... casual about the whole thing? He almost acted like it was the most natural thing in the world to be taking care of her when she was like this.

Kagome was feeling guilty that he seemed to be doing everything for her and wanted to prove, at least to herself, that she wasn't completely helpless. That's when she'd decided she wanted to go to the river and take a real bath.

But in the end, she'd had to ask for his help to do that as well.

Kagome just didn't have the mobility or the strength yet to move her left arm properly, and with her entire body sore and aching, she didn't have the endurance either.

Trying to bathe by herself had only lasted for a minute or two in the cold water before her legs had threatened to buckle. She'd argued with herself so briefly it was sick, more on principal than desire, calling out to Inuyasha where he sat on the bank with his back to her.

To his credit, he hadn't said a word, just stripped out of his kimono and joined her. Whether it was because he knew how frustrated she was or he was just thinking about something else, he just squeezed her shoulder before sliding a supporting arm around her waist while he took over. As much as she tried to stay embarrassed about the whole mess, she just couldn't. Inuyasha was being so attentive, always right there when she felt like she was about to drop and keeping her from hurting herself. He never said anything while he was doing it, and as frustrated as she was with her own condition, it felt good to be able to depend on Inuyasha.

He'd even taken her through the well to get more pain-killers when she'd taken all the ones in her first-aid kit. For once, it was Kagome who didn't want to stay. She worried about how she'd explain away the injuries or keep her mother from taking her to a hospital where there would definitely be too many questions... But her family had been out and Inuyasha had her back through the well with more supplies in less than an hour.

"You're supposed to," Inuyasha responded with a smirk, bringing her attention back to the present.

She shook off her thoughts and gave him a dry look, "Thanks, Inuyasha, that makes me feel so much better."

Chuckling, he urged her closer so he could tuck her against his side, "You'd feel even better if you let me carry you. You're still too pale."

"If I don't at least TRY to walk I'm afraid I'll turn into a sponge or something," Kagome made a face, concentrating on keeping her legs steady.

"You're healing a lot faster than most humans would," he offered, catching her when she stumbled. Shaking his head at her stubbornness, he bent to slide an arm beneath her knees and lift her against his chest despite her half-hearted protest, "But if you don't let me take care of you, it'll take longer."

Kagome let out a heavy sigh, "It's not fair to make you do all this."

Inuyasha gave her an annoyed look, "Kagome, you almost died. You have to give yourself time."

"YOU'D be healed by now," she tugged on his hair.

"I'm a fucking hanyou, and you're-!" he growled down at her, stopping when he saw her lips twitch in amusement. "Bitch," Inuyasha flashed her a smirk.

"That's better," Kagome leaned her head against him and yawned. "I was starting to get worried that I'd never get my regular Inuyasha back."

She'd said "my," the smirk turned into a full grin and he shifted her closer, "Weird voices trying to get you to kill yourself AND me seem to bring that out."

"Actually, Inuyasha, I think it's about time for us to talk about that," Kagome chewed on her lower lip nervously even as she let out a resigned sigh.

**

"What the fuck do you mean you're hearing two different voices?!" Inuyasha was on his feet, hands fisted on his hips as he scowled down at her. "How long have you been hearing them?" Without waiting for a response he started pacing back in forth in front of her and growling, "Dammit, Kagome, I told you over and over again to tell me if anything else happened and you kept saying that was all!! Were you planning on lying forever about this too, or were you just waiting until something almost killed you?!"

Kagome frowned up at him, instantly defensive, "I DID tell you! Don't you remember how I told you I heard a voice when we fought those youkai? You never asked about it after that so I figured you weren't worried about it!" not a total lie, she told herself with a grimace.

Inuyasha set his jaw, ears flattening back as he tried to recall if she really had told them about a voice, "You'd just been fucking possessed! How the hell was I supposed to be thinking about every little thing you said? I was only thinking about getting whatever the hell it was out of you!"

Shippo had reattached himself to Kagome the moment she returned, although he was careful not to leap at her with Inuyasha hovering close beside her. At the moment he was sitting in quiet contentment in her lap while she rubbed his head, but one look at the hanyou's scowl had him rising to Kagome's defense, "Oi, I remember her saying that! Maybe if you listened once in a while instead of-!"

Inuyasha's warning growl cut him off with a squeak, sending the kit burrowing down in Kagome's lap. Miroku cleared his throat to stop the hanyou from doing more and focused his attention on Kagome's pale, bruised face. Arguing wouldn't help and they needed to get back to their major concern, "Kagome-sama, how often do you hear these voices?"

Kagome sighed deeply, avoiding Inuyasha's searching gaze as she responded, "The first one... I don't know if it's a man or a woman, but it's talked to me a few times when I'm asleep. The other," she stopped, her eyes growing pained before she forced herself to go on. "The first time I heard it was that night, and it was definitely a man."

"A few times?" Inuyasha growled, dropping down on his haunches in front of her and cupping her chin in his hand. "Why the hell didn't you say something the other times? Even if you mentioned it after the fucking youkai, didn't you think it was important if it happened again?"

Kagome winced when she lifted her hand, but stubbornly continued the motion to brush her hand over his cheek in an attempt to cool the anger in his gleaming eyes, "Well, at first I thought I was just dreaming..."

Sango raised a brow at the absent motion between the two, but simply filed her questions away for a better time and focused on the immediate problem, "When did you know you weren't dreaming?"

"It felt too real," she shook her head, letting out a quiet sound of discomfort as she lowered her hand. "And it kept getting stronger, more like I was really there," she peeked at Inuyasha nervously to check for his reaction.

Inuyasha sat silently, folding his arms across his chest as he carefully schooled his face into a blank expression, but the muscle flexing in his cheek gave away his inner tension, "Was that voice telling you to kill me too?"

To his surprise, Kagome blushed lightly and looked away, but not before he saw the guilt in her eyes, "Not exactly."

He caught her chin again lightly and brought her face forward again, frowning as he demanded in a quiet tone, "What did this other voice say?"

"Ah... it actually told me... to stay in your range of spirit," her tone of voice was almost apologetic as she managed to get the last out in a rush.

Inuyasha's eyes widened in surprise. Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, that wasn't it, but it did explain why she didn't want to tell him about it. However, his expression darkened in disapproval, if the voice had given her that advice she should have told him right away. Especially considering her condition now, it was obvious he needed to make her understand that she couldn't keep things like this from him.

Miroku collected his thoughts first and beat the hanyou to the next question, "Did it say why?"

Kagome bit her lip, her eyes jumping around the room to settle on anything besides Inuyasha, "It said that the spell they cast on me was having a...reaction to my magic and if I stayed by Inuyasha then it would be safer."

"Kagome-sama, do you mean to say you knew what the spell was and you didn't tell us?" the monk shook his head in disbelief before giving her a frown that was almost identical the one on Inuyasha's face.

"No, I didn't! I don't!" she hurried out, hissing when she tensed and accidentally pulled her wounds, muscles reflexing painfully at her agitation.

Inuyasha growled, dropping into a cross-legged position and lifting her into his lap in a single motion, "Fuck, Kagome, will you stop squirming around like that? If you open any of your wounds the old hag may have to sear them again!"

Kagome went still, taking deep breaths and trying hard to ease the tension in her body at mention of that. She'd been asleep the last time and if she had her way, she'd never have to be awake for something like that. It had been bad enough to see Inuyasha's reaction when he told her what they'd done to treat her.

"That's better," he grumbled when she relaxed against him, his hand absently resting at her hip with his palm over the tattoo. "Now, what the fuck did that voice say was happening?"

"Really, Kagome-chan, if you tell us we can help," Sango added when Kagome hesitated, her eyes uncertain and concerned.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome pressed her face into his haori, silently praying for cooperation.

"What?" Inuyasha grunted, rubbing his hand up and down her spine.

"I think...some of it needs to be private," she shot her friends an apologetic glance.

"The hell it does," he snarled, pulling back to look directly at her eyes. "With what happened, Kagome, I can't let you keep something secret that could keep me from protecting you again. That means everything you know, you're going to tell me. You can't possibly think-"

"I meant private between you and me," she corrected, her hands fisting in her lap on either side of the curious kitsune. "I think some of it needs to just be between us."

"Oh," Inuyasha blinked in surprise, the wind of his argument getting taken away so abruptly he was momentarily at a loss for words. Between the two of them? That was perfectly acceptable to him so long as she didn't think she could get away with half-truths or anything...

Kagome looked up at Miroku and Sango while Inuyasha was collecting his thoughts, "It said that I'm absorbing the energy around me, but that it's safe to be around Inuyasha. It told me that I balance with him, and if I leave his aura or got angry that something else would be able to take hold."

"Something did," Inuyasha growled low in his throat and pointed out. "So just so I understand... THIS voice told you to stay close and the first thing you fucking did was run off?!"

"Mou, it said the same thing," she rolled her eyes in annoyance before shaking her head and insisting. "I didn't think anything like that would happen...!"

"Did it tell you what would happen or did it just tell you to stay with Inuyasha?" Miroku pressed, curious at the odd layers this spell seemed to incorporate.

"No," Kagome shook her head, her fingers flexing nervously. "It just said that it didn't want me hurt and it had cast the spell trying to 'make things clearer' for me. It never really explains anything to me... It just tells me what to do all the time," she was frowning by the end of that voiced observation.

Shippo made a face and tugged at the shirt she was wearing, "That sounds like Inuyasha."

Inuyasha made a grab for the kit and missed when he scrambled to one side, "You little bastard! I'm not the one doing this shit!"

"Inuyasha, can we please just wait for Kagome-sama to finish before you try and attack Shippo?" Miroku gave the hanyou a dry look before sighing and looking at Kagome. "What about the second voice? Did you hear that with the youkai as well?"

Kagome hunched in on herself, "I...didn't hear it until Kikyou attacked me. I think."

Sango's fist clenched at the mention of the undead miko, "Inuyasha said it was trying to get you to kill him."

"Not at first," she pressed her cheek to Inuyasha's shoulder, as though trying to hide from the conversation even as she answered their questions. "First it was telling me to give up. It kept whispering that I should just let Kikyou win and take back my soul."

Inuyasha's chest was instantly rumbling in a deadly growl, "When I find him, I'm going to tear out his fucking throat."

A tiny smile touched Kagome's lips at that, and she couldn't help but try and shift closer just to feel him curl his arm around her shoulders possessively, "I got angry... And it seemed like the more angry I got, the less pain I felt and the more I felt like I could kill her instead of her killing me. I wanted her dead and then Inuyasha came..."

He squeezed her gently, "It's okay, Kagome, it's over. That fucking bastard won't get in your head again if I have anything to do with it."

Miroku paused for a moment out of respect for the intensity in Inuyasha's promise before he softly inquired, "What did it do when Inuyasha came?"

Inuyasha was the one who answered, shaking his head at Kagome and glaring at the monk, "It tried to get her to kill me until we got her back under control. That's all you need to know. Kagome's not up for this yet, I'm taking her to bed."

Sango coughed lightly and despite the gravity of the situation, Miroku's face lit with a perfectly wicked grin as he sat back, "Why, Inuyasha, I had no idea..."

"Not like that, you fucking lech!" Inuyasha snarled out, even as Kagome buried her face against his shoulder with a strangled gasp, her cheeks nearly as red as Inuyasha's kimono. Rising to his feet with Kagome cradled to his chest, he growled at the monk and stormed past him, "I wouldn't think you'd even consider something like that with Kagome in this condition."

Sango smacked Miroku upside the head when she heard the loud stomping lead back to the room Inuyasha seemed to have claimed temporarily, "Inuyasha's right, houshi-sama! What on earth are you thinking saying that?"

Miroku rubbed his head and gave her an innocent look, "What did I do?!"


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Friday, November 5, 2004

   inuyasha 21
'Great! Just fucking great, Kagome! I tell you specifically to stay close to your hanyou and what do you do? You go racing off at the first chance you get and almost get yourself killed!'

Kagome jolted at the sound of the voice directly behind her. She was starting to dread hearing that sound more than anything else and she sighed wearily as she started rubbing her temples, 'I knew it was too soon to think you were going to leave me alone. So how did I get such a long break from you?'

'You're balancing again, so it's safe for me to be here. If I tried before now your hanyou's soul would have ripped me apart,' the voice was close again, but instead of the familiar hazy gray landscape it seemed to prefer, this time, everything was pitch black. Kagome shivered and tried to peer into the darkness, but it was like being blind... trapped in a void, 'Don't you realize how close you came to getting yourself killed?!'

Kagome blushed, nervous at her inability to see anything around her and more than a little concerned after what she could remember of the last voice. Instinctively tucking her knees up to her chest so she could hide her blush, she admitted quietly, 'I didn't think it would be like that! What the hell happened?'

'I told you that there were others trying to invade your mind. The hanyou's presence is what keeps them from being able to connect with you and you getting angry only gives them a direct path in. Hell, Kagome, you couldn't have made it any easier for them to get inside your head if you tried! Weren't you listening to what I told you at all?'

She hunched up even tighter, flinching when she felt the hand settle on her shoulder, 'I didn't believe you.'

The voice let out a frustrated sigh and suddenly it was an arm around her shoulder instead of just a hand, 'Kagome, I told you that I'm not trying to hurt you. I need you to trust me when I tell you what you need to do. I really am only trying to keep you alive and safe while we figure out how to undo the distortion in the spell, or at least figure out how to combat it. Do you understand that the only reason you're still alive is because of the spell with your hanyou? And that he came after you so quickly?'

'I don't understand,' Kagome lifted her head, but everything was still dark and she dropped it miserably back down into her arms. 'What is that spell doing to me?'

'We connected you to the hanyou,' it answered after a moment's hesitation, obviously unhappy with what it was telling her but unwilling to risk a repeat of what had just occurred. 'You lost so much blood that by all accounts your heart should have stopped while you were fighting the resurrected miko. The only reason it didn't was that first, you were feeding of the energy of whatever the hell is trying to get in your head. When you lost your access to that energy source, Inuyasha was close enough to you that his heart took over. It was guiding your own and keeping you alive. If he'd left you before your body replenished that blood, your heart definitely would have stopped.'

Kagome felt the blood drain from her face, a chill rushing through her at what the voice was saying, 'Stopped?'

'That miko would have killed you with those wounds. Of course it didn't help that you were being so damn energetic in fighting them. You did even more damage to yourself than you realize,' it rubbed her back in what she imagined was supposed to be a soothing way.

As soothing as it could be for a disembodied voice that spontaneously grew hands and arms as it got stronger and yelled at her in her own dreams, she thought with a bitter twist of lips. But if he was telling the truth, and she really had no reason not to think so after what happened, then she had almost killed herself with her own actions. Without Inuyasha she would be dead or still dying. Wait, was she...?

'Am I still dying?' she asked in a small voice, closing her eyes against the painful lurch of her heart in her chest.

'Not anymore. Your heart is beating on its own again, however, it still follows your hanyou's guidance. His soul is very determined to keep you alive and it will not release yours now that it has a hold within yours. We are still trying to figure out how he did such a thing without being aware of it.'

'I still don't think I understand,' Kagome admitted, lifting her face and wiping at the tears making their way down her cheeks. 'Inuyasha's soul is holding mine?' she repeated, trying to get some clarification.

'Don't worry about it for the moment. You need only to focus on getting well,' it prompted gently, a strange ripple going through the blackness around her that she could sense more than see. 'The hanyou may be keeping you alive, but you are still of human blood. You took very serious injuries, critical injuries, and they will take time and care to heal fully.'

Kagome frowned in confusion, 'Why do you call him that? You say his name sometimes, but you still usually call him "the hanyou" or "my hanyou." Why do you do that?'

'I don't like him much myself, but you two need each other,' she could taste the amused smile in the voice. 'Let him take care of you, Kagome, and don't push yourself. I can't stay long yet with him being so deeply ingrained in you right now, but we'll speak more when you're up for it.'

'You jerk, you just brought me here to yell at me,' she muttered in irritation, wishing for a moment that the voice was solid enough to throttle.

'Damn straight! Don't make me reinforce the spell to keep you close to him.'

Kagome instantly went silent, her eyes going wide as the implications of that threat hit her, 'You wouldn't...'

'Don't tempt me.'

***

Kagome snapped awake with a startled gasp, her muscles stiffening in alarm.

She instantly regretted the knee-jerk reflex when pain lanced through her aching body, making her head swim. She gritted her teeth, eyes squeezing shut against the pain as she took deep breaths, forcing her body to relax muscle by cramping muscle while her head pounded fiercely, making her dizzy and more than a little sick to her stomach.

'Good God, it wasn't kidding about how bad I was hurt,' Kagome could feel tears prickling at backs of her eyes as she fought to get herself back under control.

It took forever, but she finally got her muscles to relax, leaning back only to have her back come up against something warm, solid...and breathing.

Kagome's eyes slowly opened again and went very, very wide as her mind began to replay what exactly she'd been doing prior to losing consciousness this last time. She'd just registered that it was more than likely Inuyasha behind her when she felt a completely unexpected pressure that instantly sent the beginnings of her coherent thoughts to the four winds.

There was a heavy arm around her waist that had tightened when she moved, pulling her closer to the warmth at her back. And a hand, a rather large, clawed hand, flexed from where it was pressed to her bosom.

Kagome's mouth fell open and she just knew that the blush that swept through her was going all the way to her toes, "Oh my God. I am not lying here naked with Inuyasha; I am NOT lying here naked with Inuyasha....!"

Inuyasha growled in his sleep, shifting closer to her and nuzzling his face to her neck. Kagome felt a shiver trail down her spine when she felt teeth at the nape of her neck, squeezing her eyes closed and biting her lip as she tried to think of the easiest way to extricate herself from the situation.

It definitely didn't help that she could hear a voice that was suspiciously like her own urging her to just lean back against him and enjoy it like she wanted to. She really wished she could pass that off to the other voices running around in her head without her permission, but this one she had been dealing with a lot longer than the others. This one was the part of her mind that was brutally honest, and she couldn't blame it on anyone else.

Kagome blushed an even deeper shade of red and hissed at that part of her mind to shut up as she reached up with her uninjured hand to take his wrist. It was disconcerting to feel the weakness in her own limbs as she tried to tug his hand to a safer location, but Inuyasha only grunted, moving his hand to take hers and press them both over her heart.

'Okay, that's teeth,' Kagome's heart started to pound when Inuyasha's mouth again closed over the tendon in her neck. "Oh hell, not this again," she swallowed, taking a deep bracing breath and trying to think of anything else besides the renewed urge to just melt against that soothing heat.

Miroku wasn't here to distract her this time.

Kagome held her breath when Inuyasha growled again, louder this time before inhaling deeply and rolling onto his back. She let out a squeak of surprise when he pulled her along with him, releasing her neck long enough to turn her just with the arm still wrapped around her waist. He settled when her legs were yet again trapped between his, turning her face before she'd could do more than catch a glimpse of the smug tilt to his lips before he was kissing her.

Inuyasha was waiting for the gasp he knew she wouldn't be able to suppress, all but purring when her mouth opened right as he'd anticipated. He leaned forward to take it deeper just long enough for her fingers to curl against his chest before he pulled back to grin at the shocked look on her face.

Kagome sat perfectly frozen, mouth open and eyes wide as she gaped at him; her mind a complete and total blank.

It was obvious the moment she collected at least some of her thoughts by her reaction, dropping her face down to his chest so fast that for a moment he was afraid she'd lost consciousness. Inuyasha cocked his head to one side to look down at her face, but she just tried to curl in smaller and refused to meet his eyes.

Kagome felt the vibration in his chest and gritted out almost too low for him to hear, "If you laugh at me, Inuyasha, I swear I'll make you regret it."

"Stay," Inuyasha bit his lip and started to laugh when her legs relaxed. It had been unexpected enough that Kagome didn't have time to respond before he was giving her his explanation for saying it, "Sorry, Kagome, but I do have some self-preservation instincts." He shifted his legs beneath hers, reaching down and moving her until she was straddling his waist. "This doesn't hurt does it? Can you sit like this?" he asked in concern as he tried to settle her into what he hoped was a comfortable position.

Kagome closed her eyes and fought the urge to scream at him, but her head was still pounding and she was sure yelling would just make the headache worse. The hazy fog muddling her thoughts also hadn't lifted completely, although having Inuyasha kiss her like that had done a damn good job of getting it close, "No..no, that doesn't hurt."

He sighed with mock regret, stroking her back and fighting the urge to smile at the way she leaned into his hand even now, "This would be a bad time remind you that you're naked, right?"

Kagome reared up so fast that before she'd even realized what she'd done, her muscles were screaming in painful protest and a choked sound worked it's way free of her throat, "Ite!"

Inuyasha was sitting up with his arms wrapped around her before she'd finished the pained gasp, "Easy, Kagome! Dammit, don't try to move like that yet!"

She looked up at him, giving him a weak smile, "That...really hurt."

"Baka," he shook his head, reaching down awkwardly to wrap the blanket around her gently. "You not going to be doing a whole lot of moving for a while. You're just a weak human after all."

"Inuyasha, you're wracking up an awful lot of painful moments for yourself right now," Kagome turned her face away when his hand brushed her chest, her blush back in full force.

He tilted her chin up and kissed her forehead, "If you promise me you'll never do anything that fucking stupid again I'll consider it a fair trade."

Inuyasha was so focused on the girl in his lap that he failed to notice the door moving aside ever so slightly and a little head peeking through.

Shippo took one look at first the hanyou, and then to Kagome, his eyes widening when he saw her actually move her head up under Inuyasha's chin. Scowling at Inuyasha for not telling him the moment she woke up, he bit his lip to hold in the squeal of delight and readied himself to spring. As long as he reached Kagome, she would let him stay, he knew it!

Inuyasha caught the russet blur by the tail mere inches from its goal, frowning in casual disapproval, "Keh, just because you got in here doesn't mean I can't smell you, brat. Or sense it when you move. How fucking stupid do you think I am?"

"You've had her all to yourself and you never told us when she woke up, you jerk!" Shippo pulled himself up to sink his teeth into Inuyasha's hand. "We're worried, dammit, and you never let us in to see her!"

"Ite! You're going to pay for that later," Inuyasha tossed the kit up and caught him by the scruff of the neck. He shook him once and snarled out, "Now listen! You can stay, Shippo, BUT... You hurt her, even unintentionally, and I'll beat the shit out of you. She's still in bad shape and you can't act like you normally do. That means no jumping on her, got it? She's bruised enough for fuck's sake."

Shippo blinked up at him, amazed at what to him was a drastic change in the hanyou's behavior, "You... don't care that I'm here? You won't throw me out?"

He snorted in disgust and dropped the little kitsune, shifting Kagome in his lap get the blanket more securely around her and then turn her in the cradle of his lap, "I'd rather you weren't here, but I won't throw you out. I don't want Kagome upset."

Kagome had been listening to the exchange silently, more than a little surprised at how mild Inuyasha was being to Shippo. Then he had been so careful to make sure she was covered and held protectively in the circle of his arms, "I really scared you, didn't I?"

Shippo kept a watchful eye on Inuyasha as he scampered up to Kagome, and climbed into her lap to curl up in a ball with his face all but buried in her stomach. His hands fisted in the blanket as he began to shake, tears pouring down his cheeks as he released the full week of terror and frustration, "You... looked dead!"

Kagome winced, but tried to smile as she lifted her hand to stroke Shippo's head, the motion pulling her already stressed injuries, "Inuyasha said I still do. Don't cry, Shippo-chan, I'm going to be fine."

Inuyasha grunted in warning when the kit rose on his feet, but he only pressed his ear to her heart, trying not to notice the dark bruises over the exposed skin. Annoyed at how much everyone seemed to be ignoring him only to attempt to poke and prod at the girl, he hissed out, "She's not dying, runt."

Shippo frowned up at Inuyasha, clutching tightly to Kagome and keeping his head pressed to her chest so he could listen to her heart. Slowly he took deep breaths, wanting to banish the smell of blood and scorched flesh from his memory completely. He finally began to calm down when Kagome's arm wrapped around him to hold him as well as she was able, "He threw me out!"

"You jumped on her," the hanyou's brows lowered angrily and he growled at the kit. "I told everyone to stay out and you didn't listen. What the hell did you think I would do?"

"Shippo-chan, Inuyasha, please don't argue like this," Kagome interrupted, frowning slightly when her head started to pound again. "My head... really hurts..."

Inuyasha's ears flattened back and he pulled her back against his chest, running his hand through her hair soothingly, "Don't strain, Kagome. You're going to have do this nice and slow. Understood?"

"Hai," she relaxed into him, simply too drained to really waste her energy on caring that she was only wearing a blanket. This was the one place in the world where she felt perfectly safe, protected...maybe even a little cherished. It took more effort than she wanted to use to get uselessly irritated over something so small, especially when he had been the only thing that kept her from dying.

Inuyasha was looking down at Shippo, sighing in resignation as he massaged Kagome's neck lightly in one hand, "If he fell asleep any faster I'd be worried he was dead."

Kagome was pulled from her thoughts, frowning when she felt the fog starting to slowly drift back over her. 'I'm getting as lazy as Buyo,' she thought in disgust, wrinkling her nose.

A shiver went through her when she felt Inuyasha whisper softly in her ear, "You're about to drift off too, aren't you?"

She blinked rapidly, but the fog stubbornly remained, "I think so..."

"Get some rest then," Inuyasha instructed, that authoritative growl back in his voice. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Kagome's eyes drifted closed, but she smiled against him warmly and murmured, "Arigatoo, Inuyasha. Will you remind me that I still have to thank you for saving my life again when I wake up? Please?"

Inuyasha bit back a smile, turning his body and sliding back far enough that he could prop his back up against the wall comfortably. He'd ended up dragging half the futon with him by accident, awkwardly using one hand to wrap her in an almost makeshift bed in his lap. He had leaned back and closed his eyes himself before he answered, "I'll remember."


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Wednesday, November 3, 2004

   inuyasha 20
Inuyasha didn't leave Kagome's side for a full week.

And in all that time, Kagome didn't move, didn't make one sound.

Yet, the thing that kept the hanyou from going absolutely insane was that through it all, her heartbeat stayed strong and steady. Slowly, her color began to return, her breathing coming easier until it seemed almost back to normal. She still looked like absolute hell warmed over, but she was alive and healing, and it was more than enough for Inuyasha.

Inuyasha let Kaede inside only once during that time to check on her, and that had taken the better part of an afternoon just to negotiate. Other than that, he simply opened the door and barked out orders for anyone around and slammed the door. He demanded medicine, water, and food whenever they ran out, but aside from that room was eerily silent.

Surprisingly, the only really serious problem had happened the first morning after Kagome had been injured, and it had barely involved her at all.

Once Shippo woke up and took Kagome's shirt off his face, he'd caught the scent of the blood and the burned flesh and immediately screamed at the top of his little lungs for Kagome. The scream had snapped the humans in the hut awake, but before they could stop him, he'd gone streaking off in the direction of her scent. Inuyasha had been rudely jarred awake when the kitsune leapt onto Kagome's naked back, wailing like the world was coming to an end.

When the hanyou's eyes opened to see the kit on Kagome his control had snapped. The roar of outrage from Inuyasha shook the walls of the hut and likely scared the life out of more than one villager, but he'd never loosened his hold on the unconscious girl as he demanded the kit get off her and get out. Shippo was tenacious, and Inuyasha had to forcibly pry the baby youkai off her, flinging him at the door the moment it opened.

Shippo had slammed straight into Miroku's chest, knocking them both backwards into the hall with a resounding crash, punctuated with some impressive cursing while Sango rushed in on their heels. Her eyes went huge and she felt back several steps in disbelief when her eyes found the pair of them on the futon, "Inuyasha!?"

"OUT!!" Inuyasha snarled out, rearing up with Kagome still cradled carefully against him, his arms shifting to hide as much of her from them as he could. "Fucking get out NOW!!" the threat and authority in that voice had gained the desired effect and the room had cleared so fast it had even surprised the hanyou.

It had been the last time anyone tried to enter the room unannounced, but Shippo had stubbornly taken up watch outside the door, attempting to sneak in every time Inuyasha opened it to call for something new. But the kitsune never made it past Inuyasha, no matter what he tried.

Settling the house into a tense routine.

At the moment Inuyasha was holding Kagome in his lap, wearing only his under-robes with a sheet tucked lightly over her to preserve her modesty in case she woke up while he was tending to the healing wounds. All week he'd held her, wiping her down with cool water in what he hoped would keep a fever away, even washing her hair a few times in an effort to make her more comfortable.

Inuyasha brushed his hand gently along her cheek, his eyes softening and a low rumble rising in his chest. He'd had more than enough time to sit and think, his hands never far from Kagome's face or hair, lightly stroking as he murmured apologies and promises that if she'd just wake up, he'd make sure nothing ever happened to her again. He'd let her go back through the well whenever she wanted, he'd stop subduing her... Hell, he'd been promising anything and everything if she'd just open her eyes.

He wasn't exactly prepared for when she did.

Kagome shifted slightly, making a slight sound of protest in his lap.

Stunned, Inuyasha nearly dropped her, but recovered in a rush and dragged her up against him so fast, he caught the sheet around her under his own knee, uncaring when it came loose in the process. If her head wasn't spinning already it definitely would have been now, "Kagome! Kagome, can you hear me?!"

"Ite..." she breathed softly, a shudder wracking her from head to toe as her head lolled forward against his chest. Pain exploded through her body, making her hiss and try to tuck herself into Inuyasha in an effort to escape it, "Fuck..."

Inuyasha's lips turned up in a brilliant smile that would have very likely blinded Kagome if she saw it. He let out a heavy breath in a loud rush that he hadn't even been aware he was holding. His arms tightened around her and he buried his face in the curve of her neck, pressing a hard kiss to her shoulder and inhaling deeply as the tension slowly eased out of him.

It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard come out of her mouth, "You are awake."

"How... long have I...been asleep?" Kagome winced at the pain throbbing through every inch of her body. She felt impossibly sluggish, hearing her own words like they were being spoken through a tunnel.

"A week," he answered, rubbing his cheek against hers and just enjoying the feel of her, responsive and conscious. "How do you feel?"

"Like absolute shit," she grumbled sourly, giving into the urge to bury her face against his chest and take a deep breath. She closed her eyes and wrapped her the smell and feel of Inuyasha around herself as best she could. It was the last thing she remembered before everything went black, comforting and making her feel protected and safe.

Inuyasha gave a short bark of laughter, his throat suspiciously tight as he responded to her body language and tucked his legs up to settle her in the cradle of his lap, "If it makes you feel any better, you look like absolute shit too."

"If I didn't feel so bad, I'd kick you," Kagome lifted her uninjured arm weakly to touch his chest, her brows lowering in surprise when she touched something thin that brushed aside easily. Her palm rested lightly bare skin instead of his regular haori, 'That's strange...What's wrong with his kimono?'

"Maybe I'll let you when you're feeling up to it," he closed his own eyes and carefully stroked his hand up and down her spine, not wanting to accidentally cut the new bandages he'd just taken so long to wrap around her.

Kagome shivered at the feel of the caress, her mind taking a moment to actually connect and process information through the dense haze of pain clouding her thoughts. Something about his hand and her back didn't feel like she thought it should, just like her hand on his chest... Her brow furrowed as she tried to sort out what was wrong with it, but her head just wasn't cooperating, "I think I'll hold you to it. What happened to me, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha frowned, his ears flattening back as he wondered if her injuries were more serious than they thought. Had she hit her head and he just hadn't checked her over well enough to find it? His heartbeat started to pound with apprehension as he lifted his hands and began to gently prod her from head to toe, checking to see where she seemed to be tender. He couldn't help his own grimace when most of where he touched prompted a moan or a gasp from the weakened girl, "What can you remember?"

She shook her head, groaning when the motion made spots dance behind her eyes and her head swim, "I... I stepped outside and everything... felt different. I just started walking. The forest was so peaceful, and I just ended up at the well before I knew it."

Inuyasha barely succeeded in keeping the smile from his lips as the pleasure he felt at her admission, slowly eased the muscles that had been constricting in his chest. She really hadn't been trying to sneak back to her time and leave him...

"Then Kikyou-," her voice broke and she stopped for a moment, taking deep breaths to quell the sudden nausea that hit her. "Kikyou shot me. I think three times, but I didn't do anything at first, Inuyasha! I swear, I didn't-"

"Shh! I know, Kagome, I know," he soothed, dropping his chin onto her head and squeezing her lightly to stop the desperate rambling. "It's okay. Tell me what happened after she shot you."

"You... believe me?" Kagome looked up at him, her eyes glassy from the pain and wide with uncertain surprise. 'Inuyasha believes me over Kikyou?' the hand against his chest curling slightly.

He moved his other hand up to brush a finger over her mouth, "Of course I do. It's all right, Kagome, I know this wasn't your fault. Tell me, please?"

Kagome's eyes searched his for a long moment, blinking rapidly as she tried to clear her vision before she finally gave up and just tucked her head back to his chest. Her hand stroked over the muscles lightly, curious at how soft the skin beneath her fingertips felt, "I didn't want to die, and then there was a voice. It was telling me to give up, but I didn't want to. And then... then there was this strength inside me, and I didn't feel any pain anymore. I just knew that I could fight with that power. I wanted to kill her..."

Inuyasha reached down to pull her more tightly into his lap, an encouraging rumble in his chest as he soothed the trembling that started through her again, "You were speaking as though you were listening to someone."

She flinched and tried to tuck herself smaller against him as his arms slid fully around her back and flattened her chest to his, "It was... a man. I think. He told me he would help me, that you would kill me so you could be with Kikyou."

Inuyasha's brows lowered in a dangerous scowl, the growl rising unbidden from deep inside at the thought of a man, any man, invading Kagome's mind a trying to feed her those lies, "I would never hurt you, Kagome! And I'll never let anyone hurt you. Anyone... You know that."

Kagome was getting dizzy again, closing her eyes as a new spasm of pain went through her and made her whimper. Being pressed to Inuyasha like this was sending warmth curling in her veins, making the pain less noticeable and relaxing her sore muscles. She was so tired, "I just... I saw you together and it hurt. I just wanted to lash out at someone, and... and he made it easy. I'm sorry! Inuyasha, I'm so sorry!"

"Calm down, Kagome!" he shook his head and grimaced at how broken and small her voice sounded. His ears flattened back as he rocked her gently, eyes closing when he felt the tears on his chest, "You aren't strong enough to do this yet, and you don't have to apologize. I should have been protecting you."

"That's such bullshit, Inuyasha," her fingers flexed against his chest, but the effort to lift her head was just too much. Her shoulder pulled painfully and she gingerly reached up to touch it, gasping at the wave of blackness the went through her when she did. Her hand dropped, grazing her own chest before it fell to her lap. Her eyelids felt like lead, but what had met her fingertips had her lifting her hand again and pressing it to her stomach curiously, "You were right. I shouldn't have left without you."

"No, I-"

"Am I naked?" Kagome's groggy whisper cut off his attempt to redirect the blame where he felt it belonged.

Inuyasha blundered for a moment at the blunt question, his mouth working soundlessly as he tried to collect his suddenly scattered thoughts. His hands tightened on her as he tried to explain even as he felt his cheeks heat with a blush when her question instantly snapped his attention onto the fact that they were in what could most definitely be considered a compromising position. Not just that but it was bringing to mind the actual feel of her against him, and THAT was definitely not something he should be worrying about right now, "I... you... that is...I mean..."

Kagome was slumping against him again, her words slurring slightly as she started to lose consciousness again, "I am, aren't I? Are you naked too?"

"Ah... no, not exactly," he stammered out, concerned at how she was fading again while he was sure his face was practically glowing. It was true...sort of. So they weren't exactly the thickest fabric in the world and they weren't tied on as securely as they could be. And she was just wearing the bandages... 'Damn, I really can't be thinking like this!' he bit his lip, but still kept her pressed tightly against him.

"I'm cold, Inuyasha..." she rubbed her cheek against his chest. It really was just too much for her mind to try and handle right now and she let it go, welcoming that rising blackness that promised to take away the pain. "Would you...?"

Inuyasha swallowed his embarrassment immediately with his rising concern, "Would I?"

"Would you just...hold me like this just a little longer? I can be embarrassed later, right?" Kagome finished, her voice trailing off as she let out a sigh and slid back into the soothing void.

Inuyasha stared down at her head for a long moment in disbelief, but his mouth twitched and ever so slowly, a smile spread wide from ear to ear. He let his eyes slide closed, rubbing his cheek against hers again to comfort himself with the much more natural slumber she seemed to have slipped into. A jaw-cracking yawn worked its way free with the last release of the tension and fear that had been nearly strangling him all week, and Kagome's heartbeat against his own was hypnotic, beating with his own.

With great care, he maneuvered himself back down on the futon, settling her on top of him the same way he'd done the first night. This time, however, he was much more aware of the feel of her bare skin, setting his jaw to ignore it even as his hands lifted to smooth over her hair and down her back. Kagome shifted against him in her sleep, sighing his name as she moved to tuck her head into the curve of his neck on her own.

Inuyasha reached up and tilted her chin up so he could lean down and press his lips softly to hers. Instinctively, she reacted to the contact and Inuyasha debated with himself for all of two seconds before taking advantage of it to give into the urge he'd been having for weeks. His hand cupped her cheek as he deepened the kiss with almost desperate need, silently thanking the gods he'd been praying to before that she was alive and if not exactly well, on her way to it. The soothing balm to his frayed nerves was right there. In the way she was moving in his hold, the soft sounds rising instinctively from her throat as he coaxed her into responding, and even the taste of her was filled with warmth as it swamped his senses.

It wasn't until the low growl in his chest turned into what he could only call a moan and he was very seriously debating a whole lot more than just kissing that he stopped himself.

Inuyasha regretfully pulled back, staring down at her for a long moment before, once more tucking her tightly against him. He pressed his lips softly to the top of her head, inhaling her scent one more time. He felt her sigh, her lips curving against his throat and bringing a warm smile to his own mouth.

Closing his eyes, Inuyasha took deep breaths to calm himself and settled in to really sleep for the first time all week.


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   ...............
back...sorry, couldn't stay away. i'll post the rest of the fanfic for you guys....been working on new fanart and stuff...you'll see soon enough...goodbye....
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Monday, October 18, 2004

   i'm done
yep...done with the site...too many things going on right now, so...here's the link to the fanfic:

http://www.iridescent-dreams.net/iy/fanfics/tfp1.htm

just use the next page button, and if that doesn't work, the replace the tfp# with the page number you want.

My last words:

I'm done, that's it, i can't go on
This place has bothered me far too long
The people around me don't know when to quit

It rips my heart out bit by bit
For those near me, i plead your forgiveness
But it's your fault, and there's no way out of this
You've caused me pain, grief, and sorrow

Because of this, i have no tomorrow
Morbid visions of the future take over
As i try to ignore them, i only grow older
I grow older and wiser, and now i know
That too stay hear will only show
How weak i have become throughout these years
And now i've conquered those petty fears

For now i can truly say
All of you are in my way
You've cause me too much pain
So, today i shall call forth the rain
And drown myself in other's misery
Torture myself, so i truly may be
Alone, alone, alone, alone
Leave me alone.
~Shadow~
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Sunday, October 17, 2004

   .................
quiz:

You're angry, though not necessarily depressed.
You're probably very violent, and you might
like to throw things and hurt other people.You
might have Antisocial personality disorder and
believe that your needs are above everyone
elses, or maybe you're just sadistic. Or..you
could be PMSing right now.If you don't get help
at Charter, get help somewhere.


How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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inuyasha19
"Inuyasha, you have to let go of Kagome-sama so we can see to her injuries properly," Miroku tried again, speaking in his most calm, reasonable tone to the panting hanyou propped up against the wall of Kaede's hut.

Inuyasha had burst through the doorway a short time ago, the loud entrance easily rousing the human occupants in time to see the hanyou, looking unbelievably pale and drawn, stumble across the floor and all but collapse when he reached the far corner of the room. Inuyasha was soaked with blood, a thick trail marking his passage on the floor, but it wasn't the hanyou who seemed to be bleeding.

Kagome lay limply in his tight embrace, her skin gray and her breathing shallow. She was the one who looked like she'd been through hell... cut, bruised and filthy, but it was the blood that caused major concern. It was in her hair, on her face, tracking down her arms, darkening her clothes...

Inuyasha had one hand clamped hard on her shoulder and the other on her stomach, blood oozing slowly from between his fingers. Whatever had happened to Kagome, it had been serious, but Inuyasha wasn't letting anyone close.

The moment the others had tried to approach them, he'd let out a snarl so primal and violent that it froze them in their tracks while he clutched Kagome's form closer to his chest. His eyes were glowing angrily, teeth bared in a threatening snarl while the look on his face changed to something fierce and wild. He watched them with predatory caution, the growl never letting up as they attempted to cajole the hanyou into letting them near enough to treat the wounded girl.

Inuyasha was completely exhausted and Kagome was horribly injured.

It was a dangerous combination.

"You're not laying a fucking hand on her, monk," Inuyasha growled out, low and deadly as his eyes swept the room. "Where's the old hag? She can heal Kagome."

"Kaede's right here, Inuyasha," Sango all but wrenched the poor woman's arm out of its socket in her haste to pull her forward. "If you just let go of Kagome-"

"NO!" Inuyasha roared the denial, his eyes locking onto Kaede's in an unmistakable command. "You can treat her right here. I'm not putting her down."

Kaede nodded and walked forward warily, uncertain of whether or not the hanyou could be trusted in this state. She motioned quickly for Sango to get her healing supplies as she knelt in front of Inuyasha, "You will need to move your hands at least."

He glared at her as though debating if he could refuse her request, but he finally nodded and slid his hand away while still cradling her close, "She's losing too much blood, baba. Make it stop. Now."

Miroku sucked in breath sharply when he got a clear look at Kagome's condition, his face paling as he involuntarily fell back a step, "No... Kagome-sama..."

Kaede shook her head grimly and reached for Kagome's hand to feel for a pulse. There was too much blood and she feared that nothing she could do would be able to keep the girl from dying. Her fingers tentatively found the pulse point and she pressed down hard, brow furrowed in concern.

"Quit fucking wasting time, baba!" Inuyasha snarled when the old miko simply sat silently holding Kagome's wrist. "Seal her wounds, damn you!"

Kaede frowned in confusion, "It's...not possible."

"She's still alive!" he released Kagome to grab Kaede's wrist and force her to look at him. "Fucking do it!"

"Inuyasha, you must calm yourself," Miroku cast a nervous glance back to the pallet where Shippo miraculously slept on. The last thing they needed was the baby kitsune to wake to the sight of Kagome dying in Inuyasha's arms. Bad enough that his little nose was already wrinkling as he registered the blood smell and buried his face deeper in her shirt. Miroku only prayed the kit would sleep through this mess.

Kaede shook off Inuyasha's hold and felt Kagome's wrist again, "She has two heartbeats."

"What?" Miroku frowned in confusion, taking a step closer until Inuyasha's growl again deepened and stopped him. He scowled at the hanyou in irritation, "Dammit, Inuyasha, I am not attempting to threaten Kagome-sama!"

Sango caught the monk's arm and shook her head in a silent plea to be more patient until they figured out just what was wrong. She had returned, her own face paling rapidly when she saw Kagome's condition, but she swallowed her fear and revulsion, telling herself over and over to trust Inuyasha's snarl that she was alive.

"What the hell are you babbling about?" Inuyasha shot Miroku another warning scowl before turning his attention back to Kaede.

"Her heartbeat... it's strong," she murmured, holding out a hand to Sango and motioning her to join her quickly. "But there is a second that beats in her that's stronger. It... it beats and then there's a second one directly after it. I don't know how to describe this, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha's brows lowered dangerous, if that fucking voice was back in her head somehow... He brushed Kaede's hand aside to press fingers wet with her own blood to her wrist and feel for what the miko was talking about. He frowned at her and shook his head, all he felt was Kagome's heartbeat, strong like she said and his own thundering through his veins, "There's only one, baba. Stop this fucking bleeding before you kill her with your hesitation."

Deciding it would be easier to ignore the phenomenon for now in favor of healing the battered girl, she sent Miroku to stoke a fire. "How she has survived this blood loss is beyond me, Inuyasha. What happened to her?"

Inuyasha's scowl grew even darker and he shifted her protectively closer before he answered, his voice tight with pain and sorrow, "Kikyou."

Sango's face filled with anger even as Kaede's mimicked Inuyasha's sorrow, "What?!"

"She...attacked Kagome," he responded dully, his ears flattening back. "At the well. She was trying to kill her."

"Oh my God," Sango whispered, her lips curling in response to her disgust at the undead miko. "Where the hell were you during all this?!"

Inuyasha's head snapped up, the pain and sorrow immediately replaced with defensive rage, "I was fucking asleep, bitch! Kagome went into the woods without telling me she was going!"

Now it was Miroku who set a calming hand on the exterminator even as he queried softly, "What happened?"

Inuyasha snarled, shaking his head even as his hand lifted to tenderly brush over Kagome's cheek, "The same fucking thing that happened with those youkai. Except it was worse... Someone was speaking to her, in her own mind. She was answering it as though it was talking to her instead of in her head. It... it was trying to get her to attack us. To kill me..."

"Miroku-sama, put a knife or a some sort of metal on the fire. Quickly," Kaede instructed, cutting off the explanations impatiently as she gingerly lifted the remains of Kagome's shirt away from her skin and got a clear look at the seeping wounds. "Sango, get water and heat some but bring me a basin of cool water as well. Inuyasha, can you get her clothing out of the way?"

Inuyasha's hand moved away from Kagome's face, running down her chest to slice away the shirt and down into her blood-dampened jeans as the other two jumped to the miko's bidding. He didn't want her pants gone yet, just open enough for Kaede to have easy access to her injuries. The shirt was just in the way, "What are you thinking of doing with the knife, baba?"

"I'm going to sear the injuries closed to stop the bleeding," she responded matter-of-factly as she eased the remains of the shirt off Kagome completely.

"The HELL you are!" Inuyasha snapped out in denial, his eyes once again fierce and threatening.

"Inuyasha, it is the fastest way to stop the blood," Kaede frowned at him. "If she loses any more she WILL die. I don't know how she is alive even now. There is so little blood left that she doesn't even have color."

He growled, not wanting to acknowledge what he feared as well, but Kaede was correct. Kagome had lost more blood than a human should be able to lose and still live, but he could still feel her heart beating strongly wherever they touched. Despite the steady pulse, he couldn't risk her losing more blood, "Fine. Do it then, but make it fast and don't even think I'm letting go of her when you do it."

Kaede nodded, hoping to placate Inuyasha as she silently selected the herbs she would need. As soon as Sango returned with cold water and cloths she had anticipated being a necessity, the aged miko set to work, watching for Miroku to finish heating the knife and the water, "Make sure the water boils."

Miroku nodded, catching Sango's hand and giving her an encouraging squeeze as their eyes were drawn to Kagome's still form. The girl looked impossibly fragile, her chest barely rising with each breath and her skin nearly as white as Inuyasha's hair. The black of her hair was a stark contrast to her pale skin, the only other color the dark scarlet of her blood coating her in disturbing quantities.

Yet for his lack of injuries, Inuyasha didn't look as though he was in much better shape. He was just as pale as Kagome, his breathing shallow as he panted as though from great exertion. He sat almost perfectly still, his robes dark and stiff with Kagome's blood, only moving his hands to stroke Kagome or press light kisses to her forehead and temple. Miroku doubted he was even fully conscious of those telling actions, so intent were the hanyou's glowing eyes as they followed Kaede's every move with frightening intensity. Sweat beaded on the hanyou's face, running down his skin in rivulets, but he ignored it stoically as he waited impatiently for Kaede to heal the girl in his arms.

It seemed like a painfully long stretch of time before the blade of the knife began to glow orange and then white with heat. Carefully, Miroku picked it up by the handle and carried it to Kaede, passing it to her and stepping back when Inuyasha began to growl low in his throat again.

"Youkai instincts," Sango whispered to Miroku, her face tense as Kaede instructed Inuyasha to hold Kagome still.

Miroku sighed, clenching his fists at his sides, "So I gathered. Inuyasha doesn't want another male near her when she is like this."

Inuyasha was so intent on the blade that he didn't hear the exchange, growling as he supressed the urge to wrap his arms around Kagome and knock the glowing weapon away. Instead, he moved the arm around her back up so he could wrap his hand around the lower half of her face, insinuating his hand between her teeth to keep her from screaming and holding her still.

Kaede grimly leaned forward, pressing her hand to Kagome's darkly bruised chest as she set the blade lightly, briefly to the wound at her shoulder. Kagome flinched, biting down hard on Inuyasha's hand as she whimpered in pained distress and pressed herself into him. Inuyasha grunted, his nose protesting severely at the smell of burned flesh as he tightened his hold on her. The growling grew louder, an instinctive threat to what caused Kagome pain, but he remained silent as Kaede removed the knife and lowered it to the more severe wound in her side.

Sango reached out, clenching Miroku's hand so tightly he could almost feel the bones in his hand separating, but he only squeezed back, forcing himself to watch as Kaede pressed the blade to the second wound.

A hint of scarlet bled into Inuyasha's golden eyes when tears slipped silently from beneath Kagome's tightly closed eyelids, her face twisting to press against his neck. Unconsciously she was seeking comfort, release from this new pain and turning to him and he had never felt more useless. The only way to help her was to force her to do this.

"What about her back, Inuyasha?" Kaede's voice was strained, the only sign of how distasteful and draining she found this task.

His brows lowered dangerously, but he somehow managed to turn her in his lap to give the old woman access to the single exit wound at her side. Luckily, the arrow that had struck her shoulder hadn't pierced all the way through. That meant this was the last injury that needed to be seared, "It's almost over, Kagome."

Inuyasha felt her hand clench in his haori and he closed his eyes, swearing mentally and praying that she wasn't awake, 'Kami-sama, please let her still be unconscious!'

Mercifully, Kagome didn't rouse.

Kaede finished the last quickly, still holding the cooling knife as she looked over the wounds critically to make sure the bleeding had indeed stopped. Satisfied that the girl was no longer losing blood, she wordlessly handed the knife back to Miroku and bent to the water.

Inuyasha's hand on her arm stopped her, lifting her gaze, "Inuyasha, the wounds have to be cleaned and treated."

"Give me a room and tell me what to do," he instructed in a low growl, nostrils flaring from the thick scents in the room.

Kaede opened her mouth to protest, but stopped herself when she saw the look in the hanyou's eyes. Instead she nodded, and wearily stood, motioning for him to follow even as she looked at Miroku and Sango, "Bring those and follow me."

Inuyasha ignored them as he trailed after the miko, stepping into the room she indicated and standing aside as the water and herbal mixtures were laid out. Sango and Miroku left just as quietly as they had entered, hoping to clean the signs of Kagome's injuries from the main room of the hut. If the smells were offensive to their noses, they could only imagine the hell it would be for Inuyasha and Shippo if the kit caught wind of it.

"Call me if anything changes, Inuyasha," Kaede intoned gravely after she'd given him a clipped set of instructions, waiting for his nod of assent before she too left him to privately tend to Kagome.

Once they were gone, he dropped to his knees, removing the rest of Kagome's clothes and reaching for a cloth. Dipping it in the hot water, he drew it carefully over her face, his own filled with pain at the sight of her, "Damn you, Kagome, what were you thinking?"

Inuyasha took great pains in washing the dirt and blood from her body, wincing at the multiple bruises darkening her skin in addition to the smaller cuts and abrasions attesting to her fight against Kikyou. His hand was shaking by the time he was satisfied that her body was clean and he reached for the healing herbs.

It was awkward work, slathering on the salves and crushed powder when refusing to take her out of his lap, but he had a horrible feeling that if he stopped touching her she would slip away from him. It was even more difficult when it came to binding her injuries, but he somehow managed and then even coaxed water down her throat to rinse away the blood she'd drawn when she bit him.

Funny, he hadn't even really noticed that, he thought, looking at the deep, half circle punctures in the web of his right hand. The wounds had already closed, healing with the speed his youkai blood bestowed on him, and for once he felt guilty that he healed at such an increased rate.

With the task of cleaning and treating the wounds finished, Inuyasha sat back, a wave of weariness sweeping through him that rivaled any other such feelings he'd ever had in his long life. Balancing Kagome with one arm, he wrestled with his blood-stained robes, pulling them off and throwing them aside carelessly before he searched the dark room for the futon.

His muscles screaming in protest, he carried her to simple bed and lay down, settling her on top of him. Kagome's arms lay limply on either side of his chest, her head turned so that her ear rested over his heart almost the same way Shippo had snuggled against her earlier that evening. Gently, he shifted, pinning her legs between his own as he wrapped his arms around her back and stroked her hair in long, slow motions.

The silence settled heavily around him, making his thoughts impossible to push aside as they pounded in his ears. If he hadn't fallen asleep this wouldn't have happened, Kagome would never have left or even if she had he would have been with her. He would have been able to protect her and she wouldn't be here, in his arms, possibly dying from blood loss. Her body was cold, the breath against his bare chest and her heartbeat the only lifeline his sanity had at the moment.

His eyes squeezed closed as he bit down hard on his lower lip and slammed his head back into the bedding, trying to force the torturous thoughts out of his head. It wouldn't do him any good now. He had to focus on Kagome and healing her wounds and when she was back on her feet and arguing with him, THEN he could let himself give in to his guilt for failing her again.

He tucked the blankets tightly around them with one hand before wrapping his arms around her again and pressing his face to her hair. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent and letting it ease the pain in his chest. The poultices he'd applied to her wounds had almost covered the scent of her burned flesh, leaving her own scent with a heavy "medicine" twinge. It wasn't his favorite smell in the world, but he'd take it over the others any day and be glad for it.

"You have to survive this, Kagome, do you hear me?" Inuyasha's arms tightened as he opened his eyes to glare down at her. "Don't you dare disobey me this time... You aren't going to fucking die on me. I won't allow it."


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Friday, October 15, 2004

inuyasha 18
Inuyasha staggered at the massive waves of both energy and rage rolling off Kagome as she stood with her back to him, Kikyou held aloft in her bloody hand as though she weighed nothing. His throat closed as his eyes moved over her ripped clothing to the wounds steadily seeping more of her blood into her already soaked clothing. Her blood was all over the clearing, thickest at the ground in front of the well where the moonlight gleamed sickly off broken pieces of arrows that had been dropped carelessly about.

For a moment he couldn't believe it, shaking his head as a low sound of denial escaped his throat, but it was all there for him to see.

Kikyou had attacked Kagome.

And now it looked very much like Kagome was about to kill her.

But then, Kagome had been possessed before with the youkai... Was it possible it had happened again and SHE had attacked Kikyou first? Or perhaps Kikyou was simply trying to force out the spirit controlling the younger miko?

Grimly he shook his head. No, Kagome hadn't lost control that time until she was attacked. There hadn't been any signs of the weird magic at any other time before or after. Something had to have set her off, and judging from the amount of blood soaking Kagome and the ground, her wounds had been inflicted a fair amount of time earlier. Kagome was unarmed and Kikyou had shot her at least twice. His expression filled with sadness and regret at the scene playing out before his stunned eyes.

Kagome sneered up at Kikyou, rage blinding her to the hanyou standing frozen within his thoughts at the edge of the grove, "Why can't you just stay dead for once, bitch, instead of chasing after me? Do you get some twisted pleasure at seeing me bleed?" She snorted in disgust, eyes narrowing to slits as she tightened her hand on the girl's neck, "How silly of me, I answered my own fucking question, didn't I?"

Kikyou gasped, trying to get her hands under Kagome's fingers, but the blood coating the girl's flesh made it too slick to get a good hold, "You should be dead. You can't bleed this much and live."

Inuyasha felt his heart clench when he heard Kikyou's words and he fell back a step.

So it really was true, Kikyou had meant to kill her.

Kagome smiled, but there was no warmth in it, just cold, mocking amusement as the gray beneath her eyes darkened slightly, "Obviously I can."

Inuyasha's fists clenched as his lips pulled back in a snarl against the pain and fear rising in him. He couldn't let this continue; had to stop it somehow. He didn't think he could bear to see them kill each other right in front of him.

"Where did this power come from?" Kikyou gave up trying to pry open her hand, moving her hands down to press against Kagome's chest. If she could distract her long enough, she could at least use a blast of magic to free herself. "It is not your own, Kagome. Who's is it?"

"Who knows," Kagome shrugged, uncaring and bored with the questions. "It's coming from inside me and that's all I care about. Time to die, Kikyou..."

"Wait, Kagome, stop!" Inuyasha managed to find his voice to call out when he felt the power stir around her, stepping into the grove just enough to be out of the forest's shadows, his arm outstretched in a helpless gesture. His entire body trembled with the desire to rush into the grove and knock them apart, but he was afraid if he moved too fast he would set off Kagome in her current state. He couldn't risk that.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome turned in surprise, her hold on the miko slackening.

Taking full advantage of the distraction, Kikyou released the strongest blast she could summon in so short a time the moment Kagome's attention turned. The force hit Kagome full in the chest, flinging her backwards violently. Losing her hold on the other woman completely, she crashed hard on her back several feet away. Her head slammed against the ground, momentarily dazing her with the impact.

"Kikyou, don't!" Inuyasha shot forward, grabbing the undead miko's hands desperately. "Stop it, you're going to kill her!"

"Inuyasha..." Kikyou frowned as she looked up into the worry and pain in amber eyes staring down at her. Stepping closer to the hanyou and reaching up to lay her hand on his cheek. "She's gone insane, Inuyasha, she must be destroyed," she gestured with her other hand to the crumpled form.

"No. Kikyou, I can't let you do that," he shook his head and whispered painfully, taking her hand lightly and removing it from his face. "I may have promised to protect you, but I cannot let you kill Kagome."

Kikyou frowned sharply in annoyance, "You cannot stop me."

At the other end of the grove, Kagome pushed herself to her feet, shaking her head to clear it as she turned to look at Inuyasha and Kikyou. Her heart leapt painfully in her chest and she lifted a hand to her mouth, her eyes narrowing as she noted how close they stood to one another and the hand Inuyasha held gently in his own. Their mouths were moving but she could hear nothing but her own heartbeat pounding rapidly with the sudden rise of emotions the sight of them sent through her.

What had she expected? That just because of the way he'd been acting lately, Inuyasha would see what the miko had done and rush to her aid? She averted her face and bit her lip, choking back the sudden sting of tears in her eyes, "I'm such an idiot."

*You see, Kagome? He will never choose you. You are standing here covered in blood and still he runs first to his precious Kikyou. You are nothing to him. He prefers the walking dead over you.*

"No..." she whispered, pressing her hands to her ears in an attempt to shut out the low voice as sorrow swamped her. It never crossed her mind to question how the voice had grown so strong, changing from indistinct whispers to a tangible presence in her head. With the sudden distraction of consuming sadness overriding her rage, she finally felt the dizzying pain radiating from her wounds and stumbled to her knees at the force of the sensation. "No..."

*It's true. You can see it yourself. Look, he is concerned only with her welfare. The only reason he called your name was to distract you so his love could attack. He will not care when she kills you. He wishes only to be free of you.*

"Why? Why are you saying these things to me?" bitter tears welled in her eyes, sliding down her cheeks and mixing with the blood as they dripped to the grass. "Damn you, why?" she choked out brokenly, her fists clenching.

*Because I can help you. I can see you for what you truly are, not as an imitation. I do not want you to die at their hands, Kagome. Make no mistakes, they will kill you.*

Kagome wrapped her arms around her torso as though sometime in the past few moments it had turned to glass. Her eyes found Inuyasha and Kikyou staring silently at each other through matted curtain of her hair. She didn't want to believe the words, didn't want to listen as he whispered in her mind, but she could see it with her own eyes. He was right, Inuyasha cared only for the woman who had betrayed him so long ago.

She looked away in defeat, unable to bear the sight of them when she was bleeding on the ground only a few feet away, "What do you want from me?"

*You are still angry, Kagome. Even more so now than you were before. Let it fill you. That anger will make you stronger, strong enough to defeat them both.*

"Angry...yes, I am... angry," her brows slowly lowered as she felt the seething rage pushing at the mind-numbing sorrow just like the voice had said. It felt good, pushing aside the hurt and the pain as she let it begin to spark to life again inside her.

*The hanyou does not deserve the love of someone like you. You deserve to love one who does not compare you to the dead. That's all you ever wanted, was it not? Someone who would love Kagome and not Kikyou's reincarnation?*

The calm she had lost when she gave into her pain slowly seeped back into her with every new pulse of anger, and Kagome let her hands fall slowly to her lap, "Love. Yes, I wanted to..."

*I can give that to you, you know. If you give me a chance. All you have to do now is fight and live through this. Do not listen to him if he speaks to you, Kagome. He seeks to cause you more pain, more suffering. Do not let him close to you. Do not let him touch you.*

"No," Kagome closed her eyes, the orange and violet energy flaring around her again, darker than it had been before. "You are right. I will not let him..."

*Kill them, little one. It is the only way to rid yourself of the pain. I will help you and then I will come for you. I will love you.*

"Yes...I won't listen to anymore. I will kill them before they kill me," her voice gained strength, distorting as she wrapped herself in that voice, in the energy it poured into her. She could feel him, the man who'd been whispering to her now seemed to be embracing her very soul as he continued to whisper to her. The voice was no longer insulting her, the mocking tone gone as though it had never been to be replaced with soothing warmth to dull the constant throbbing in her head.

Inuyasha's ears flicked back as her voice gained enough volume to reach him, snapping his gaze to her in time to see her lift her arms skyward and the energy whirl around her feet like a vortex as it flared high. "Oh shit, no! KAGOME!!" he whirled to face her, his eyes wide as her scent wavered and faded into something hollow and empty.

"I will not listen any longer," Kagome repeated solemnly as she rose to her feet, the injuries no longer hampering her motions. "I've seen all I need to see, and I will not be made a fool of again."

"Fuck, this is even worse than before!" Inuyasha grabbed Kikyou and leapt out of the way as Kagome flung out a hand and sent a spiral of magic forward, tearing up the ground where they had been standing.

Kagome's eyes followed them, her face expressionless as he landed and set Kikyou on her feet. The voice had been right after all, no matter what happened Inuyasha would always choose Kikyou. She sighed in regret, briefly allowing it to show in her eyes as she turned to Inuyasha, "I will not die tonight, hanyou."

Inuyasha flinched at the coldness in her voice, shaking his head as he held out his hands to her, "Kagome, listen to me, whatever it is, you have to fight it. Please!"

She tilted her head to one side much in the same way she had when studying Kikyou. She could feel the energy curling around him, reaching for her insistantly to push in on her. But it only made her head throb worse than it already was, making her vision swim and the blood pound in her ears so loudly it blocked every other sound.

She forcefully pushed his aura away from her own, fighting to ignore the way it dulled her senses to hold it back, "You don't understand. There is nothing to fight. I am not possessed."

"Can't you see it, Inuyasha?" Kikyou had regained her stoic expression, moving to Inuyasha's side. "The magic is feeding off HER rage, HER emotions. Kagome doesn't think she is being manipulated, so she will not fight. It would be better to kill her now."

"NO!" he denied fiercely, his fists clenching as he watched Kagome casually rotate her shoulders and gather the energy around her.

*They are plotting together.*

"I can see that," Kagome answered him calmly, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly as she readied herself. "They will not win."

Inuyasha's brows lowered dangerously, his own anger rising when he heard her speak, "What the fuck? She can hear someone. Someone's 'telling' her to fight us."

"She tried to kill me, Inuyasha," Kikyou reminded him, kneeling to collect her bow and arrows. "We must stop her."

"I won't allow you to hurt her, Kikyou," Inuyasha spared her only the barest glance before returning his gaze warily to Kagome. "Don't make me to fight you too."

Before Kikyou had a chance to respond, Kagome had launched herself forward, avoiding Inuyasha completely to slam her shoulder into the miko's stomach and send them both crashing backwards. Inuyasha tried to catch hold of her as she shot past, but Kagome twisted to avoid him hand, snarling at him as she slid into a crouch.

"Stay!" he leapt forward as she dropped to the ground, wincing when she let out a shout of pain.

"Sit!" Kagome hissed, her head spinning at the abrupt jolt that went through her. "Fuck, hanyou, that hurt!"

"Kagome, you have to let me help," Inuyasha's claws dug deep into the soil beneath him, tensing when he felt the blood in the grass. She'd subdued him, and that meant her mind was still active underneath the rage. If she was awake enough to remember the rosary, he could reach her, "You've lost too much blood."

"Liar. You just want me dead so you can be with her," her eyes narrowed as she twisted, attempting to force the spell off herself.

The man was hissing at her in her own mind, demanding to know why she hadn't told him the hanyou could restrain her with a word like that? "What difference does it make if he can do this to me?" she growled out angrily, her attention so focused on trying to move she completely missed the look of rage that crossed Inuyasha's face.

*If I had known, I could have gotten you out of this before he had a chance to use it! I told you, dammit, don't let that hanyou touch you!*

"He won't," Kagome shook her head, muscles tensing as she felt the spell losing its effect.

"Get the fuck out of Kagome's head!" Inuyasha snarled up her, his eyes glowing fiercely with the depth of his own anger. Someone was daring to try and manipulate her and the very thought of it has his blood heating dangerously. As soon as he found out who it was he was going to take great pleasure in pulling them apart piece by piece.

Kagome's eyes widened when she saw Inuyasha lift himself up and reach for her. Reacting with the voice, she screamed, leaning as far away from him as she could, "Don't touch me! Get away from me!"

"Stay!" he snarled out again when he felt his mobility return, taking advantage of her renewed bellow of outraged pain to close the distance that remained between them. Inuyasha clapped a hand over her mouth to keep her from subduing him in return while his other arm wrapped around her tightly and forced her up against his chest.

Kagome arched away from him at what should have been an impossible angle, attempting to scream, but the sound was muffled behind his hand. Inuyasha tightened his hold, swearing as he pressed her face to his chest, growling in her ear, "Dammit, Kagome, I don't know who's in your head but shut it out! You know I'd never hurt you!"

Kagome bit her lip, a shudder wracking her frame from head to toe. The energy vibrating off him was breaking through her barriers, making the man in her head scream in outrage and her head pound as though it was trying to split apart.

She whimpered in Inuyasha's hold, but it only encouraged him to hold her tighter, his hand stroking her back as he murmured in her ear. She could barely make out the words over the sound of her own blood and the fading voice. She desperately tried to hold onto it, but the pulsing throb at her hip lurched and then started to pound, slow and steady, drowning him out.

She hadn't even realized she was cold until she felt the heat radiating off Inuyasha, seeping into her and scattering her thoughts until she was losing her hold on that glorious anger that had been rushing through her. The more the anger faded, the stronger the feel of pain and the weaker her limbs became until she was slumped against him, shivering as though she'd been submerged in ice for weeks.

Inuyasha closed his eyes in relief, taking his hand away from her mouth to wrap both arms around her and cradle her to him, "That's it, Kagome. Push it out and listen to me. Calm down."

"No," she whispered, her fingers clenching in his haori as a spasm of pain went through her, stealing her breath.

"Yes," he insisted, pressing his lips to her temple. "Breathe, Kagome. Focus on me. Just on me, koibito."

Kagome inhaled deeply, his voice filtering through the noise in her head and soothing her on a purely subconscious level. Inuyasha's scent filled her head with the breath, and the moment it did, the pounding eased.

Blinking in surprise at the unexpected, but not unwelcome effect, she took another breath almost suspiciously. Again the chaos in her head seemed to shift and clear, Inuyasha's energy pushing aside the foreign magic until bit by bit, the other presence faded and vanished completely.

The absence left only Kagome with her head spinning crazily as she felt Inuyasha's hands moving up and down on her spine in a gentle caress. The pain swamping her was incredible, more than she'd ever thought she could withstand, and she felt tears fall from her eyes as she fought to tamp it down.

Inuyasha was presently praying to every god he'd ever known existed that he could get Kagome back to normal, whispering encouragement in her ear as he gently rocked her. He was trying to be careful of her horrible wounds, keeping his touch light even as the thickness of the blood scent made him dizzy. In the same breath he was thanking whatever had hit her with a subduing spell and given him the quick way out of fight he was certain would have been long and violent without it.

Kikyou was all but forgotten in that moment as he focused completely on forcing whoever had dared to invade his Kagome's thoughts out of her head. He was almost afraid to move her with the way she was still bleeding, but he knew he had no hope of helping her until she was back under control.

Kagome shuddered again, her thoughts muddled as though she was waking from a dream. The only things crystal clear to her at the moment was that she was in horrible pain and Inuyasha was holding her. She could remember how she got there, but just barely, everything tripping over itself in her mind. Confused and more than a little afraid, she focused on the one solid, comfortable thing for her at that moment and leaned into Inuyasha's embrace. Her injured shoulder screamed in protest when she moved, but she stubbornly ignored it to slide her arms around his waist.

"Inuyasha?" she breathed out softly, an unspoken plea for some form of reassurance thick in her voice.

"It's all right, Kagome, I'm right here," he soothed, fighting the urge to crush her against him with the strength of his relief. The empty scent was gone, leaving only her distinctive scent and the choking smell of her blood, "I'll take care of everything, I promise. You're safe with me."

She nodded against his chest, "Safe. Inuyasha... you make me feel safe..."

When Kagome went limp, Inuyasha knew she was unconscious and he wasted no time in gathering her in his arms with extreme care and rising to his feet. When he turned, his eyes fell on Kikyou, staring at him expressionlessly from the treeline.

He felt a fresh wave of betrayal wash through him and couldn't prevent the growl that rose from his chest as he demanded, "What the fuck did you do to her, Kikyou?"

Kikyou shrugged, uncaring at his display of temper, "We fought. She was losing until she was possessed by that youkai energy. She went insane and tried to kill me. You saw it yourself."

"Youkai energy?" Inuyasha repeated in disbelief, but shook that aside. He could explore that later, but there were more important things that had to be dealt with now, "You were trying to kill her."

"She only complicates things between us, Inuyasha," she responded softly, frowning slightly at the protests of her body. She needed to heal the damage Kagome had done in her rage quickly or this body might fall apart, "If she were dead it would be simple again."

Inuyasha bit his lip and forced himself to remain calm, but his arms tightened around Kagome possessively, "I'm only going to say this once, Kikyou, so I want you to listen carefully. I may owe you for what was between us before, but Kagome is mine. I will protect her as I vowed to protect you, but if you attack her again, you'll be forcing me to choose..."

"Would that be so bad a thing, Inuyasha?" Kikyou taunted lightly, refusing to look at the hanyou's face. When an uneasy silence stretched between them, she became impatient and finally shot him a narrow glance to gauge his reaction.

Inuyasha was watching her with an unreadable expression, waiting for her to meet his eyes before he answered quietly, "I don't know if any of us would be satisfied if you force me to do that."

Kikyou looked away again, lifting a hand to summon her own youkai, "I hope she is worth your life, Inuyasha. I will kill her and then I will have you. If you get between us, I will only kill you that much sooner."

Inuyasha's eyes followed her only for a moment before he looked down at Kagome's pale face, "I don't intend to die anytime soon, Kikyou. Don't test me like that. Not anymore, and not with her."

He was gone before Kikyou had turned back to respond.

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